What Once Was Mine

by Krystyna Allyn

  “I have no idea.” I lean over and rub the top of his head, waiting patiently like the dog at my feet until my companion returns.

  Twenty minutes later, Marley returns to the front beaming. She grasps my hand and drags me to the last cage on the left. It’s labeled ‘Sebastian.’ In it is an older tabby cat curled up in the corner, a bored look on his face.

  “You can pick him up on Monday. I’ll have the paperwork processed by then.”

  “Great,” Marley claps excitedly. “Isn’t he gorgeous, Cole?”

  I don’t think I’ve ever seen her this happy, and I love it.

  “Yeah, baby.” I pull her close and kiss her on the forehead. “But his new mom is hotter.” She grins and it’s so damn cute. I can’t wait to get her to my place so we can end our day with her naked in my bed.

  Besides her parents rudely interrupting us earlier, the morning has been utter perfection. We learned more about each other over pancakes and sausage at the diner, chatting about numerous topics consisting of her second favorite color, red, the best borough for pizza, Brooklyn, and her strong love for Thai food. We’d previously covered her preferred choice in music and whether or not she likes to be on top.

  She does.

  Our time at the pet shop is icing on the cake. She hasn’t mentioned her asshole mother and bio dad once, and I’d like to continue with the distraction for as long as possible.

  “You’re biased.”

  “You’re beautiful,” I tell her in a low tone. “And when we return to my condo, I’ll show you how much, worshiping every sexy part of your enticing, curvy body.”

  “Shh.” Marley blushes, her gaze traveling to Jenny at the front of the store. “She’ll hear us.”

  “She already did.” Jenny laughs. “Sounds tend to travel when the store is this empty.”

  “Sorry,” Marley mutters, her hands covering her face in embarrassment.

  “Don’t worry about it. Lucas has a tendency to put the spotlight on me at least twice a week when it comes to PDA.

  “We’re going to head out.” I grab Marley’s hand, escorting her toward the exit.

  “Great to meet you, Marley. Good to see you again, Cole. Give Lenny my love.” She waves at us as we exit, winking at a suddenly shy Marley. I test the word girlfriend in my head. Because that’s what she is. Besides, I don’t want some other asshole sliding in and claiming what’s mine.

  Mason and Lenny will have a field day when they find out. If the latter throws an “I told you so” at me, I’m liable to fire him.

  My mom would disown me. If he crosses the line, I’ll just take his favorite pen as retribution.

  “What a day,” Marley says, later on, dropping her shopping bags by the coat closet in my condo before heading to my bathroom to freshen up.

  After our pet shop excursion, Marley wanted to stop at a few places she missed the day Lenny took her on the Falls Village tour. At the time, she was overwhelmed by her new surroundings, so she hadn’t had the chance to appreciate all the town offered.

  The first place we stopped was a thrift shop aptly named, Second Time Around. I’ve donated to them plenty of times, but I was never inclined to purchase a thing. My clothes are new, supplied by medium-priced department stores. While living with Chrissy, I spent slightly more since my main wardrobe consisted of suits and expensive watches. Still, I had a blast with my girl, discovering vintage furniture, old books, and other little knick-knacks scattered haphazardly about the store. One, in particular, reminded me of something I have yet to do. I’m not sure why I’ve delayed the inevitable, holding on to an important piece of Marley's past for so long. I should've handed her the locket the moment we reconciled, but I kept it for myself. Maybe a small part of me thought this wouldn't last, that both of us were just too different, too broken to care for each other. Or perhaps I was holding it as some sort of insurance, my excuse to see her in case I lost her again. Whatever my reason, it no longer matters. And after how Marley's mother and Aaron treated her, I realize I want to slay all of her demons, the ones trying their best to drag her into darkness.

  “What’s the plan for dinner?” Leaning forward, Marley stares into the refrigerator, her plump ass in plain view. “Because I don’t think beer and a half-eaten box of pizza will work well for my digestive system.”

  “In a minute,” I mutter. “There’s something I want to talk to you about first.” Marley turns to face me, her brows drawn together.

  “Everything okay?”

  “Yeah.”

  Perhaps I sound a bit off, but I don’t acknowledge her suspicions. Instead, I motion for her to take my hand and follow me to my bedroom. I keep her locket in my dresser.

  Even though her questioning gaze studies me, she clasps my hand and I guide her to the last door on the right. After sitting her on the edge of my mattress, I fumble through my drawer until I find what I’m looking for. A silver locket.

  “I have something for you.” I hold the chain by one end while the heart-shaped charm dangles in the air like a pendulum rocking back and forth between her and me.

  “Where did you get that?” Her voice hitches. She stares at it as if it's a figment of her imagination and, if she blinks, it'll disappear. With a trembling hand, she reaches for the locket, fisting it tightly in her palm. “I looked everywhere for this. It was one of the few things I allowed myself to keep after starting therapy. It reminded me of Jamal’s and my happier times. My mom has the rest of his stuff in storage.”

  I remain silent, watching Marley open the locket and stare at the photo of her brother. My gut clenches as I realize how important this piece of jewelry is to her and how keeping it for my own selfish reasons was a mistake.

  “I found it the morning after you left me.”

  Her watery gaze meets mine. “It must’ve fallen off at some point during the night.”

  I think about how much I ached for her and tried my hardest to ignore it, and what a fool I’d been to let her slip through my fingers.

  “Those first few months we were apart were tough and having this tiny part of you calmed me. Each night I’d stare at your photo, wondering what you were doing and if you were happy.” I run my fingers through my hair. “I thought I’d never see you again, but at least I had something that belonged to you, something real I could hold onto when you weren’t within my reach.”

  “Fine, but we’re together now. It makes absolutely no sense for you to keep this from me.”

  “I know,” I snap a bit too harshly. Softening my tone, I finally admit, “I was afraid. I thought if I gave it back to you, then I’d lose you somehow.”

  “That’s crazy, Cole. You’ve had me since day one.” She balls her hand into a fist, banging it against her chest. “This connection, the deep sense of belonging between the two of us, it’s always been there.”

  “You’re right. But after our rocky start, I thought about keeping this memento in case I lost you again.”

  “So, you were dooming us before we even started?” Marley rests a hand on her hip.

  “No. That’s not what I mean.”

  “Then help me understand, Cole. Why keep something you knew was precious to me?”

  I rack my brain for an answer that will satisfy her and the only conclusion I come to is the truth.

  “I’m not a good man, Marley, not even close. I was afraid you’d see me for the cheat that I am. After everything you’ve been through, you deserve much better than me.”

  “Don’t you think it’s my decision to make?”

  “Yes, but—”

  “No buts in this conversation, Cole.” Sighing, she grabs me by the hand and pulls me to the bed. She scooches over, allowing me room to sit next to her.

  “All my life, I’ve never felt as if I was in control. My mother ran my life how she saw fit, and the only way I could cope was to hide, drowning myself in grief. This relationship is the first real choice I ever made. I’m happy I chose you.”

  A lump forms in my throat at her d
eclaration. I don’t know why I was worried in the first place. I’m such an idiot.

  “I just don’t want us to get to happy and I find a way to fuck it up. I’ve done it before.” Smiling, she gives me a light shove.

  “You’re not that guy. Take it from a person who’s witnessed two failed relationships thanks to my mother. Some people are just toxic for each other. At least you and your ex saw the error of your ways before bringing children into the mix.”

  “Chrissy left me because I went broke. I suspect if I earned more money, she would've either convinced or tricked me into parenthood, anything to secure her hold on my wallet.”

  “Good thing you’re not a rich asshole, then, isn’t it?” She arches a brow at me.

  “Nah, just a regular one.” I cup her cheek. My heart soars when she leans into my touch. “Forgive me?”

  “For now. Or at least until you do something stupid again.”

  “What, like leaving the toilet seat up, eating the last piece of cake, or worst of all, finish a series we’re both binge-watching without you?”

  “Keep it up—”

  I silence her with a kiss, my lip touch slow and purposeful. I love the groans and whimpering sounds she makes as I deepen the kiss. This is how I planned to start the day, our mouths and bodies pressed together, finally getting the chance to make love like I wanted to.

  The first time we saw each other in her apartment doorway, I lost my mind, my need for her overwhelming common sense. Had I thought it through, then perhaps I would’ve prevented mistakes on my end, but it doesn’t matter. I have Marley in my arms and in my bed. What once was mine is mine again. I won’t let anything separate us.

  Love declarations haven’t come up in the conversation and that’s fine for now. The potential is there. She needs more time to process her feelings for me and I can be patient.

  “Cole,” she whispers, breaking from our kiss. “Will you place the locket around my neck? I don’t want to lose it ever again.” The look in her eyes is pleading like this simple request means more. Maybe it’s her version of a promise.

  “Of course.” I reach for the jewelry finding it clasped tightly in her other hand. A moment later, she loosens her grip, allowing me to take possession. My expression is intense as I fasten the chain around her neck. Marley breathes a sigh in relief when I finish, a small smile forming on her lips.

  “Thank you.”

  “You never have to thank me for anything, Sparkle. In fact, I should be the one confessing my gratitude. You’ve given me a second chance when you didn’t have to.”

  “Oh, I’m ‘Sparkle’, again, eh?”

  “To me, you always will be. The burst of light that brightens the darkness surrounding my heart, the one who saved me from utter loneliness.”

  “Stop being cute and kiss me again.”

  Hell, yes. I do and I kiss her even deeper than before. I want to go slow, to savor everything about is her, but it seems our style is frantic.

  Shoes are kicked off, clothing yanked and tossed everywhere. There may have been some underwear torn in the process.

  My fault.

  I had to taste Marley, get inside of her sweetness, hear her scream my name like she does each time I fuck her. Sex with Marley is all-consuming. The second I plunge deep, bottoming out, I am lost. Shit. I’m already making future engagement plans, which is crazy.

  I’ve always been a calculated man when it comes to women, going after what I want, using it until I’m done and moving on. Yet with each thrust in my girl, anything left of that guy fades to black.

  I lost count of how many positions I take her and the times she comes throughout the night. When Sunday rolls around, both of us are spent. I hold her close, envisioning our future with a smile, not knowing one week later, I’d lose her.

  16

  Family Ties

  Affirmation #34

  I am strong and will not let fear overcome me. Annoyance is another story.

  Marley

  “Don’t play with your food, honey,” the sperm donor scolds as I toy with my pasta. “It’s unladylike.” Frowning, I gently set my fork down and massage my temples. If I were to respond verbally, I’m sure it would be filled with expletives.

  I managed to avoid my mother and Aaron for the entire week, and, much to my chagrin, they extended their Falls Village visit another five days. My mom threatened me with moving here for me to finally agree to dinner at the restaurant near the Bed and Breakfast. And now here we are on a Saturday evening acting like a family when I’d rather spend time with Cole.

  “I wasn’t,” I scowl.

  For the past twenty minutes, I haven’t had any eye contact with either of them, hoping they’d take the hint.

  I don’t want to be here.

  “It’s obvious you’re not going to make this easy for us.” Out of my periphery, I catch Aaron tossing his napkin in his lap like a gentleman and my mother taking his hand. She hasn’t spoken much, letting him take the lead.

  Why must they include me in their lives?

  I consider texting my dad and begging him to rescue me from this crazy; however, I suspect I’ll anger Aaron more. Cole said I could call him if things become difficult, but he’s dealing with a large shipment of supplies for some construction project and I don't want to bother him. Instead, I’ll keep my big girl pants on and ride this out.

  “Probably not. So maybe get to the point of this visit.” Nervously, I tap my fingers on the table, still not looking at my mom or Aaron.

  “When having a conversation, Marley, it’s best to look at the person speaking.”

  Reluctantly, my hazel eyes meet his matching ones and he smiles. As if the one simple gesture will wipe away years of pain and suffering.

  “Much better. Now, as you know, your mother and I are together.” I give him a “no shit Sherlock” expression, but he ignores it and continues on. “We’ve both voiced our displeasure at your leaving everything you know to move here. The place is in some serious need of upgrading. In New York, you have everything at your fingertips. Here, you’ll probably catch lice from one of your students. But I digress.”

  Talking trash about my little guys sends an inner rage through me and it takes the strength of ages for me to keep my trap shut. If I interrupt his ramblings, it will extend my time in his presence.

  “I want to get to know you, bring you into the family fold, and that’s hard to do when you’re this many miles away. So, your mother and I have come up with a solution I think you’ll find fair.”

  He makes this sound like a business transaction when it's my life. Inwardly, I groan at how clueless this man truly is.

  “It’s a great option, honey.” My mother does have a voice. Go figure.

  “We’ve decided to let you stay here for a year, arranging a better apartment for you — a condo at Oceanview. Your sister, Gwendolyn, spent a year in Paris finding herself. I figure you deserve the same even this late in the game."

  He can’t be serious, can he?

  “After a year, my staff will move you into your new place in Manhattan. I didn’t mention this before, but I’m part owner of the building and have access to four free apartments. One belongs to your sister, the other is —” He pauses mid-sentence and shakes his head. “Never mind. Anyway, you won’t need to work since I’ll be supporting you. I’ve already deposited your monthly allowance in your account and had my will changed to include you.”

  As far as I’m concerned, I only have one sibling. Gwen can kick rocks for all I care.

  I jump when he places his cold hand on top of mine, his expression giving off the “I won” vibe.

  “Since that’s settled, you can tell me all about your little job. You work as a nanny, right?”

  I clench my teeth so hard, they're seconds away from shattering. If this interloper thinks he can hijack my life and do his bidding, then he has another think coming. I am not his little girl.

  Snatching my hand away, I glare at the both of them.
r />   “You have got to be kidding me.”

  “Do not make a scene,” my mom whispers, giving me a threatening look. “Your father is very generous and only a spoiled child would throw it back in his face.”

  “I don't want his money,” I freaking growl. “You love the guy, fine. Go and live happily ever after and keep me out of it.” Anger seeps through my veins and I’m finding it hard to keep it together. I want to throw dishes, knock his wine glass over, or just scream.

  “Marley.” Aaron takes in a deep breath. “I understand your anger. I’m trying to make up for my past actions.”

  “By throwing money at me like I’m one of your lackeys? No thank you, Aaron.”

  “I am your father,” he seethes, banging his fist on the table, the move quieting the restaurant. “You should address me as such.”

  Pushing my plate away, I stand, completely done with this farce of a dinner.

  “Aaron,” I say sweetly, “I’ve lost count on how many times I’ve told you my true father's name, but I’ll repeat it since you’re slow.”

  Rising, I place a palm on my hip and lean into him.

  “Deke Bishop is and will always be my only father. You are a sperm donor. I refuse to meet your daughter or the rest of your family, who are probably as shallow as you. Falls Village is my home and I am not leaving. You can’t buy my submission, because, unlike my mother here, I’m not for sale.” I motion to my mom, her face as pale as a brown person can be.

  Without another word, I leave them both at the table, Aaron flabbergasted and my mom forlorn. I love her, but I won’t let her drag me into the train wreck of her life. Maybe she loves him more than his money, but I don’t have to. He lost the right the moment my dad, Deke, claimed me.

  When I leave At The Tip, the crisp late August breeze hits my face. The streets are surprisingly empty despite the number of tourists still in town. September is roughly a week away, and Cole says I should expect another influx this weekend.

  Speaking of him …

  I nab my phone from my back pocket and send him a text.