Loving You Through Our Differences

by Tucora Monique

  “Sparx?” I called to her.

  “When I was younger, my dad used to have me go with him to gamble. I interpreted it as quality time,” she explained, using her finger to demonstrate air quotes.

  “My father killed my mom, Leiland. They were both asleep, I got up to pee and heard weird noises. Being nosy, I looked inside their room, and there they were—”

  “Wait, but you said he was—”

  “Yes, you heard me right,” she pleaded, sounding exhausted.

  “My dad had a history of sleepwalking. Like exceptionally functional while still slumped. I suffer from the same thing, which you already know, but that’s the other reason I didn’t feel comfortable sleeping with you for the longest. Scared of myself.”

  Cradling her in my arms, I near her onto my chest as I kissed the top of her head with compassion rather than sympathy.

  “All my life I’ve fought with what happened that night. I was only eleven, and my brain couldn’t separate reality from the love I saw between them my entire life. Shit, I still can’t. That’s mostly why I’ve avoided being in a space and having to decide what’s real versus what isn’t. I didn’t want to be a burden for my mate.”

  I was eager to offer reassurance but stopped myself as she continued.

  “I haven’t seen my dad since he went to court years ago. He had the nerve to have his bitch and her round belly there. That fucked me up even more. I’ve never given him the opportunity to explain himself.”

  “But you know you have to right?”

  “I do. Especially now.” Placing her hand in the middle of my chest, she rested her chin on top. Gazing at me dreamy-like with the type of smile that showed all the teeth in her mouth. Void of the pain I’d heard in her voice seconds ago, Billie smiled through the dark.

  “You have changed my whole outlook on preconceived opinions and assumptions. There’s no way in hell, I actually believed parking in the wrong spot on purpose would bring me a soul mate. I’ve never told any man what I’ve just told you.”

  My eyebrows touched upon hearing the words “on purpose”.

  “Wait a minute. What do you mean parking in the wrong place on purpose? Do you have any idea how many tickets I paid for you because I thought you were fine as hell but a little on the slow side?”

  Laughing with her mouth open, she sat up. “No way, you paid for my tickets?”

  “Did you ever get anything in the mail?” I asked.

  She shifted her gaze back and forth across the room. “I think I did. Once… but for the most part, noooo,” she chimed innocently.

  “Exactly. Can’t believe you did that shit on purpose. All to get me in your bed. What a little hussy.”

  “Says the one who paid parking tickets for pussy.” She muttered back.

  Attacking her, I flipped her over and kissed all over her face. In the mist of giggles, I took a moment to be serious. Rubbing her hair back gently, I stared into her eyes.

  “Thank you,” I told her.

  With less of a smile, she caressed the side of my face.

  “I should be thanking you. For wanting more for me than I wanted for myself.”

  Like a proud parent, I cheesed from ear to ear with pride for my baby’s progress.

  Resting my body on top of hers, I got cozy between her legs.

  “I’ve decided to go meet up with my dad.”

  “Why now?” I asked, not questioning her decision but simply asking a question.

  “Closure, I guess.” She shrugged, unsure of herself.

  “You guess? What do you know, Billie?”

  “I know as a child my judgment may have been blurred. I was biased because no matter if it was accidental or not, my mother wasn’t coming back. I also know there’s a family inheritance with my name on it, and although I don’t have to talk to him to cash it in, I’d feel dirty just taking the money and running.” She revealed.

  “Is the last part piggybacking on the question you asked last night.”

  “Yes,” she said quietly while running her small hands up and down my back.

  “And how would reaching out to your dad help your healing if it’s not about the money?”

  “I don’t know yet,” she admitted, sounding less confident.

  “Don’t do that. I just want to make sure this won’t set you back a few notches. I’m in no way telling you not to reach out. That’s your family, but you’re my family, and I don’t give a damn about any money.”

  “Wow. At this moment I remember my love is white.”

  “I’m serious, Billie Grace. I just don’t want you doing more harm than good with this meeting. Understand me?

  “My sister will be in town soon for Jupiter’s wedding. I’m thinking about having Carmen go with me. She’ll be a good support system.”

  Leiland

  “I should’ve followed my first mind and waited at least an extra hour before coming to get you.” I reasoned with Sparx, who had me waiting too long for her to finish dressing. I had grown tired of scrolling through social media and didn’t want to make the drive if we’d only be there a second.

  “Stop complaining. I’m ready.”

  Seeing her come out from her bathroom dressed almost identical to me made my heart feel a way.

  “Dressing like your man, huh?”

  “For your information, I already had this laid out before you got here. You must’ve been looking through my window,” she said, spraying her pressure points with the Clinique “Happy” perfume I’d gotten her earlier in the week.

  “Whatever makes you feel better about it. Either way, we look good, lady.” I confirmed admiring the way she roped the black and blood flannel around her waist. It was a perfect replica of the one I had on. We both had on leather combat boots, but hers had a block heel that had her calves beautifully pronounced. The black, V-neck T-shirt hugged her D cups tight and dipped low enough to warrant a complaint, but I decided to let her live. I had never been the controlling type, and I wouldn’t start now.

  It only took us fifteen minutes to get to the bowling alley, and it was obvious the joint we’d smoked on the way over had soaked into us like a musk. I felt bad ass with my lady, and regardless of the stares that fell on us, I wouldn’t allow the judgment to anchor how we spent our free time.

  Thankfully, our crew was occupying the lanes closest to the door, so it wasn’t hard to find them once we made our entrance.

  “Hello, family!” Sparx greeted, getting everyone’s attention.

  “Aye!” they shouted in unison, excited to see we’d made it.

  “Finally! Bro, I’ve been waiting on you to get here so we can show these women they not knocking down shit except these nuts,” Jordan blurted, causing the fellas to laugh but the women to attack.

  “Don’t get slapped. For once in your life, behave. Move.” Eleven chastised, pushing past J to get to Billie. Hugging her briefly, she stepped back and grinned at us.

  “My, how the tables overturned. BG has always been the first one to clown couples for dressing alike.”

  “And now she’s the pot calling the kettle black,” Jupiter said, walking up to the conversation.

  “Hello, beautiful.” I greeted while she got on her cousin’s case.

  “Hi, Leiland. But I must admit, you guys complement each other well.”

  “Thank you.”

  “But you guys do know it’s dark in here. May as well lose the shades, we can smell the weed.”

  “Bitch, don’t play us. We aren’t wearing glasses because we’re high, we’re wearing them because we’re fucking cool,” Sparx said with all seriousness causing us all to laugh.

  “I’ll be right back. I’m going to get our shoes,” I announced, leaving the ladies to themselves.

  Barely making it to the rental counter, I felt someone tug on the tail of my shirt. Swiftly, I turned to see who the hell was touching me because Billie was on the other side of the room.

  “Wow. What? Has Lil Kim forbidden you to speak to me?”<
br />
  Cindy knew she was out of line with her words and with the touching. I heard about her messing with Dick, and I could bet that was her reason for being in the same location as me. Dick was the first person I spotted when we’d walked through the door. The burnt-orange button-down that clashed with his skin made him hard to miss.

  “Watch your fucking mouth. You spit that hot shit to me, but you and I both know you won’t say it to her face. You came here with someone, but you’re in my face. That’s disrespectful. That’s also the reason I could never take you seriously. There’s nothing for us to talk about. Stay in your lane, and we’ll all have a good time tonight.”

  “I just wanted to say hi.” She sighed as if I was completely off with the things I’d said.

  “But you didn’t. Goodbye.”

  No longer entertaining the conversation, I faced the cashier and let him know what I needed.

  Feeling someone’s wrap their arms around my body had me ready to spazz. I knew this broad wasn’t taking things this far.

  “Relax. Its only me.” Sparx’s voice instantly removed the tension from my body.

  Now face-to-face, I wrapped my arms around her neck and smothered her space.

  “I saw you had a visitor,” she cooed, causing me to chuckle. I didn’t doubt she was watching me and Cindy’s exchange.

  “Unwanted, but yeah, something like that. Jealous?” We’d become immersed in our own world, ignoring the groans of folks waiting in line behind us.

  “Never.” She sassed, nipping my bottom lip with her teeth. “You’re mine. Nothing to be jealous of.”

  We retrieved our things and walked back to the group hand in hand.

  Jupiter watched us closely as I removed Billie’s leather boots and slid on her bowling shoes. Knowingly, I asked Ju what the stares were about.

  “I’m happy for my cousin, that’s all. Out here mix and matching and shit. And I don’t think I’ve heard one curse word since you guys arrived. I notice the subtle changes, and those actually matter the most. You’re good for her.”

  “You do see me sitting here don’t you?” Billie inquired as if Jupiter cared.

  “That’s right, baby, show Richie how we dominate in all sports,” Jupiter shouted dismissing Sparx’s question.

  “What the hell is he doing here anyway? You know Dick and I don’t get along!” I knew what she meant but the verbiage sounded awful put together.

  “Girl, you know that’s Latif’s friend. Can’t kick him out the group just because we don’t like him. Leiland has been trying that for years.” She kidded with some truth.

  “Damn right. He’s already unwanted, but now, he’s bringing that broad around.” I shook my head at the thought of everything that could possibly go wrong with her now being a fixture in my inner circle.

  “I’m not worried. Latif knows I remain quiet about some things out of sheer respect, but the vibe won’t be heavy because Richie is trying be funny by dating your ex.”

  “Doesn’t matter, screw them.” Leaning over, I bit her earlobe.

  “I just want to enjoy my lady and friends before you guys become isolated in that married life.” Standing, I winked at Sparx who was suddenly quiet.

  “Are you good?”

  “I am now,” she replied, smacking me on the ass and encouraging my next step. “Go show ‘em what you working with, baby.”

  Leiland

  “Please stop staring at me like I’m an alien or foreign creature or something. Face it, you are now the proud owner of a beautiful black woman, who happens to wear fake hair.” She joked, sitting in the middle of her living room like a kindergartener on a mat in class. Her thick, chocolate legs were crossed Indian style. The retro gym shorts and sports bra she’d thrown on were more stimulating than any piece of Victoria’s Secret lingerie I’d saw her in. She was in her natural element with a litter of crinkled hair crowded around and just watching her arms up and above her head for so long made mine ache.

  Like she had repeated the words in her head, she frowned. “None of that sounded acceptable but you catch my drift.”

  “I didn’t say anything. I can look all I want. You’re mine to look at, lady,” I boasted, tossing a peanut in her direction.

  “Oh God. Here you go.” Falling back on the floor, she pretended to faint at my revelation, but it was all facts. And if she could point out the lie, I’d shut my eyes and my mouth.

  “Nah, I won’t go there. Just making sure you understand. And you do realize, African-American women aren’t the only ones who wear horse hair.”

  “Watch it! I didn’t say shit about any horses,” she called out with her eyes now wide up to the ceiling. An old Temptations song played on her Beats Pill speaker settled on the coffee table. She laid sprawled out on the floor mouthing the lyrics of the oldie. Removing my laptop, I got up and pulled her from her place.

  “What are you doing?” she asked blushing.

  “Dance with me.”

  “Ok. But wait. Have you heard from Petals? They should have an answer for you by now. I meant to ask you yesterday.”

  “Nope,” I answered in a hurry. Putting her hand in mine, I slid my fingers between hers and my other hand around her waist.

  Guiding her body, we rocked side to side completely absorbed in one another. Her hips naturally swayed with percussion as I sang along to The Temptation’s “I Want A Love I Can See.”

  The giggling that erupted from Billie was a sound I never wanted to forget. Kissing her shoulder, I serenaded her along with Paul Williams.

  “Want a love I can see. The kind of love you can give to me. The kind of kisses to make, make me melt.”

  I spun her around, dipped her back, and like a beautiful doo-wop girl, she sang the background, “Ooo, make me melt.”

  “The kind of love that can really be felt, now.”

  “I swear you are the sexiest white man in the world. Well, after Gerard Butler, you got number one baby,” she teased, bringing her hands around my neck as the song faded out.

  Quick and in no time she was in front of the TV dragging a piece of loose hair along with her.

  “You’re moving like the winning numbers are coming on and you have the ticket.”

  Eyes low and over her shoulder, she sassed. “Hush up.”

  She is so damn sexy.

  Looking past her silhouette, I gave the screen that she partially blocked my attention.

  “Oh, hell no! I’m going up to the art room,” I insisted, gathering my materials from the couch.

  “No! Stay and indulge with me,” she whined.

  “I don’t want to hear a group of grown ass women argue over wine and food that never gets ate.”

  With her lips turned up and arms folded across her chest, Sparx called me out.

  “Sounds like you’ve watched more than enough.”

  “I’ve gotten caught up a time or two at my ma’s house. Preston had it playing.”

  “Yeah, Preston. Blame Preston,” she whispered with sarcasm practically dripping off of every word.

  Slowly kneeling, she got on all fours and crawled over to her seat. With her round and brown up in the air, she was doing her best to entice me into keeping her company.

  “You can stay down here with me. Stop acting like that. Your portfolio is damn near complete and a work of perfection, might I add. Please, daddy,” came from her harmonized with puppy-dog eyes.

  That daddy talk got me every time.

  Seductively, she added, “I’ll make it worth your while during the commercials!”

  Bingo!

  Taking another look at her, I thought about it, “I don’t know about that. When you go down on me you’ll look like half woman, half bird.”

  “Fuck you! I’m done anyway for your information, now I just gotta wash it.”

  “See, that’s what I’m trying to explain. No fucking. Not until you do something with your head other than bob for apples. Choose a side, Sparx. Human or beast.”

  Snatching a throw pi
llow from the floor, it was launched at me.

  Of course, she missed.

  Freeing my hands, I tossed back and hit her smack in the forehead with a little force that sounded off.

  Oh shit.

  “Ouch! Your ass is going to jail. You just hit me!” she yelped, rolling around on the floor cradling her face.

  “With a pillow.”

  “Doesn’t matter, asshole. The tag almost took my eye out. See?” She showed me with her middle finger pressed against her “injured” eye.

  Deciding to appease my big baby, I lowered down to where she had spread out.

  “Let me kiss it.”

  “No.” Wiggling out of my hold and shielding her face, she did horrible job at being mad.

  Her cheekbones were too pronounced under her eyes for me to believe she was upset.

  “You know I loveeee you, lady,” I taunted before nibbling on her bottom lip.

  Snapping from her emotional playtime, her posture gave notice to her attention being shifted. Prompted on her elbows with me laying between her legs, she looked in my eyes without wavering.

  I knew what I’d said, and I wasn’t surprised she’d latched on to my confession.

  “Love…” She reiterated with a layer of shock in her body language.

  “Of course, Sparx. You know I love you—”

  “But you’ve never told me and—”

  “But you’ve felt it right? Before I entered your body, you felt the power you had over me?”

  “Yes.”

  I smiled, my chest puffed out to the door with pride.

  “Gotta go with the feeling baby.”

  The sole purpose of Billie and I waiting to have sex was because she looked at it as something you just do at leisure, trivial. But the truth is, it’s something serious. An orgasm is pure euphoria when done right, and to share that with someone you don’t care about or care to get to know was backward in my opinion. I’m guilty of carrying on that way before, but I’ve never been lost on the foundation.

  “I love you more,” she emphasized with water balancing on the ends of her eyes.