by Sarah Bailey
“Shh, shh, it’s okay. Why don’t we go outside? I know it’s freezing, but it’s fucking stuffy in here and the music is too loud.”
I pulled away from him, nodding. The two of us got coats and shoes on before grabbing a bottle of vodka and making our way outside into the garden. We sat in two of the garden chairs on the patio. My legs were already beginning to feel the chill in the air since it was winter, but I didn’t care. Rhys handed me the vodka and I swigged from the bottle, feeling the burn as the liquid slid down my throat. I gave it back to him, dropping my chin onto my chest.
“So your ex turned up. Is there some horror story there?”
I nodded, feeling the weight of what happened overloading my senses. Why the hell had I allowed him to just take control of the situation like that? Damn Cole and his fucking sexy-as-sin-self playing havoc with all of my self-control. I hated the fact he’d become so much more attractive since I’d last laid eyes on him.
Damn him. Damn his hotness. Damn those bloody hazel eyes of his. Damn everything about him.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
I shook my head. Rhys put the bottle back in my hand and I took another large gulp, almost choking on it. Who gave a shit? I wanted to drown out the noise in my head. Drown out Cole Carter so I didn’t have to think about how much I’d fucked up.
“He broke my heart,” I blurted out.
“Well, I kind of assumed that might be the case.”
I waved the bottle at him, feeling the alcohol buzz already. Maybe I should’ve had more to eat at dinner.
“He’s a bastard, Rhys. An absolute bastard! I hate him and… and I… I still love him.”
“Does this bastard have a name?”
“Cole… Cole fucking Carter.”
I drank more, wanting to disappear into a hole where no one could find me ever again. Where the shit with Cole wasn’t at the forefront of my mind. God, why the hell did I let him fuck me against my bedroom wall? How would I ever even look at that stupid wall the same way again?
“Can I sleep in your bed tonight?”
I looked over at Rhys, whose eyebrow quirked up.
“Why?”
“Cole fucked me against the wall of my bedroom and I can’t be in there.”
A smile spread across his face.
“Well, you’ve had quite the adventure in the last half an hour.”
Dick.
“Shut up. I don’t know what came over me, except I haven’t had sex in two years since we broke up and I missed him… and I wanted him so much. God, Rhys, I really fucked up.”
He took the bottle from me and swigged from it.
“Jesus, this shit is strong.”
I laughed, unable to help myself. The alcohol had gone to my head far too quickly.
“Yeah, it is. Shit, I slept with my ex… who sleeps with their ex? I’m an idiot.”
“We all do dumb things with people we shouldn’t when feelings are involved. I mean shit, look at Alfie and Sienna. That is getting so old.”
I snorted. Alfie and his on and off girlfriend, Sienna were annoying as hell. Always arguing with each other and then having very loud sex afterwards. I swear to god we all needed earplugs with the way she kept screaming. No doubt they’d be at it later.
“Those two need to end it for good, then we might actually get some sleep.”
“You’re telling me. Is makeup sex really that good?”
“I wouldn’t know.”
Rhys swigged from the vodka bottle before handing back to me. I took another gulp.
“No? You never fought with your ex and fucked afterwards?”
“Nope. We were happy until Jonah interfered in our relationship and Cole left me. And then tonight… well… fuck knows what that was.”
Rhys looked over at me with a frown.
“Your brother ruined your relationship?”
“Well, technically he objected to the whole Cole being sixteen and me eighteen thing, along with some shit to do with Cole’s family. You know my friend, Raphi? That’s Cole’s older brother… and there’s bad blood between him and Jonah, so it’s all kinds of fucked up.”
“You’re still friends with your ex’s older brother?”
I waved a hand at him.
“Raphi isn’t like Cole in any way shape or form. Besides, they have different dads, but their mum is still with both of them.”
Rhys’ eyes went wide.
“Hold on, what did you just say?”
I drank from the bottle again before handing back to him.
“Oh well, their mum, Ash, she has four partners and a kid with each of them. I know it sounds weird, but it works for them. Plus Raphi’s dad is also in a relationship with his older brother, Duke’s dad.”
“Jesus Christ.”
He downed some more vodka and I laughed again. Yeah, their family was completely unorthodox, but I’d never judged them for it. Especially not after I’d met them all.
“Right? I was a bit taken aback when I first found out, but honestly, you should see them together. They have this amazing bond. It’s pretty special, you know, especially how they’ve made it work for so many years.”
I envied their relationship in so many ways. The openness they must have with each other in order to make it work. And, judging by what Cole had told me, they had a fucked up beginning and were still together despite it. It was inspiring in a lot of ways. Not that I wanted to be involved with four men at the same time or anything.
“Well, cheers to them, eh?” He raised the bottle to the sky and then downed some before giving it to me to do the same. “Hold on, hold on, did you say Cole is two years younger than you? Damn, Mer, you had a toyboy.”
I snorted and shoved him in the arm.
“Fuck off.”
“No, but seriously, did you take his v-plates?”
“You are such a dick sometimes.”
Rhys grinned and I instantly forgave him.
“We were each other’s firsts, okay? It was special.”
He reached over and stroked my hair back from my face. Rhys’ eyes were full of understanding as if he knew exactly what I meant. It made me wonder about his own past. I knew he’d lost his virginity, but that was the extent of my knowledge of his relationship history.
“You really loved him.”
I nodded, feeling tears welling all over again. Crying over Cole after all this time seemed stupid, but I couldn’t help it.
“Aw, Mer, come here.”
He put his arms out. I set the bottle of vodka down and slid off my chair into his lap, letting Rhys hold me as the tears started to fall.
“I miss him so much,” I sniffled. “Why’d he have to come back, Rhys? Why’d he have to remind me of how much I still love him? Why did I let him fuck me? I hate him… he… he…”
“Shh, it’s okay.”
Rhys stroked my hair, attempting to soothe me, but all it did was make me cry harder. The stupid part of me wanted Cole so much it blazed like an inferno. I couldn’t turn off what my heart yearned for. Him. All of him. Surrounding me. Consuming me. Proving to me why I’d always belonged to him and him to me.
“He… he walked away after I told him I love him. It devastated me and I was angry at Jonah for all of it, but I was so upset, I couldn’t even bring myself to shout at him. J was only protecting me… he was only looking out for me… god… it hurt so fucking much, Rhys, so much. It still hurts. Who leaves their girlfriend right after she says I love you for the first time? I still don’t understand why he broke my heart. I don’t understand any of it.”
Rhys’ arms around me tightened.
“I’m sorry, Mer,” he murmured. “That’s a really shitty thing for him to do. You don’t deserve to be treated that way by anyone.”
I placed my hand on my best friend’s heart, feeling the emotion in his words hit me right in the chest. He knew exactly how I felt, but I didn’t dare press him as to
why. If Rhys didn’t want to talk about it, I wouldn’t force him.
“Do you think we ever forget our first loves?”
“No, I don’t think we do, especially if that first love destroyed us.”
I pulled away and leant down, reaching for the vodka bottle which I raised in the air.
“Here’s to shitty first loves.”
A smile crossed his features even though his eyes were still sad. I drank deeply, knowing I was on the fast track to getting completely wasted. Rhys took the bottle from me.
“And to never letting them hurt us again.”
He knocked back the bottle as, by then, we’d almost consumed the entire thing. We were going to feel this in the morning. Thank fuck it was the weekend or going to lectures would be hell.
As the two of us stumbled back in the house together, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge and attempting to navigate our way to his room, I couldn’t help wondering if we’d stick to that goal. Seeing Cole again had hurt me. And some part of me, deep down, knew what was between us was in no way done.
Cole had promised me he’d be back and I didn’t know whether I should dread him pursuing me all over again or not. Only time would tell.
Chapter Twenty Seven
As I washed my grease-stained hands in the sink, I glanced over at Anthony Jason or AJ as he was known by most people, who was stripping off his overalls by the lockers. The moment I left school, I’d started an apprenticeship at a garage which my grandfather helped set up for me. I was close to finishing now since I’d almost got my qualifications. I was expecting them to offer me a full-time position when I was done, but I could get a job elsewhere if it didn’t work out.
“Hey, you up for getting a drink? Today has been long, man.”
I used to think AJ was an okay guy, but since I’d turned eighteen, he’d been on at me to go out with him and the boys after work. To be honest, I wasn’t so keen knowing what type of shit they were involved in outside of work. Whilst I knew about Grandpa’s connections to the Russian Mafia, I wasn’t meant to know the garage I worked at was under their protection. Nor that a few of the guys who worked here were members.
“I would, but I’ve got something to do,” I replied, shutting the tap off.
Besides, I didn’t think Mum and Dad would want me hanging out with anyone from here. I’d tried to stay out of trouble since Meredith and I broke up. If I was ever going to prove I was a good man for her, I had to keep on the straight and narrow. Turning my life around had taken time, but I was getting there. My parents were proud of me, which made it all worth it. Now all I had to do was convince Meredith to give me a second chance.
“You never come out with us, Cole. You should. It’ll be fun.”
I shrugged, walking over to my locker and grabbing my shit from it.
“I really have something to do tonight.”
It’d been a week since I’d gone to Meredith’s party. I’d given her time to cool off. Raphi told me he’d had an earful off Meredith over me turning up unannounced. He hadn’t wanted to lie to her about being the one who told me where she lived. I’d sworn up and down I wouldn’t hurt her again. He understood why I’d done it since he knew what Jonah was like. How much he loved and cared about his sister. Raphi hadn’t been happy, but at least he didn’t blame me entirely for how everything had gone down.
“Oh yeah? Hot date or something?”
“Or something.”
AJ gave me a wink.
“Oh damn, well, if you’re getting some action, I can’t blame you for not wanting to come out with us.”
I rolled my eyes and nodded. Better he thought that than the actual truth. I didn’t want anyone here finding out about Meredith. The less they knew about my personal life, the better. I might have worked with these guys for a year and a half, but that didn’t mean I trusted any of them.
Shrugging on my jacket, I left the staff room with my helmet dangling from my fingers. Mum hated the fact I had a motorbike. Always worrying about her baby getting hurt. I’d promised her I would be safe, but she still fretted all the same.
Now I was eighteen, I did my own thing and my parents mostly accepted that. All us kids had grown up. Only Duke and I still lived at home. Aurora lived with her boyfriend and Raphi moved out when he started uni, wanting some independence of his own.
I sat astride my motorbike when I reached it. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw AJ leave the garage. Two huge, burly looking men in suits approached him. He shook their hands and then they exchanged something between them that looked awfully like bags of pills and money. I shoved my helmet on, not wanting to get involved. This was why I never accepted AJ’s offers of going out for a drink. I knew he was dealing drugs on the side and I wasn’t down with that shit. If Demetri, the owner caught wind of it, I’m not sure he’d appreciate AJ’s extra-curricular activities occurring in his place of business. Especially not since he was mafia. AJ should know better.
“Idiot,” I muttered under my breath as I kicked the motorbike into gear and pulled out of the back carpark.
It didn’t take me too long to get to Meredith’s house despite it being rush hour as I could weave in and out of the traffic. I parked up and made my way to her front door, my helmet dangling from my fingers. Pressing down on the doorbell, I waited. Whilst she told me never to come back here, I wasn’t giving up on her. I didn’t think she’d want me turning up at her university. This was a slightly safer bet.
The door was pulled open a minute later revealing a shortish guy with blonde hair and glasses.
“Hello, is Meredith in?” I asked.
“Nah, man, she isn’t home yet.”
Shit, I was hoping she’d be here.
The guy looked me over with a frown as if he expected me to say something else.
“Would it be okay if I waited for her? I’m an old friend.”
Not sure Meredith would describe me like that but I didn’t care. I wasn’t leaving until I’d got to speak to her.
The guy shrugged and pulled the door open wider.
“Sure, whatever. She should be back soon.”
He walked away, leaving me standing on the doorstep. I shook my head, stepping in. Meredith would probably have words with her housemate over this. I shut the front door behind me and looked around the hallway, wondering if I should wait downstairs or go up to her room. She’d be more pissed if she found me on her bed. Deciding that wouldn’t be a good idea, I strolled down the hallway the way her housemate had gone and entered the kitchen. He was mixing a drink at the counter.
“How do you know Meredith?” he asked without turning around.
I set my helmet down on the kitchen table.
“From school.”
“Nice. She doesn’t really talk about herself much, always hauled up with Rhys. Those two are like super close and shit. Oh, fuck, sorry, I’m Alfie, by the way.”
Who the fuck is Rhys?
Raphi had not mentioned Meredith having a boyfriend so I sure as fuck hoped this guy was just a friend.
“Cole.”
He turned around and leant against the counter, taking a sip of his drink.
“You want tea or coffee or something?”
“Um, sure. Tea would be nice. Thanks.”
He gave me a smile and flipped the kettle on. I shrugged off my jacket and hung it over the back of the chair before taking a seat.
“How do you take it?”
“Milk, one sugar.”
Alfie set about making me a tea and handed it to me when he was done. He looked like he was about to say something when we heard the front door open and voices filter down the hallway.
“Okay, let me get this straight, a guy asked you out in class?” That was Meredith.
“Yes and I very politely declined,” came a male voice. “It was so fucking embarrassing. Who does that, Mer? Like seriously.”
The door slammed shut and the voices grew closer. I set the t
ea down on the table and stood up, knowing Meredith would not be happy to see me at all.
“Some people are way too forward. He could’ve waited until afterwards.”
“That wouldn’t have been any better. I’m not dating. Ever.”
“All right, fuckface, I know, don’t get your knickers in a twist.”
“Oh shut up, you know how awkward it is for me.”
The two of them appeared in the doorway. My breath caught at the sight of her. How her strawberry blonde hair was now dyed this pale pink colour and she had a thick white knitted jumper on. She must’ve done that during the week because her hair was still red when I’d seen her. The guy she was with was tall with curly dark hair.
“I’m so sorry people finding you attractive is such a chore for you.”
“You will be fucking sorry.”
“Oh yeah, try—” she stopped mid-sentence as she spied me standing there, her mouth dropping open.
“Hey, Meredith, your friend dropped by,” Alfie said. “All right, Rhys?”
“Hey, Alfie,” the guy Meredith was with said, looking between me and her with a raised eyebrow.
Meredith’s mouth snapped shut. She pointed at me, her face contorting with anger, “What the fuck are you doing here?”
I took a step towards her, putting my hands up.
“Meredith.”
“I thought I told you never to come back here. Do you not understand the fucking concept of I don’t want to see you again, Cole?”
“Oh, so this is the ex,” her friend said.
I didn’t appreciate having an audience for this, but it couldn’t be helped.
“I know what you said, but I told you I’m not giving up.”
“Okay, well, I’m just going to…” Alfie said, pointing at the doorway before he slipped by Meredith and the other guy with his drink. She collared him before he could escape, holding onto his arm.
“You let him in our house?”
“He said he was an old friend.”
He pulled his arm out of her grasp before she could respond and dashed away. Meredith threw her arms up and turned back to me. Even though she was mad as hell, to me, she looked beautiful. I couldn’t help wanting to pull her against me and kiss away the anger in her eyes. Kiss her even whilst she struggled to get away. Kiss her until she gave in and let me soothe her.
