He had lied to himself for too long. He had been justifying his decisions, but Shelby had been right; there was always another choice. He hadn’t needed to compromise his morals to earn a paycheque. He could have found a legitimate job in his field, even if it had been entry level. He needed to quit making excuses for his bad behaviour and start living a life he was proud of—quitting his job at Alfresco Adventures had been a start.
“Are you ready?” Spencer asked, appearing out of the restaurant.
“Yeah, just hold on. I need to check this message.” Ian waved his phone distractedly towards his buddy.
He was supposed to be heading up into the hills for a May two-four weekend hike with Spencer and a few of his other friends. It was a tradition they did every year, but it would have to wait. There had to be a reason why Shelby had left a message. And it couldn’t be good.
“Girl trouble?” Spencer quipped, swatting Ian’s arm.
Ian shook his head. “You know me Spence—popular with the girls.” Ian feigned nonchalance. He didn’t want Spencer to pick up on his worry. He didn’t want to have to talk about Shelby. He hadn’t told Spencer about his latest Shelby disaster. Spencer would find out from Jade soon enough, but until then, Ian didn’t need the ribbing he would get.
“Can you make it quick? We’re already late.”
“It will only take me a second. You can drive.”
“Good thing I only had one beer.”
“Bah, it’s good for you,” Ian said distractedly, as he put his phone up to his ear. He didn’t hear Spencer’s response, as Shelby’s voice flooded his ear.
CHAPTER 30
The emergency room parking lot was completely full, forcing Shelby to park in the parkade. After driving around and around until she was on the top floor, fearing on every corner she would scrape the side of her sister’s van, she finally found an empty spot and eased the van into it. Grabbing her purse, she headed for the stairs.
A chilly afternoon breeze was blowing in off the ocean, but Shelby hardly noticed as she dashed across the road, cutting between two ambulances. Worry gripped her heart, and she picked up her pace. Had Wes made it to the hospital in time? She shouldn’t have been lounging around at her sister’s house mooning over Ian. She should’ve come straight here. The emergency room door slid open, and she hurried into the small waiting room, finding her family immediately. They had commandeered a corner of the waiting room, huddled together on the beige plastic chairs.
Nobody looked up as she approached. Slipping into the seat beside Kevin, Shelby wrapped her arms around him and kissed the top of his head.
“How you doing, hon?” she whispered into Kevin’s hair.
Bryan, sitting across from them, looked up from his tablet, and to her surprise, got up and came to sit beside her. She wrapped one of her arms around him and pulled him close.
“And you? You alright?”
“Is Uncle Wes going to be okay, Mom?” Bryan asked.
She shifted, so she could kiss Bryan’s head. For once, he didn’t pull away. “I don’t know, honey. Let me see if Nana or Aunt Meghan have heard anything.”
She looked over to where Meghan sat with her eyes closed, her face red and blotchy. Instead, Shelby turned to her mother. “Have you heard anything, Mom?”
Caroline scowled. “You’ve got a lot of nerve just strolling in like that. Don’t you care about your sister at all? This is a new level, even for you, Shelby.”
Shelby recoiled. She had known her mother was going to be angry at her—was going to blame her for Wes’s heart attack—but she hadn’t expected quite this level of hostility.
“Have you heard anything, Caroline?” Blake’s voice resounded through the hushed waiting room.
Shelby spun around in shock.
What was he doing here?
Caroline practically leapt to her feet and into Blake’s arms. “Oh, thank God you’re here. We’ve been so worried.”
“How’s Wes?” Blake asked, carefully avoiding Shelby’s eyes.
“The doctors haven’t been out to see us yet. Wes is in surgery. That’s all we know.”
Shaking free from the shock, Shelby leapt to her feet. “What are you doing here, Blake?”
Caroline released Blake and rounded on Shelby, forcing her to take a step back, bumping into the hard-plastic chair.
“I called him,” Caroline said. “I knew you wouldn’t, so I did.”
Biting back a retort, Shelby turned away from her mother, stepping towards Blake to give them a little privacy. She had known she would have to see him; they had kids. It was unavoidable, but she hadn’t been expecting it to be so soon. Or so unexpected.
“I don’t need you here,” she said, keeping her voice low, keenly aware of their audience of family and strangers.
Blake ran a hand through his hair, clearly just as uncomfortable as her. “I know. I really am just here for the boys. No agenda.”
Sighing, Shelby glanced back at her mother. “She can’t accept it. She always thought you were the one.”
Blake gave a bitter laugh. “At one time, you did too.”
Shelby’s heart squeezed at the pain in his voice. She might be angry with him, and she might be done with their marriage, but he had been her partner for over a decade and that meant something.
“I’ll take the boys,” he said quietly.
Shelby just nodded, the defeat in his voice threatening to undo her resolve. They just weren’t good together.
Turning away from Blake, Shelby knelt down in front of Kevin. She straightened his jacket, so she would have something to do with her hands. “You’re going to go with Daddy. I’m going to stay here with Aunt Meghan and Nana while the doctors are taking care of Uncle Wes. Okay?” Smoothing back his hair, she kissed him on the forehead. “Mommy loves you.”
Kevin wrapped his arms around her, squeezing her tight. “I don’t want to go.”
“I know, honey. I know it’s scary, but the best thing for you to do is go with Daddy. Bryan will be with you. It’s all going to be okay.”
“I want to stay with you.” Kevin’s arms tightened around her. She gave him a quick squeeze.
“You go with Daddy. You can play video games with Bryan, and I’ll tell Uncle Wes you love him.”
“Come on. Let’s go,” Blake said, placing a hand on Kevin’s shoulder and peeling him away from Shelby.
Her heart breaking, Shelby gently pulled herself free of her youngest son’s arms.
Turning from Kevin, she expected Bryan to already be trailing after his father, but instead he gave her a big hug. Tears welling up in her eyes, she whispered, “You did great today. Uncle Wes has a good chance because you were so quick.” She squeezed him tight. “Take care of Kevin for me.”
“I will, Mom,” he whispered back.
She smoothed back his hair and gave him a kiss on the forehead. Bryan hugged her tight, and then let go to follow his father and little brother. Shelby felt a like her heart was going with them.
Shelby was still reeling from the unexpected encounter with Blake, when the doctor came out and spoke quietly to Meghan. Shelby leaned forward, straining to hear, but she heard nothing more than low murmurs. The doctor looked serious. Shelby couldn’t see Meghan’s face, but her hunched shoulders shuddered, as if she had started crying.
Shelby’s gut clenched. No, no, no. Wes has to be okay. I did what I was supposed to do. He has to be okay.
Pushing herself to her feet, she took a step towards Meghan. Her sister was going to need some support.
Just then Meghan turned, and she was smiling; tears were running down her cheeks, but she was smiling. Meghan pushed past Shelby without a glance.
“He’s going to be fine, Mom.” She was laughing and crying at the same time as she grabbed a hold of Caroline’s hands. “He’s going to be fine.”
“Oh, sweet Jesus, that’s good news,” Caroline said.
Meghan turned and scooped Shaun up out of his stroller and hugged him tight to her. T
he little boy wriggled, trying to free himself from his mom’s unexpected hug. Bending down, she gathered Amanda in her other arm.
“Daddy’s going to be fine. The doctor said we can go see him now.”
Shelby took a step back, as they all brushed past her again. She told herself it was okay. They were just distracted, just like she would have been if it was one of her boys in there. But, standing alone in the waiting room, she felt invisible. Why had she even come? They didn’t need her.
Loneliness engulfed her as she gathered her purse to leave. In the last twenty-four hours, her marriage had fallen apart, her brother-in-law had almost died, her family had reaffirmed that she came last place in their eyes, and she had thrown Ian’s attempt at a relationship in his face. Her heart clenched, almost bringing tears to her eyes, as she thought about when she had stepped away from Ian at the ball. The moment when she had ruined any possible chance she had had with him.
Leave it to her to screw it up before she realized that she loved him.
What the hell had she been thinking when she called him earlier? She had been awfully cocky to think that he would want to hear from her.
Hey, I threw your offer in your face, but do you want to celebrate my achievement? What an idiot.
She needed to get her head straight before she caused any more damage.
She turned to go. She needed to get out of here. And then she stopped. She saw all the other families sitting in the waiting room. Many of them had their arms around each other; their faces pinched with worry. She couldn’t leave without seeing Wes. This wasn’t about her. It didn’t matter that she was feeling hurt and angry right now. It didn’t matter that today of all days she had needed her family, and they hadn’t been there for her. What mattered was that they were her family, and she needed to see that they were okay—even if she was the misfit. It was what families did.
It didn’t take long to find Wes’s room after she inquired at the nursing station. The door was closed, but there was a window just beside it, giving a full view of the room. Shelby paused with her hand on the doorknob, while she took in the picture of familial bliss. Shaun was curled up in his daddy’s arms amongst the tubes and wires. Amanda knelt on the chair beside the bed, clutching his hand like she would never let go. Caroline stood behind Amanda, one hand on her granddaughter’s shoulder. Across from Amanda, Meghan was bent low, whispering something in Wes’s ear. Whatever it was she said, it caused Wes’s pale face to light up with a smile.
Tears welled up in Shelby’s eyes as the loneliness clamped around her heart. She stood frozen, unable to open the door and intrude and equally unable to leave. She wanted to be a part of the scene she was witnessing. She wanted to feel like she was accepted and loved for who she was—not merely tolerated because of an unfortunate blood connection.
Suddenly it was all too much. It felt like her life was in tatters at her feet, and she had nowhere to turn. As she desperately held back the rising panic, Shelby wrenched her hand from the doorknob with a strangled sob. She had to get out of there.
Whirling away from the door, she smacked into a solid, masculine chest. The flannel encasing the muscular chest smelled so familiar that Shelby just melted into it without thought. A strong hand curled up into her hair, holding her head gently against his chest.
“I’ve got you,” Ian said, his voice deep and soft, melting her insides. With his other hand, he gently brought her hand to his lips. The hand was warm against her cold skin, but the touch of the lips sent a fire racing through her. She turned her head from his chest, searching out his eyes—looking for signs he felt the same need burning inside. His dark eyes were hooded and gave away nothing.
“You listened to my message,” she said, her voice barely more than a whisper, and then it registered. “Oh my God, you listened to my message!”
Ian smiled his half smile, but his eyes twinkled. “Yes, I did.”
She thought she might die right then, but he was here. He was actually here. “How did you find me?”
“This is the cardiac hospital. I just took a chance. I followed my heart.”
She shook her head trying to sort out her thoughts. She couldn’t reconcile the fact that he was here. “You came.”
“Of course, I came. You needed me.”
“But, what about—”
He silenced her with a kiss. She forgot about Celeste and the dark-haired woman, as lightning bolts of pleasure danced across her lips.
He pulled back. His dark eyes were holding hers steady. “Are you going in?”
She blinked, not sure what he was talking about. “Going in?”
He pointed at the door behind her. “Are you going in to see Wes?”
She hesitated, as she looked through the window at her family. “I should go in, shouldn’t I?”
“Only if you want to.”
Of course, she had to go in. They were her family. They needed her. She looked up at Ian, and then remembered how she had felt abandoned in the waiting room. Did they need her? Did they even remember she was there?
Ian wrapped an arm around her shoulder and led her away from Wes’s room.
“Come on. Let’s go get something to drink. You can always go in later.”
“I left Blake,” she blurted out.
He squeezed her shoulder. “I figured.”
There was more she wanted to say, but her thoughts were all tangled up, so she fell silent, allowing him to guide her further away from her family. He led her to the coffee shop at the main entrance. It was busy with staff members dressed in rumpled scrubs, bleary-eyed visitors, and even a few patients in hospital gowns, pushing IV poles. He steered her towards a bench, just across from the coffee shop where it was quieter.
“Sit here. I’ll get you something.”
Still stunned he was there, she watched him the entire time he stood in the line to wait, and then while he ordered. When he returned, she took the steaming cup, grateful for the heat. She felt numb and depleted, but at least the feeling of everything spinning out of control had stopped. Ian provided her a stability she didn’t get from her family.
“You remembered I drink tea,” she said after taking a tiny sip.
“Of course, I remembered. I almost got you hot chocolate.” His eyes were dark and liquid. “For old time’s sake.”
He sat down beside her, and tendrils of heat snaked around her belly and between her thighs. He was sitting too close for her to have any control over her body. Even now, when she felt everything crumbling around her, her body wanted him. She leaned towards him. The magnetic pull of his heat was impossible to resist.
Clutching tightly to her tea, she forced herself to pull away. She couldn’t just use his strength in this moment of weakness. She shivered at the memory of all the hot, angry words she had thrown at him. She couldn’t change any of it, but she could try to explain.
“I’m sorry I disappointed you,” she said tentatively.
His arm snaked around her and stopped her from gently inching away. He set his cup down on a table and pressed a finger under her chin forcing her to look at him.
“Disappointed me?”
She tried to turn away, but he wouldn’t let her.
“I should’ve let you explain instead of pushing you away,” she said.
“You were hurt. I get it. You needed time.”
“I judged you.”
“Shelby,” he said, his voice raw, “I’m not blameless.”
He was forgiving her, letting her off the hook, but she wasn’t ready to let herself off the hook. “I should’ve helped that guy. He could’ve died.”
“He didn’t.”
She wrenched her face away from his finger. “Because you were there. I can’t even remember his name.”
“Shelby,” his voice had a steel edge to it. “Look at me, Shelby.”
She refused to look up at him. He tightened his arm around her, pulling her into his chest. Despite herself, despite all the things she needed to say, a new flame ig
nited in her core, and she didn’t want his words anymore. She wanted his hands touching her. As if he heard her thoughts, he placed a hand on her thigh just at the spot where the fabric of her skirt ended. The heat of his hand licked up her leg and made her depths moisten in anticipation.
“His name is Michael. And it’s natural to freeze the first time.”
It was hard to concentrate on his words with his thumb making gentle circles on her outer thigh—his fingers resting just inches away from her core. She had to focus hard to keep from wriggling, so they would move ever closer to her hidden depths. She badly wanted to just lose herself in the sensation of being so near to him, but she couldn’t. She needed to explain. He needed to know the truth about her, before she lost any more of her heart to him.
“But he could’ve died, if you hadn’t been there to step in,” she said stubbornly. Her voice cracked with both the emotion of the memory and the intense desire spreading through her body.
“If I hadn’t been there, you would’ve done what needed to be done, just like you did for Wes.”
She couldn’t keep her thoughts straight, and she seemed to have lost control of her hands. One hand had found its way to his chest and was gradually making its way lower and lower until finally it found the hem of his shirt and worked its way up under. He breathed in sharply when her hand stroked the bare skin of his muscled belly.
“I let you down,” she whispered, her voice heavy with desire. “I wanted you to see what I’m worth.”
At her words, Ian’s hand stopped moving on her thigh. “You don’t need anyone’s approval.”
She stilled. He wasn’t understanding what she was trying to say. She was trying to warn him.
“You’re everything, Shelby.”
His hand was moving again, and she lost track of her words. He ran his hand up her thigh, dragging the fabric of her skirt higher up her leg. His thumb just about brushed against the heat between her thighs. And then his hand was gone, running up the side of her body and to her back, pulling her closer.
Saving Shelby Page 28
