by Chloe Garner
Valerie shook her head.
“I… I don’t even know who he is,” she said.
“I bet you do,” Ethan answered. “I’d give quite a lot for a real friend. Especially in the middle of everything now.”
She considered, then nodded, sighing.
“I hear you. And I miss him. But I busted him. He didn’t even tell me. He was going to go home and…” She shrugged. “Tell her everything.”
“How did you find out?” Ethan asked.
“Mr. Benson recognized his mom. His dad, actually.”
Ethan frowned.
“Then why did they call her up? Having an insider on you is about as valuable as anything else. You think she’s a fighter?”
Valerie shrugged.
“I don’t know. I don’t know her, either, apparently.”
Ethan sighed and nodded.
“Everyone wants to know how to get a line on you,” he said. “If you’re as good as everyone seems to think… and I’m not saying I don’t think you are, just…” Valerie nodded, releasing him to keep on. “Anyway, if you’re that good, everyone is going to want you on their side.”
“I messed up Dr. Finn’s practicum tonight,” she said. “I got so many parts of it wrong…”
“No one else could do what you’re doing,” Ethan said. “That I do know. I know about how they train naturals, usually at an upperclass level because they’re doing classwork with the rest of us for underclass, but… They’ve got you doing upperclass natural work and… If Lady Harrington thinks it’s worth it, you’re good. And everyone wants you to like them and trust them and align with them.”
“Including you?” Valerie asked.
He shrugged.
“Either you trust me or you don’t, Valerie,” he said. “I can understand why you wouldn’t. But I like you a lot and… You need friends. You need to know who you do trust, because eventually someone is going to get in close and you want to know whose advice you can trust.”
“Everyone has an agenda for me,” Valerie said.
“You’re right,” Ethan said. “Cost of being good. But you know what? Looks from here like that guy in there… He may be the one with the least agenda of all of us.”
He pointed his thumb over at the office, and Valerie looked. Hanson was sitting in the chair again, his back to her.
She sighed.
“Why are you rooting for him?” she asked.
“Because he’s a good guy and he deserves it,” Ethan said. “And because I’m hoping if you can forgive him, maybe you can work your way up to forgiving me.”
He gave her a little smile, playful, then ducked his head.
Valerie looked over at Hanson again.
“They’ll keep him here?” she asked, and Ethan nodded.
“Sounds like.”
“Then I’ve got some time,” she said. “I’ll think about it.”
“Don’t leave him too long, if you’re going to forgive him. This place is brutal when you don’t have friends.”
“Allies,” Valerie corrected, and Ethan shrugged.
“Same thing, when you get past the trust thing.”
She nodded.
“Tell me about it.”
Her class with Mrs. Reynolds wasn’t until right before lunch, now, and Sasha was in it with her. Today, Valerie sat in the back in order to have a little more space to whisper and pass notes with Sasha - not that you had an awful lot of room in a class of twelve, nor with Mrs. Reynolds teaching it.
I really want to sit with him. Sasha’s most recent note to her said. Valerie looked at it for a moment, then turned it over, raising her eyebrows to try to force herself to listen as Mrs. Reynolds looked at her.
They’d talked late into the night, the night before, but Sasha was still deeply torn in her sense of loyalty to Valerie versus her interest in seeing Hanson as soon as possible.
The girl was deeply smitten, and at any other point in Valerie’s life, she would have been charmed by how fitting the match was.
It still felt like Hanson was a stranger, though.
She’d known him her entire life, yes, but if he’d been capable of being something that completely different than the person she’d thought she’d known, what else was it possible was true about him?
Anything.
Just about anything.
He was someone completely different from her best friend, and in becoming that different person, he’d eradicated the guy she’d always known.
Hanson was gone.
She’d grieved him for weeks without understanding that that’s what it was until Christmas break, when she’d had the dorm to herself and a lot of time to think about things other than magic.
Like her parents.
And Hanson.
Then do it, Valerie finally wrote back when Mrs. Reynolds moved her attention on to someone else.
The woman knew.
Valerie knew it.
Mrs. Reynolds knew that Valerie knew.
And still.
Hanson Cox was in the building, and Valerie didn’t feel like there was any way she was going to focus on a lecture. Not today. Not anyone’s lecture.
I can’t. Not if it’s going to hurt your feelings.
Valerie looked over at her and gave her a dour look.
“I’m not that fragile,” she whispered.
I know you wouldn’t do it to hurt me. And it’s possible he’s still a really good guy. I just can’t look at him.
Then maybe I shouldn’t be hanging out with him, Sasha said.
He is hands down the best guy at this school, Valerie answered, tucking Sasha’s reply under her text book and pulling her eyes wide at Mrs. Reynolds again.
Plants.
And stuff.
The difference between herbs and vegetables.
Strange that that would matter more in a magic class than her biology class had ever considered.
Mrs. Reynolds was a good teacher. Valerie’s favorite. She was strict with her rules, but she loved her plants and she went out of her way to make sure that Valerie got a shot at understanding what was going on, rather than just assuming she would catch up if she was able.
Valerie usually put in her best effort for Mrs. Reynolds’ class.
But.
Today.
Hanson.
This was the only place that he could think of to come to for safety.
Or.
Was he lying?
She’d thought about it a little, last night, that maybe his mom sent him here to spy on Valerie full time, like he had before, with hopes that getting him close where Valerie couldn’t just avoid him would mean that the two of them would pick up where they left off.
It was ingenious, actually. A perfect cover, since his mom appeared to actually have been missing. Maybe she’d stayed just long enough to tell him how to make his asylum request, then vanished.
Either way.
Either way, Valerie had to either trust him or not.
Ethan was right about that.
She couldn’t keep him out at arm’s length and ignore it anymore.
If she trusted him, she had to trust him. Believe that he hadn’t wanted to do it, that he’d gone along because that was just how it had always been, and that he wouldn’t go back and do it again, if he said he wouldn’t.
Had he said he wouldn’t?
She’d been too preoccupied with sending him away to really pay attention to what he’d said, that weekend.
If he did say that he wouldn’t…
It would be just like Ethan, and she hadn’t forgiven or trusted him, either.
“Miss Blake, Miss Mills, would you stay after to talk to me for a minute?” Mrs. Reynolds asked.
There it was. Well and truly busted. Valerie sneaked a look at Sasha’s final note as the bell rang - It doesn’t matter. I’m your friend first. - then she tucked it into her book and put the book into her backpack, going to stand at the front of the classroom next to Sasha.
Sasha Mills was not used to being reprimanded by authority figures.
“I need to know what’s going on with you two,” Mrs. Reynolds said, sitting down behind her desk. “You’re two of my best students, and it’s not like you to fail to pay attention for an entire class, much less disrupt it.”
Valerie glanced at Sasha, then turned forward again.
“My friend, Hanson, is back,” she said. “His mom disappeared and he came to the school looking for someplace safe to stay until she comes back again.”
“Is that…?” Mrs. Reynolds asked, then frowned. “I’d heard that we had someone show up last night, but I didn’t get the details. I thought he was a civilian.”
“He’s a liar,” Valerie answered. “Beyond that, I don’t think there’s a lot I can tell you about him.”
“Oh,” Mrs. Reynolds said slowly, then dropped her head. “Oh.”
Valerie tried not to interpret what Mrs. Reynolds thought she’d figured out. It didn’t matter.
“She’s upset,” Sasha said quickly. “And Hanson and I… we were starting to be friends, when he was here before, and I don’t know what to do, whether I should hang out with him or not…”
Sasha fell silent as she figured out that that was not the important part of the conversation just now.
“Do you know who his contact was?” Mrs. Reynolds asked.
“His mom,” Valerie said. “After that, all I know is that she went here. Could be she went dark. No way of telling.”
“Lady Harrington took him in?” Mrs. Reynolds asked, and Valerie shrugged.
“Hasn’t kicked me out, yet, either.”
The corner of Mrs. Reynolds’ mouth went up and she closed her eyes.
“It’s a clue, Valerie. Take it. Lady Harrington wouldn’t take him without a reference.”
Martha Cox had been called up by the Council. That was what they’d said, right?
It meant that she was likely reporting to the council, spying on Valerie as a route to spy on Susan.
Was it better if your friends were spying on you, rather than your enemies?
“Don’t let it happen again,” Mrs. Reynolds said. “I’m going to let it slide today, because I think that you aren’t likely to have civilians turning up looking for magic protection again this semester, but don’t let it become a habit.”
Valerie nodded, grabbing Sasha’s elbow as the girl failed to notice their cue to leave, and they walked down the hallway toward the cafeteria.
“Maybe I shouldn’t sit with him,” Sasha said. “I mean, he did lie to you, and he’s been spying on you all this time. Maybe it’s not that I’m worried about being a bad friend as that I’m worried that he’s not the kind of guy I should want to be with at all, anyway.”
Valerie looked over at her.
“You think too much,” she told her friend. “No. I mean.” She sighed. “I get it. Maybe you’re right, even. Girls dating guys that they know are bad people is… I hate seeing it. I mean, you just want to grab them by the throat and shake them, sometimes. All the signs are there. He’s going to cheat on her, he’s going to hurt her, he’s going to ignore her, whatever, and she just goes after him because… Whatever. You know? She just won’t give up on him.”
Sasha waited, then nodded.
“But…?”
Valerie smiled, licking her lips.
“Right, but. But, it isn’t wrong for you to give him a chance to prove that that’s not who he is. You aren’t going to offend me by talking to him. Just… stay alert. If you get the faintest glimmer of an idea that he’s just using you, bail. You know?”
“And that wouldn’t be stupid?” Sasha asked. Valerie shrugged.
“Most dating is stupid, on its face. You don’t do anything. I mean, it’s not like we’re actually going to date, since none of us can leave this place. You just kind of moon over each other for a while and make a point of paying exclusive attention to each other and then… I don’t know, you get in a fight or you get over it, and you both move on. Most dating has no point at all other than to be fun. If you aren’t having fun, if you aren’t going where you want to go, get out. I’m not going to say a word about it. I want you to be happy. But don’t worry about it being stupid until you’re ignoring clear warning signs and people are telling you that you’re making a mistake.”
Sasha stopped walking and turned to face Valerie.
“So you don’t think that going to sit with him at lunch would be a mistake?”
Valerie would have tipped her head back and laughed if Sasha had been even an iota less sincere in asking.
“It’s a chair,” Valerie said. “It’s only a chair.”
“But you hate him,” Sasha said, setting off walking again. “How could I?”
Valerie stopped walking, turning her attention from Sasha to the floor for a moment, feeling through all of the years of play and talk and laughter…
“I feel betrayed,” she finally said. “Like I never even knew him. I don’t trust myself to see who he actually is, because I’m so… angry at losing what he was. Maybe I want to use you to get to know him, because you don’t have any of that. Maybe you can prove that he really is what I thought he was, and it was a bad situation he couldn’t get out of.”
“You would trust me with that?” Sasha asked quietly.
Valerie paused, wondering if she really trusted Sasha’s judgment with people that much, then she nodded.
“I do.”
Sasha hugged her unexpectedly, and Valerie hugged her back, then lifted her head as she heard Hanson’s voice over the background noise reaching them from out of the cafeteria.
“Oh, yeah? I’ll take that bet, but I’ll double it.”
There was laughter, and the level of conversation went up. Sasha looked at Valerie with alarm, and Valerie shook her head.
“Hanson comes from a family of yellers. That’s his conversational voice.”
“What’s going on?” Sasha asked, and Valerie shrugged.
“Hanson seems to be doing just fine,” she answered, continuing on toward the cafeteria.
Hanson was at the central table with the Council brats.
Ann, Patrick, and Milton seemed to be put out that he was permitted there, but Hanson and Shack were facing down over trays of food, still shouting at each other, and Ethan had his elbows on the table, watching with a wide grin.
“Eating contest?” Valerie asked, sitting down next to Ethan. He looked over at her with surprise and she shrugged. “I’m not staying. Just trying to make sure everyone survives the day.”
He nodded.
“Eating contest.”
She sighed.
“The cafeteria folk aren’t going to know what hit them, if Shack is competitive at all.”
“He do this often?” Ethan asked, and Valerie nodded.
“Have they talked stakes?” she asked.
“I think it’s just bragging rights,” Ethan said.
“No, Hanson always has something in mind for these,” she said. “Even if it’s just something he can trot out a bunch in the future.”
“If I win, I want your dorm room,” Hanson said.
Valerie glanced at Ethan.
“Who is Shack’s roommate?” she asked.
“Me,” Ethan said softly.
“Told you there’d be stakes,” Valerie said.
“Fine, then if I win, you’ve gotta show up every morning to spot me for workouts,” Shack answered. Hanson grinned.
“Done.”
He gave Sasha a quick look and winked, then noticed Valerie and froze. She shook her head.
“Go beat him,” she said. “We’ll be awkward later.”
He looked at her for one more breath, then flashed a grin and darted over to the food line with Shack.
“You think he’s got this?” Ethan asked.
“I do,” Valerie breathed, watching as Sasha neatly sat in the chair next to Hanson’s.
Valerie had no intention of coming back here once she got her
food, but she’d sit in front of an empty table to watch the contest before she left.
Didn’t know who she’d sit with instead, actually, but she’d work that out later.
“You know what he’s like to live with?” Ethan asked.
“He shouts in his sleep,” Valerie answered, unable to contain the smile. They’d stopped having sleepovers when they hit puberty, but she’d heard the stories from away games, how he woke his roommates up in the middle of the night shouting about absurd, unexplainable things.
Get the duck! Get the duck! It went that way!
“Awesome,” Ethan said.
Valerie looked at him seriously for a moment.
“You’d take care of him, right?” she asked.
“Why? Does he need it?” Ethan countered.
“The dorms have been attacked in the last three months,” she said. “Having good strong wards up…”
He nodded.
“Of course.”
“He doesn’t deserve how they’re going to treat him,” Valerie said quietly, and Ethan looked around.
“Actually, he’s got a lot of fans, just now,” he said. “He’s a fun guy, and… I don’t know. He’s not here for classes. He’s just here for protection.”
“You think that’s it?” Valerie asked, and Ethan grinned.
“You want me to tell you that everyone is intimidated by your natural talent?” he asked.
“Not right now,” she said. “But I want you to believe it.”
He wove his fingers under his chin and nodded.
“Oh, I do.”
She shook her head and watched as Hanson and Shack came back with their trays.
“Four minutes?” Hanson asked. Shack nodded, grinning wide.
“Four minutes.”
Valerie raised an eyebrow at Sasha, who returned a dour look.
No, this was not how she’d envisioned this going.
The two boys counted it down and started eating.
This part was rather unremarkable, and Valerie had seen it any number of times before, so she went to get her own lunch, instead, filling a tray as far as she cared to and then scanning the room for other plausible places to go.
She actually had the beginnings of relationships with a few of the girls, at this point. Something about saving them from demons had raised her credibility, though a number of them actively blamed her for the whole thing, which meant the various cliques all had at least one girl in them who hated Valerie.
