Diary of a Teenage Murderer

by Emlyn Hall

after 7:00 and thankfully it was empty. The walk there was not too bad, just a really lingering stare from an old lady walking her mangy little mutt, but I did my best to naturally obscure my face from her view.

  Woolston station did have a locker section. I removed the Vista and map from my rucksack and then with a huge amount of effort managed to just about pack it into the tight space. From the station I walked towards the Itchen Bridge, which would take me down into the town. I noticed a launderette near the station and checked the closing time as I had no intention of sleeping in fox piss again.

  I have never been to Southampton before; it’s quite a nice town, certainly a lot better than Worthing. I found a Cash Converters shop on the outskirts and sold the Vista for £30 which, although not a lot, it is a lot better than nothing!

  I definitely needed a shower, so I checked one of the information boards in the town centre, there was a swimming pool just over a kilometre away. I stopped at a Pound Shop and picked up a £1 towel, then a pit stop at Primark for a pair of swim shorts and headed off for the pool. Mud, sweat and fox piss was definitely gonna make me stand out in a crowd, I definitely needed a wash. The pool was very quiet, just a few old men and women doing their daily laps. I paid, changed, bought a small bottle of shower gel from the vending machine and showered. It’s a good job no one was in the showers with me as the water coming off me was black. I swam gently for half an hour, the water felt great and I left the pool refreshed and ready for anything.

  I headed back towards the town to try and find a book on boats, but stopped first in a cafe for a bacon sandwich and a cup of tea. I picked up one of the free papers and flicked mindlessly through. And then, there I was. Page seven, small photo of me in my school uniform from year 10 and a brief story. It read something along these lines:

  Teen on the run

  Worthing teen Matthew Patterson (16) is still at large and wanted by police to help with their inquiries following the fatal stabbing of another teen.

  It is believed that Matthew is hiding out in or around the South Downs area to the north of Worthing. Police are conducting a comprehensive search of the area with tracker dogs, but so far have no strong leads. Phillip Ballard of Worthing police said, “We are appealing to the local community to be vigilant and to contact us with any possible sightings of Matthew. It is very important that we speak with him in relation to the incident that took place on Tuesday 21st March. We have evidence that leads us to believe that Matthew has head up into the South Downs and are working with other agencies and neighbouring forces to ensure we apprehend him quickly and safely. Anyone with information should contact Worthing police station on 01903 822 622 as soon as possible.”

  They are clearly on to me, but it certainly seems that I am one step ahead at the moment. I really do need to get a move on escaping the country though; it will only be a matter of time until they track me to here.

  I bought my book about boats, writing paper, envelopes and some stamps from WH Smith and head back to the locker to collect my sleeping bag for washing at the launderette. I had considered stealing the items from WH Smith, but it’s probably best not to push my luck at the moment.

  I have settled down in a disused and dilapidated junction box just down the track from the station, it’s like being in the Ritz! I have a freshly laundered sleeping bag and a book on boats that I can read by torchlight. Luxury!

  Friday, March 31st

  I woke up refreshed in my junction box paradise, albeit a little cold and frosty. I hid my kit behind a broken door and headed off to look for a boat to steal.

  I wrote two letters today, one to my parents and one to Sasha. I haven’t decided on how I am going to get them posted without giving myself away, I did buy stamps but I’m not sure if that is the best way to do things. I’m pretty sure the postmark would give my current location away. I will have to think about it carefully.

  Letter 1

  Dear Mum, Dad and Oliver

  I know how much you must be worrying about me, I am OK. I am scared, lonely and not 100% sure what to do, but I’m OK.

  I want you to believe me when I say that I never meant to hurt anyone, let alone kill. It was completely in self-defence. I am in hiding at the moment as I don’t think the police will believe me because the only person who was there to witness what happened was Todd’s friend.

  Todd was waiting for me in a lane and he attacked me with a knife. I hit him and knocked the knife out of his hand. I grabbed the knife from the floor to stop him getting it back and he attacked me again. I swung the knife and the rest you know.

  I can’t take back what I have done, god knows I wish I could. I also can’t take the punishment or blame for this, it just would not be fair. I am sorry for what has happened, no matter how much of an idiot he was, he did not deserve to die. I am so sorry for what has happened.

  I have no idea what I am going to do. Maybe I will come home, maybe hand myself in, but at the moment I am not ready to do either. I am thinking a lot, that’s all I can really say right now.

  I am sorry that this has happened; believe me when I say that I would like nothing more than to come home right now. But until I sort this mess out in my head, I just cant. I love you all like mad.

  I will write again soon.

  Love Matt

  Letter 2

  Dear Sasha

  I miss you, I love you.

  You must know that I did not do this on purpose.

  Todd came at me with a knife in a lane and I knocked it out of his hands and picked it up. He came at me again and I stabbed him in self-defence. I wish to god I hadn’t, I am not planning on coming home, at least not yet. I don’t think the police will see things right and I fear that I will end up in jail over this, I don’t think I could deal with that.

  At the moment I am free. Free to think. I am obviously very confused and really unsure of what to do for the best.

  I am alone and very scared. I desperately want to see you again, but at the moment that would be impossible. Please keep this letter secret and safe (hoping you get it).

  I don’t even know whether you will receive this letter, but if you do, could you place an online advert on eBay for the thing I stepped on when I came for dinner first. At least then I will know my letters can get through to you and we will take it from there.

  Be in touch as soon as I can.

  Love you with all my heart!

  Matt

  Not my finest work granted, but I really just wanted to let everyone know I’m OK. I am quite pleased by the bit about ‘eBay’. Kind of makes me feel like a private detective on a big case. I addressed them both and put them in my bag. I am serious about seeing Sasha again. I have not got a clue how, or even if it will ever be possible. But this is a good start. I have seriously considered handing myself in and throwing myself at the mercy of the UK justice system just so I get to see her again.

  I have read a lot about motor boats now and feel more confident about my extremely ambitious Channel crossing. It is still my favoured plan.

  April

  Saturday, April 1st

  After a decent night’s sleep in my dingy little junction box (the novelty has well and truly worn off already!) I woke up cold but with a plan.

  The first train of the day arrived at just after 5:45am (as timetabled), the doors opened and I nipped into the sleepy carriage (I noticed two passengers in this section, both seemed half asleep and I don’t think either of them noticed me) I popped my two ‘stamped and addressed’ letters onto an empty seat and nipped back out again. A bit of a long shot I suppose, and a bit dodgy but worth the risk. Hopefully someone will have the decency to post my letters, and the postmark won’t be Southampton so I figured that I would be less likely to give my location away.

  After my daring letter posting mission I decided to wander to the coast and start to scout out a few boats and marinas and just get a general lay of the land. Woolston station is only about a 10 minute walk from the coast, I walked to the Itchen Bri
dge and turned left following the water flowing out to sea (logic dictated to me that that is where I would find boats!). The area to the left of the bridge was a rundown industrial area. I wandered through what was effectively a ghost town. I walked for about two miles and despite a few larger boats attached to buoys in the middle, this side of Southampton was pretty devoid of boats. I cut back on myself and head over the bridge to explore what was on the other side of the river.

  I reached the other side of the bridge and turned left, again to follow the river south. This side was full of small tightly packed shitty little terraced houses and tightly packed cars. There were people everywhere! This was not a place I wanted to hang around. As I reached the end of one street and looked to turn down a small lane, I noticed a woman who must have been in her 40s or 50s (hard to say around this area, as everyone just looked bloody weird). This woman just stared at me, just stood there and stared. Her friend, an equal-aged chubby woman with a cigarette and a limp waddled out of the house and stood beside her staring mate and joined in staring at me.

  “That’s him,” she said. Then she shouted, “That’s fucking him!!”

  My face lost colour and my legs felt weak. Fuck, fuck, fuck I have been busted by the shittiest crime fighting duo ever!

  I tried to act naturally, tried to style it out. I tried not to walk faster but my mind was racing.

  I reached the corner of