Fighting Envy

by Jennifer Miller

  “Don’t make fun of me.”

  He holds his hands up in a gesture of retreat, “I’m not, I swear. I promise it’s not a big deal. Those guys are just like you and me – what’s that saying? Oh yeah, they put their pants on one leg at a time just like us. Personally, I prefer to say that they poop and fart just like the rest of us.”

  “Oh my god!” I look around to make sure no one heard him. “I don’t want to talk about that!”

  “Hey, it’s the truth.” He keeps laughing at my embarrassment but then says seriously, “You have nothing to be nervous about. The only difference is that they know how to play musical instruments and sing, and we don’t.”

  “Yes, and they have thousands of fans screaming their name on a nightly basis.”

  “Well yeah, that too. Trust me though, it’s really no big deal.”

  Before he can continue my eyes widen when I see Simon, the lead guitarist, tap Jax on the shoulder. Jax turns around and smiles, “Hey, man.”

  “Hey, Jax. How’s it going?” They do some weird dude handshake thing and clap each other on the back. I just stare in awe.

  “Good. Really good. Great concert tonight.”

  “Thanks. How’s the training going? Have a fight coming up?”

  I stand there astonished and can’t believe they’re talking about Jax’s upcoming fight. He told me he had a connection to the band - that sneak! He didn’t tell me that his connection is because he knows the band. I can’t freaking believe it. I mean, holy hell, Simon called him by name! Don’t freak out, don’t freak out. You will not hyperventilate and make a fool of yourself! When Jax turns to me and introduces me to Simon, it takes everything I have not to faint. “Simon, I’d like you to meet my girl, Rowan. She’s a big fan.”

  “Hi, Rowan. Nice to meet you.”

  “You too.” I answer softly making Jax chuckle and I give him a glare. “I really enjoyed the show.”

  “Thanks. Glad you guys could make it. Wish I could come and watch this guy fight in a couple weeks. That’s way more exciting.”

  “Wish you could make it too, man. That would be awesome. You’ll just have to make another one when you can.”

  “Sounds like a plan.”

  As they are talking the drummer Tyler comes up and greets Jax too and once again my mouth drops open. Does he know all of them? Before Jax can introduce me to him, Tyler notices me standing a little behind Jax. He pushes Jax out of the way, “Well, well, well, hello there little darling. I’m so sorry I was wasting my time on this guy when you were obviously waiting to meet me.” He winks and I giggle. I freaking giggle. His eyes flick over my frame, resting for a beat at my breasts, before they meet mine again. “What’s your name, gorgeous?”

  Before I can respond, Jax shoves him back and answers for me, “This is my Rowan, so back the fuck off Tyler.”

  Looking at Jax in astonishment my mouth hangs open at his possessiveness. I can’t decide if I want to laugh at this showing of testosterone or if I’m totally turned on. He looks back at me clearly daring me to argue with him. Instead, I hold my hand out to Tyler, “Hi, it’s nice to meet you. Great show.”

  Instead of shaking my hand, Tyler takes it and leaves a lingering kiss. “You’re pushing it, T,” Simon says making Tyler glance at Jax and then laugh.

  “Aw, I just like fucking with ya.”

  Jax visibly relaxes, but doesn’t quit glaring at Tyler, “Whatever. I’ve heard plenty about your man whore shit. My girl will probably catch something just from touching your hand. Anyone have any hand sanitizer?” Jax calls out making me giggle again. He looks at me and winks making my stomach flip in excitement and I can’t keep the grin off my face.

  We hang around for a little while and I meet Brian and Chester, the other two band members. They are all really cool and I laugh most of the time at Tyler’s antics as he floats from woman to woman. He compliments all of them, touches them, poses for pictures and I even hear him blatantly ask a woman if she wants to go back to his hotel room later. He’s pure entertainment.

  When we’re walking to his truck later, I squeeze Jax’s hand the whole time and practically bounce on my toes. “That was so much fun. Thank you so much. I can’t believe I actually met the band! They are really nice and the concert was great. I also can’t believe they gave me all this stuff.”

  My arms are loaded down with a signed t-shirt, a hat, keychain, stickers, posters, souvenir cup, even a foam finger which made me laugh out loud. I thought they only had them at sporting events. I was wrong. Jax scowls at me, “I think Tyler definitely likes you. He just kept giving you more and more stuff.”

  “Maybe. But I only have eyes for one guy.”

  He smiles and his dimples pop out as if they’re grateful to escape their hiding place. “Oh yeah?”

  “Yeah. Simon is definitely more my type.”

  Jax stops and stares at me in amusement, then I dodge his reach and run down the aisle toward the truck laughing all the way while he chases me.

  I can’t take my eyes off of her. Not wanting the night to end I’m glad when she agrees to get something to eat saying she’s hungry too. We had little appetizers at the after party, but it wasn’t much. Deciding on a simple pizza joint since they’re open late, we sit across from each other at a corner booth and I keep contemplating whether or not to join her on her side, or if that would be too pushy. I’ve never given two thoughts to a girl the way I do Rowan.

  “I really had a lot of fun with you at the concert.” Her eyes glow with excitement and happiness and right then and there, I promise myself that I will do my best to always put that shine in her eyes. “Thank you so much for a great time.”

  “There’s no one else I would have rather gone with. I’m glad you enjoyed yourself. I had a great time too.”

  “I more than enjoyed myself. The music was great, but the company is even better. And I still can’t believe you actually know The Sinners and we went backstage. Why didn’t you tell me you know them?”

  “Because I didn’t want to sound like a pretentious douche.”

  She laughs throwing her head back and it makes me want to put my lips on her neck – kiss my way to the back of her ear, the down further making my way to her breasts. “I don’t think it’s possible for you to sound like that.”

  I momentarily forget what we’re discussing. Oh right. Pretentions douche. “Yeah well, I didn’t want to take the chance.”

  We order a simple pepperoni pizza, drinks, and a salad. I may allow myself one slice of pizza, but that’s it. When our food arrives and she begins eating, I have a hard time taking my eyes off of her. The way her mouth surrounds the food when she takes a bite. She chews her food slowly with a soft smile on her face, telling me she enjoys the taste. Everything this woman does is sexy. I don’t stand a chance. More than anything I want to put my mouth on hers. Who am I kidding? I want to put my mouth all over her. My eyes quickly drop to her cleavage again. The light in the restaurant highlights the black lace under the white perfectly. I can’t help but imagine her naked breasts in the palms of my hands. I imagine myself sucking on her pretty pink nipples, bringing them to a hard point. I can even imagine the melody the sound of her moans will make – they would be music to my ears. Adjusting myself to the tightening in my pants, I quickly look up again and try to remove the images from my head. Both heads.

  Instead, my mind goes to how it felt to hold her in my arms tonight, her body moving against mine to the music. Exercising restraint was not easy. All I could think about was grabbing her hand, leading her to the closest bathroom or hell, a closet, and taking her up against the wall until I had her screaming my name. It’s like she’s some kind of witch who’s cast a spell over me, because I am completely caught up in her magic. The magic of her smile, her laugh, her body, her touch. I want more. I crave it.

  There’s something about her. I’m not sure when it happened. I don’t know if it was when she grabbed hold of me at the hospital needing support from someone, or if it
was when she asked me not to leave her. Maybe it was when I went over to her house that sad day. When she opened the door, I saw how broken she was. Her face had been so full of pain. All I know is that I want nothing more than to be the person to put her back together, one devastatingly jagged piece at a time. She’s gotten under my skin, branding herself like a tattoo, and keeping an eye on her these past few months has only embedded her deeper. She’s mine. She just doesn’t know it yet.

  “Rowan?”

  She wipes her lips with a napkin and I want to be that damn napkin, “Yes?”

  I hesitate not wanting to ruin her good mood, but my curiosity, worry and hell my competitive nature, wins out. “Will you tell me why you were alone at the hospital?”

  Her body stiffens and she looks down at her plate. She licks her lips making me think her mouth went dry at the question. She’s silent and her eyes hold feelings I can’t decipher and it makes me feel like I should say more. “Look, the reason I’m asking is because I like you. I really like you and I just want to make sure there isn’t anyone else standing in my way. Maybe this is fast for you, maybe you don’t feel the same way, maybe you’re just humoring me and this has been the worst date ever and you won’t want to see me again after this. I hope that’s not the case, but what I do know is that I don’t do things half way.” I put my napkin on the table and run my hand through my hair then look straight into her muddy green and brown eyes. “When I want something, I take it. And make no mistake, Rowan, I want you.”

  Her eyes widen, but they hold mine unblinking. For a horrifying moment, I’m afraid I pushed too far – revealed too much. Given what Tyson told me, she was with this Jason dude for a little while, so I know it hasn’t been long since her relationship with him ended. Suddenly, I wish I could reverse time and swallow my words, but then, she reaches her hand out and takes mine. My whole body reacts to her simple touch and when she gasps quietly and pulls her hand back as if it were burned, I know it’s because she feels it too. “I feel the same way about you. I like you and would really like to see you again. I promise I’ll tell you more about Jason another time, but let me at least say that you don’t need to worry about him. I don’t even know where he is. And now that’s all I want to say about it tonight, okay? This has been the best date I’ve ever had and I don’t want to ruin it with thoughts of him.”

  I can’t help it, I smile, “The best date you’ve ever had, huh?”

  She smiles and it’s like the sun is suddenly shining in the middle of the night. “Definitely.”

  “For me too.”

  “And just for the record?” She has a sly smile on her face and I raise my eyebrows and give her a nod. “There is absolutely no one in the way.”

  The wolfish grin that I give her at those words can’t be contained and it makes her smile bigger in return. “There’s something else I need to make clear.”

  Her eyes glimmer and her hand is once again on mine. “Tell me.”

  “I don’t share. You like me, I like you – there’s no room for anyone else.”

  Her brows lower and she pulls her hand from mine making me frown, “But Lily…”

  I reach back for her hand and wait until her eyes look in mine, “I’m not talking about her. She’s yours and therefore she’s part of this too, as far as I’m concerned the two of you are a package deal and it’s one hell of a package. I’m talking about another man, Rowan. I am not okay with you dating anyone else while you’re dating me. I won’t share you.”

  “Oh.” Not breaking our eye contact, she leans forward, “There is no one to share me with, and I don’t play those kinds of games. And just so you are also clear…”

  “Tell me,” I reply mimicking her words.

  “I won’t share you either.”

  “You won’t have to. Ever.”

  We stare into one another’s eyes and the sexual tension between us is so potent I’m sure everyone around us can feel it too. I revel in the feeling. The swelling in my pants, the tightening of my muscles, the way the hair rises on my arms and neck. My fingers ache to touch her. Thoughts of her naked and writhing under me float through my mind and I adjust myself suddenly uncomfortable. When she lets go of my hand to take another bite of pizza, she unknowingly breaks the spell and I’m thankful. She may not have shared everything I’d like to know just yet, but this is a step forward in the right direction. I need to keep reminding myself to move slow and follow her lead.

  After we finish our pizza we start heading back to her place. I make random conversation on the way to her place asking her cliché things like her favorite color, movie, flower, and food. Truth is I just like hearing the sound of her voice. It pisses me off that I can’t keep my eyes on her and have to pay attention to the road. When we get to her place, I pull into the drive and turn off the car, then hurry to her side of the truck helping her out, “Thank you,” she murmurs.

  Taking her arm, we walk straight to Audrey’s door and knock quietly so we don’t wake Lily. Audrey answers after a minute giving us a tired smile. She holds a sleeping Lily in her arms. While Rowan takes the bag from Audrey and gets filled in about Lily’s evening, I reach out and take Lily from Audrey’s arms. Rowan looks at me in surprise.

  “I’ve got her,” I whisper.

  Her soft little body is against mine and I can feel her exhales against my neck as I hold her close. Without a thought I gently rub her back, nod a thank you to Audrey, then follow Rowan through her front door. She immediately goes to the kitchen and washes out the bottles from the bag and begins making new ones. While she does so, I pace the floor with Lily, rocking her in my arms. Once again I take in the place she shares with Ty. While all the furniture is oddly matched pieces as far as design, each has been painted and coordinates perfectly. It’s so utterly Rowan in its homey yet perfectly bright, yet simple, way. It screams Rowan’s taste and I love it.

  While glancing out the front window as I rock Lily, I feel arms come around me from behind and Rowan rests her head against my back. The comfortable gesture also feels intimate and I revel in the feeling. “Sorry, I had to make some bottles for later. She still gets up during the night sometimes. She’s so close to sleeping all the way through though. I can’t wait for that to happen. Although I’ll probably wake up in a panic when it does and wonder why she hasn’t woken me,” she says with a laugh.

  I frown, “Is that normal?”

  “What?”

  “For her to wake up during the night like that.”

  She laughs softly, “Yes. It always takes babies a little while to sleep through the night and not wake up hungry or with a wet diaper. I’m lucky she’s already doing so well.”

  I don’t like the thought or Rowan always having to get up with her and doing everything on her own. Turning around and leaning down to Rowan’s level, I smile when she runs a hand over Lily’s head. “Give her a kiss and then I’ll put her to bed.”

  She gives her a soft kiss and whispers, “I love you baby girl.” My heart constricts in my chest at the look of love on her face and in her eyes.

  Without a word I walk to Lily’s room and place her in her crib. She lets out a soft little breath and moves her lips in a sucking motion before quitting. She’s a gorgeous little girl. With her mama’s nose and lips and those long lashes of hers, I already know she’s going to be a heart breaker one day. Placing a blanket gently over her legs, I leave the room and find Rowan straightening up in the kitchen.

  When she sees me she smiles, ‘Thanks for doing that.”

  “I’m happy to. She’s a doll you know. You are going to have trouble when she’s older.”

  “Don’t I know it. Luckily she should have her Uncle Tyson around to keep all the boys in line.” She laughs then walks over to me, pressing her body against mine in a hug. Her body fits perfectly to mine and when her hips brush against the tops of my legs all I can think about is how I want to spread her legs open with my knee and kiss and touch her while she writhes against me. I have to hold myself ba
ck from picking her up and walking her into her bedroom. Or better yet, I can lift her onto the kitchen counter, step between her thighs and take her right there. Of course, there’s always the kitchen table. I could lay her on it, spread her creamy thighs and have a feast that has nothing to do with food. Fuck. A cold shower is seriously calling my name when I get home. Instead of doing any of those things, I place my arms around her and squeeze her to my chest, placing a kiss on her forehead. “I had a great time tonight. I want to see you again soon.”

  “Me too.” She buries her face into my chest and inhales. Is she…smelling me? I have to suppress a groan at the thought.

  “Are you working this weekend?”

  “No, I have it off actually. I’m usually lucky enough to work Monday through Friday. They schedule the college girls on the weekends.”

  “Come to the gym tomorrow some time. You can bring Lily too. Just come and see me.”

  She pulls away and looks into my eyes giving me a smile, “I’d like that. I still have your card with the address.”

  “Good. Did you plug my number into your phone?”

  She stares at me blankly and I take that as a no. Pulling my phone from my pocket, I ask for her number then call her. When I hear her phone ring I say, “There. Now I have your number and you have mine. I will see you tomorrow. Any time. I’ll be there early.”

  “Okay,” she agrees softly, “I will see you then.”

  Cupping her cheek, I run my thumb over it feeling her smooth skin, then give her a soft, “Bye.” Forcing myself to leave, not wanting to push her too far, I open her front door and walk out closing the door behind me. Leaning against the door my whole body hurts with the need to get back and touch itself to her. My whole body vibrates with the need to reconnect with hers. Running my hand through my hair I take deep breaths and try to get myself under control. Turning around I put a hand on either side of the door and hang my head down. All I can picture are her lips, her eyes, her flowing hair, her body. It’s like she’s my own personal temptress, personally sent to be my undoing.