Loving You Through Our Differences

by Tucora Monique

  I removed my card from my pocket and slid it into the sleeve “Am I visible to you? I’m sitting here, but you’re looking at everything except me.”

  She stared at me now and spoke her piece, “It’s just every time I say something sweet or remotely kind, you give me a passive thank you.”

  I looked at her. “I’m learning that what may resemble rudeness or an insult coming from you is really your way of showing compassion. I mean, you just asked if I have a side hustle because I dress nice.” I beamed taking advantage of her sympathy. Unfair because she was partially right, but she had shot enough insults to take the fall for this one.

  “To be honest, I’m mindful of the way I dress because when I was younger I didn’t have the luxury of name brand clothes. Even when it wasn’t mandated by the school district, my sisters and I still had to wear uniforms. Khakis and Polo shirts every day during the week. I would give my old lady a hard time about it. Trust me, I can understand why you were hustlin’ for gear. Hell, I’ve been there. So your compliment is actually one I appreciate.” I raised my glass to salute her.

  She looked up to the ceiling then shrugged the chocolate hills she called shoulders.

  “I can see how my words don’t match my intentions, but to know me is to accept me.”

  “I didn’t say I had a problem doing that. Don’t put words into my mouth, lady.”

  “Would you prefer I put something else there instead?”

  There goes the Billie I’ve gotten to know.

  “I’d prefer we both have a mouthful at the same time. That way, no one feels left out.” My tongue made an appearance, and I saw her eyes follow the length as it ran its course from one side of my bottom lip to the other. Billie shifted in her seat as I ogled her. I knew sexual thoughts raced through her mind as curiosity overcame her face. Sparx’s dark eyes had gotten low, like she’d had a little medicine in her food. She bit the corner of her lip, and her right eyebrow was hitched.

  “I like you. Well, the you that I’m seeing right now. He’s not that bad.”

  I scrunched my brows. “What is that supposed to mean? The man you see now is me, baby girl. Always,” I reassured her with my arms out wide.

  “No one is always one person; we all change depending on the situation. Everyone you know has an image. Like Paul, we must adapt to our surroundings. I haven’t been through enough with you to know if you’d leave me high and dry if the scenario shifted. If I fall short of this image you’ve conjured up of who I am, how would you handle your disappointment? Which brings me to my next question. Why are you single, Leiland? You seem like a catch for someone who’s fishing.”

  I chuckled at her choice of words. I noticed she had me laughing often. I admired that. Women aren’t the only ones who like a companion with a sense of humor; men like to laugh too. Waiting for the waitress to return with my card, I answered Billie’s question.

  “Being single is not the worst thing in the world.”

  “Wish you’d tell your friend and his woman that. If Jupiter and Latif set me up on one more damn date, I’m going to send their asses to jail for prostitution. I really feel like I’m being pimped out!”

  I shook my head. “Don’t try in put us into the same box. I’m single, but I needed some time to work on myself after my first serious relationship ended. There’s no fancy, intricate explanation behind it. You’re running from the possibilities, while I’m open. You’re purposely winging them off.”

  Her funny ass started clapping. “Dr. Phil better watch the hell out for Mr. G.”

  “I’m just being honest, Sparx. Experience will do that for you.”

  “With what you know, I guess you’re correct.”

  “Excuse me?” I piqued.

  “On the surface, everything you’ve said about me is right. But what if I told you I have given myself to someone and was screwed over to the point where redos were nonexistent?”

  I watched as she calmed herself and gathered strength from a place she hadn’t introduced me to just yet before continuing.

  “I won’t lie and say I was head over heels in love. I wasn’t, but I had feelings for the dude I was following behind. And after all I had went through with my family, I figured the love I got from outside my household may prove to be more, I don’t know, valid.” She shrugged, not waiting to show she wholeheartedly cared.

  “I know that sounds backward as fuck, but I thought of it this way, your family is obligated to love you, it’s expected. But people who don’t share the same blood have to sincerely care for you to deal with your flaws. At the time, I felt abandoned, even my damn sister Carmen ducked off on me, but Jackson was there. When I needed money for cheerleading materials or school clothes, he made it a priority to have what I needed, and during that time all that was fantasizing; his presence and money resembled love. Once I got locked up for being involved in the operation, it clicked for me how every man I had trusted took advantage of what I could do for him. First my father, then the dude I gave my virginity to, and then Jackson, and that was the final straw.”

  Her honesty was sharp, but I respected that.

  “Believe it or not, I’m a kind ass person, but I got fed up at a young age with feeling tricked into loving and giving, so I stopped. My daddy did it, and even afterward, I never looked at anyone with a dick the same again. But for some odd reason, here I am. Out. With you.”

  “Here we are. I don’t know what exactly I did to make you become open to the idea of being unraveled, but I’m taking that seriously. You have to understand that you can get anything in life without putting something out. Us men don’t work for shit unless you make us, and a man who doesn’t work doesn’t eat. I want to eat you alive but only after I’ve earned it. I’m not asking for any favors. I want to know from the inside of you to the outer parts. Hell, I want to put my DNA on your soul, not just your pussy, Sparx. All I ask is for you to have an open heart toward my efforts.”

  I don’t think I could recall a time that Ms. Brice was ever speechless, but today needed to be framed. Her expression was unreadable, but I trusted she heard my admission. I could see the waitress returning, so I stood so we could get going. Sparx followed my lead and stood. I walked around the table and pulled her chair out. Sliding her shades back on, Billie slid her fingers into mine, and our palms meshed effortlessly.

  She tugged me down a bit before speaking, “Damn, I swear if we weren’t going to try and do this the right way, I’d take you in the bedroom and fuck the sh—”

  I looked up for no more than a second, and the waitress who was servicing us looked horrified. She’d heard Billie’s loud ass of course. Billie saw her face too and decided to put on a show. Pulling me down, she snaked her tongue out and licked my lips nastily before biting into the bottom one. I played along and cuffed her juicy ass which fit in my hands perfectly. I had been wanting to do that since I walked up to her when we first arrived.

  “Mmm, you better watch those long fingers. Mess around and lose one.”

  Chuckling at her silliness, I pulled her behind me to the exit, and then slid on my own sunglasses as we went down the stairs.

  “Don’t kill me if I don’t do this right, Leiland,” she blurted, not looking at me.

  “I don’t expect for this to be easy. Honestly, I haven’t committed to shit in two years except tattoos, but if you say yes to giving us a fair shot and we both put in the work, we’ll be good and anything that’s left… we’ll split the difference,” I said, turning her face to me and pecking her forehead.

  Nodding in agreement, I grinned at the pretty lady.

  Feeling eyes on me, I checked my surroundings until I saw who was scoping me.

  “‘Sup, Red. I thought that was you back there in the restaurant. How you been, man?” The giant said to me but eyed Sparx. Reaching for my hand, we did a familiar handshake before he looked me up and down.

  “I’ve been good, Boat. Surprised to see you on this side of town. A little too sunny for your taste,” I spat.


  I wasn’t being rude. I was being honest.

  Noticing his slacks and dress shoes, I scoffed. Must’ve just finished up with a meeting. He always put on his uniform when in front of company. Otherwise, it was ripped jeans and leather boots.

  “I could say the same about you. But I won’t call you out on it in front of your lady friend,” he said, reaching for Sparx’s hand. Before his lips could touch her flesh, I snatched it away. No way in hell I’d let this Babadok put his filthy lips on her. I was happy she didn’t question my behavior. An explanation could be given once he was gone.

  “Ahaha. Still an overprotective, hothead I see. Happy to see much hasn’t changed with you, Red. We miss you down at the joint. Stop being a stranger.”

  “I’ll think about it,” I growled more than I’d noticed until Sparx tightened her grip on my hand.

  Clearing her throat, Sparx demanded our attention.

  “OK, OK. I get the hint little lady.” He cut in. “I just wanted to say hi to my brother. Regardless of what happened in the past, we’ll always be brothers. Remember what I said, Red. Come see about us,” he added before walking back to his party.

  Once out of earshot, I dreaded looking at Billie.

  “Sooooo, who was that. In all the facts you literally just revealed, nowhere in there did you mention being an ex-member of the mob or that you had a brother.” She kidded.

  Scrunching my brows today, I corrected her.

  “Not the mob, love. I used to roll with The Shepherds heavy up until a couple years ago. Boat isn’t my real brother.”

  “The Shepherds, the motorcycle gang?”

  Nodding in conformation, I watched her and waited on a reaction. Her face wouldn’t be able to hide her true thoughts. I had long discovered Sparx wore her emotions on her cocoa-blended face.

  “Oooweee, Mr. Greyson. That’s kind of hot. When can I ride?” She jested, fanning herself.

  Piercing the dimple in my right cheek with her pink painted nail, she gushed over the fact.

  “I’m happy that’s not a problem for you. I haven’t ridden with the crew for two springs. Shit got messy and dangerous for people close to me, so I had to step down,” I declared, cuffing her hand into mine and pulling her along with me.

  I checked over my shoulder as we walked to make sure no one was following us. I knew I was just being paranoid. The Shepherds had wronged me, I had no reason to check my back, but that never stopped me from doing so.

  “Well, I won’t pry and ask for more details. Not today anyway, but soon enough, I’ll be all in your shit,” she responded.

  “I don’t put it past you, Sparx,” I assured her as we crossed the street and headed to our next destination for the next course.

  Billie

  “I’m on my way,” I sang before Eleven could get a word in. I told her I’d be to her place by 6:30, and it was already fifteen minutes to seven, and she’s called twice.

  “Yeah right. Your ass said that ten minutes ago,” she complained before hanging up on me.

  I snickered at her sour mood. I couldn’t share it if I wanted too. I was still riding such a fresh wave since my date with Leiland two Mondays back. There wasn’t much that could sway my mood. For the first time in my life, I fell asleep on the phone with a man. It’s sad that I hadn’t experienced that as a teenager, but keep in mind I grew up in a house with a man that hit puberty during the early 1940s. My pappy was not going for that shit, which is why I had to sneak around so much when dealing with Jackson.

  Waking up to sounds of Leiland still on the phone snoring was welcomed ruckus. The kind of noise that usually annoyed me, excited me. He sounded like a damn wildebeest. The shit was intriguing. Weird, but it was something I wanted to get used to.

  I hummed along to my girl Jhene’s “New Balance” until I was interrupted by another incoming call.

  “Girl, I swear if you don’t hold your damn ass cheeks! I’m going to slap you.”

  “I would much rather squeeze and slap yours.”

  Fuck, I mouthed. “Sorry, about that, I thought you were my cousin. Good morning,” I chimed bashfully.

  Uh, that’s a first.

  “Good morning, beautiful. How’d you sleep last night?”

  “I’m the one who should be asking you that.” I glanced at the time on my dash, it was 6:58 in the morning. “Are you already on your way to work?”

  “Yep. Nothing comes to a man that sleeps but a dream, and I’ve already established enough of those,” he replied so sure of himself. I almost moaned in gratitude of his security.

  I wasn’t familiar with men who carried themselves like Mr. Greyson, but I was relishing in the difference. Most of the men I dealt with don’t call me, they text.

  And if they do, it’s only about us fucking.

  Yes, I waved a sign for nonchalant behavior, but I never knew how much I’d value someone forcing change on me until Leiland pinned me down.

  “I guess it’s safe to assume you haven’t made it to your exercise class yet.”

  “Nope. Almost to Eleven’s place now. I have a little time though. Class doesn’t start until 7:30, and she lives fairly close by.”

  “I hope I didn’t keep you up too late. When I heard you snoring your response, I should’ve hung up. Just didn’t want to let you go, Sparx,” he said sweetly.

  “I do not snore.”

  “Yes, you do. And I notice you went straight to what you thought was an insult versus me letting you know I don’t want you to go anywhere, Billie.”

  “Because, that’s the only part I have a problem with, Leiland,” I said to myself, but he obviously heard me.

  “Sounds good. As long as we’re on the same page, we’re good. What time do you get off today?”

  Whatever time you get me off, I screamed in my head.

  “Seven. Why, do you want you to see me?”

  Again, he chuckled softly. “Yeah, if you want to be seen. Coffee last week was cool, and FaceTime will only suffice for so long. I do have a question though, when are you going to cook for your man, Sparx?”

  Between you and me, every time he called me Sparx my body got hot from my pinky toe up to my eyebrows.

  Leiland’s voice interrupted my raising body temperature and before I could acknowledge his request to have me in the kitchen, he invited me out.

  “Do you know how to skate? On three wheels, not rollerblades.”

  “Duh! I grew up in the ’90s.”

  “Barely.” He clowned.

  I joined his laughter and was certain the dimple in his right cheek was on display with eyes tight at the ends. It was taking everything in me not to say screw all this formal shit and take this to a more intimate level, but I refused to be the one to elevate our situation. That would be too predictable. I also couldn’t…

  “Hello?”

  “Yeah. I’m here. I’d love to go skating. Haven’t done that in years.”

  “They just reopened World on Wheels, so we can chill there for a minute before getting something to eat. I guess you can put something together for us another day.”

  “Sounds like a plan.”

  He whistled. “Whattt, I didn’t have to stalk you for another week to see that pretty face again? Thought I was going to have to put you on ice and wait for you to thaw out.”

  “Corny.” I squealed, which may have been nerdier than what he’d said.

  “Call me what you want, but I keep you laughing. Must be doing something right.”

  “Only because it’s the truth will I not give you a hard time. I miss your face, and I’d love to go skating,” I admitted.

  “Indeed.”

  “I’ll be home by eight and ready by nine. Is that cool?”

  “That’s perfect. I’ll check in with you later.”

  “Wait, I wanted to run something by you.”

  “Shoot.”

  “So remember last night you asked what my alternative plans for my business are if I don’t come up with the solid startup?”


  “Yes.”

  “And remember you mentioned a food truck?”

  “I do.” Hearing the smile in his voice cause me to get more hyped about sharing.

  “It’ll cost half the amount of a store front, it’ll be more flexible, and I may be able to reach more people since I’ll be mobile. I got up a little earlier to do some research, but it’s for sure an option, so thank you for throwing it out there.”

  “That’s nice. I think that’s an effective alternative. I can see you on Venice Beach with your sunflower-decorated cereal truck.”

  “Thank you. Later, Mr. Greyson.”

  “Indeed, Sparx,” he said before hanging up.

  I don’t know when that became our exit to conversation, but we’d be doing it for while months now. I thought it was cute.

  We’d met for coffee once, and I made my way downstairs to stalk him twice while he was on route, but the time I was now craving hadn’t been spent. Hell, that could take forever to accomplish.

  Happy to see Eleven already outside waiting for me, I obnoxiously waved in her direction. I hoped her attitude had settled, but when she snaked her neck at me and looked at her wrist that I was sure held an imaginary watch, I knew she was still on her good shit.

  “‘Bout damn time. I swear next time I’m going to just call an Uber because you can’t be on time for shit.” She fussed, tossing her bag down. Fastening her seatbelt, she leaned my way puckering her lips for a kiss. I gave her my cheek. “Good morning.”

  “Morninggggggg. You look cute.”

  Dressed in a black and pink Nike spandex jumpsuit, Eleven stunted like she was modeling the gear versus occupying the threads for exercise. Her sugar-cookie complexion mixed with light-brown eyes and a neat, pixie cut could easily get my cousin a print campaign.

  El gave me a skeptical look. “And who the hell done gave you some morning moans? That’s normally why women walk around happy at the crack of dawn for no reason.” She paused. Taking my eyes off the road, I glanced at Eleven.

  “Justin Timberlake!” she screamed.

  “Who?”