Calling Out For You

by Karin Fossum

  "Hello, Marie," Gunder said. He pulled the chair over to her bed. She had been disconnected from the respirator and was breathing on her own, but she had not regained consciousness. He was alarmed by the unaccustomed quiet in the room. She was breathing, but not as regularly as with the machine. It made him nervous and he wanted to help her.

  "Today I was looking at that photograph of you and Karsten. From your wedding. How you've changed. Your face has lost its shape. The doctor says it's because you aren't using your muscles. And it won't help if I say something funny, you won't laugh anyway. I can't bear to think about the future, and that really worries me. Poona would have been getting to know Elvestad and the house and the garden by now. She would have learned to use the washing machine and the microwave and the video recorder. We would have sat together on the sofa watching Indian films. They make a lot of films in India. Love stories with tough heroes and beautiful women. Not the gritty real-life films we make about ordinary people. They dream a lot, Indian people. They have to. They are so poor.

  "Do you know what? I've had several letters. From foreign women. Russian and Philippine, and they are offering themselves. They say they feel sorry for me. Would you believe it? Poona's not even buried yet. I don't know what to think.

  "They are questioning Gøran now. He's denying everything. What else would you expect? Either he did it or he didn't, so he'll never own up to it. It is hard to understand why a young man with his life in front of him would go and do something like this. It said in the paper that he's been remanded in custody for four weeks. I think about his parents a great deal. They're ordinary, hard-working people. Did everything they could for him, I hear. They've had their worries about him and hopes too. Now evidence will have to be found. Evidence beyond reasonable doubt that Gøran is the guilty one. Sometimes I think about what it must have been like for Poona. When she stood there waiting at the airport. When she travelled alone with a strange man right to her death. What about the taxi driver, by the way? What if he did it? And all this because you crashed your car. I'm not blaming you, Marie, but you were never a good driver. Maybe you never should have driven at all.

  "I've been thinking of the winter of '59, when we had so much snow. You and Kristine were playing behind the house. I could see you through the window. I had measles and had to stay indoors. You were so overexcited and screaming and giggling, I could hear you all the way to the living room. The weather was mild and you did the most awful things in that wet snow. Do you remember? I daren't say it aloud even if you can't hear me. I said nothing to Mum. She would have had a fit. People do so many strange things, Marie. I'm still thinking about Poona's brother. He's sent me a pretty photograph of her. It's bigger than the one I took and I've bought a fine frame for it. I've promised to get in touch with Shiraz when the date for the funeral has been set. But I don't suppose he'll come back. Possibly he thinks it's a sin to bury her in our consecrated earth. Consecrated earth, now what is that? Earth is earth, surely. I've spoken to Pastor Berg. I gave him something to think about, I can tell you. Has her brother really approved this, he kept fussing. Are you quite sure? We can't risk there being any repercussions. And a Hindu, too. I can't mention that in church, Jomann, I hope you understand. He's nice, the vicar, but terrified of getting into trouble. Nevertheless, I was given permission to play Indian music at the start of the service. Have to look for some in town. Mode has some CDs at the petrol station, but I don't suppose he'll have what I'm looking for. I do hope Karsten will come, but I'm not sure he will. Do you know what? In some ways I think it's a miracle you're still alive. When your body isn't able to feed itself. I don't think you ought to drive again. You can call me if you're going somewhere, I'll take you. Karsten is always so busy. But we can talk about that later. When you wake up."

  Mode took a coin from the bowl and put it in the Wurlitzer. The music's as old as Einar, so help me God, it crossed his mind. The café was busy. Einar was drying glasses. He wasn't very talkative these days. Rumour had it that Lillian had started packing. Wicked tongues thought it a bit odd that the break-up had happened so soon after the murder at Hvitemoen and the arrest of Gøran Seter. Imaginations were working overtime.

  Nudel, Karen and Frank sat chatting in a corner. They ordered more beer and looked across to Mode's petrol station where Torill was working behind the counter. Mode came over to their table and sat down. He was a quiet man with a calm face. His hair was blond and thin and combed straight back from his forehead. He looked older than his twenty-eight years.

  "Of course, we can sit here saying Gøran is innocent," Frank said. "But the truth is that if they'd nicked someone else other people would be sitting at some other table saying exactly the same thing. That's what I think."

  They all looked down at their glasses.

  "Another thing is . . ." Nudel said anxiously. "All the stuff the cops know that they haven't said. When they go as far as bringing him in, they have to know a lot more."

  "Yes, but for goodness' sake!" Frank said, shaking his head. "Has Gøran ever hit anyone?"

  "There's always a first time," Mode said, lighting a cigarette.

  "I wonder if we're allowed to visit him?"

  Einar coughed from behind the counter. "There are restraints on his letters and visits. None of us would get in. His parents, perhaps. No-one else."

  "Imagine sitting alone in a cell, no radio, TV or newspapers. Not being able to control what they write about him."

  "Does anyone know what sort of chap this defence lawyer is?" Nudel said.

  "Thin, grey fellow," Mode said. "Doesn't look very tough."

  "Well, it's not exactly muscles that lawyers need most of in court," Frank said. He rocked his heavy head from side to side. "They're talking about forensic evidence. I'd like to know what they mean by that."

  "Hair, stuff like that," Nudel said. "It would be bad news for Gøran if he's left any hairs behind."

  "You talk as if Gøran did it!" Frank said heatedly.

  "But, for fuck's sake," Nudel said. "He's in there! They're putting together a case against him. They must have something on him."

  "But I don't understand," said Frank, as if he could not grasp even the possibility that he might be so mistaken about another human being. "They'll probably have him examined by a psychiatrist to decide if he is sane."

  "Well, he is. At least we know that."

  Frank took several gulps of his beer and burped. "Whoever smashed that woman's head in certainly isn't."

  "He could be sane otherwise," Einar said. "Just not at that very moment."

  A new comment which needed digesting. It was quiet for a while. Everyone had a picture of Gøran in their minds. They imagined him sitting at one of the tables, drinking from a plastic cup. They imagined his face desperate and lost, with beads of sweat on his forehead. Crouched in a chair, a hard chair perhaps. He'd been sitting there for a long time and was starting to jerk from side to side. His back ached. He kept looking at the clock. A gruff interrogation leader in front of him who decided how long they were going to sit there. The image was very vivid to them, but incorrect.

  *

  At that very moment Gøran was sinking his teeth into a fresh-baked pepperoni pizza. The cheese formed fine strings which he gathered up with his fingers.

  "You were used to Ulla," Sejer said quietly, "and when she said she was breaking up with you, you didn't take it seriously?"

  "No," Gøran said, munching greedily. The pizza was good, he had asked for extra seasoning.

  "So it didn't upset you?"

  He swallowed and washed the mouthful down with Coke. Ran a hand through his coarse hair. "No," he said.

  "Ulla said you were angry. Strange how people are. We see things differently. Perhaps you weren't sad either?"

  "Sad?" said Gøran blankly.

  "Tell me something that would make you sad," Sejer said.

  Gøran thought hard. He took another bite.

  "Can't you think of anything?"

  "I
'm never sad."

  "But what if you're not happy? You're a nice guy, but surely you're not always happy?"

  "Of course not."

  "So?"

  Gøran wiped his mouth. "If I'm not happy, then I'm angry, of course."

  "Ah . . . I get it. But you can't possibly have been happy when Ulla broke up with you?"

  Long pause. "I understand what you're getting at."

  "You were angry. Can we agree on that?"

  "We can agree on that."

  Another pause.

  "So you called Lillian. You asked if you could come over?"

  "Yes. She said it was fine."

  "She's saying that you never came to her house. Did something happen?"

  "No! I was with Lillian."

  He took a fresh napkin and wiped his mouth again.

  "Did you need comforting?"

  Gøran snorted. "I never need comforting."

  "So what did you need?"

  "For Christ's sake, man. Use your imagination!"

  "You needed a woman's company?"

  Gøran gawped at him and leaned forward across the table. He was grinning so heartily that Sejer frowned.

  "Please explain to me what's so funny. You're too quick for me, Gøran."

  Gøran digested the compliment and mimicked Sejer. '"You needed a woman's company.' Good God, when did you grow up? In World War One?"

  Sejer smiled. "I'm old-fashioned. So you've found me out. But anyway. What did you need?"

  "To come," Gøran said curtly. He sank his teeth into the pizza once again.

  "Did you?"

  "I've already told you."

  "No. You called Lillian. She said you could come over. Let's do this one step at a time. Just what were her exact words?"

  "Eh?"

  "Can you remember exactly what she said?"

  "She said it was fine."

  "Just 'That's fine'?"

  "Right."

  "Did you notice a foreign woman walking along the road as you came driving?"

  "I didn't see anyone."

  "Was she carrying a suitcase?"

  "I didn't see any suitcase."

  "What colour was it?"

  "I don't know. I didn't see anyone."

  "She was only carrying a handbag? Red fabric. Shaped like a strawberry," Sejer said. "Do you remember it?"

  "No," Gøran said, wondering. Suddenly he looked unsure.

  "You've forgotten it among all the other things?"

  "There's nothing to remember," Gøran said. He put the pizza slice down again.

  "Perhaps you've suppressed it?"

  "I would've remembered something like that."

  "Something like what?"

  Silence.

  "Perhaps you were far away when it happened. Only your body was present," Sejer said.

  "It was with Lillian. In action. I even remember her bed linen. It was green with water lilies. Let me tell you something," he said confidentially. "Older women are much better than young ones. They open up a lot more. Literally. The young ones tend to tense up."

  He pushed off his shoes and kicked them away. Sejer said nothing and scribbled for a long time. Gøran was silent. The mood was calm, almost peaceful. The light in the room grew softer and the glow from the lamps became more yellow as the evening proceeded. Gøran was tired, but not from everything that was happening to him. His head was clear. In control. He counted to three. But he hadn't been able to work out. A restlessness was building up in him. It was impossible to fight.

  "Kollberg's lying in my living room, he can hardly move," Sejer said and sighed. He put his pen down. "I don't know yet if he will recover. If he doesn't, I'll have to have him put down."

  He looked across to Gøran for a long time. Gøran stayed cool.

  "No," Sejer said, as though he could read his mind. "I'm just mentioning it. I'm at work, but every now and then my thoughts fly away. Sometimes I wish I were somewhere else. Even though I like my job, being here, with you. Where are your thoughts?"

  "Here," Gøran said, looking at Sejer. Then down at his hands.

  "Did you follow the story in the newspapers?" Sejer said. He put a Fisherman's Friend in his mouth and pushed the bag towards Gøran.

  "Yes, I did," he said.

  "What was your reaction to what had happened?"

  Gøran breathed in. "Nothing much. It was bad, of course. But I prefer the sports pages."

  Sejer buried his face in his hands as though he was tired. He was in fact alert and watchful, but that small movement might suggest that he was about to call it a day. Six hours had passed. Just the two of them. No telephones, or footsteps or voices, not a sound from outside could be heard. You would think the huge building was empty. In fact it was teeming with activity.

  "What do you think about the man who did this? I've had a lot of thoughts myself. How about you?"

  Gøran shook his head. "No thoughts at all," he said.

  "You have no opinion about what kind of man he might be?"

  "Of course not."

  "Can we agree that he would have been in a rage?"

  "I've no idea," Gøran said sulkily. "Finding him is your problem."

  "And in your interests, too, I'd imagine." Once more this gravity in Sejer's face. The stare was as steady as a camera lens. He ran his hands through the grey hair and pulled off his jacket. He did it slowly and hung it carefully on the back of his chair. He unbuttoned the cuffs of his shirt and started turning up his sleeves.

  Gøran looked at him incredulously. He had a bed in his cell, with a blanket and a pillow. He was thinking about it now.

  "Once, a long time ago, I was on patrol in the streets of this city," Sejer said. "It was a Saturday night. There were two of us. There was a fight outside the King's Arms. I got out of the car and went over to them. Two young men, your age. I put my hand on the shoulder of one of them. He spun around and looked me straight in the eye. And then, without any warning whatsoever, his hand shot out in the dark and he plunged a knife into my thigh. He drew a long cut which left a scar I have to this day."

  Gøran pretended he wasn't listening, but he was engrossed. Any word, any unexpected story was precious to him, something far removed from all this. A kind of break.

  "That was all I wanted to say," Sejer said. "We often see stabbings on film and read about them in the papers. Then you stand there with a knife in your thigh, in excruciating pain. I lost my voice. Everything around me seemed to disappear, even the sound of people screaming and shouting. The pain was so fierce. Today I can laugh about it. A simple flesh wound. All that's left is a pale line. But right at that moment it made the rest of the world disappear."

  Gøran didn't know where this was going, but for some reason he was worried.

  "Have you ever felt great pain?" Sejer said. He was leaning forward now. His face was close to Gøran's.

  Gøran moved back a bit. "Don't think so," he said. "Except when I work out."

  "You push yourself over your pain threshold when you work out?"

  "Of course. All the time. Otherwise you don't progress."

  "Where do you need to get to?"

  Gøran watched Sejer's tall body. He didn't give the impression of being muscular, but he was probably tough. His eyes were unfathomable. They never flickered. All he wants is a confession, he thought. Breathe in and out. Count to three. I was with Lillian. Suddenly he said: "Do you want to arm-wrestle?"

  Sejer said: "Yes. Why not?"

  They got settled. Gøran was ready immediately. It came to Sejer that he would have to touch Gøran now, hold his hand. He hesitated.

  "Not up for it?" Gøran teased him.

  Sejer shook his head. Gøran's hand was warm and sweaty.

  Gøran counted to three and pushed violently.

  Sejer did not attempt to drive Gøran's fist down. He was only concerned to hold out. And he managed that. Gøran's strength exploded in one violent charge, then it died away. Very slowly, Sejer pushed his fist to the table.

&n
bsp; "Too much static training. Don't forget stamina. Remember that in future."

  Gøran massaged his shoulders. He didn't feel good.

  "Poona weighed 45 kilos," Sejer told him. "Not very strong, in other words. Nothing for a grown man to brag about."

  Gøran pressed his lips tight.

  "But I don't suppose he goes around bragging about it. I can see him clearly," Sejer said, staring directly into Gøran's eyes. "He's mulling it over, he's trying to digest it. Get it out of his system."

  Gøran felt dizzy.

  "Do you like Indian food?" Sejer said. He was quite serious. There was no trace of irony in his voice. "You're not answering. Have you ever tasted it?"

  "Er, yes." He hesitated. "Once. It was too strong for my liking."

  "Mm," Sejer said. He nodded agreement. "You feel like a fire-breathing dragon afterwards." Gøran had to smile at that. It wasn't easy keeping up with Sejer. He caught himself looking at the clock. His body had slumped a little.

  "If I have to have Kollberg put down, it will be the worst day of my life," Sejer said. "It really will be the worst day. I'll give him two, three days, then we'll see."

  Gøran suddenly felt nauseous. He wiped at his brow. "I feel ill," he said.

  Chapter 21

  Deep down, Linda knew that Jacob was beyond her reach. This fact was like a thorn in her foot, it hurt with every step. At the same time she nurtured a feeling in her heart that he belonged to her. He had come to her door, had stood on the top step with the outside light making his curls shine like gold, had looked at her with his blue eyes. His gaze had pierced her like a ray. It had attached itself to her and become a bond between them. She had a right to pick him up and carry him close to her heart. It was inconceivable to think of him with another girl. She couldn't conjure such an image in her mind. Finally, she was truly able to understand those who killed for love. This understanding had crept up on her, solid and weighty. She felt wise. She imagined herself plunging a knife in Jacob. Then he would collapse in her arms or lie bleeding on the ground. She would be there when he died, she would hear his last words. Afterwards, for the rest of her life, she would visit his grave. Talk to him, say all the things she wanted to and he would never be able to run away.