Baby girl is away attending NYU majoring in Film. Phee worked two jobs and had a beautiful obsession with volunteer work that had rubbed off on me. Sometimes, I think Phee hogged too much of the fluid from her twin. Then there’s the middle child, Percy. She found love in the sky and has been a flight attendant for close to three years. We were all shocked at her transformation, considering at one point she was on the verge of jail or suicide.
She’d picked up a drinking habit after losing her first child at seventeen that took us all through the ringer. We had all been through things that broke us down. Hell, at one point we all were certain I’d be going to the MLB, and I’d bet any amount of money they wouldn’t want for anything, but after damn near having a heart attack at my championship game in high school, we all had to reevaluate.
“Your sister is an adult, and I don’t keep tabs on adults, which you already know. Let’s keep it real, that how you ended up covered in black ink. As soon as I gave you an inch of freedom, you overdosed. That’s also how I ended up so hot in the pants with four kids by twenty-two. My parents stayed on me so much that by the time they opened their eyes from blinking, I had snuck out the window.”
My mother has four kids, and even though we all share the same father, we never had a dad. Our donor was only around long enough to watch my ma’s stomach expand before he was out the door. It’s sad, but I adjusted better when he was gone for an expanded period of times. I would easily regulate back to calm more a lot easier than my ma. She had a different kind of love for him, and I had never gotten the chance to learn to love him from my soul before he was gone. Even at seven years old, I understood that he’d left by choice. But that never lessen the concern hovering as I’d watch her damaged and angry at his usual absence. His fuck ups did teach me one thing, don’t start something you don’t plan on finishing.
“This is not fair, Ma. He said he was going out for cigarettes after we’d had an argument, and that was two days ago. I know he left me. That son of a bitch left me with two kids.” I feel the statement bounce off the floral wallpaper like an avalanche and landing on me. I’m crouched down near the side of our love seat, peeking at my mom as she paces back and forth with the wall phone. If she didn’t settle down a bit, she’d have the entire cord around her body.
I prayed for my dad last night, I thought he may have been hurt, but my ma told my granny that he left us for good. The heaviness around my eyes and stomach catch me like a net. My dad left us. He left us because…
“He said he couldn’t do the family thing anymore. That idiot had the nerve to say he’s too young to have two kids at twenty-two. I’m only twenty, Mom. What the hell is he talking about? Why does he get to walk away? If I knew that was an option, I would’ve—” Quickly leaping from my hiding spot, I slam both fists down on the cheap card table we use to eat dinner on.
Busting out of the thin screen door that can’t keep the roaches out let alone a person, I run. I run as fast as I can to the abandoned train track close to our apartment; I always get comfort there. I may only be seven years old, but I like the quiet. My mom doesn’t regularly allow me to roam the neighborhood, but one day while walking home from school with the other kids, I noticed the tracks. I came back later when alone and able to sneak out for a little bit. I usually sit out here and draw.
“Dang it. I left my supplies.”
Angry, I swing my apple-sized fist in the air. Knowing my own parents were looking for ways to get away from me and my sister hurt. If your own parents don’t want you, then no one else will. You must be damaged, right? My breathing is heavy, and my nostrils flare like those of a bull. I tug on my carrot-colored hair and let out a growl from the pit of my stomach.
How could she say something like that?
I knew my dad wasn’t going to take care of us; this isn’t the first time he has left, but for my ma to imply she was going to leave too makes me feel like I need a plan for me and my sister, Percy.
“Maybe I should just leave; see how they like that,” I say aloud and kick up dirt that, once settled, lands on my dingy white T-shirt and worn Converses.
“Then I’ll really have no one here with me.”
I hear her voice, and usually it’s soothing, but I didn’t trust my ma right now.
I didn’t want to cry, but the tears roll anyway, “How could you say that? How could you say you would leave us? Percy and I are your kids, and we haven’t done anything wrong!”
I’m yelling at her, and I know it’s wrong. She has always made us aware of how we speak to others, but I need her to understand how I feel. I drop to my knees and cover my face forgetting that my hands are filthy.
My ma gets closer and holds me tight. “I’m so sorry for how I made you feel. I love you and your sister; you guys are my world. I was hurt, and in return my words affected you, and for that, I apologize. Do you think you can forgive me?” From her tone, I know my mother means what she said. I wipe my face, and of course bringing dirt from the ground with. I know if the kids from our apartment complex see me this way, they’d clown more than they already do. Latching her hands onto my wrist, she grabs my hands and kisses the center of my palms.
“Yes. I forgive you. Just please don’t leave me and Percy alone. I’ll do better, and I’ll share more. Whatever you want me to do.”
“I promise, baby,” she said, raising her pinky, and I respond by sealing the deal with mine.
After picking my sister up from a neighbor’s house, the three of us walked home.
Throughout the night, she shares the expectation I should have for the women I date in the future. She lets me know that women are to always be respected, and anytime I think otherwise, remember this moment. Remember how my dad made her feel and do my best to never make a woman feel that way.”
It’s safe to say she didn’t stick to the promise she made to herself. A few months later, my dad was back, and thirteen months after came the twins Phebe & Preston. We hadn’t seen my father since.
“So I’ve been thinking. If I pick up a winter class and teach at El Camino College, I can make enough to help with—”
“Ma, you don’t need to do any of that. These are my bills; I’ll figure it out,” I expressed as I bit into the darkest cherry I have ever had. Sad, my mind went to Billie Grace.
I’d texted her twice since the party and hadn’t gotten a response. I knew she was avoiding me because she was afraid of the inevitable, but I’d caught her peeking out her window at me in the morning while I worked, so I knew I was on her mind.
“So did you come by just to daydream or do you want to share with your mother what the dimpled smile is about? Or who it’s about?” I could hear the smile in her voice though I wasn’t looking at her. Resting my back against the seat, I stared ahead.
“I met someone. Well, kind of,” I rambled. When I faced her, she wore a goofy grin on her face that almost made me regret saying anything in the first place. At forty-two, my mother was a beautiful woman. She had cat-shaped eyes that curved at the ends and hair the color of a candy apple that was passed down to my sisters and me.
When we were younger, the kids would say Poison Ivy was our mother. I’ve towered over her since I was about twelve, and even to this day, she was the shortest in our small family. My ma was young enough to be my sister, and this was one of those moments she wanted me to have that type of conversation.
“Well, tell me about her. How old is she? Does she already have kids? Where did the two of you meet?”
“Relax, lady, dangggg. I don’t know enough about her for you to start pulling out the china, so breathe,” I teased. “Her name is Billie, and she lives on one the streets included in my route.”
“Umm, OK. So what’s stopping you from getting to know her? I mean, I know what transpired with Lucy had you still, but you even mentioning someone new says a lot. She’s obviously something unique; it has you over here smiling at air. I know that cherry can’t be that sweet. I dropped it on the floor before handing it to you.”
&nb
sp; “What the hell!” I exclaimed.
Wap!
“Watch your mouth, boy. You know I don’t like all that cursing. Besides, it was less than ten seconds, and I kissed it up to God.”
Rubbing the back of my head, I frowned, “I know you aren’t referring to the five-second rule.”
“That’s what I said,” she acknowledged, releasing a sharp squeal that resembled laughter. She stopped for a second. “Don’t try and change the subject, Leiland! Spill!”
“Well, like I said her name is Billie Grace, and she works at the The Park.”
“The cemetery?” She piqued.
I nodded.
Her reaction wasn’t surprising, but it was also something that intrigued me about BG. She was tough on the surface, but I knew there had to be a vault of empathy to work at a place like The Park.
“That’s very… strong of her.”
“Yes, she’s not the most delicate flower in the garden, more like soft Velcro. Ironically, she’s related to Latif’s fiancée, and I don’t want there to be friction if we date and it doesn’t work out, so I’m not a hundred percent upset that she’s avoiding me.
“Timing. Everything is in God’s timing son.”
The wiggling of the doorknob got our attention, and in walked Preston. She was dressed in a bright-pink halter top and booty shorts as if she weren’t walking in her mother’s house. And her friend couldn’t be missed with breasts as big as hers but pants sagging lower than mine.
“Hey, big bro. How long you been here? Either way it’s perfect that you are. I want you to meet my girlfriend, Jess. Baby, this is my ma, Janet, and my brother, Leiland.” She smiled and kissed the girl’s forehead who stood beside her looking around my mother’s place like she was playing a home invasion out in her head.
My ma, who refused to turn my way, remained quiet. This was the shit I always talk about when it came to Preston.
A new day, a new phase for Preston. Today, she’s decided to be a lesbian. Great.
Billie
“Well, you know how Latif is about his friends…”
“Exactly. Those are his damn friends, not yours,” Eleven barked.
We had only been on the phone a few minutes, and the two of them were already going at it.
“Don’t do it, Billie Grace, trust me. The last time I went to one of Richie’s parties, they fooled the hell out of me. Pretending like everything was cool, feeding me and shit. I should’ve known it was all a ploy when they pulled out the chicken and watermelon.”
“It was a damn barbeque, of course there was chicken, and let’s not forget it was watermelon season. Stop insinuating that they were being racist. You were and still are just being sensitive.”
“Ju, stop. We were in our Sunday’s best, and still, we stood out like earwax on cotton.”
“Uugh. You instantly assume they were looking because something was wrong with us.”
“Shut up, Jupiter. As I was saying, it was all a front. As soon as Richard’s brother started downing Jack Daniels, the hospitality went out the window. BG, this fool went from telling me how nice my body was to him asking if I would come inside and sit on his face.”
I interjected, “I think I may know who you’re referring to. I’ve never met Richard but Brock almost got slapped once before. On the flip, I mean, that doesn’t sound like the worst thing in the world a man can request.”
“Freaky ass. His wife was there. Them pervs were trying to live out some exotic fantasy with my black ass, but trust, they found the right one for the wrong job. I went off, tossed my drink in his face, and was two seconds from flipping the whole house upside down and acting just like he insinuated I would, but I didn’t want to embarrass Latif—”
“Any more than I’m sure you already had.”
“Alright. Keep on. I’m trying to warn you and save you from ending up in the back of a van with no kidneys and one titty. But I know you’re hardheaded and feeling Leiland, so go ahead. Bet they’ll be having an orgy in the foyer or some nasty white people shit once you walk in.”
“Hold up. Leiland doesn’t seem like the type to be into all that,” I told her defensively.
Not knowing much about Mr. Greyson made it hard to know what he was capable of. Sadly, that was really one of the reasons I shied away from him, not knowing his capabilities scared me. Whether good or bad, I feared what his assets would mean for me.
“Damn, are they that bad?” I asked, slightly nervous.
“Yes. They are that bad!”
“No! They’re not.” Ju challenged.
According to them, the brother inherited a fly ass timeshare when his grandmother passed away. A few times a year, you can expect a houseful for either a fundraiser or a party.
“Listen, we’ll all be together. It doesn’t matter what they’re thinking, this isn’t the ’60s, and we’re not playing that ‘token blackie’ shit. You guys know Tif; he doesn’t fuck around. And he’s known them for years, that’s all the reassurance I need. Trust, if they come with the dumb shit, we’ll say our piece and leave. Eleven, you are definitely a part of the problem.”
That caused her sister to scarf.
“Eleven, what’s good for the gander has to be alright for the goose. You can sit on the phone, talk mess, using words like ‘that white people shit’ but if Brock or Richie said any of that, the world would be ending.”
“You damn right!” Both Eleven and I shouted in unison, irritating Jupiter more.
“Such double standards.”
I mocked her, “Such double standards.”
“Girl, bye. Tell that to the dark-skin hotties that were forced to work in the back of fields, while you bright-skin broads were nestled up in the kitchen. Both black but treated completely different due to the amount of melanin in their skin, so you can double standard these nuts,” Eleven ranted.
“And even with all that, Billie is ready to fuck masta.” She shot back with a southern accent.
“Fuck you! I didn’t even say anything.”
“Whatever. I’ll be leaving here in the next forty-five minutes. You’re more than welcome to ride with us if you don’t want to take the drive. I know Wanda Bread Drive isn’t close,” Jupiter offered.
I could hear El’s silly ass whispering on the line, “Don’t do it, Ms. Ceilie.”
“Oh hell no. I’ll text you before I leave to see if you’re going. Eleven, you’re a dumb ass. Bye,” she growled, leaving us with the dial tone.
“So are you walking the green mile or what? At least you know what’s waiting for you at the end.”
Hardly.
“Wait. Aren’t you going too?”
“Yessss, but only to ensure my sister is good. I can’t leave her out there to be auctioned off like dude on Get Out. You know they’d love to cash in on her big ass brain. She works for Space X. You know that’s money on the black market.”
“You’re losing me now. Bye, Eleven.”
“What?”
One Hour later…
Though I decided to parlay with my family, I drove my own car. That way if I wanted to leave early, I could bounce and not have to inconvenience anyone else.
“Ok, Billie Bad Ass. Looking like a hottie.” Jupiter complimented, giving me a hug though she was the one who deserved all the praise. Sticking to her new wave, she was draped in an all-white one piece that dipped low in the back stopping right above her butt. I was surprised she was outdoors with so much side boob out, but I was sure Latif only let it go down because he was in her company. After kissing Eleven’s cheek, I walked over and hugged Latif.
“You let Jupiter come outside with all this body out? She’s going to have the boys going crazy.”
“I’m not worried. She knows how to conduct herself. But just in case she forgets, I’ll be right on her ass as a reminder,” he said feverishly, smacking her Jupiter’s ass.
“Just remember what I told you earlier, Billie. Watch yourself in here.”
Admiring her floral duster and
matching pants, I knew her ass wasn’t planning to swim.
“Eleven, stop filling her head with that bullshit. These are my folks. I’ve known Richard since junior high school, he’s harmless. Got a big mouth, but it’s all talk,” Latif said to me.
Music met us on the side of the house as we walked to where the party was being held. The backyard was huge, matching perfectly with the seven-bedroom, four-bath house it belonged to. The smell of BBQ was almost as loud as the Too Short coming from the DJ setup in the corner. And though the aroma of ribs and the visual of an open bar had me twerking on the inside, nothing made me more excited than the huge custom designed pool.
I was surprised there weren’t many people in the pool, especially with the infinity-pool effect. But as I scanned the crowd, it was obvious they were the types to put on bathing suits for everything except to swim. And when I say “crowd”, I meant women. Prissy broads that didn’t want to wet their hair and wore swimsuits only for decorations, much like Eleven. I had spent years locked up, secluded, so there was no way in heaven I was coming to a pool party and not enjoying the water.
“I see Leiland’s sister Preston is here, so he’s gotta be around somewhere. No way in hell he’d let her come here alone.”
I didn’t know why Latif felt it was necessary to make that announcement. I wasn’t searching for Leiland.
Ha, who the hell was I kidding?
“Latif! Man, I’m happy you finally made it. I thought you guys weren’t going to make it.” A tall man with dark hair and enough abs to loan me a rack greeted Latif first before facing us.
Fine ass white men were definitely in season this year. Dude wasn’t as good looking as my friend Mr. Greyson, but he wasn’t missing out on any pussy, I was sure.
“You know how women are. And I had to wait for three of them to put their faces on. I almost gave up.”
“Shut up, ass,” Ju said, slapping his shoulder and giving who I assumed was Richard a hug.
“I see you brought treats,” he said, acknowledging Eleven and I.
Loving You Through Our Differences Page 7
