First Kiss

by C. L. Stone

  Luke taught the girls about serving like at the diner. “Ask them what to drink first,” he said. “And make sure they have napkins and forks before they get pancakes.”

  Lake, Carla, and I monitored and helped, directing the girls, staying at their elbows.

  We all took turns giving them thumbs ups and saying, “Good job.”

  While I’d never focused on the other girls before, right now, they were beaming with delight and I could tell they loved helping out and being useful.

  They smiled. They talked to the little girls. They opened up a discussion about the Academy and what they hoped to do.

  When the young group was almost done eating, a group of boys showed up. They were about the same age as their servers—around fourteen.

  This time, the girls were nervous but the rest of us encouraged and helped where we were needed.

  Soon there was a line, with people standing around with paper plates, making room for any younger kids at the table.

  By the time we’d fed all the teams the boys had invited over, it was almost ten.

  We offered to help clean up, but the boys shooed us away.

  “Time for round two,” Kota said.

  I nodded and took the lead. I’d gotten permission from Mrs. Rose, thanks to Kota talking to her and explaining the purpose.

  I waved my arms and got the fourteen-year-old girls to pay attention.

  “Are we ready for crafts?” I asked.

  The girls looked at each other and then back to me.

  “There’s a trick,” I said. “You can’t make anything for yourself now. We’re all going to make bracelets for someone else. You see, those younger girls and boys are new, and we want to let them know, they’re welcome.”

  The girls nodded, smiling. “Yeah,” one of them said. “We’ll do that.”

  Lake gathered them together, getting them organized for a quick change of clothes, a latrine break until they were ready to go.

  I paused by the Jeep, where North was cleaning off a griddle.

  “Thank you,” I said quietly.

  “anytime, Baby,” he said.

  I waved and said thank you to the other guys, too, who were busy cleaning up and moving tables back. I hated to leave them to the mess but was grateful they had been so willing to participate.

  Taylor, April, and Emma wandered off on their own. It was just Carla, Lake, and me now to guide the girls for the rest of the day.

  ♥♥♥

  Once we got to the arts and crafts area, Gabriel was there, waiting beside a cheery Dr. Green.

  “Good morning, ladies,” Dr. Green said. “Are we healthy and full of good food this morning?”

  The girls nodded. A few of them giggled nervously, looking at the two of them with wide eyes.

  Dr. Green wore khakis and a lime green polo shirt. Gabriel was dressed in a button up blue shirt and newer jeans. Had they dressed a little more nicely just for the girls?

  The five girls were seated, Dr. Green and Gabriel explained they would help pick through beads and assist with the clasps.

  Working together with the five girls, and Lake, Carla and I participating, within an hour, we had over forty different bracelets, each with unique charms. Each one different.

  When we were finished, we collected the bracelets in boxes.

  “Are we going to give these to the others now?” one of them asked.

  “Tonight we will,” I said with a smile.

  Lake elbowed me in the gut, gently. “Don’t give away spoilers.”

  I winked at the younger girl.

  She whispered to the others. “There’s more. There’s a secret.”

  I shared looks with Carla and Lake, unable to help grinning. It was fun to get them excited about the day.

  Carla had gone over the girls’ interests with us the night before. She’d told the boys, and they had spent all night setting up for the morning. All we had to do was walk them to the different stations at the right times.

  The girls followed us to the beach after bracelet-making. First on our list was dancing. One of the girls wanted to be a ballet dancer but liked any sort of dancing.

  Gabriel had followed us to where Luke and Nathan met us on the beach. There were other groups there, both younger girls, and another group of guys, including Ian and his team.

  We took up a section of a flat area of the beach.

  Gabriel led the class. I was nervous about the guys making the girls shy about dancing with them. Luke and Nathan were enthusiastic and joined in, which made it easier for the girls to get into it and not be embarrassed. It was the younger boys who hesitated but Ian’s team participated and encouraged them, they all joined in.

  Lake, Carla and I mixed in with all the kids, not just our group, making sure everyone was part of the conversation.

  Gabriel taught the steps to Beat It. I pretended I didn’t know the steps and purposely fumbled a lot. I laughed at my own mistakes. The girls laughed with me and I shared secret winks with Gabriel when they did.

  After going through the song many times, we were exhausted and sat down on the beach.

  We’d spent the entire morning together and this was the time we’d been waiting for.

  Lake, Carla and I had gone over what to say the night before. But now it was time, I was nervous. I felt like I was suddenly on stage, and with the other teams around, it was like revealing a piece of my soul to them all. I was rattling on the inside, not just with stage fright but because I’d be exposing part of myself.

  Lake seemed to sense I was nervous and started for me. “Whew,” she said. “This reminds me of the time when I was in on a team, and they took me to help out a bunch of Mexican kids.”

  Lake borrowed the story I’d told her. I didn’t mind as it got the conversation going. She embellished a little, too. Luke laughed when she said he’d done crazy parkour back flips to get on top of the roof.

  We wanted to show fun experiences with other teams, and open them up to the idea that you wouldn’t be on the same team every time, but it was still fun. So we mixed up a few stories, mostly true, just to share with them between activities.

  When she finished, I nodded and found the courage to join in. “That’s nothing,” I said. “There was this one time...”

  “Speak up,” one of the girls said. “We can’t hear you.”

  My throat was dry from talking a lot over the last few days and my voice had never been very loud to begin with, so I was going to need help to be heard. I started looking toward Lake when I then focused on one of the fourteen-year-olds sitting close to me.

  “Will you be my voice?” I asked her.

  She nodded.

  I spoke, and she repeated my words, shouting at first, but calming after a while. I told the story about Thanksgiving, the families we’d helped, about Academy neighborhoods, and what the one we had visited was like.

  “I wish I lived there,” the girl who had been my voice said to me after I’d finished.

  I winced, wondering about her background. I suspected a lot of them had hard times at home.

  The boys left after a while, leaving the girls to chat with each other, asking questions about their experiences at the camp so far.

  Lake, Carla and I stood back, listening and smiling at each other. It seemed to be working. The girls were taking responsibility for the younger girls, becoming little leaders themselves.

  Taylor appeared beside us as we were headed to the beach picnic area for lunch, watching as the girls continued excitedly talking among themselves.

  “This was the best idea,” she told us quietly.

  “Getting them to talk to other girls?” Lake asked.

  “Showing them others needed help, just like they needed you,” she said. She winked at us. “When you stop thinking of yourself and focus on helping other people, suddenly your whole outlook changes. You’re more positive and confident. You have to be when you’re being looked at as a leader.”

  Taylor’s team joined us
and we all ate lunch together, listening to their stories about their history, their jobs, even how they’d picked their team.

  After lunch, we headed out to a field where we met with Silas, who had brought his Wiffle ball set, as had a few others. We didn’t play actual games, though; Silas pitched to whoever had the bat and other people tried to catch balls that got hit out into the field.

  “This is almost better than softball,” one of the girls from our camp said, smiling and obviously having fun. This opened her up, and she talked animatedly about her own softball team at home.

  We were still playing around when Taylor’s team showed up again and we were handed white T-shirts and were told to put them on over our clothes.

  April handed out condiment squeeze bottles filled with different colors.

  “Paint your friends,” Taylor said.

  “This is one of my favorites,” April said as she stood back, shaking one of the bottles.

  There was an eruption of giggles as the girls painted each other’s T-shirts. At first, we signed names, but it was hard to do on shirts. So we stuck with initials and tried different variations of flowers and butterflies and smilies. Anything much harder and it became a mess.

  It felt like I was initialing hundreds of shirts, and created little doodles on each: butterflies, moon and stars, swirls, smilie faces. All in pink. My hands were aching after all the squeezing.

  Lake, Carla, and I spent the entire day with the girls, having fun and doing activities that Kota had called team building the night before, but since we were always mixed up with other teams, including the younger girls, it expanded the feeling of the team to more than the original group.

  The teenaged boys joined us at dinner. We all still wore our painted shirts that had dried and while we ate, the boys tried to read all the signatures and identify all the doodles.

  I noticed that as we mingled with the younger teams, our group seemed to repeat what we had been repeating to them all day long: Good job. You’re doing great. Keep it up.

  It was working.

  We helped clean up from dinner and once it got dark, and we played games like Ghost in the Graveyard, which was sort of like hide and seek.

  We made s’mores around campfires as we talked and told stories.

  As it got later in the night, the girls kept asking if we needed to go back to the tents. We told them no and that we weren’t done yet.

  They were excited, but also eyeballed any grownup we passed as if they were going to tell us to go to bed.

  We waited until about eleven before we had them follow us to the beach.

  The beach was filled with other Academy members, old and young, all sitting in folding chairs.

  There was a section just for our team.

  It was New Year’s Eve. I hadn’t even realized until we’d talked about it the night before. This was one activity I didn’t have to plan. It was happening and we simply sat and waited.

  When the time came, we didn’t even realize it until the first firework shot out over the ocean waves. Someone hooted, everyone cheered.

  The fireworks lit up the sky.

  Lake leaned into me from her chair beside me. “I think we did it,” she said, and she nodded toward the other girls.

  I peeked at them, and they were excited, looking up at the sky, and occasionally reaching out to hold hands with the younger ones. They were so engaged with them, they completely ignored us.

  I smiled, admiring our handiwork when Victor caught my eye, sitting in front of me. He winked once, waited until Lake sitting next to me wasn’t paying attention. He kissed his finger and quickly brought it to my lips.

  I smiled. A quiet New Year’s kiss. It was perfect.

  AN UNCOMFORTABLE HEART

  When the fireworks ended, we helped put chairs into a truck that would take them away in the morning.

  Someone mentioned it was our last night, and I was surprised. We were just in time and I hadn’t realized it. For some reason, I assumed we’d stay through the weekend instead of going back on Friday. Maybe the adults would have to go back to work and needed to get home.

  I’d gotten so familiar with the campgrounds, and while it had been stressful, it had also been fun. I was on a high, proud that I’d helped the younger girls see that there was more to the Academy than ‘us versus them.'

  I’d started to believe it, too. Everyone was so nice, so helpful and understanding. It was so different from school, where everyone kept to their own friends, never mingling with others. It was like a dream world, where everyone was amazing and supportive and I had become part of it.

  As the girl team trailed back to our camp, I followed them, not meaning to separate myself. Just exhausted.

  But when we got back, we had one more thing to do. We loaded everyone into cars with their bathroom kits and brought them all to the better latrine.

  Lake and I did hobo baths, without taking off our clothes. “I’m not that dirty,” she said to the others. “And I’m so tired.” She kept her eyes down the whole time.

  I, too, was focused on getting in and out quickly. Something about being in the bathrooms with the other girls sent a shiver up my spine. I blamed the showers, even with the strange echo they made. Once more than one shower was on, I became overwhelmed. I took in quick breaths as I brushed my teeth as fast as I could.

  I told myself I’d be home soon. I wouldn’t have to worry about showers anymore.

  However, it wasn’t just the showers. Like Lake, I kept my head down, focused on the sink. I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t look at the other girls, thinking at any moment one of them might undress around me.

  Why did it bug me that much? It hadn’t occurred to me until that moment. I understood Lake’s reasons, but what were mine?

  The other girls didn’t seem to mind and were all chatting as they got ready for bed. They didn’t ask Lake and I questions.

  When we returned to the tent, everyone was still talking, buzzing about the day they’d had.

  “This was the best,” one of the girls said.

  “We don’t have to go home tomorrow, do we?” one of them asked.

  “I still feel like I don’t know much,” another said. “I think I need to stay and learn more.”

  I didn’t know what to expect tomorrow, either. There were more early activities, but when I checked the map, the paper said there was clean up scheduled in the late afternoon.

  This was it. There might be an exit interview tomorrow. Was I ready? My heart was beating wildly as we got ready for bed. Now that the girls seemed happy, I had my own issues to worry about.

  The girls continued to giggle and chatter. Carla and Lake, as well as Taylor’s team, joined in. No one seemed to care how late it was.

  “Okay everyone,” Carla said. “This might be our last night. Let’s group hug.”

  I’d been smiling absently while thinking and then froze. My eyes started to widen and my body stiffened. I glanced at the other girls, who didn’t hesitate.

  While the others had started to get up, I remained on my cot, holding tight.

  I held my breath to prevent the feeling of panic sweeping over me.

  I watched the girls who collected in the middle with Carla. Even Lake joined in. Arms wrapped around other girls, mostly around the neck, but some wrapped arms around waists. They closed in tight, pressing themselves against each other in a large circle.

  In their rush to huddle together, no one noticed I was still sitting on my cot, hunching down, making myself small.

  I hoped they wouldn’t miss me, unsure I could hold myself together if they did.

  Yet as I watched them together, I looked for signs that they were uncomfortable like I was. Why didn’t anyone look as terrified as I felt?

  “Sang?” Carla called, with her sweet, happy smile. “Come on. You, too.”

  I swallowed thickly, plastering a smile on my face and trying to smother a shiver. Just stand and hold still, I told myself. Just don’t move like last ti
me.

  The others called my name and waved me in. I felt their expectations weighing around me. I smothered a grunt, got up and hoped to get it over with quickly.

  I walked toward them with my arms tight against my sides.

  “Girls, Sang can’t get it,” Carla giggled. The others laughed and opened their arms.

  I swallowed a few times to keep back the trembling and the desire to run. I steeled my nerves, letting them pull me in. I closed my eyes.

  Don’t think of them. Think of the guys. Of anything else…

  Arms encircled my waist, my shoulders. I felt hands on my wrists, trying to pat at me as if whoever it was couldn’t reach me. My breasts met up with someone else’s while someone’s chest was at my back. I was surrounded, and I felt like I was drowning. My knees trembled, and all I wanted to do was sink down.

  Why did it feel like the shower? Like I wanted to faint? My stomach twisted. Bile rose in my throat.

  And then it happened. My vision blurred with tears, and suddenly, I wasn’t seeing any of them.

  I saw my stepmother.

  She was yelling at me and held me in place while she poured vinegar and lemon down my throat.

  I saw Muriel. Wrestling with me, trying to jab me with a needle.

  I saw Jade. Touching me in places I didn’t want her to.

  My heart was in my throat and tears poured down my face. Panic and confusion whirled around in my brain.

  The guys had hugged me before. I enjoyed their touches. Why was it now that I couldn’t bear another moment of this? No matter how hard I bit my tongue, I couldn’t stop the horrible feeling.

  I cried. I couldn’t hide it.

  How stupid I was. I couldn’t take a shower. I couldn’t be hugged by girls.

  I was a mess. And now I was humiliated

  Carla laughed. “Aw,” she said, tears welling in her eyes as she cried, too. “I’ll miss you, too. But we can still stay in contact.”

  I swallowed, as hard as I could, and forced myself to smile and pretend that was what it was.

  Some of the other girls cried and broke away. I covered my face now that I had the opportunity. Lake left her hand on my shoulder and I waved her off. She wasn’t bad, but my skin still felt like it was crawling, and I wanted to rake at it with my fingernails. I felt dirty and disgusting, ashamed. “I’ll be okay,” I breathed through my tears, covering my face to hide my feelings. “Don’t worry. I’m just sleepy.”