The Widow and the Wastrel

by Janet Dailey

  Despite Barbara's attempt to monopolize him, Elizabeth noticed when he danced with others. More duty dances, she had thought viciously. Resentment seethed behind her smiles. It exploded into disgust and hatred every time she saw Jed and Barbara on the dance floor.

  By midnight her head was pounding from the tension of constantly suppressing her emotions. She was certain she could not endure another minute without screaming. Her nerves were raw. Her stomach churned with nauseating constancy. She nearly cried with relief when she saw Rebecca approaching her.

  "I think it's time we should leave, Elizabeth," her mother-in-law stated after smiling politely to Allan. We promised the sitter we wouldn't be late."

  Inwardly Elizabeth recognized that Rebecca was not motivated by any consideration of the schoolgirl watching Amy. Just as her mother-in-law didn't like to be the first to arrive, she didn't like to be the last to leave. Besides, it wouldn't be proper for a Carrel to be too fond of parties.

  The idea was forming in Allan's expression to offer to take Elizabeth home. She knew that once outside the walls of the club, she would not be pleasant company. Considering the way she had behaved toward him all evening, he would find her changed attitude puzzling and totally unlike her. Before he could speak, she did.

  "I'm ready whenever you are, Rebecca," she agreed quickly, dredging into her reserves to turn to Allan and smile. "Perhaps we can get together for lunch one day this week."

  "Yes—" he hesitated slightly before resigning himself to her half promise. "Yes, we'll do that."

  A brief exchange of goodbyes and Elizabeth and Rebecca were walking toward the exit. "Did you get the keys from Jed?" Elizabeth inquired, clicking open her evening bag to see if by chance she had a spare set for the car.

  "Jed is having the car brought around now," Rebecca frowned. "Where did you think he was?"

  Elizabeth glanced back toward the group, surprised to see Barbara smiling and dancing with someone else. "I supposed he was going to stay for a while," she murmured.

  "He is leaving with us," was the firm response, as if any other action was unthinkable.

  The car was at the door when they walked out, the parking attendant holding both side doors open. Jed was behind the wheel with the motor running. He didn't seem at all surprised that Elizabeth was returning with them and not with Allan. The instant the doors were closed, he put the car in gear and turned it down the lane.

  "It's such a relief to be away from that noise," Rebecca sighed. "It does get on a person's nerves after a while."

  Elizabeth's throbbing temples echoed the sentiment, but she didn't place all the blame on the noisy gaiety of the party. It had only been an irritant. In the concealment of the darkness, she cast daggers at the strong profile of the driver.

  "I was talking to Clive Bennet tonight," her mother-in-law continued. "He's one of the directors of the country club. The position of club manager will be vacant the first of September. I sounded him out on the possibility of you taking it on, Jed. The club pretty well runs itself. The golf pro manages the greens and the restaurant manager sees to both the food and drink. Yours would be a strictly supervisory role."

  "Thanks, Mother, but no, thanks," Jed refused evenly.

  "What exactly is it that you intend to do?" Impatience sharpened Rebecca's voice to a cutting edge.

  "What I've been doing."

  "Which is nothing," she retorted.

  He smiled thinly. "I know you were motivated by the best of intentions to make the inquiry on my behalf, Mother, but I believe I can decide for myself what I want."

  "I swear you'll be a wastrel the rest of your life," Rebecca muttered.

  "But then it is my life, isn't it, Mother?" His gaze slid to her briefly before returning to the highway illuminated by the car's headlights.

  He was so arrogantly certain that he knew what was right, Elizabeth seethed. She saw him glance at her reflection in the mirror and directed her gaze out the side window. If only he would leave, she wished silently, and stop disrupting the quiet pattern of her life.

  Chapter Six

  "DID Amy behave herself?" Elizabeth removed the required amount of money from her purse and handed it to the young girl.

  "I didn't have any trouble at all," Cindy assured her, stifling a yawn as she stuffed the money in her shoulder hag.

  "I hope we didn't keep you too late," Elizabeth smiled stiffly, brushing back a strand of black hair, aware of Jell watching them near the front door waiting to take the baby-sitter home. "I wouldn't want your parents to be worried."

  "Oh, no, Mrs. Carrel, I'm sure they're not worried. I explained that you were going out to a dance tonight and they don't expect me back until much later."

  Nodding, Elizabeth turned to make the polite request of Jed that he take Cindy home, but he was already straightening away from the door, smiling at the schoolgirl self-consciously returning his look.

  "If you aren't expected home right away, then that means we can take the long way home, doesn't it?" he winked.

  It was an innocently teasing remark, but Elizabeth's fingers curled into her palm. A scarlet blush was enveloping the girl's face. Her own teenage years were not so far behind that Elizabeth didn't recognize the symptoms of a schoolgirl crush. At that age it didn't matter that the suggestion had been made in jest. What mattered was that Jed had noticed her at all.

  It wasn't the first time that evening that Elizabeth had seen such a reaction. Women in their sixties had blossomed just a s quickly under the attention of his charm. It seemed every female was vulnerable to his considerable masculine force. The knowledge irritated her more so perhaps because there was a certain vulnerability within herself.

  "Goodnight, Cindy." There was a faintly clipped edge to her voice that arched Jed's brow in mockery.

  "Goodnight, Mrs. Carrel," Cindy returned, glancing swiftly at Jed through the tips of her lashes as he held the door open for her.

  A tiny smile that bordered on the flirtatious turned up the corners of the girl's mouth as she started through the door. The smile wasn't wide enough to reveal the corrective braces on her teeth, and thus remind Jed of her immaturity. Elizabeth whirled away in anger before the door closed behind them.

  The impetus of it carried her swiftly up the stairs to her room, but there was no relief in the solitude of the room. The screaming tautness of her nerves did not relax within the security of the four walls. If anything, the pain in her head throbbed more furiously than before. She paced the room restlessly for several minutes, wishing for a warm glass of milk to soothe her tension, but reluctant to go back downstairs to get it. Rebecca would be sure to hear her and come to find out what was wrong, and a conversation with her mother-in-law was the last thing Elizabeth wanted.

  With impatient movements, she stripped off the lace evening gown. Tears of frustration filled her eyes when she poked a finger through her nylon pantyhose, ruining them beyond use. After slipping her pale green nightgown over her head, she donned the matching silk robe, securing the sash around her waist, and walked into the adjoining bathroom. Hurriedly she swallowed two aspirins, washing them down with a glassful of water and praying they would work quickly.

  Her hands shook traitorously as she creamed the make-up from her face. Without the cosmetic mask, she lost her air of sophistication. There was a vaguely yearning light in her green eyes. It reminded Elizabeth of something. Then the answer flashed through her mind. It was the same wishful look that she had seen in Cindy's eyes. She slammed the jar of cleansing cream on to the shelf in disgust.

  Swiftly she returned to the bedroom. Glancing at the small clock near her bed, she quickly worked out that Jed would have already left Cindy at her home and be en route to—where? Her lips compressed into a thin line. He would no doubt be returning to the country club and Barbara's waiting arms. Yes, she thought grimly, that was exactly what he would do. He had willingly left to bring her and Rebecca home so he wouldn't be encumbered with them later. He and Barbara would have the night f
ree to—She left the thought uncompleted as a nauseating shudder trembled through her. She didn't want to think.

  Her imagination was becoming too vivid. She needed to rid her mouth of its bitter taste. Forcing a silent fluidness into her legs, Elizabeth stepped into the hallway, quietly turned the doorknob to her daughter's room and walked in.

  Standing beside the bed, she stared at the small sleeping figure, the dark hair against the white pillow appearing black in the dim light. The covers were half thrown off and Elizabeth pulled them back over her daughter. A serene joy filled her heart during moments like this, a contentment in knowing that, God willing, she would always be there to look after her daughter.

  Sighing wistfully, she turned away from the bed. If only she had someone of her own to look after her and protect her from—again she halted in mid-thought. Protect her from what? What was it that suddenly made her feel frightened? It was absurd. She shook her head firmly. She was being nonsensical, she scolded herself. There was nothing threatening her.

  As she turned to close the door behind her, the sound of footsteps on the stairs penetrated her consciousness. The door clicked shut and Elizabeth froze; the footsteps halted as well. Jed was midway up the stairs, a hand on the partially unknotted tie around his throat, the dark evening jacket swinging open. His tawny gaze held her captive and she felt threatened by the virility closing around her with suffocating strength.

  Then Jed was pulling the tie the rest of the way free, letting it swing from his hand as he mounted the rest of the stairs. Elizabeth still didn't move, watching the unconscious grace of his movements. Not until she was again looking into his eyes, tilting her chin slightly upward now that he had reached the hallway, was she aware that she had waited for him and not retreated as she should have done.

  His implacable gaze swung from her to the door she was standing in front of. "Is Amy all right?"

  "Yes." Her answer was short and frayed. She was confused that she had waited. "She's sleeping."

  Her fingers closed around the neckline of her robe, a defensive action although there had been no outward move from Jed to warrant it. A watchfulness crept into his lean, cynical features as he remained standing in front of her, making no move to continue down the hall to his room.

  "What is it, Liza?" There was a drawling laziness to his voice, hut it was a thin veil that concealed its sharpness. His eyes narrowed dangerously as she warily averted her gaze.

  "I don't know what you're talking about," she answered stiltedly, turning completely away in the direction of her room.

  "Something's on your mind," Jed prodded deliberately.

  "If anything at all," she kept her voice low so as not to disturb her sleeping daughter and worked to put chilling indifference in it, "it's surprise to see you back so soon. I didn't expect you to be back until the morning."

  "Where did you think I'd be?" He drew in a deep, impatient breath and exhaled it slowly in challenge as he spoke.

  Hauteur made icicles in her voice. "I didn't attempt to speculate what out-of-the-way place you and Barbara might choose."

  "I thought Barbara was your friend," he drawled.

  Irritation seethed in the flash of her accusing green eyes. "She is," Elizabeth snapped.

  "Then why are you so indignant because I was friendly to her?" he mocked with harsh cynicism.

  "Friendly?" she challenged coldly. "You were very nearly making love to her on the dance floor. I'm not the only one who noticed."

  "What's it to you if I was?" He made no attempt to deny her accusation, a fact that further incensed Elizabeth.

  "Because it was disgusting and contemptible to behave that way in public!" she retorted shrilly, then caught back the faintly hysterical tone in her voice. Lowering her head, she took a deep, calming breath. "I found it extremely embarrassing. Your behavior was despicable."

  "And Barbara? What about her behavior?" A cold smile was directed at her. "She was hardly an innocent victim of unwanted advances," he jeered.

  Elizabeth refused to admit that much of the blame was Barbara's. "I don't condone her behavior either."

  "What gives you the right to judge?" A contemptuous sound came from his throat and Elizabeth started toward her door. Jed jerked her around sharply, wrapping the tie around her neck and holding it beneath her chin with one hand. "I can't make mind if you're frigid or just a prude."

  "Let go of me!" she ordered, her fingers closing around his Wrist. The steel of his grip resisted he efforts to be free.

  There was wild palpitation of her heart as Jed used the tie to draw her easily closer to him. The savage glitter in his gaze drove but the last of her poise. Her breath came in uneven gulps as he let his gaze dwell on her lips.

  "I think it's time I found out," he commented with analytical coolness.

  The imprint of his hips was already making itself felt through the silkiness of her peignoir as Elizabeth arched herself away, pushing her hands against the solid wall of his chest. A frenzied sob of despair tore at her throat.

  "You said you didn't want to touch me," she reminded him frantically, as the tie bit into the back of her neck and pulled her inexplorably closer.

  A thin smile twisted the hard line of his mouth. "And that made you feel secure, didn't it? You felt safe in provoking me." His male features taunted her foolishness. "Did you forget who I am? I'm Jed, the worthless one, the black sheep. Haven't you learned that I'm not to be trusted?"

  "No," she pleaded weakly.

  The tie around her neck and the hand under her chin wouldn't allow her to escape and his mouth covered hers in a series of slow, drugging kisses. Had he been bruising and fierce, she might have resisted, but his sensual possession was her undoing. She responded.

  At some point the tie was discarded and his hands moulded the feminine softness of her form more fully aggainst the male hardness of his. The tidal wave of desire that carried her to dizzying heights exposed the raging core of passion within herself that not even she had known existed.

  Her arms slipped beneath his jacket, circling the sinewy waist, the thin material of his white shirt like a second skin. The caress of his hands began an intimate exploration, too, that left her weak from the completeness of her response. She whimpered softly in protest when she felt the beginning withdrawal of his lips and clung to him more tightly.

  "Damn," Jed muttered softly in self-reproach, and she understood the reason. She had not wanted to feel this way about him either.

  As he cupped her face in his hands and held her away, her lashes fluttered open to reveal luminous green eyes that were frightened by the depth of her desire for him and at the same time asking him to make the possession complete. Gold fires blazed in his eyes as he read the message in hers.

  "Liza—" She hated the calm control that had entered his voice.

  "Please," she closed her eyes again, melting against him and nuzzling her cheek against the palm of his hand as a cat would prod the hand that had stopped stroking it, "I don't want to talk."

  He allowed her to cuddle into his chest, his hands unconsciously caressing her shoulders and back. She had always guessed at the extent of his worldly expertise.

  "A few minutes ago, you called me contemptible and disgusting." His low voice taunted her with its cynical amusement. "Am I supposed to feel honored now that you want me to make love to you?"

  There was a stifled gasp of pain. "Please!" An agonizing bubble in her throat choked off the rest of her protest.

  "Please what?" His mouth moved along her temples. "Please understand? Please forget all the insults? Please make love to me? What?" Jed prodded unmercifully.

  "Don't be cruel," Elizabeth murmured, a shame creeping in to steal her pleasure.

  "I'm sorry, I feel cruel tonight," he said harshly. "I can't help it."

  His hands dug into her arms and pushed her away. It wasn't a genuine rejection because she knew he wanted her. She was not an inexperienced girl. She was a woman and she knew when she had aroused a man's desir
es. Still it hurt.

  A tear quivered on the edge of her lash. Jed touched it, his forefinger catching it as it fell. Pride kept her gaze fixed on his impenetrable features, an aching need still pulsing through her body.

  "I'm sorry, Liza," he said again in a gentler yet just as firm tone. "There really is such a thing as the right place and the right time. I thought I'd stopped wanting you, but I haven't."

  "Then why—" she started to ask huskily, but his finger touched her lips to silence them.

  "Then why don't I take you?" He smiled wryly and sighed. As crimson heat colored her cheeks, he folded her gently into his arms. There was too much restraint in his embrace for her to draw any comfort or warmth. His voice vibrated with charged emotion near her ear. "Because overriding my desire is a bitter violence," he stated grimly.

  "I don't understand." Elizabeth had buried her face against his neck, now she raised it to gaze at him, bewilderedly.

  "I know you don't." The heady smile he bestowed on her didn't change the ruthless glint in his eyes. "Maybe some day—" Jed hesitated. She felt him withdrawing from her, emotionally as well as physically, detaching himself from her arms with an impatient firmness. "Good night, Elizabeth."

  Turning, he walked down the hall, not looking back once, not even when he walked through the door of his own room and closed it behind him. Empty and cold, Elizabeth stood where he had left her, wanting to follow him and frightened by the vague warning he had given her. Finally she went back to her own room and crawled into bed, her ears straining for some sound from his, but the walls of the old house were too thick.

  She hadn't been certain what his attitude would be the following morning. He was such an enigma to her that she hadn't been able to guess-whether he would silently mock the way she had thrown herself at him or pretend that it had never happened. She was uncertain what her own attitude should be.

  Her own emotional upheaval was difficult to understand. She couldn't make up her mind whether she had been carried away by a wave of love or the backwash of sexual abstinence. In the end, she adopted a wait-and-see attitude and let Jed take the first step.