Powerless (Finding Love Book 2)

by Paris Hansen

  “This was not the conversation I wanted to have tonight. This is your night, your weekend. We do not need to talk about my shit or my past. Can we please just change the subject?”

  “If not tonight, when will we talk about this stuff Fin? You always change the subject or avoid it altogether.”

  Finley tried to protest, but stopped when Elijah held up his hand.

  “Just let me say one thing and then I’ll move on. I know you hate L.A. and the people in it because of what happened to your mom and what she put you through growing up, but you know not everyone is like that. Not everyone in this town is self-serving and vicious. I’m here. My parents are here. There are over 3 million people in Los Angeles and I would guess at least half of them aren’t assholes…okay maybe at least a third of them. Maybe you should give us all a second chance to show you that you could be happy here…if you were looking to leave Seattle, that is.”

  Throwing back another tiny bottle of vodka, Finley let Elijah’s words sink in. She knew she’d spent her adult life blaming an entire city for her shitty childhood. It wasn’t fair, but it was easier for her to do that than to lay all the blame at Miranda Lane’s feet. Finley wanted to love her mother and wanted to believe that her mother loved her back. She wanted to believe that her mother put her first at least some of the time, but as she got older Finley knew that wasn’t true.

  In Miranda Lane’s eyes the world revolved around Miranda Lane, which was evident from the amount of marriages she ruined by sleeping with her married co-stars and by the fact that she blamed Finley every time one of her “boyfriends” decided to dump her. When her career started to go down the drain because she was drinking all the time and no longer as gorgeous as she’d once been, she started to force Finley into auditions for commercials and TV shows, something Finley had no interest in at all. She hated acting. She hated the limelight, but that didn’t matter to Miranda. If she couldn’t be a star anymore, then she would live vicariously through her daughter.

  “I’m sorry Eli, but it would take a lot more than you and your family to get me to come back to L.A. for good. You know what this place did to me; what they’re still doing to young girls every day. It took me a long time to get over this place and to find my confidence after they knocked me down...after my mother allowed them to knock me down. I’ve got a lot of scars from this place and the nature of this town. I’d love to be closer to you again, but I don’t know if that’s in the cards,” Finley admitted. “Now can we please talk about something that isn’t so damn depressing? I did not come here to spend the night before your wedding crying about how horrible my past is. I came to celebrate you, so let me do that. Tell me what’s new with work if you don’t want to talk about Amy or the wedding. What’s new with your parents?”

  With an exaggerated sigh, Elijah grabbed another mini bottle of vodka before telling her all about his next project. For the first time since they entered his suite, Finley felt herself relax. She knew he would leave things alone now that he got his feelings off his chest. All he wanted was for her to think about coming back. What he didn’t know is that she’d been thinking about it for a long time.

  She was getting antsy in Seattle, but had no idea what her next move was going to be. Staying in Seattle was the easy thing to do, even if she was struggling with it. There were no surprises in Seattle; nothing that she couldn’t handle. It was convenient to stay there where she had a home, a business and a few friends. Moving meant going outside of her comfort zone and she wasn’t sure she was ready for that yet. She was already pushing her boundaries enough going to Elijah’s wedding. That had to be enough for the moment; maybe sometime down the line she’d be ready for more.

  Chapter 2

  Finley

  Although the ceremony was beautiful and Finley had a difficult time holding back the tears when Elijah started to cry, she was thankful when it was over. She’d been forced to sit in the front row with Elijah’s parents. When she tried to argue, Mr. Williams insisted that she was family and family sat together in the front. He said it in the stern, yet loving way that meant he wouldn’t take no for an answer, so she eventually gave in.

  But giving in had been torture. Every single second of being in the front row made her uncomfortable. There was nothing she could do about the fact that Mrs. Williams insisted on holding her hand throughout the entire ceremony, while she dabbed under her eyes with a tissue in her other hand. Nothing she could do about the fact that she was smack dab in the middle of where the cameras were focused, making sure they got the family’s reactions both in still form and on video. Nothing she could do about the fact that she felt like people were staring at her wondering who she was and why she was in such a prominent seat when she wasn’t someone important in Hollywood.

  As soon as she could, Finley wandered away from Elijah’s parents and the rest of the guests that were roaming about. Everyone was waiting for their moment with the bride and groom. Since she’d already had her moment, the one benefit to sitting up front, she made her way to the ballroom where the reception was being held. She wasn’t in a hurry to see anyone. In fact, once the ceremony ended, she had been tempted to head upstairs to her room. If she thought the memories were bad at the rehearsal dinner, she knew they’d be worse at the reception.

  Elijah had invited many of their old friends from high school, people he still kept in contact with, but that she’d left behind when she left L.A. Finley knew that a couple of her ex-boyfriends were going to be in attendance, including the man she was dating when she moved to Seattle. She hadn’t even said goodbye to him, instead opting to have Elijah break up with him for her because she knew it would be too hard. For a long time, she regretted not trying to make things work with Josh, but she knew it would have never worked out. How could they make a relationship work when she wasn’t willing to step foot anywhere near where he lived?

  Instead of entering the ballroom through the open sliding glass doors, Finley continued toward the oversized topiary that surrounded the garden. The lush bushes were shaped to look like hearts, diamonds and various other shapes, including what looked like a man down on one knee in front of a woman. Just beyond the ridiculous living artwork were thick, green hedges that had to be at least seven feet tall. Intrigued by what was on the other side of the hedge, Finley followed the curved wall until she came to an archway, a welcome sign dangling from the latticed wood of the pergola.

  Finley loved how private the little garden sanctuary felt. Between the white gazebo covered in ivy and flowers and the water feature, the area was serene and surprisingly quiet. Taking a seat on the bench in the gazebo, Finley watched the water flow over the rocks, surprised that the water was the only sound she could hear despite the fact that over 500 people were enjoying themselves not far from the carefully manicured hedges. She figured there wasn’t a place in or around the hotel that she could escape to where she couldn’t hear laughter and hundreds of conversations happening at once, even her room seemed improbable. She was glad she’d been wrong.

  Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath hoping it would help calm her nerves and her doubts. Finley knew she had to stop letting her issues overshadow the fun she could be having. It had been sixteen years since she’d left L.A.; sixteen years that she spent getting herself together. She was no longer the insecure girl she was when she left. She no longer cared what anyone said or thought about her. All that mattered was how she felt about herself and Finley loved herself, probably more than most people did. She was exactly the person she wanted to be…she just wasn’t sure she was doing what she wanted to do anymore.

  Keeping the club running used to be fun, exhilarating even, but in the last year it had started feeling like a chore. The wedding was the first time in ten years that she’d left Heat in someone else’s hands. Normally, she was there all day, every day. She’d deal with paperwork and inventory during the day then deal with frat boys and bitchy girls at night. There had to be better things out there, she just wasn’t sure wha
t they were. Or that she was willing to take the risk to find them. Although she wasn’t completely happy, she was comfortable and that was something she never felt growing up. It was nice and not something she was ready to throw away on a whim.

  She needed to find something she was passionate about like Elijah and Savannah. They both followed their dreams and now loved their careers. Her two best friends were ridiculously happy with their lives, especially now that they’d found people to spend them with. Falling in love had never been a part of Finley’s plan, but she had to admit it was beginning to look a little better every day. To have someone to share the ups and downs with; to have someone worship her the way Gabriel worshipped Savannah. It all looked really great; but that kind of love was so rare it was another risk she wasn’t sure she wanted to take.

  What she was used to seeing was what her mother used to try to pass off as love. It was never the all-encompassing, can’t live without you type of love that Miranda tried to say it was. Although when the relationship ended you would have thought the world was ending the way her mother carried on. Each time was the same. Fall in love with some guy, usually a co-star, usually married, follow him around like a puppy, hoping he’d eventually return the feelings. She gave him everything she had, her body, her money, her connections, until he no longer needed what she was offering, then he’d leave her broken and sobbing on the bathroom floor unable to do much of anything, but feel sorry for her once again broken heart.

  Finley never wanted to put herself through the heartache, so she never let anyone in. Even though she knew what her mother had with those men wasn’t real, it was still painful to watch and pain wasn’t something Finley wanted to deal with. It was easier being alone. Just like it was easier staying in Seattle dealing with a club she was no longer happy running.

  “Ahem.”

  Finley’s eyes flew open at the sound of someone clearing their throat. She’d been so lost in her thoughts she hadn’t heard anyone invading her sanctuary. Standing up, she smoothed out her skirt before heading toward the stairs of the gazebo. If she couldn’t be alone, there was no reason for her to hang out. She’d head back to the reception, eat some food, have a couple of drinks then head up to her room so she could get a good night’s sleep before her early morning flight. It was probably for the best that someone else had found the garden or she may have stayed there the entire night.

  “You don’t have to leave,” the intruder said, his husky voice stopping her in her tracks. Looking up, she finally took in the person that had invaded her refuge. She clenched her jaw, to keep it from dropping open. The man in front of her had to be the most gorgeous man she’d seen in a long time, which was saying something considering the ballroom on the other side of the hedges was filled with many of Hollywood’s leading men.

  He was tall, maybe a little over six feet or so, with broad shoulders and dark brown hair, disheveled in a way that made her want to run her fingers through it. Upping his sex appeal was a thick, well-manicured beard, which wasn’t usually Finley’s preference, but definitely worked on the stranger. She liked her men rugged, but usually only liked a bit of scruff. Now she was wondering what it would be like to feel that beard in places she shouldn’t be thinking about. The suit he wore fit him perfectly from top to bottom making it obvious it wasn’t off the rack. It molded to his muscular arms and thighs and she knew if he turned around it would be hugging an ass so perfect and tight she could probably bounce a quarter off it.

  She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth as her eyes passed over his broad chest. The loose tie around his neck was begging for her to grab ahold of it to pull him closer. Finley shook her head trying to clear it of the indecent thoughts she was having about the gorgeous man in front of her. As her eyes met his she realized he was staring at her, his brown eyes lit up by his brilliant smile. It didn’t matter to her that he knew she was checking him out. Finley hadn’t tried to hide it, he had interrupted her after all, and he deserved to get ogled. She just hoped he couldn’t tell that while she was checking him out, she was thinking about him in compromising positions.

  “I didn’t mean to disturb you.”

  His voice was deep, gravelly and sexy as hell. And was that a slight accent she detected? Finley wasn’t quite sure, but she hoped to find out. Hanging out with a sexy stranger sounded better than hanging out alone any day. She scanned the area to make sure he hadn’t brought a friend and was thankful when she noticed it was just the two of them. He had a bottle of what looked like Scotch in his hand, which made her wonder what he’d planned on doing in the garden alone. Was he feeling the need to reflect on life the way she was? Or was he just looking for a place to get drunk?

  “Do you mind if I join you?” he asked almost hesitantly which Finley found endearing.

  “Not at all. Or I could leave if you want to be alone,” she offered, more than hoping that he’d want her to stay. There was something about the gorgeous stranger that she found appealing and it wasn’t the fact that he was hot as hell. There was something in his eyes, something that she connected with. Or she could be fooling herself. It had been a while since she’d been attracted to someone; she knew it was possible that all she was connecting to was the spark of interest between them. At the moment, it didn’t really matter.

  “You don’t have to leave. I just wanted to escape the craziness of the wedding for a while. I came straight from the airport and really just needed a moment to unwind. And some Scotch. I desperately needed Scotch. Thankfully the bride and groom were nice enough to supply some.”

  He held up the bottle he’d brought with him as he walked up the gazebo steps to join her. She instantly recognized the label as one of the ridiculously over-priced ones she carried at the club. It didn’t surprise her that Elijah had it available for his wedding guests. Scotch had been his beverage of choice since before they were technically old enough to drink and since his parents were loaded his father always had the more expensive versions in his liquor cabinet. Elijah had garnered an appreciation for the good stuff early on in life.

  Finley watched as he tipped back the open bottle and took a drink. His neck flexed; his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. Licking her suddenly dry lips, Finley felt herself sway a little. Reaching out, she steadied herself against the rail of the gazebo. She could feel her temperature rise and fought the urge to fan herself. She’d never been turned on by watching someone drink before. There was obviously something wrong with her.

  “I would have grabbed some glasses if I’d known I was going to be sharing this with a beautiful woman. I hope you don’t mind,” he said as he handed her the bottle. “Hell, I probably should have grabbed a glass even if I was drinking alone. I look like a jackass drinking expensive Scotch straight out of the bottle, but I grabbed it and ran. Couldn’t afford to get stuck talking to anyone or I never would’ve gotten away.”

  Finley accepted the bottle and took a sip, savoring the smooth oaky liquid. She took another sip before handing the bottle back, acutely aware of the fact that he’d been watching her drink the way she’d watched him. His eyes were on her lips, watching as her tongue darted out to swipe up the stray liquid clinging to her lower lip. Heat coursed through her body, from the liquor or the way he was looking at her, she wasn’t sure, but she liked it either way.

  “Drinking straight from the bottle reminds me of high school which is pretty fitting right now. Thanks for sharing with me. I didn’t realize how badly I needed a drink until you handed me the bottle.”

  “It’s definitely that kind of day, isn’t it?”

  He tipped the bottle back again, taking a long swallow before passing it back to her. This time he licked his lips, drawing her attention to them like a moth to a flame. They were full and sensual and looked like they’d be soft yet unyielding against hers. Before she could start imagining what kissing the stranger in front of her would be like, she grabbed the bottle from his hands and started to guzzle it like a teenager. She didn’t savor the smoothness
this time; instead she let the subtle burn wake her up.

  “Whoa. Slow down there.”

  He put a hand out, pressing on the end of the bottle to get her attention. Finley lowered it, instantly ashamed of what she’d done. She was really putting her best foot forward. As soon as he interrupted her thoughts, she should have headed up to her room since she obviously couldn’t be bothered to act like a normal human being. She didn’t even know the guy’s name, yet she was making a total ass of herself, checking him out, chugging his booze.

  “Sorry. I don’t know why I did that. Here,” she said as she shoved the drink back into his hand.

  Brushing past him, she started down the stairs, moving slower than she would have liked because of her dress and the sky-high heels she was wearing. She could run in heels, but walking down stairs was something she never could master, which sucked when trying to make a quick getaway. It was obvious she’d lost her mind at some point. She was acting like a silly schoolgirl, which was entirely new for her. Guys didn’t fluster her, but for some reason this one did.

  “Wait.” He grabbed her bicep gently, halting her progress. “Don’t go. You can guzzle the entire bottle if you want to, I don’t mind. Just stay a little longer at least.”

  “Why?”

  Finley turned, her eyes meeting his. His hand was a brand of fire against her bare arm. She’d long taken off her leather motorcycle jacket to soak up the heat she wasn’t used to feeling this time of year back home. Now she wished she was still wearing it, so the supple leather could protect her from what his touch was doing to her. It was ridiculous what such a small insignificant gesture was making her feel. It really hadn’t been that long since she’d felt the touch of a man and they’d done much more than just grab her arm. But this man and his touch were sending chills down her spine, her legs felt like Jell-O and she had no idea why.