Bittersweet Trust (A Bittersweet Novella Book 5)

by Beck, J. L.

  I grab clothes out of the laundry basket at the foot of my bed and head for the shower. Going from living with Mimi to living with my friend Justin is, well, different. There is never a wait for the bathroom in the morning; however, there is also never any co-showering done either. At least for me there isn’t.

  “Sorry if my girl was too loud last night. I told her you were staying and she just completely ignored me,” Justin explains as I head for the bathroom.

  “No worries, man,” I respond, closing the door. I am grateful for Justin. Did I have to move out of my and Mimi’s apartment? No. But I didn’t want to stay where I wasn’t wanted. I hurt her, broke her, and there is nothing that I can do to make her whole again. Walking away from her is the hardest thing I have ever done, but staying when I know I can’t be who she wants me to be would have been even more difficult.

  I jump in the shower, hoping to wash away the ugliness that spirals within me. I stand in there for what seems like hours until the water runs as cold as my heart. I don’t want to face another day where I have to put on a mask and pretend all is okay when it isn’t. I hate having to watch her from afar, looking, but never touching.

  Pull yourself together, asshole… You did this to yourself. That I did. I dry off and throw on a pair of dark-washed jeans and a Henley. I am over trying to look good. I used to try for one thing: sex. Honestly, I don’t need any more of that in my life.

  “You ready for class, dude, or are you going to curl your hair?” Justin jokes from the other side of the door. I open it, running my fingers through my hair.

  “How’s it look, babe?” I ask in a girly voice, grinning at him.

  He laughs harder than needed and says, “Never do that again. Alright?” I smile, nodding. It is horrible how I have to pretend to be okay when I am not.

  ***

  I walk into class like I do every morning, forcing myself to avoid searching the auditorium for Mimi. However, today I am not nearly as strong as I am most days, and it probably has to do with the fact that there is a guy talking to her.

  I feel an odd burn of jealously flow through my veins. Forcing myself to sit down and face forward, I clench my jaw and fists, wanting desperately to say something. She was mine. WAS being the keyword. It will be stupid of me to lash out at some guy who is obviously very interested in someone I let go. I can’t be jealous of something that I have caused myself, can I?

  I hear her quiet laughter throughout the hour and a half of class, and I’ll be damned. It doesn’t do a fucking thing to calm my nerves to know that she is happy and content with a guy she hardly knows. On top of it, she is pregnant with my baby, our baby. All I can think about is getting up and throwing her over my shoulder like a cave man. The only thing holding me back is the fact that I don’t deserve her or our baby.

  Papers shuffle, and I hear some guy clear his throat as a stack of documents lands in front of me.

  “Are you going to pass those out, Mr. Winchester?” The professor questions, an eyebrow raised at me. He knows very well that I am not paying a dime of attention to him, clearly caught up in my own shitty thoughts.

  “Uh, yeah,” I reply modestly, grabbing the stack of papers. I hand them out starting at the first row and have the other students pass them down. As I go higher in the seats, I grow closer and closer to where Mimi and the mystery guy are sitting.

  As I come to their row, I hand out the papers but not before taking notice of the way the guy stares at me. He watches me intently then whispers something in her ear, causing her eyes to perk up and meet mine. There’s a fire in her eyes as I take her in. She’s more beautiful than ever as a glow radiates from her already tan skin, and her eyes shine dark green back at mine.

  I drag my eyes away from her to shoot a dirty look at the guy. I’m going to find out who he is and ruin his life. The second I get back to my seat, I realize what I am thinking, and it hits me—as much as I want to wipe the floor with that guy, I no longer have any claim on her, and that’s just how it is. I have no one to blame but myself.

  “What the fuck? Were you daydreaming again?” Justin asks as I take my seat. I shake my head, laughing silently.

  “No, asshole, I wasn’t.” Class chugs along at a slow pace. I can practically feel Mimi’s eyes burning a hole in the back of my head, not that I blame her one bit. I should be the one caring for her, but I’m not because I pushed her away.

  “Alright, class, for the next project I have paired each of you with a randomly chosen partner. This project is about learning to get along and grow as individuals. Diversity is something you will see for the rest of your lives, and there is no better time to get a grasp on that than now.”

  Everyone in class sighs and starts yammering as he starts calling out names. I’m too busy listening to the blonde bimbo’s gossip next to me that I don’t hear my name being called.

  “Now that’s funny shit,” Justin says amusingly. I scowl at him, completely confused by his statement. What the fuck is he talking about?

  “What’s funny shit?” He gives me a bewildered look.

  “Daydreaming again are we? Professor just announced your partner. Looks like God’s not on your side because you’re paired up with Mimi.”

  The second the words are out of his mouth and registering in my brain is the second the panic starts to take over. We cannot work together, let alone work on being nice to each other, to save our lives. I refuse to be around her, but not because I don’t want to be, because I know if I am… I know that if I am, I will want to tell her how much I love her again, confess to all of my darkest sins, and beg her to take me back.

  I turn around, my mind panicking when I don’t spot her. Fuck. Where the hell did she go? I stand abruptly to search the room. I hear Justin asking me what the problem is, but I don’t even know where to start. I head quickly for the door and leave the auditorium with an urgent need to talk to her.

  I see her brown curls blowing in the wind as she runs away. I repeatedly yell for her to stop, not even caring that I’m making a bunch of excess noise. I’m not surprised when she ignores me and keeps running, just like I do to her.

  Pregnancy Hormones

  Mimi

  I stay in bed for two whole days not caring that I am missing classes or that I desperately need to take a shower. I refuse to be partners with Corey; I refuse to look at him or even talk to him. To say I was shocked when I found out he tried to hunt me down is an understatement. His actions were a little more than I could handle at that moment, so I retreated to the safety and security of my bed. Declan has texted me for the past two days demanding that I come to class and telling me that some douche can’t control me. He has no idea.

  A knock at the door startles me, pulling me from my Netflix binge of The Vampire Diaries. I reluctantly drag myself from my bed and slip my feet into my slippers. My hair is an unruly mess, and my eyes have two day old eyeliner on them. I look like a wreck, but not an ounce of me gives a shit.

  I unlock the door, opening it slowly until I see Jenna’s face on the other side. I open it all the way, allowing her to come in. I know why she’s here. I haven’t been to class in two days, and I’m sure Rex, and even Ryder, have stopped by while I was refusing to answer the door. So, of fucking course they resort to sending in reinforcements.

  “You realize you have missed classes for two fucking days? You also haven’t answered anyone’s texts or the door when people came by to check on you. You’re an adult, Mimi, and I shouldn’t have to send people to check on you, but I do because I’m your friend, and I’m worried. However, I can’t hold your hand forever, so no better time to grow up than now,” she scolds me, gesturing to my belly which is slowly starting to stick out.

  “What can I say? I’ve had a bad couple of days. I should be better tomorrow.” I can tell by the way Jenna’s eyebrows scrunch together and the redness that seeps onto her face that she’s pissed at me. I know I’m being slightly babyish, maybe even childish, but the way I see it, I have the right to
take a couple days off to do nothing but watch Damon Salvatore and eat. Hell, I fucking deserve it with everything I am dealing with.

  “I’m sure you don’t know this, but you didn’t just have me, Rex, and Ryder worried. Corey called me because he is concerned about you too,” she tells me. Shock courses through me. What the hell? Why would he even care? He put me in this predicament and to turn around and act as if he cares is just down right absurd.

  “I’m sure he did because he’s worried about failing. I hope you told him I wouldn’t be his partner. Seems to me we have done a whole lot more “partnering” than needed already.” Sarcasm drips from my words as I head into the living room to sit on the couch.

  “Do you even think about anyone but yourself? Maybe he’s going through something too? Everyone is fighting their own battle, Mimi. He had a fucked up childhood, and then his dad left his family to screw my mom. Imagine what it was like for him to hear he was going to be a father after everything his own dad did.”

  I glare at her, not sure what she’s up to.

  “Whose side are you on? Corey broke my heart over two weeks ago, and it wasn’t because he needed space. It is because he fucked me, got me pregnant, and couldn’t handle it. He left me to fend for myself because he’s selfish. I refuse to make amends with him right now.” I smile smugly inside, feeling I have justified myself. But Jenna, being Jenna, ruins that.

  “No, you refuse to be the bigger person and stand up to him. You both are too stubborn to stand up for what you want, and in the wake of things, your child is going to suffer. You both need to grow some balls and come together as one for his or her sake. I’m your friend, but I’m also your worst enemy when you need me to be. I refuse to stand here and tell you what you want to hear. Get up and move on.” She stands near me with her hands on her hips, glaring at me.

  “That might be true, but I tried, Jenna. I tried to make him love me, but once our situation became complicated, he left. He left and hasn’t been here for me or my baby. So pardon me if I refuse to be the one who goes begging to him. I will not beg.” My voice croaks as the tears stream down my face. Stupid pregnancy hormones.

  “One way or another you’re going to have to see him. Whether it’s now or when the baby is born is your choice.”

  I wipe away the tears and try to digest what she’s saying to me. If Corey called her and was worried, that has to mean he cares somewhat, right? Jenna is right in more ways than I want to admit.

  “What should I do then?” I ask curiously. I know Jenna well enough to know she’s here telling me these things for a reason.

  “You…” she says, bopping me on the nose, “You should make him jealous. Make him come crawling back to you. He has it in him; I know he does. I could hear the fear and worry in his voice for you when he called today. He doesn’t know why you aren’t in class and he’s scared, even if he won’t admit it.”

  As her plan registers in my mind, I look at her with a blazing smile forming on my face. If I wasn’t so miserable right now, I would probably be jumping up and down with joy. I’m usually the devious one, yet here Jenna is devising up a plan for me to get Corey back. I’m a little proud that she has learned from my sneaky ways; but at the same time, I’m a little pissed that her scheme involves me.

  “You want me to make him jealous? Who on God’s green earth is going to want to be with me? I’m pregnant and moody! And did I mention I’m pregnant?”

  She starts laughing at me while crossing her arms over her chest. She’s basically telling me she won’t take no for an answer.

  “You’re serious?” I ask, completely blown away. She is completely crazy if she thinks I will follow through with her idea. Now I understand why she would look at me like a crazed lunatic when I came up with plans in the past.

  “No,” I simply state, turning on the TV.

  “Yes,” she demands, standing directly in front of me.

  I let out a loud sigh. She can be so demanding when she wants to be.

  “Explain to me what good it is to try and make him jealous, Jenna. I’m not sure Corey has it in him to fight for what he wants. Believe me, I saw the fleeting look in his eyes when I told him. I knew he would run. What I didn’t expect was for him to say such hurtful things or for him to build his walls back up so quickly.” I refuse to allow others to see how much Corey has shattered me. When Brody hurt me, Corey was there to wrap me up in a huge band aid and protect me. Corey made me feel, made me believe, I would never lose him and that he would always be something to me.

  “He ran because that’s what he’s good at. We have known him most of our lives. He’s not good with this kind of shit, and the first thing he knows to do is run. Now we have to get him to run again, but this time back to you,” Jenna explains like she’s talking to a little kid. She smiles, and she reminds me of the wicked witch in the Wizard of Oz.

  “Stop smiling like that! You’re scaring me!” Her smile grows bigger and creepier. Someone tell me why I’m still friends with her!

  “Get up, put your ‘I’m Mimi-fucking-Jones’ face on, and go out there and make that boy want you. Use your skills to make him come crawling back on hands and knees, make him beg until he cries, and then, and only then, take him back.”

  Her advice causes some form of strength to form within me. Corey broke me when he abandoned me and my baby. Although I wasn’t surprised by him running, I can’t get over the way he acted and what he said to me. I have to decide if my wanting him can help me forgive him and let him back in. He is scared and confused, but maybe, just maybe, I can push him like I always do. Maybe I can push him to the point where he is so exhausted from fighting his feelings, he can only think about how much he wants and loves me. A steely resolve settles over me, and I know what I have to do. I have to bring him back to me. I have to remind him who I am. Pregnant or not, I am still a bad ass bitch, and I need to remind myself of that too. No more moping around.

  “Let’s do this,” I declare. I’m ready, more than ready. If only I can manage to look at him without revealing my feelings so he won’t realize what I’m up to. I saw the way his face fell when he saw me and Declan talking. Corey thinks Declan and I are an item when we’re really just friends.

  “Okay, now go get ready for classes. Oh, and by the way, we’re all going to dinner tonight.” My thoughts come to a screeching halt.

  “Did you just say we’re going to dinner tonight? As in the whole gang?” I ask, immediately furious with her because she came here with a hidden agenda.

  “I did, and I’m doing this because it needs to be done. I worked through my problems with Corey, and at the end of the day, I know it was him who was broken. He’s broken and hurting, Mimi. In relationships, it is almost impossible for both people to be strong and trouble-free at the same time. Sometimes one has to be the stronger of the two and carry the weight of relationship on his or her shoulders. Corey was there for you when you needed him, and now you’re going to bring him back from whatever dark place he is in.”

  “What if he doesn’t want be saved, though?” I whisper.

  “Everyone wants to be saved; no one wants to be in the dark forever. Be that light for him, give him a reason to try, and I guarantee he won’t disappoint you.”

  I let out a loud growl, trying to determine if I should be mad at her or grateful to have her as my best friend.

  “You do realize how much I hate you right now, right?” I say, scowling at her.

  “Nope. And if you hate me… Well, that’s your problem. You’ll get over it.”

  I stand, walking away from her before I do something like clobber her. She’s right, and that makes me mad. I hate not being the one who is right. Damn you, Jenna. Damn you.

  Kitten’s Got Claws

  Corey

  I am stupid to agree to go to dinner, even stupider to think that Mimi wouldn’t be there. She is Jenna’s best friend. After all, where Jenna is, Mimi is usually not far behind.

  “Don’t panic over it, Corey. She�
��s here because she’s part of our group, just like you. You both have to put your differences aside. You’re parents now,” Rex says, trying to calm me. I cringe at the word “parents” because the reality of it still hasn’t sunk in yet. It’s not that I don’t want to be a parent, it’s that I don’t know how to be one since I don’t exactly have the best examples.

  “Rex, I know. Clearly, you all think I’ve forgotten she’s pregnant. I haven’t,” I reply. I am slightly annoyed with Rex and Ryder constantly giving me shit and making me feel worse than I already do.

  “Clearly, you’ve forgotten that we don’t give a shit about what you think. You fucked up, and you need to do anything and everything possible to win the girl you love back. If you don’t, I guarantee you that she will find someone else. She won’t wait for you to find yourself and be the man she needs.”

  I let out a deep sigh. I know I fucked up. Hell, how could I forget? My cousins remind me every day. Every time I see Mimi and every night that I wake up and she’s not next to me, I know I really did wrong. I gave up on the one person who truly believed in me and had faith that I could do better.

  I hear Mimi’s voice as Rex and I take our seats. Her sweet, singsong laugh ignites something inside me. I look up, my breaths coming in hard as I take her in. Her curly mass of hair flows down her back, and her dark green eyes twinkle in the light. She’s glowing and beautiful in her skinny jeans and white blouse. My eyes glide down to her stomach where her hand is and back up to her eyes. I can’t force myself to stop staring even if I wanted to.

  Then my heart drops into my stomach when I see him. She brought that guy from class with her.

  “Hey, guys. I want to introduce you to my friend Declan.” Her gaze sweeps over the table, and Douchelan smiles at everyone as if he’s already a member of our group. I grip the edge of the table, forcing myself not to lash out. Violence isn’t the way to win her back.