by Sarah Bailey
My heart thundered in my ears and my skin prickled. It was a man. A man who had quite clearly been beaten up by the looks of the bruising starting to colour on the side of his face and the dried blood on his knuckles, which were hanging down from where his arms were resting on his bent knees.
I took a step closer, wondering if he was even awake. His chest rose and fell steadily. He was still alive. At least that was something. I didn’t know what to make of this or him. But I’d never backed down from anything else in life, so I wasn’t going to start here.
I walked over to my door and stood over him, trying to work out what I was going to do about the bloodied man.
“Um, hello?”
A couple of seconds later, my world dropped out from underneath me when he raised his head and opened his eyes. Hazel eyes I would recognise anywhere. His hair was darker and he had stubble dusting his cheeks, but there was no mistaking who was sitting by my door.
“C… Cole?”
“Meredith.”
My heart fucking exploded in my chest. That’s what it felt like anyway. As if it’d been working sluggishly for five years and now it beat properly again at the sight of the man who’d ripped it apart from the inside out.
Cole Carter was the very last person I was expecting to see.
What the fuck is happening?
I didn’t know how to unstick my tongue from the roof of my mouth or even how to articulate my shock at seeing him again. At him being here, bloodied and bruised outside my door. I expected to feel anger. Anger and hatred. Neither of those things happened. No, the only thing racing through my body was relief. Sweet, blissful relief.
Cole was here and he was alive. Cole, who I still loved so fucking fiercely, it physically hurt. The only person in this world I’d wanted forever with.
You idiot. This boy destroyed you. How can you feel relief? How can you not be angry?
I didn’t know what I should be experiencing right now. It’s like the world had heard my heart calling for him earlier and had granted me a reprieve. The world had given him back to me.
“What are you doing here?”
His lip curved up. His split lip which looked painful.
“Isn’t it obvious?”
“No. I don’t really have people from my past turning up like this.” I waved at him. “Especially not ones who look like they just got the shit kicked out of them.”
I couldn’t leave him sitting outside like this no matter what my fucked up emotions were doing at seeing him again. The part of me that had always cared about Cole didn’t give a crap what the other parts thought. She wanted to clean him up and bandage his wounds.
“Well, I kind of did. Guess it looks worse than it is.”
“It looks pretty fucking bad from where I’m standing.”
He looked over at me, his brows turning down. It made me feel self-conscious. Did he not like what he was seeing? Had I really changed that much in five years? I mean, I had gone back to my natural strawberry blonde hair, but otherwise, I’d remained pretty much the same as I’d always been. Perhaps I looked older, but then again, so did he.
Why on earth do you care?
“You been out somewhere?”
“Rhys got married today.”
Cole shifted off the wall, setting his bloodied hands down on the floor and pushing himself up.
“Really? Thought he’d sworn off men for life.”
I smiled despite myself.
“Well, he did until the love of his life walked back into it and then all bets were off.”
The irony of that statement wasn’t lost on me considering the love of mine had just landed on my doorstep after all this time.
Cole rose to his full height, almost dwarfing me in the process even in my heels. My mouth went dry. Even though his face was bruised, Cole was still undoubtedly the most handsome man I’d ever laid eyes on. And he really was all man. It only served to melt my insides even as I tried to command myself to stop reacting this way to him.
I should be angry. I should be throwing him out of here. And yet I couldn’t bring myself to.
“Well, congratulations to him.”
“You never answered my question.”
“About why I’m here?”
I nodded, trying not to wring my hands in front of me.
“It’s a long story.” He reached up and rubbed the back of his neck. “Not that I want to impose on you, but I do need somewhere to lie low for tonight.”
I let out a breath.
“Okay.”
I moved closer to the door, sticking the keys I was still holding in the lock and turning it. Pushing the door open, I walked in, holding it for him. Cole hesitated for a few seconds, then followed me into my open plan living area. I flipped the light on and slid out of my coat, hanging it up by the door.
“Sit down at the table. I need to get the first aid kit.”
I didn’t stop to think about it or let him object. I set my handbag on the table and walked to the small hallway which led to the bedrooms and bathroom. First, I went into my bedroom and took off my dove-grey dress since I didn’t want to get blood on it. I pulled on some PJ shorts and an oversized t-shirt. Then I padded out into the bathroom and grabbed the kit from the cupboard. Jonah kept it on hand for emergencies. My brother was always prepared for anything.
Carrying it back out into the living area, I found Cole had taken his jacket off and hung it over the back of the chair. He’d sat down and was staring at the table, running his fingers along the wood. He looked up when I approached. I set the kit on the table and moved one of the chairs around so I was facing him. Sitting down, I opened up the box and took out the things I needed almost methodically. It helped me remain outwardly calm since this situation had caused my emotions to run riot.
I fished out one of the antiseptic wipes. Reaching out, I took Cole’s hand. A jolt ran up my arm and down my spine at the contact. I tried not to react, but my heart kept racing so hard in my chest. My entire body was on high alert being so close to him. I let out a shaky breath and cleaned his knuckles. He hissed at the sting but otherwise made no complaint. I tried not to squirm under his intense gaze.
When his knuckles were clean, I bandaged them since they were split in places on both hands. I didn’t want to ask who he was fighting with, even though I had a million and one questions about why he was back and why he’d come to me.
“Do you have any other injuries apart from your lip?” I asked, setting the gauze down.
“Nothing you need to attend to.”
I raised an eyebrow.
“They’re just bruises, Meredith, I promise.”
I nodded, picking up another antiseptic wipe and leaning closer to him. I captured his jaw with one hand and used the other to dab at his lip, wiping away the blood. He went very still, watching me intently again. I could hardly breathe, but I concentrated on making sure I did a thorough job. Every part of me screamed out to crawl into his lap and hold him. To never let go so he wouldn’t leave me yet again. The urge was idiotic, but my walls were down after my emotional breakdown at Rhys’ wedding earlier and the alcohol I’d consumed.
When my hand dropped, Cole leaned closer, his gauze wrapped hand coming up to curl a lock of my hair around his fingers. My breath stuttered and my hands trembled.
“I’ve missed you,” he whispered.
“Cole…”
“I know, little queen. Trust me, I know.”
I exhaled, my body aching with the need for him. And his term of endearment almost decimated all of my rationality. Especially when his cheek brushed against mine. Cole was here. Right here where I could touch him, see him, feel him against me.
God… I love you. I still love you so much.
“I’ve missed you too.”
I didn’t know what I was doing, but I couldn’t help myself when it came to Cole Carter. I’d never been able to. He had this hold on me, which was unshakable des
pite what he’d done. Despite everything we’d gone through.
I pulled back abruptly, knowing I couldn’t allow myself to get lost in him.
“You can stay in my room. Jonah shouldn’t be back tonight so he won’t mind if I take his bed.”
“I don’t want to put you out.”
I didn’t look at him, not wanting to see his expression.
“You’re not. I’m just tired, it’s been a long day. We can talk in the morning.”
I stood up and started packing up the first aid kit. As I closed the box, Cole placed his hand over mine, stopping me from going anywhere. I turned my head, staring up into his hazel eyes. They were full of emotions I wasn’t sure I was prepared to see. The appreciation and affection he still held for me. It tore my insides to shreds.
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
He dropped his hand. My body almost swayed towards his, desperate for contact with him again. I shook myself and picked up the wipes, throwing them in the bin. Cole followed me down the small hallway after I turned out the lights and into my bedroom. He hung back in the doorway as I switched on the bedside lamp.
“You don’t have to give up your bed. I can stay on the sofa.”
I shook my head.
“No, it’s okay. It’ll be more comfortable in here. You’re hurt so…”
He came up behind me, making my heart go into overdrive again.
“Meredith…”
I turned away to walk towards the door but he caught me by the arm, spinning me around to face him.
“Don’t go,” he whispered.
I stared up at him, my mouth going completely dry.
“I… I can’t stay in here with you.”
It was the truth. If I did, I would give in to all the need I had for him. The urge to hold on to him. I wouldn’t let him go and that could only end in disaster for me. This man had left me twice. Who was to say he wouldn’t do it again?
He let go of my arm and stepped back.
“Okay.”
I nodded and walked out, pulling the door closed. A quick trip to the bathroom had me cleaning off my makeup. Then I curled up under the covers in my brother’s bed. Jonah wouldn’t mind even if he came back and found me in here.
I wanted to fall asleep straight away, but my heart wouldn’t stop pounding and my skin prickled. I lay there staring at the ceiling, knowing across the hallway my ex-boyfriend was in my bed.
Cole had been more than my boyfriend, he’d been my everything.
“Why are you here?” I whispered. “Why are you back?”
Curling up on my side, I tugged one of Jonah’s spare pillows into my arms and hugged it. I had no idea how I was going to survive the rest of the night since my mind was in overdrive.
Cole Carter had shown up back in my life. And it was the last thing I’d ever expected to happen on my best friend’s wedding day.
Chapter Forty Six
I opened my eyes, blinking at the morning light streaming in through a gap in the curtains. My body ached all over. Hardly surprising given I’d ended up fending off two guys last night who tried to beat the crap out of me. They got a few good hits in, but they failed to realise I was faster and bigger than them. All it had taken was me slamming one into a wall to knock him out before I subdued the other. I left both of them where they were, not wanting to attract any further attention considering I was still wanted by the mafia.
I had my reasons for coming home, not least of all because I wanted my girl back in my life. And I was planning to make sure AJ paid for stealing the last five years of my life. For rendering it impossible for me to return home… until now.
I heard the door open. Rolling over onto my back, I found Meredith bustling in with a mug and a plate in her hands. She came over and set them on the bedside table. Seeing her in the morning light made my heart twist painfully in my chest. It caught her strawberry blonde hair, making her look almost angelic.
Fuck.
I swear she’d grown more beautiful in the intervening years since I left the country. The last time I’d seen her, she had pink hair, but I’d always thought her natural colour suited her best. No one would ever be as stunning as her in my eyes.
“I made you some tea and toast.” She pulled out a small packet from her pocket, placing it down next to the mug. “Thought you might want some painkillers too.”
She didn’t stop to look at me as she moved towards her wardrobe. I pulled myself up and sat back against the headboard, wincing as I did so. As much as I appreciated her taking care of me, I hated the way her voice shook.
“Meredith.”
She froze in the process of opening her wardrobe door.
“Come here.”
We needed a conversation. We’d needed one last night, but I hadn’t pushed her considering she’d looked exhausted. Not surprising as she’d been at a wedding. Not just any wedding. Her best friend who’d sworn off relationships for life. Rhys certainly had changed his tune since I last saw him.
“I need to get a change of clothes.”
I didn’t want her to leave. Having been starved of her presence for five long fucking years, I needed her.
“Just come over here.”
I wasn’t about to get up and manhandle her. That wouldn’t go down well. Especially not after I’d turned up unannounced in a bit of a state. She was likely confused and questioning everything. I would give her answers… eventually.
“I need to go take a shower.”
I wouldn’t let her deflect. She said we would talk in the morning. She couldn’t run from this.
“Meredith.”
“What?”
“Look at me.”
It took her a second but she turned and met my eyes. I could tell immediately she’d not slept well as there were dark circles under her eyes. My chest hurt, and not because I had bruises all over it. It ached for her.
“How can you expect me to look at you like nothing happened? Like it hasn’t been five years since you left without telling me why.” She took a step towards the bed, her eyes flickering with pent up emotion. “Tell me how, Cole, because I really don’t know how to handle this. I don’t know how to deal with you being here nor how it makes me feel.”
I didn’t have time to respond. Meredith came around the bed, crawled into my lap and took my face in her hands.
“I must be crazy,” she said right before her mouth pressed against mine with the gentlest of touches as if she didn’t want to re-open my split lip.
Pleasure and pain blossomed all over me at her touch. Pain because my hands curled around her, tugging her closer, which jostled my chest. Pleasure because she was kissing me.
I hadn’t expected her to. Honestly, I never expected her subdued reaction last night either. Meredith had always been fiery. I just wasn’t sure where that side of her was at right then.
Was she that messed up by seeing me again?
Did she feel everything I did?
Did she still love me?
I sure as hell still fucking well loved her. It didn’t matter how many years passed. How long I’d gone without seeing her face. It wouldn’t have mattered if I’d waited a lifetime. I would always love Meredith Veronica Pope.
“Why the hell am I kissing you?” she murmured against my lips.
“You missed me.”
“Doesn’t make this okay.”
Her hands dropped from my face, skimming down my chest and reaching the covers bunched around my waist. She tasted and felt exactly as I remembered. Heat blossomed all over my skin, desperately wanting more. Desperately wanting her. I didn’t give a shit about how I was bruised all over. Not when I had her. Not when she was touching me. Not when she was fucking well kissing me.
She shifted, tugging out the covers from under her. I didn’t know what she was acting on right now.
Instinct?
Desire?
Did it matter?
>
You know it matters. You don’t want her to regret this.
My hands went to her hair, pulling her away from me. Her green eyes were wide and her mouth parted in surprise.
“We need to talk.”
Her mouth shut abruptly and she scrambled backwards away from me.
“Oh god, what the fuck am I doing?” She buried her face in her hands. “I’m so sorry, Cole. I don’t know what came over me.”
“It’s okay, not like I wasn’t enjoying it.”
She groaned.
“No, it’s not okay. Jesus, you came here for my help and then I maul you like that’s normal when it’s not fucking well normal.” She dropped her hands and waved them around like she was agitated and didn’t know what to do with them. “I spent all night wondering what to say to you. Wondering why you’re here. And then I kiss you since I apparently can’t help myself around you. Fuck.”
I shifted up on my knees and moved closer to her, grabbing her wrists to still her hands. Her head whipped up to me. Her eyes were conflicted and her body tense.
“I’m back because Aurora’s getting married, I’m tired of running away, and you. Though, I should have said you first because you are the reason I’m right here, in your bed, with you.”
“M… me?”
“Of course, you. Did you think I just arrived at your door because I had nowhere else to go?” I shook my head. “I’m staying with my sister and Logan, but I wanted to see you. You, Meredith. I wasn’t lying last night, I’ve missed you so fucking much. There hasn’t been a day I’ve not thought about you or wanted to come home so I could see you again.”
I didn’t know how to articulate how much I’d longed for her. How I’d spent the past five years on the run. And how I finally had a way to clear my name. Meredith didn’t know about the shit I’d got myself into. What I’d done to survive. What I’d done to protect her. What I would do to make sure I never had to live in fear of my life or hers again.
“Where have you been?”
