by Susan Lewis
Possibly pretty smug in some ways, Lisa frequently reflected to herself, since she now seemed to be having her daddy to herself most days, and by the time he came home at night he was so tired and uncommunicative that Lisa was starting to wonder why he bothered. She’d stopped complaining now, she didn’t even risk asking him to explain why he was being so difficult, because every time she did they ended up in some kind of row that hardly made any sense, nor was anything ever resolved at the end of it. He wouldn’t even give her a reason for not wanting to socialise, or for refusing to answer his own phone at times. He simply left the calls to go through to messages, and her to wonder how often he did the same to her when she was trying to contact him.
To her dismay, it was starting to feel like one of the loneliest times she’d spent since breaking up with Tony. She’d even, occasionally, found herself tempted to call Tony, not only because of how uncomplicated he was starting to seem by comparison, but simply for company. Had Amy been around it might have been easier, but two days after she and David had returned from the Lake District their initial plans for dinner had to be put on hold as Theo’s mother had been burgled, so Amy had been staying with her to try and help her deal with the police and insurers, and recover from the trauma. Of course, she and Lisa spoke on the phone most days, but it wasn’t the same as actually spending time together, and Lisa sorely missed her. Her only reprieve from the loneliness was when she was on her computer either trying to sort out some future employment, which wasn’t going terribly well so far, or attempting to draft the first chapters of her new novel. However, if David happened to be around when she shut herself away, he was as likely as not to start becoming suspicious of what she was really doing.
‘I can’t imagine what you think it is,’ she’d cried, when he’d accused her for the second time of trying to hide things from him. ‘If you don’t believe me, then read what I’ve written. It’s still very rough, but at least you’ll see for yourself that it’s happening.’
He hadn’t taken her up on the offer, had simply disappeared into his own study and closed the door. Half an hour later he was back with two glasses of champagne, insisting they celebrate their three-week anniversary. He’d taken her out to dinner that night, and had been so like his normal self that she’d risked asking him why he was behaving so erratically. To her relief he hadn’t flared up the way he often did when she commented on his moods, instead he’d apologised for upsetting her, and then tried brushing it off by saying he had a lot on his mind.
‘Like what?’ she’d implored. ‘If you’d tell me, at least we could discuss it.’
‘It’s not important,’ he assured her. ‘I’m sorting things out, so don’t let’s spoil the evening.’
And that was all she could get out of him, that he had a lot on his mind and whatever it was he didn’t want to discuss it. So she was left wondering what on earth was bothering him, and dreading the next time he flew off the handle over the least little thing. What did it matter that he couldn’t remember which drawer they were using for cutlery? It took time to find one’s way around a new kitchen, and with half the boxes still not unpacked she didn’t always know where everything was either, but was she throwing a fit every time she had to go on the hunt for this or that? Was she heck!
‘I’ve looked this up on the Internet,’ he told her one night, ‘and it recommends labelling cupboards and drawers so that you know what’s inside.’
It seemed so preposterous that she’d hardly known what to say. In the end all she’d managed was, ‘If that’s what you want, then do it.’
He hadn’t, thank goodness, but nor had he stopped getting irritable when he opened the wrong door, or tripped over a box which was where he had left it.
Now, at last, Amy was back, and Lisa couldn’t have been more relieved to see her. However, minutes after they arrived Theo’s mother rang, so Amy had to go and deal with her, while Theo sorted out the drinks and David went off into the garden to take a call from the constituency chairman. As she watched him from the conservatory Lisa was thinking about how little intimacy they’d shared since the wedding, which was as baffling as everything else when they’d been so close before. She’d even started to wonder if he still loved her, or indeed how much she loved him, because when he was withdrawn or irritable she was finding herself tempted to walk away and not bothering to come back.
‘Oh, heavens!’ Amy winced, coming to join her, as Roxy let out an ear-splitting shriek.
Amused, Lisa turned to look at her niece, who was in the sitting room bouncing up and down in euphoric paroxysms, apparently so blissed out by what she’d just heard down the phone that she couldn’t sit still – or, equally as likely, she might be desperate for the loo.
‘Theo’ll be through any minute with the drinks,’ Amy told her, ‘and his mother seems to have settled for the night, so finally I’m all yours, or at least for the next few minutes.’
Lisa smiled and tucked an arm through Amy’s, as she turned to continue watching David. ‘I’m going to be really interested to hear what you think of him,’ she said quietly, ‘because something’s definitely not right. It’s like there’s some other side to him that I neglected to spot during the run-up to the wedding. I really thought I knew him … I mean, of course he’s changed, we all have, but the way he’s been since the wedding … Well, you’ll see for yourself. He can go from being completely stressed and hostile one minute, to the wonderful man we all know and love the next. And somewhere in between he might just go silent, like he doesn’t want to speak at all.’
‘He doesn’t seem to be having too much of a problem now,’ Amy commented, as David laughed at something the chairman was telling him.
‘Thank goodness, but if you could have heard him yesterday when I told him he obviously had a screw loose, so maybe he ought to go back and see the doctor … I admit, it wasn’t the most sensitive thing to say, but I was angry at the time and then I got even angrier when he started accusing me of being the one with problems. Apparently I don’t know anything about the real world, I’ve got my head in the clouds only ever thinking about myself and how everything has to run to my rules and in my time frame … Actually, I’m making this sound a whole lot more coherent than he did, because most of what he was saying seemed to go nowhere. He wasn’t making much sense at all, but by then we were both yelling and I don’t think either of us had any idea what it was about in the end.’
‘But you’ve made up since?’
‘I think so. Once again I was the first to apologise, but then he did his usual thing of insisting it was all his fault, which it was, and that he was sorry I’d lost my purse, as if that was the reason we’d blown up at each other.’
‘You didn’t tell me you’d lost your purse.’
Lisa gave a growl of annoyance. ‘Can you believe it? We turned the house and the car upside down yesterday and called the shops I’d been to, but no one had handed it in. I must have dropped it when I was in the car park, or maybe I was pickpocketed, who knows? I had to cancel all my credit cards and go through the extremely tedious rigmarole of contacting everyone … Anyway, it’s done now, and he’s finished his call, so we’d better change the subject. Who’s Roxy talking to?’
‘Oh, that’ll be Mabel, her new best friend. They’re clearly discussing Sven, the latest TDF in their world.’
With a smile, Lisa watched David waiting for Lucy to bring back her ball as she said, ‘So poor Freddy is already history? He was the last one, wasn’t he?’
Having overheard as he carried a tray of his speciality cocktails out of the kitchen, Theo said, ‘And he could be back on the scene before the evening’s out, she’s so fickle. Oh, Roxy!’ he winced, as Roxy shrieked again. ‘Is she too old to be sent to her room?’
Laughing, Amy planted a kiss on his cheek, and went to link David’s arm as he came up from the garden. ‘Perfect timing,’ she told him. ‘The screaming orgasms have just turned up.’
‘Ah, something I’ll never tire of
,’ David quipped, sending Lisa’s eyebrows skywards as the others laughed.
‘I should think they’d have worn you two newly-weds out by now,’ Theo teased.
‘Theo!’ Amy reprimanded, throwing a sheepish look Lisa’s way.
‘What?’ Theo protested innocently. ‘They’re practically still on honeymoon, so I don’t think that’s inappropriate.’
Keeping her eyes down, Amy picked up two giant Martini glasses filled to the brim with the cocktail and passed one each to Lisa and David.
‘So, here’s to you two,’ Theo declared when they were all holding a drink, apart from Roxy who was still breaking decibels on the phone. ‘May all your orgasms be screaming.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Amy mumbled, glancing awkwardly at Lisa, ‘I’ll find his off button in a minute.’
Feeling David coming to stand next to her, Lisa leaned affectionately in to him and was about to speak when he said, ‘So, has my lovely wife told you her news yet?’
Amy’s eyes widened, all intrigue.
Lisa was baffled. ‘I have some news?’ she said.
David was smiling proudly. ‘She has a publisher for her novel,’ he announced. ‘Isn’t that marvellous?’
As Amy blinked in amazement, Lisa did a double take and turned to David. ‘You’re presumably referring to what I told you in the car on the way here?’
He nodded happily. ‘It’s very good news,’ he assured her.
‘All that’s happened,’ she informed Amy and Theo, ‘is that I had a chat on the phone yesterday with Marcia Edmonds, who’s an editor at one of the big London publishers. We go back a long way, so it’s no big deal that she suggested we have lunch when I’m next in London.’
David continued to look thrilled. ‘It’s an excellent story,’ he told Amy and Theo, ‘so I’m not surprised this editor … What was her name?’
‘Marcia.’
‘Yes, I’m not surprised she wants to see you. She knows she’s got the next bestseller on her hands.’
Not bothering to point out that she hadn’t even told Marcia what the book was about yet, Lisa kissed him briefly on the cheek as she whispered, ‘Let’s not get too carried away, mm?’
His eyes came to hers, but before he could say anything she gave his arm a squeeze and turned back to Amy and Theo. Roxy then came skipping out on to the terrace, and grabbing herself a cocktail, she said, ‘So! What do you think, Lisa and David? Isn’t it brilliant? I mean, I’m going to miss them, obviously, but I’ll be at uni from …’
‘Roxy,’ Amy broke in sharply, ‘we haven’t told them yet.’
‘Oh my God,’ Roxy gulped, going up on tiptoe as she wagged a hand, as though erasing her words. ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I heard someone mention news, so I assumed that’s what you guys were talking about. Ignore me, pretend I never said anything.’
‘If only,’ her father muttered.
Though Lisa’s smile was already a ghost of its former self, she was somehow managing to hang on to what was left of it, in spite of her insides dissolving into turmoil. Please don’t let this be true, she was thinking. Please let me be misunderstanding what I think is going on.
Her eyes were on Amy and it was clear, from the colour creeping over her sister’s neck, that Lisa’s worst fear was about to be confirmed.
‘Well,’ Theo declared manfully, ‘that certainly wasn’t how we’d intended to break it to you, but I guess it’s out now, so there we are, Amy and I are off to Oz.’
As Amy put a hand to her head, and Lisa started to reel, David said, ‘You mean Australia? For a holiday?’
Amy shook her head and seemed to wince as Lisa took David’s arm and said, with a terrible smoothness, ‘Australia. How lovely. It’s one of my favourite places.’
Rising gamely to the occasion, David proposed a toast. ‘To Oz,’ he announced, while managing not to sound as bemused as he looked.
‘Thank you,’ Theo cried, too loudly.
Roxy was looking sheepishly at her mother. ‘Oh God, I feel terrible,’ she wailed. ‘I’m really sorry if I’ve put my foot in it …’
‘Of course you haven’t,’ Lisa assured her, unconsciously tightening her grip on David’s arm. ‘Mum and Dad were about to tell us anyway, so now perhaps they can give us the back story, such as how long have you been planning this, Amy, and why is this the first I’m hearing of it?’ Her eyes were glittering a challenge as she glared at her sister, who seemed to be shrinking by the second.
‘Lisa, I’m sorry,’ Amy said with feeling. ‘I wanted to tell you, and I came within an inch of it so many times, but you’ve had so much going on what with the wedding, and then …’ She stopped at the edge of the faux pas. ‘I didn’t want to spoil anything, or make things about me when … Well, you know what I’m saying.’
Even though she could see how dreadful Amy was feeling, Lisa was still finding it hard to be forgiving. ‘We’re not supposed to have secrets, remember,’ she said brusquely.
‘Lisa …’
Lisa waved a hand to stop her. ‘So when are you intending to go?’ she asked, unable to keep the edge out of her voice.
Retaking her role as the dropper of bombshells, Roxy said, ‘At the end of October, after I’ve gone up to Oxford.’
Lisa couldn’t take her eyes off Amy. This was feeling like the worst imaginable betrayal, yet she had no right in the world to feel that way. ‘So, what brought it on?’ she demanded. ‘When did you decide this was what you wanted to do?’
Amy glanced at Theo as he said, ‘You may remember Charlie Goodson, one of my partners, who went to Oz about ten years ago to set up an office in Sydney?’
Lisa nodded. ‘Yes, vaguely,’ she replied.
‘Well, the old chap’s retiring at the end of the year, and when he was last here, in Bath, at a partners’ meeting, it was decided that I would take over the position, subject to Amy agreeing, of course.’
Lisa looked at her sister again, and as Amy began trying to lighten things by reminding them how easy it was to stay in touch these days with emails and Skype, Lisa was struggling with a growing surge of panic. Please no, she was crying inside. You can’t go now. Please don’t leave me. She wanted to remind Amy that she knew no one in the area and was relying on her to help her feel settled. She wanted to grab hold of her and make her understand how afraid she was of what was happening to her marriage, that she wouldn’t be able to cope without Amy’s support. Of course she wouldn’t speak out, because she understood that Amy had her own life, and her husband had to come first, but wretched as Amy was clearly feeling, Lisa could tell that she was as excited about starting a new life as she, Lisa, had been during the times she’d done the very same thing.
‘… so we’ve already rented this house to a retired couple from Newcastle,’ Amy was explaining to David, while casting anxious glances at Lisa. ‘They’re due to move in at the beginning of November, by which time our furniture will have gone into storage …’
‘Hang on,’ Lisa interrupted, taking heart from the word ‘storage’, ‘how long did you say you’re going for?’
‘Two years initially,’ Amy replied, ‘but if we like it, and feel that it suits us … Well, who knows,’ she said, evidently feeling the need to downplay things again, ‘anything could happen between now and then.’
‘Have you told Mum about this yet?’ Lisa wanted to know.
‘Actually, yes we have,’ Amy confessed, ‘and she’s fine with it, especially now you’re going to be close by. I’ll miss her, obviously, but she’s already planning to fly out with Roxy for Christmas.’
Christmas! They weren’t going to be here for Christmas.
Lisa’s head was reeling again. What if her mother decided to stay in Sydney too? She’d always been closer to Amy than she had to her, so she might. How was she going to cope without either of them? OK, she’d managed for years while she’d been globetrotting with her career and Tony, but she’d known they were here, in England, the place she always came back to because it was home … Fe
eling David’s arm sliding around her shoulder, as though to remind her she’d always have him, she found herself taking another gulp of her drink.
Theo was speaking again. ‘… and the apartment they’ve taken for us has four en suite bedrooms apparently, so there’ll be plenty of room if you two decide to come with Matilda and Roxy. You obviously know the city quite well, Lisa, so it would be great to have you to show us all around.’
Lisa looked at Amy as she went on chattering about the kind of fun they could have spending Christmas in the sun, which would be a first for them, but instead of listening Lisa became caught up in a glittering panoply of Christmases past, mostly with Tony, not only in Sydney, but Bangkok, Singapore, Argentina, Barbados, Zanzibar, so many exotic hot spots that she’d almost lost count now. Had she ever stopped to wonder what her family was doing on those days, or how much they might be missing her? The truth was no, she hadn’t, and now she was receiving a taste of what it was like to be forgotten in the grand plan.
‘We’d be delighted, wouldn’t we, darling?’ David was saying, as he gave her a squeeze that felt like a prompt. ‘I can’t think of anything we’d like better.’
‘Do you have a long enough break at that time of year?’ Lisa asked him. And what about Rosalind? Would he seriously consider leaving her at that time of year? She didn’t think so.
‘Try to keep up,’ David teased. ‘We’re talking about Roxy making her home with us for the time her parents are away.’
Amy quickly came in with, ‘I swear it wasn’t why we were choosing rooms when you first showed us the house. That was a joke. We didn’t know anything about this then. Obviously, she’ll come to us for the longer breaks …’
‘But of course Roxy can stay with us,’ Lisa interrupted, grasping the one small glimmer of light flickering on a black horizon. ‘Where else would she go?’
