ANGEL: When Angels Cry

by CJ Bishop

  Clearing his throat, Horatio nodded absently. “My pleasure.” He murmured and touched the glass to his lips again. “It’s nice to be of some use now and then, have a purpose, even if it’s only temporary.”

  “What’re talking about?” Max walked over as Horatio poured him a drink and handed it to him. “You do a lot of good, for a lot of people. You contribute to numerous important charities. And you’re generous with your money. That’s actually a rare quality.”

  Horatio glanced up as Max remained standing. “I could help you more.” He said quietly, then smiled, “Buy you a nice big house, stock it with servants…”

  Max chuckled. “What do I need with all that? I only have me to take care of. I don’t need servants for that.” He walked around the glass coffee table and sat in the chair. “Besides, you already helped me plenty. If it wasn’t for your backing, this club would have never gotten on its feet.”

  “Yeah.” Horatio murmured and downed his drink, gaze distant. When Max had left him all those years ago, it had taken him close to five years to find him again. At that time, the Phoenix had just been an idea in Max’s head. But it was an idea that had been simmering for a long time. Horatio knew–because he had been the one to initially plant the seed. He looked at Max. “Do you remember…that this was originally my idea?”

  “What?”

  “Opening a gay strip club.” He smiled wryly. “We would lay out under the stars, buck naked, staring at the night sky and talking about our dreams, what we wanted to do with our lives.” He laughed softly. “You thought I was insane when I said we should open a strip club.”

  His lips tight, Max smiled and nodded. “I remember.”

  “Do you remember what put the idea in my mind?”

  Max stared blankly at his glass, his fingertips tapping the edge. He nodded silently.

  “We danced so well together.” Horatio murmured, an ache squeezing his throat. “We were…in perfect sync. And you…god, you were so fucking sexy. I’d never seen a body move like yours could.” He licked his lips slowly and glanced away. “When I saw Abel on stage…it was like watching you all over again.” He swallowed thickly and looked at Max. “I always wanted to see you dance on stage.” He smiled softly. “With me as your only audience, of course.”

  Max rubbed his mouth and sniffed, then met Horatio’s gaze, eyes damp. “Is there a point to this conversation?”

  “Just reminiscing.” Horatio offered quietly and leaned back against the sofa. “It’s all I have left. Can’t you give me that much? Sit with me now and then and…” His eyes stung and he looked away. “And take a moment to remember when things were good and perfect between us?”

  “What’s the good in remembering, Horatio?” Max whispered, tears forming. “Where is the comfort in it? The memories only…” he shook his head, his throat working. He set his glass down a bit too hard and stood up, running his hand through his hair. “The memories only make this reality hurt more. Sometimes I wish…I could erase them all. Just forget that…” His words trailed off as he turned his back to Horatio, gripping the nape of his neck fiercely.

  “Just forget that we ever loved each other?” Horatio finished for him, voice thick with emotion. He stood up. “Is that really what you wish? That you…” His vision blurred. “That you had no memories of me at all? No memories of…us?”

  Max nodded slowly without looking at him. “Sometimes,” he whispered thickly, voice tight with tears. “I do.”

  “Fine.” Horatio murmured, hurt squeezing his heart. “Then give them to me and you can forget I ever fucking existed. I’ll keep the memories, because I’d rather spend my time remembering the boy who used to love me–than the man too fucking afraid of his own feelings.”

  “That isn’t fair!” Max turned suddenly, eyes burning with tears and pain. He jabbed a finger at Horatio. “That isn’t fucking fair, and you know it, Horatio! This isn’t about me being scared to love someone and you fucking know it!” he shook his head, tears thick in his eyes, face pinched tight. “You think I wouldn’t be with you in a fucking heartbeat if I could? You think I like going home to a cold, empty house every fucking night? And suffering through the fucking dreams that won’t go away!” His chin trembled as the tears ran free, sliding down his face. “I don’t want the memories, Horatio,” he cried, “because they hurt too fucking much.”

  The man blurred and shimmered before him. Max had never been this open and honest before, always hiding from the truth of what all this was doing to him. “Max…” Horatio said thickly.

  Max turned away again and cold reality hit him full force; him coming around was putting Max in torment. The man wasn’t capable of feeling free to be with Horatio…and he never would.

  Do you love him enough to let him go? To just go away and leave him in peace? Ease his suffering?

  He licked his lips slowly and felt the warm tears on his cheeks. “I’m sorry, Max.” he whispered. “I’ve…I’ve been very selfish. I won’t…” He licked his lips again and tasted his own tears. “I won’t be coming around anymore.” His legs felt weighted as he walked unsteadily to the door and gripped the handle. “Please forgive me.” Then he was gone.

  ***

  Max had remained holed up in his office nearly all day; mere random, sparse appearances the only indication he was still at the club. And when Horatio Kaplan walked through the club entrance at around seven that evening – Dane anticipated emotional turmoil. He didn’t believe Kaplan was there to fuck with Max and twist up his heart purposely, but that the man simply didn’t possess the strength of will to stay away.

  The raised voices coming out of Max’s office hadn’t been lost on Dane. He had half expected one of the two men to storm out of there in a rage. But when Horatio Kaplan had emerged, it wasn’t in a flurry of anger. In fact, the guy walked out subdued, looking like an unbearable weight had been suddenly dropped on his shoulders. There was no fight in him, just pain–as was evident in the tears wetting his face. Something monumental had just gone down between him and Max, and Dane suspected his boss wasn’t in much better condition.

  He glanced at the office door to see if Max would step out, possibly go after Kaplan. But the door remained closed tight and silence reigned on the other side; no cursing or objects breaking. Nothing to indicate the man was in a rage. But the quiet was more unsettling. When one went silent, it usually meant they were pulling their pain inward rather than releasing it. And that was never a good thing.

  When Kaplan left the club, Dane walked to the office door and knocked quietly. “Max?”

  No answer.

  Dane twisted the knob and opened the door slowly then stepped inside, closing it behind him. His heart broke when he saw Max sitting on the sofa, head in his hands–crying. Max was one of the strongest minded men Dane had ever met. It took a lot to break a man like that. But here he sat…broken.

  Remaining silent, Dane went to him and sank to one knee. He cupped his head and kissed his hair, then gently stroked the back of his neck. The man trembled and shook. Whatever he’d been holding back for so long was finally breaking loose–and it was more than he could handle.

  “Come on.” Dane murmured. “Let me take you home. You don’t need to be here right now.”

  Max said nothing as he slowly stood up. He didn’t look at Dane, just stared blankly at the floor. Whatever had happened had left him an empty shell. Temporarily at least. Dane hoped not permanently.

  They left through the rear entrance and got into Dane’s car. He didn’t know if he could do anything to help the man, but he was damn well going to try.

  ***

  Angel scribbled down the number and gave it to Maddy. “You keep this. Memorize it.” he said. “This is where I’m working. If Wade brings anyone into the apartment and they try to mess with you, then run. Get out of the apartment if you can, and call this number. The guy who answers will probably be Carl. Just ask for me. Tell him it’s an emergency and he’ll come get me.”

  Nodd
ing, Maddy took the scrap of paper. “Okay.” He murmured. After yesterday, the boy was even more afraid to be left alone with their stepbrothers, and Angel hated to leave him.

  “Listen.” Angel hugged him then stepped back. “Maybe I can talk to Wade about letting you get a job at one of the corner markets or something. As a stock boy or something. He might be okay with it if you’re making money. And you wouldn’t have to be here with them the whole time.”

  Maddy looked at him, hopeful. “Do you think he would let me?”

  “I don’t know.” Angel said. “Maybe. But,” He looked at him seriously. “If he lets you take a job, you cannot tell anyone about what goes on here. You understand? That’s why he doesn’t let you go to school, he thinks you might talk. So he may not let you get a job either. I don’t know. But if it involves money, he may change his mind.”

  Maddy nodded. “I won’t say anything. I promise.”

  Angel hugged him again and kissed his head. “I have to go to work now. But maybe tomorrow morning I’ll talk to Wade.” He drew back. “I would tonight, but they’re always drunk at night. So I’ll wait till he’s sober.”

  “When do you think you’ll be home?” Maddy asked with a measure of anxiety.

  “I don’t know.” Angel said and combed the boy’s hair back from his face. “I usually work till after midnight. But I’ll come straight home. I always do.”

  Maddy nodded silently, eyes worried.

  “Hey.” Angel murmured. “You’re gonna be okay. Just…stay away from them as much as possible. With them, sometimes it’s out of sight, out of mind. When they start drinking, they’re easily distracted. So if they don’t see you, they will probably just leave you alone.”

  Licking his lips slowly, Maddy whispered, “I hope Byrd don’t come over.”

  Angel gazed at him, his stomach knotting. “Has Byrd ever…tried anything with you when I wasn’t here?”

  Maddy shook his head. “But sometimes…” He raised his fearful eyes to Angel. “He looks at me like…he wants to.”

  Chapter Eight

  Heavenly Reprieve

  “Thanks.” Max leaned against kitchen door frame, eyes down. “You’re a good guy, Dane.”

  “So are you.” Dane gripped his shoulder. He could almost feel the man’s pain resonating out of him and into his palm. “You know…I’m a pretty good listener…if you ever want to talk about it.”

  Max nodded slowly, then shrugged. “Thanks, but…it won’t change anything to talk about it.”

  “Sometimes it helps to anyway.” Dane murmured. “It can be a hell of a burden keeping something all to yourself. I think we were created with that innate need to confide in one another.”

  Raising his eyes, Max looked at him. “You speak as if from personal experience.”

  His lips tight, Dane nodded. “Maybe so.”

  “And are you ready to talk about it?” Max asked quietly.

  Pressure pushed out from the center of Dane’s chest as he thought about it for only a moment. “No,” he whispered. “I guess I’m not.”

  Max smiled and gripped the side of his neck lightly then leaned close and kissed him. Their arms wrapped around each other and Max chuckled low against his shoulder then kissed his neck. “I guess maybe we’re both just a couple of basket cases.”

  Dane hugged him tight. “I guess so.”

  Silence settled over them as they held on to each other in quiet desperation. Max shifted and rubbed his lips up the side of Dane’s neck to his ear, causing a pleasant shiver to race down through his body. “Maybe talking isn’t what we need right now.” He said softly, then drew back slowly, meeting Dane’s heated gaze. The man rubbed his hands down Dane’s chest and stomach and let his fingers play around the snap of his pants. “I think…I might need something more.”

  “Me too.” Dane whispered thickly. Max kissed him then took his hand and walked him down the carpeted hallway to his bedroom. When they stepped into the room, Max hesitated, just staring at the bed.

  “Max?” Dane spoke low, soft. “Are you okay?”

  He shook his head slowly. “Not really.” There was a sudden rasp to his voice, and when he looked at Dane, his eyes were damp. “It’s just that… not very long ago…” He glanced at the bed again and shook his head once more. “It doesn’t matter.”

  Everything in the man’s demeanor said it did matter, but Dane didn’t push for details. Max shoved his hands under his shirt and peeled it up off his head then kissed his chest, hands caressing his hard torso. Dane’s breath shuddered in his throat and they went about undressing one another then slid between the sheets, wrapped up in each other. In no rush, but rather taking their time kissing and caressing, touching and exploring, they took turns pleasuring one another with hands and mouth.

  “Oh my god.” Max shuddered when Dane scooted down between his thighs and began to kiss and lick his stiff member. He held Dane’s head tensely, lifting up to him, his body begging for more. “Yes…”

  Taking him slowly into his mouth, Dane sucked gently on his firm cock head, using his tongue to tease and massage the ultra-sensitive groove on the underside of the crown. Max jerked and gripped his head tighter.

  “Fuck!” he gasped sharply.

  Dane moaned and took him deeper, sucking, stroking, working him until the man was writhing on the bed, his cries echoing off the bedroom walls, fists clutching Dane’s hair fiercely as his hips lifted and dropped repeatedly, thrusting into his mouth, breath puffing and panting hard.

  When he pulled off him, Max was trembling. He released Dane’s hair and gripped the sheets, chest heaving. Dane smiled as he moved up over the top of him and kissed his lips, slipping his tongue sensually into his mouth, moaning softly as he drew out the kiss. Max let go of the sheets and rubbed his hands up Dane’s back then down over his ass. Their kiss released gently and Max shuddered hard. “You’re an amazing lover, Dane.”

  “You’re not so bad yourself.” Dane murmured against his lips and grinned then kissed him again. “Turn over.” He whispered. “I’ve only just begun.”

  ***

  “Don’t be nervous.” Ricky smiled. “It’s a small crowd. Just block them out and let me guide you. I’ll stay close so you can follow my movements.”

  Angel nodded, his gut tight with tension. He didn’t like being on stage, but it was kind of a necessity if he wanted to keep his job as a stripper.

  “We’ll keep it simple.” Ricky was saying. “It’s not like we’re in some Dance USA contest or anything.” He grinned. “We’re just out there to tighten the men’s crotches and loosen their wallets. Trust me, it don’t take much. Most them are already cock ready when they walk in here.” He squeezed Angel’s shoulder. “So relax, baby. You’ll do great.”

  “Yeah.” Angel whispered doubtfully. He’d been on stages plenty of times in the shitty little clubs, but very little dancing actually took place. This was different. There was an art to real seduction, and the guys here were artists. Angel just wasn’t sure he was as well.

  He glanced around as some of the other boys wished him luck. Dane was nowhere to be found. He’d seen nothing of the man when he’d come in for work. Why it even mattered, he didn’t know. The guy wasn’t interested, and it was probably best that he wasn’t. Angel didn’t need the distraction. He had enough to deal with at home. He needed to focus, start collecting cash. Otherwise, Wade would keep bringing in the other men.

  Angel trembled at the recent memory of the man from last night. His body still ached, but such aches were something he’d grown accustomed to. He’d had to learn a long time ago how to push down the pain and keep doing what he did. If he complained too much, or tried to resist–Wade would beat him. So he’d created a room in the back of his mind in which he’d lock up the hurt and pain, and just pretend it wasn’t there.

  “Ready?” Ricky cocked an eyebrow and grinned.

  “No.” Angel murmured, then smiled.

  Ricky slipped his arm across his shoulder and walked him
towards the rear entrance to the stage. “You’ll be great. I promise.”

  A low sigh slid up his throat and he cast one last look around for Dane, but the man seemed to be M.I.A.

  ***

  The two young men emerged onto stage and the men in the audience raised their voices, eager for the show. It was a small gathering, which was probably just as well for Angel’s sake. The boy was clearly nervous as hell up there.

  Cole walked over closer to the stage area and stood at the back. When Angel caught his eye briefly, he smiled and winked, giving the kid an encouraging nod.

  “How do you think he’ll do?” Gabe asked, appearing at his side.

  “He should be fine.” Cole murmured. “Ricky will see him through it.”

  Gabe rubbed a slow hand over his mouth. “It should be Dane up there with him.”

  “He should be.” Cole’s eyes darted around the club. “Have you even seen him this evening?”

  “Earlier.” Gabe said. “But then he just disappeared.”

  Cole grunted and returned his attention to the stage. The music came on, an upbeat song that wasn’t too fast but had a moderate beat and nice dancing rhythm. Ricky rested his hands on Angel’s hips and began to move both of their bodies together. Angel fell into the rhythm nicely. He had a natural grace and movement, but his nervousness still shown through. He was doing good though, following Ricky’s lead, allowing his body to sway and rock gently, seductively. The men watching were displaying no complaints as they moved closer to the edge of the stage.

  Quite skillfully, Ricky danced both himself and Angel close to the men, allowing them to stuff their G-strings with bills.