Highway to Hell

by Val Crowe

  Lily bit down on her lip.

  “I don’t think she can really get in touch with Molly’s spirit,” I said.

  “But you could?” said Lily. “You can see ghosts. Really see them.”

  “I can,” I said. “But it’s not like that. I don’t summon them. They’re either there or they’re not.”

  “And you haven’t seen Molly?”

  “No.”

  “You think what that other spirit was saying is true? That Molly crossed over the veil?”

  “That wasn’t another spirit. That was just my mother putting on a fake voice.”

  She wrinkled up her nose. “What? No. No way. That can’t be true. It didn’t even seem like your mother. It was like her face changed.”

  I decided not to argue further with her. She wanted to believe. That was why my mother was so successful at what she did. The people she scammed were open to it. They would believe it even if they were told the truth.

  “The thing is,” said Lily. “I think that Molly’s spirit is here.”

  “You do? How come?”

  “I had a dream about her on the carousel the other night,” said Lily. “It was an incredibly vivid dream. I’ve never had a dream like that.”

  Huh. That was interesting. Because I’d had a very vivid dream the other night too. I was pretty sure that dream had come from the spirits in the park, trying to communicate with me. Maybe Molly was trying to communicate with Lily.

  “I want to go there,” she continued. “But… and this is going to sound dumb, I’m afraid. I don’t want to go by myself. Not in the dark. Not into the place where my sister went into and never came back out.”

  “It doesn’t sound dumb,” I said. “It sounds smart. We don’t know what might happen out there.”

  “So, you’ll come with me?” she said. “And if she is there, then you’ll see her.”

  “Sure,” I said. “Sure, I’ll go.”

  She smiled. “Thank you. I really appreciate it.”

  “You don’t have to thank me,” I said.

  We set off across the parking lot together. It was dark, and I had brought a flashlight with me, but we didn’t need it yet. The lights from our campers lit our way to the arch.

  After we stepped beneath the arch, however, it was as though we had been flung into the pitch black. It was immediate, like a curtain coming down. I even looked behind me, half expecting to see the light cut off in a straight line in the middle of the air. But I didn’t see anything behind me. Back there, it was black too.

  That was when I remembered the maze tricking me into thinking there was no way out.

  My pulse picked up speed. It was true what she’d said about Molly. Her sister had disappeared out here. What if we never found our way back?

  “The flashlight?” said Lily, a note of panic in her voice.

  Of course. I switched it on. It illuminated a pitifully small circle of yellow.

  But somehow we managed to follow it through the park. Molly seemed to know where she was going. Personally, I didn’t remember the carousel at all. So, either she’d paid a lot of attention when we’d been exploring the park that first day, or else she remembered the path from her dream.

  We didn’t speak as we walked.

  I tried a few times, but I couldn’t think of anything to say. I wanted to say something funny and witty to lighten the mood, but the darkness made it hard to formulate anything light. It pressed in against us on all sides, like a slinking animal brushing into our bodies, reminding us that it was there, that we couldn’t get away from it.

  Finally, we reached the carousel.

  I shined the flashlight all over the carousel, illuminating the faded horses, all covered in vines. Some of the center animals were covered in green, fuzzy mold. It smelled.

  I stopped short at the edge of it.

  Lily did too.

  We stood there for several moments and we still didn’t speak.

  “In my dream, she was here,” Lily finally said in a quiet voice. “You don’t see anything?”

  I raised the flashlight again, hesitant. I wasn’t sure I wanted to see a ghostly figure among those ramshackle horses. But when I shined it around, I didn’t see anything.

  Slowly, we edged our way around the carousel.

  A horse abruptly came into view. The paint around one of its eyes had worn away, giving it the appearance of a huge, misshapen eye.

  We both jumped a little. She burrowed in close to me.

  I put my arm around her. I didn’t think about it. It just seemed like the thing to do when a girl presses into your body, trembling.

  She didn’t protest.

  But I removed my arm right away. Putting an arm around a girl bespoke a certain about of intimacy. And I didn’t want to give her the wrong idea. There was Mads to think about, after all.

  * * *

  Mads.

  No, I decided on the walk back to the campers after nothing at all happened at the carousel ride, it wasn’t fair that I thought of Mads when I put my arm around another girl.

  Because Mads was a ghost, and there was nothing between her and me. It was an impossibility for there to be anything between her and me. We could not be together. She was not corporeal. In point of fact, I couldn’t put my arm around Mads. It would go right through her. So, how could that blasted woman make me feel as if she had some prior claim on me?

  She wasn’t even a woman, I thought sulkily as I walked back, following the yellow circle of the flashlight while Lily kept pace next to me. Lily kept trying to talk, but I kept not really responding because I couldn’t stop thinking about Mads.

  “So, you didn’t see anything at all?” said Lily. “Because I could swear that she would be there if I went there.”

  “Nope,” I said. “Nothing.” The thing with Mads, it was all kinds of weird. And it shouldn’t even be the slightest bit romantic for a number of reasons beyond the fact that she was a ghost. For one thing, the first time I had seen Mads, I had been a kid. Younger than ten. So, that’s gross. Grosser than Padme-and-Anakin gross. Of course, that franchise seemed to have a lot of troubling romantic pairings, what with the unwitting incest kisses and all.

  Point being, even if she had been a real live person, then there would never have been anything between me and Mads.

  Point being, it was totally okay for me to put my arm around Lily and let her press her small, warm, trembling frame against mine. I could have done that. I could have stood there, arm around her, both of us close. I could have rubbed her shoulder. She could have looked up at me and—

  Well, anything could have happened.

  And it would not have been wrong or a betrayal or anything like that.

  God knew I could stand a palate cleanser. The last woman I had kissed had been Wade’s fuck buddy Charlotte, and that had only been to transfer a killer ghost barnacle from her to me, and that had been the worst sex ever.

  Not that putting my arm around Lily automatically equaled sex or anything. I wasn’t even thinking about having sex with her. I wasn’t thinking about kissing her.

  But, see, damn it. I should be. Because Mads was not part of the equation, not really.

  I mean, I guess… Okay, so when Mads first showed up in my life when I was a kid, she was just one of the spirits that flitted around me. There was no significance to her, except that she seemed different than the others. More together, more formed, more as though she had a full personality instead of an obsession with her unfinished business.

  And then Mads had driven Negus out of my mother, which was how I knew my mother had been possessed.

  The act of that had weakened her so much that she couldn’t manifest for over a decade.

  When I did see her again…

  Well, look, it was not my fault that she was hot as hell. Any guy would think she was attractive, even if she was a ghost. But maybe it was my fault that things got weird between us. Maybe I made comments or maybe I flirted or maybe…

  No.
<
br />   It was her fault. She was the one who was always showing up in skimpy fucking outfits, taunting me when she knew that I couldn’t touch her.

  Oh, and she was jealous.

  This was why I felt guilty. Because after that thing with Charlotte, Mads had gotten all weird. And, it was utterly uncalled for. Because, okay, if Mads was off making out with ghost guys—

  Ugh.

  Okay, I would hate that.

  “…back tomorrow?” said Lily.

  “What?” I turned to her, also turning the flashlight.

  She cringed. “Geez, don’t blind me!”

  “Sorry.” I lowered the flashlight. “I, uh, I didn’t catch what you said earlier.”

  “I said maybe we could come back tomorrow to try to find Molly.”

  “Oh, okay. Yeah, we can try that, I guess.”

  “What are you even thinking about? It’s obvious that you’re off in your own little world there. Are you sure you didn’t see something? Are you hiding it from me for some reason?”

  “I swear I didn’t see anything. It’s not that.”

  “So what are you thinking about?”

  I blushed. I was glad it was dark. “Nothing,” I muttered.

  “I’m, um, I’m sorry that I got freaked out back there,” she said softly. “I didn’t mean to make things weird. It’s only that there’s something about this park that gets to me.”

  “Don’t apologize,” I said. “You were fine. I just shouldn’t have… I mean, I don’t want things to be weird either.”

  “Well, they’re not,” she said. She took a step closer, and her voice was soft. “What you did, the way you comforted me… that was nice.”

  I licked my lips. I didn’t say anything.

  “You didn’t do anything that I didn’t like is all I’m saying,” she said, her voice barely more than a whisper.

  Wait, was this a cue? Was I supposed to, like, grab her again? Make a move? I just stood there, like an idiot.

  Seconds ticked by.

  “Uh, I guess we should…” I gestured with the flashlight down the walkway.

  “Right,” she said.

  We walked.

  It turned out that we weren’t far from the entrance. Soon, we were out of the park and back to our little campsite, which looked as cozy and welcoming as it always did.

  Lily and I said some awkward goodbyes, and then I went into the Airstream. I stalked up and down the length of the trailer. “Mads?” I said. “Mads, are you around?”

  Nothing.

  But the last time I’d seen her, she’d been pulled away from me. She disappeared. And she’d never come back.

  Oh, hell, I was a dick.

  I’d completely forgotten about Mads. She might be in trouble. She could be hurt or… I didn’t even know if she could be hurt. Could she die? I knew that spirits could be absorbed into other things, more powerful energies. What if Mads had been absorbed into the park? What if she was gone?

  I felt panic at the edge of my consciousness, but I forced myself to try to stay calm.

  Maybe Mads was fine. Maybe it was just interference. Something in this place that kept her from breaking through and communicating.

  If I left the park, got beyond the fence, then maybe I could call to her again.

  The prospect of going through the gate was daunting, though. It was such a long walk up the parking lot, and then I was going to have to unfasten the gate and then walk through, and then I’d have to walk all the way back after I was done. The walk seemed to stretch out in my mind to something incredibly long. It somehow seemed as if walking to the South Pole would be easier than going to that gate.

  But this was Mads.

  I went to the door of the Airstream. I hesitated. Maybe I should stay here. I was tired, right? I should sleep. And even if I couldn’t sleep, I wanted a beer. I should go to the fridge and find a beer and settle in for the night. Mads was probably fine.

  No.

  I had to be sure.

  I pushed open the door.

  Moving down the steps was tough.

  Walking across the parking lot was even tougher. It felt like I was fighting my way through the air, as if I was being forced to move in slow motion.

  It took an eternity to get to the fence, and when I did, I was exhausted.

  I knew that I needed to open the gate, but I didn’t know if I had it in me. Instead, I clutched the chain link and pressed my face against it. “Mads?” I called out into the night.

  She materialized, directly in front of me, on the other side of the fence.

  “Mads!” I was overjoyed. “You’re all right.”

  “You’re just coming to look for me now? It’s been days, Deacon.”

  “You are okay, aren’t you?” Fear splintered through me. “Did something happen? Are you hurt?”

  “I’m fine,” she said. “It’s not me you should be worried about. It’s yourself.”

  “No, I’m fine.” I laughed a little, to show her she was being ridiculous. “I’m great. Nothing’s happening here. I haven’t even seen one ghost since we got here.” I paused. “Well, there was that kid in the maze. I don’t know what that was all about.”

  “Deacon, listen closely to me. The power in that place, it’s formidable. And it is using you. It wants to keep you there. With you there to feed on, it can expand itself. It can grow to terrifying heights of power. You need to leave this place.”

  “Leave?” I rested my head against the chain link. “I can’t. I need answers. It knows about Negus.”

  “Whatever answers you need, get them and get out,” she said. “I can’t help you in there. I can’t get in. You’re on your own. And I’m telling you, you have to leave as soon as you can.”

  I sighed. I stuck my fingers through the chain link, reaching for her. “Hey, I miss you.”

  “Then get out of there. Do you hear me? Get out of there.”

  I heard her, all right.

  It was only that it didn’t matter. I wasn’t sure that I could leave.

  * * *

  It was much easier walking back from the gate than it had been walking to it. As I moved through the night air, away from Mads, I felt lighter and more content. I felt comfortable.

  Back in the Airstream, I had a beer and then I climbed into bed. I slept well again, cocooned in comfort.

  But I woke up agitated.

  I’d been dreaming, but I couldn’t remember the dream. It was all fading in the morning light, and now all I had was a few vague pieces and a overall sensation of anger and urgency. I got up and quickly pulled on some clothes.

  I went over to my mother’s trailer and banged on the door.

  She opened the door. “Oh, Deacon, I think there’s some sausage in your fridge. Could you run and get it?”

  “No,” I said. “You’re not going to make a big breakfast this morning and distract me. This is important. We’re going to the maze.”

  She sighed. “There’s no reason to go anywhere on an empty stomach. Don’t be silly. Let’s have some breakfast. How do you want your eggs, hmm?”

  I grabbed her by the arm, digging my fingers into her flesh. “We’re going.”

  Fear flashed in her eyes and she tried to pull her arm away.

  But I had too tight a hold on her. “Come on.” I tried to drag her out of the door of her motorhome.

  She grabbed the side of the door and anchored herself in place. “What’s gotten into you?” The bottom had gone out of her voice.

  “We will go,” I said. What was this rage inside me, and where was it coming from? The dream? Whatever the case, I wasn’t about to give up. I would drag her kicking and screaming if I had to. I would—

  A strong hand pried at my fingers.

  I looked up to see that Oscar was there. “Hey,” I said to him.

  He got my mother free, and she backed into the motorhome, rubbing her arm.

  I glared at Oscar. “What’s your problem?”

  “You shouldn’t talk to your
mother that way,” said Oscar. “You shouldn’t put your hands on her either.”

  “This is none of your business, Oscar,” I sneered. “Why don’t you go back to your tent—”

  “I mean it,” said Oscar. “Whatever she did, it doesn’t give you the right to hurt her. Now, why don’t we all try to calm down and—”

  “Oscar, you leave my son alone!” My mother’s voice was shrill. “You just back off, now.”

  Oscar looked up at her, confused.

  “I mean it.” My mother hurled herself out of the motorhome, launching herself at Oscar. “Don’t you touch him.”

  I backed up, confused. I was still angry. It was like a red haze on the edge of my vision, threatening to overtake everything.

  Oscar eyed my mother and then cast a glance at me. He raised his hands, palms up. “I was just leaving.”

  “That’s a good idea,” said my mother, face flushed.

  Oscar did leave. He took off away from us, into the park.

  My mother’s hands were cupping my face. “Did he hurt you, baby? Did he touch you?”

  I pushed her off. “Stop that,” I gasped.

  “I’m only trying—”

  “Why couldn’t you have tried when it mattered? Why did you let it take you over?”

  “Deacon—”

  “Why don’t you remember? How can you possibly not know what you did?” And then the rage was bubbling over, and I couldn’t even be here anymore. I turned and took off, first at a jog, then a sprint.

  “Deacon!” my mother called after me.

  I ran faster.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  I ran into the park, and I ran until I was out of breath and spent. I ended up somewhere in the interior of the place. The swings were looming in front of me. The rusty chains circled around the center, and the swings themselves were bloated and rotting wood.

  I sat down on one of those swings anyway.

  I needed to rest.

  It gave under my weight, groaning, but it held.

  I sighed.

  What the hell was going on here? I was starting to feel like I might be losing my mind. This place…

  It was sometimes so comfortable and enticing. Other times, it was repulsive and horrid. Sometimes I never wanted to leave. Other times, I was sure that I had to get out of there.