All My Love, Detrick

by Roberta Kagan

  It had been a surprise when Warren had asked if he might accompany her. They’d known each other for years as members of the Hitler Youth, but he’d been athletic and popular, while she’d been reserved and quiet. Of course, she’d accepted without delay and had run to tell her sister. Together, Rebekka and Adelheid had not only picked the dress, but all of the accessories she would wear, from her white shoes to her tiny, gold heart necklace. During the preparations for the dance, it seemed to Rebekka that the relationship she’d shared with Adelheid before the Jewish influence in the attic had returned to its former state. As she’d grown older, Rebekka found that she believed the Nazi party to be accurate in their stance concerning Jews. It seemed to her that everywhere that the Jews infiltrated her life, she’d experienced problems. If Detrick had not been involved with the Jewess, he might have paid Adelheid the attention she’d craved from him. Then, surely, her sister would have a more savory reputation, instead of walking through the halls at school to the quiet echoes of “tramp, whore." The Hitler Youth proved correct; they’d taught her a truth her parents failed to accept. She wondered how her father could not see that the Jews had used their money to con the Muellers. That is what Jews do (Hitler himself had said it) they finagle and trick the good people. She knew that, she’d learned it; why had her parents allowed these vermin to taint their lives?

  Chapter 130

  Although she was not beautiful by any standards, Rebekka’s skin glowed with the radiance of excitement when Warren arrived to escort her to the dance. At Herr Mueller’s insistence, she reluctantly agreed to meet her date on the porch, least he hear or see anything suspect.

  The dance hall overflowed with young people. Rebekka recognized most of the guests from school or the Hitler Youth program. With Warren beside her, all the popular girls befriended Rebekka. While the years of taunting and isolation drifted away, the warmth of belonging replaced them. The girls complimented her dress and her hair. Warren brought her cups of punch, smiling and telling her how beautiful she looked. Never before had Rebekka Muller felt so accepted, so much a part of something.

  It was a night out of a storybook, until Warren stopped the car a few blocks from her house. He kissed her. At first she welcomed the kisses. But then the passion swept him up faster than it did Rebekka, and she asked him to stop. He pushed away taking a deep breath.

  “Your sister does it. Why not you?”

  “Are you saying my sister is a whore?”

  “Well, she did it with me and lots of other boys I know, too. If it’s all right for her, why not you?”

  She stared at him in disbelief. If she lost him, she would be diminished to the lonely girl in the back of the classroom again. It made her sick to know that Warren had made love to Adelheid. Again, Adelheid had stolen her light.

  “I’ve never done this before.” She didn’t know what else to say.

  “That’s fine. There’s nothing to it. I’ll show you. Just relax.”

  It did not feel right. But she lay still and allowed him to do as he pleased. Once she completed her mission, she would be Warren’s girlfriend, and all of the other classmates would continue to accept her. She would have friends, be popular. It hurt, and she counted to 100, first forward, than backward, to distract herself until it ended.

  When Warren dropped Rebbeka off at the door he kissed her, his tongue probing her mouth deeply.

  “Goodnight.”

  “Goodnight.”

  Perhaps we are in love, she thought to herself. Maybe this is what people who are in love do. After all, Warren would know, being two years older.

  Chapter 131

  On Monday morning, Rebbeka walked into her first class greeted by jeers and whispers, “Slut and whore, just like her sister.”

  She turned to see Warren wearing a guilty smile. Then, overcome with humiliation, she ran from the classroom to the bathroom, where she vomited.

  She knelt on the floor of the school bathroom and cried. Rebbeka hated her sister, but more than her sister she hated Detrick for destroying Adelheid and turning her into an embarrassment. Even more than Detrick, she hated the Jews who lived upstairs. For if she really looked closely at the problem, it stemmed from them; just like Hitler said…it always stemmed from them.

  For years, the Nazi Party had made it clear that if one’s family broke the rules, one must report the offense. Now, Rebekka wondered what had taken her so long. If she’d gone to the authorities earlier, things may have been different. She would go to Nazi Headquarters now, with Detrick out of town. She would beg for a pardon for herself and her family, explaining that they’d been tricked. The officials would understand.

  Chapter 132

  The outskirts of Munich

  “I’ve baked a strawberry strudel with the berries I picked from our garden this morning. Tonight is a special night. Tonight, I have something to tell all of you.” Helga beamed, looking like a golden-haired angel. It was the last night the family would be at the farm. In the morning, Helga must say goodbye until the next visit. Her lovely, rounded face shone bright with excitement as her eyes radiated happiness. “Well, Kurt and I have saved this special treat for your last day here.” Helga turned to smile at her husband. “We are going to have a child.”

  “Oh, Helga!” Tears welled up in Inga’s eyes. “When?”

  “December. So, there now, that’s a reason to plan another trip here.”

  “Of course we’ll come. We must see the baby. How wonderful.” Inga hugged her daughter.

  Detrick found he repulsed himself with his feelings of jealousy. Instead of allowing selfishness to consume him, he smiled, wishing the couple good luck.

  But that night, as he lay in bed, he wondered if he and Leah would ever share the joy of building a family, of sharing a home. He must stop these painful thoughts; he knew they burned a hole within him that only served to fill him with anger and hatred. Better to focus upon his love. Soon he would be home and could bury his face in her hair and taste the salty essence of her skin. When they awoke, the family would have breakfast, then depart for Berlin. They would arrive at home by late afternoon or early evening. He knew he must wait until darkness to go to the attic. With a smile he could not contain, he considered his feelings. Even after all of these years, when he thought of making love to Leah he could not catch his breath; the sheer intensity of his emotion held him captivated. Yes, it was true, he’d been destined for a difficult path, but he would not have traded it for a room filled with reichsmarks. Regardless of the risks, of the dangers, of the pain, of the horror, and of the hope, he considered himself the luckiest man on earth. Soon, very soon, she would be in his arms…

  Chapter 133

  Berlin

  “There is a young girl, almost a child, here to see you. She says her name is Rebekka Mueller.”

  “Show her in.” Konrad lit a cigarette. Convinced that the Hitler Youth had come again requesting an officer willing to attend one of their meetings as a guest speaker, he sat back in his chair. Perhaps he would agree to give a speech; the admiration he received always gave him a boost.

  Rebekka Mueller entered; she wore a gray wool skirt and a white blouse with a cap sleeve.

  “I’m coming to you because I was told that you are Detrick Haswell’s superior officer.”

  “That’s correct.” Could Detrick have slept with this young child? Konrad wondered. “Sit down, please.” He gestured to the chair on the opposite side of his desk. Then he got up and closed the door.

  Walking back to sit, Konrad studied the girl. Her nose, too short, left a large gap that curled upward to her lip. A sprinkle of angry red pimples covered her cheeks. Considering her small, darting dark eyes and lifeless brown hair, Konrad wondered what had attracted Detrick to this ugly child. But then, he considered the strange sexual experiences many of the men discussed, his own included. It seemed that when one had the power to act at will, without consequence, one indulged one’s every whim. He settled back into the large, comfortable leather c
hair and waited to hear her story. Whatever Detrick had done to her, Konrad decided, he would give her some money to buy a lipstick, and she would keep her mouth shut.

  “If I tell you something, do you promise that my family will be safe?”

  He cocked his head intrigued. “Of course. What is it, my dear?”

  “Well, you know Detrick Haswell? He tricked my family.”

  “Did he…and how did he do that?”

  “He convinced them to hide three Jews in our attic.”

  Konrad sat up straight, his arms crossed over his chest. “What? When?” A bolt of shock shot through him.

  “For the last several years. It is because he is in love with the girl.”

  “A Jewess?”

  “Yes, her name is Leah Abdenstern.”

  Leah. He remembered Leah. Detrick had been fascinated with her when they were in school. So, this is what he’d done. He’d kept her as his private mistress. The fool. What woman could be worth your career, your life?

  “Hmmm, it’s good that you brought this to my attention.”

  “You must not tell my family that I told you.”

  “No, of course not. You did the right thing.” He smiled as he escorted her out of his office.

  Once Rebekka had gone, Konrad called for one of his men.

  “Arrange an arrest at the home of the Muellers. Upstairs, in the attic, they are hiding Jews. Arrest the entire family and send them off to Bergen-Belsen.”

  “The girl who just left here? Her as well?”

  “Yes, all of them. Except the Jewess, who is in the attic. Her name is Leah Abdenstern. Send her to Ravensbrook, with the following instructions. She is to be cleaned up and deloused, then sent with the next transport to the brothel camp in Gusen. Do I make myself clear?”

  “Yes, perfectly.”

  “Go then.”

  “Heil Hitler.”

  “Heil Hitler.”

  Konrad would talk to Detrick when he returned and explain how he’d saved him from ruin. Then he would arrange a visit to Gusen, where he would take care of that tricky little Jewess himself. When he finished with her, she would wish she’d been exterminated, like the insect that she was.

  Chapter 134

  On the road between Munich and Berlin

  Silver drops of rain fell upon the hood of the black Volkswagen, evaporating into a puff of steam upon contact with the hot metal. In the distance, Detrick made out the formation of a rainbow.

  “Why don’t we stop for lunch until the sun shower is over?”

  “Sure, Mother, if you’d like.”

  Hans had fallen asleep. When Inga nudged him awake, he came to with a start.

  “We are going to eat something.”

  Hans nodded. The country calmed him, and he realized he hadn’t fought with Detrick once the entire trip.

  Chapter 135

  Berlin

  When the black SS vehicle rounded the corner, coming to a halt in front of the Mueller home, Leah lay on her bed, reading a thick novel that Detrick had given her before he left. The rabbi slept, snoring quietly in an old living room chair, while Jacob whittled, forming the likeness of Sammy the cat out of a scrap of wood. Even though they’d felt somewhat safe for a long time, when they heard the sound of several pairs of boots on the stairs to the attic, they were jolted back to reality. The hammering of heels against wood echoed in each of their chests, pounding with the quickened rhythm of their hearts. Each of them wanted to run, but they knew they were trapped. They had no choice but to wait for the door to open and the devil’s henchmen to enter. Leah felt as if her body had frozen. She could not move and she hoped, as did the rabbi, that there might be some mistake. It was Jacob who stood first. He knew they’d been discovered. He knew they’d been betrayed. As the decrepit wooden entryway rattled against the force of someone powerfully kicking to break the lock, the rabbi, an old and feeble man, threw his hands in the air in a pathetic gesture of defeat. Jacob rushed to Leah’s side and took her in his arms. While she buried her head in his chest, he held her close to him. Not fearing for himself, Jacob thought now only of Leah and Detrick. What would become of them? Before he had an opportunity to allow his mind to drift to the possible horrors they might face, the door burst open, and four SS men ordered the three to gather their things and follow the guards out to the waiting vehicle.

  Chapter 136

  Because Inga had insisted upon a leisurely lunch followed by a short nap, the Haswells arrived at home just as the sun began to set. Detrick paced, waiting for complete nightfall, when he felt safe to make his way to Leah. It seemed as if the hours did not pass, until finally he dressed and readied himself to leave. Instead of attracting attention with the noise of the automobile, he decided to ride his bicycle. Pedaling fast, his legs still remarkably strong, even though he’d given up training years ago, he arrived in twenty minutes. As he rode up to the house, a chill came over him. It was far too early for the family to be asleep, yet the house stood in total darkness. Unsure what he would find, he entered. Dishes lay in piles of broken glass upon the floor. Pots and pans strewn about fell at odd angles around the room. With his heart beating loudly in his ears, Detrick raced to the attic staircase. When he saw the shattered doorway, he raced upstairs to find his greatest fear realized: Leah and Jacob gone. He fell upon Leah’s bed, grasping her pillow, and for a moment, against the dizziness that fought to over take him, Detrick devised a plan.

  As Detrick left the Mueller home, he checked around him to make sure he had not been followed, and then he jumped on his bike and rode faster than he ever had toward home.

  When Detrick arrived at his parents' apartment, he quietly gathered all of his belongings. Everything of value he put into one of his mothers large, cotton laundry sacks. Then he quickly loaded the car with his possessions, including his beloved bicycle, and drove through the streets, searching for a pawn shop that kept late hours.

  Chapter 137

  The pawn shop owner had meant to close earlier, but did not want to face another confrontation with his wife. He’d taken a lover and she’d found him out. His lady friend, married as well, had called it quits. Now he spent as much time at the store as possible, rather than engage in another battle with his wounded and bitter spouse. Often he wished she would just give him a divorce, but every time he broached the subject, she flew into another rage. When the attractive blond man came to his shop door, it seemed a good excuse not to go home.

  “How can I help you?” The pawnshop owner ran a hand over his short, cropped hair.

  “I have some things that I would like to sell.” Detrick wore civilian clothes, leaving his uniform in the back seat of the car, to help preserve his anonymity.

  “Let me see.”

  Detrick laid his grandfather’s pocket watch on the table beside his wedding band. Next to that, he placed a stamp collection he’d kept as a child and all of his soccer equipment.

  The shop keeper lifted the watch and turned it in his hand. Then, coming out from behind his counter, he studied the old black bicycle. It was obviously used, but still saleable. Before he finished with a price, the pawnbroker looked at the wedding band.

  “I’ll give you one hundred reichsmarks for the lot.”

  “The watch alone is worth that.”

  “Take it or leave it. That’s my offer.”

  “I’ll take it. And I would also like to purchase a flashlight.”

  Chapter 138

  Although he had a key, Detrick had never dared enter headquarters after hours. He knew that on occasion Konrad brought women to his office in order to impress them, and he hoped that tonight would not be one of those evenings.

  Detrick did not turn the lights on; instead, he used the flashlight to navigate his way to Konrad’s office. Relieved that Konrad had not chosen this night to make another conquest, Detrick entered the room alone.

  Several piles of manila folders had been arranged neatly on Konrad’s desk. These, Detrick knew, were documentation to be en
tered into the punch card system. Depending upon when the arrest had occurred, the Abdenstern files might still be amongst them. Detrick prayed that they had not yet been processed. If Konrad had already finished and entered them, then locating the records would be far more difficult.

  Chapter 139

  Packed wall-to-wall with desperate souls standing upright because there was no room for sitting, the train to Bergen-Belsen seemed airless. Unrelenting heat, and lack of food and water, caused death amongst many in the compressed box car. A strong, permeating odor of urine, feces and vomit prevailed throughout the entire trip. And with only a small light peeking through the wood panels, Jacob lost track of the hours.

  By the time the train reached its destination, he could not remember how long he’d been riding, only that he had no idea what had become of Detrick or Leah, and he hoped the two would somehow locate each other. If the Nazis meant to kill them all, and Jacob believed that they did, his final prayer would be not for himself, but for those he loved. And so he prayed, with tears running from his eyes, that at least the lovers might face the end together and find comfort in each other’s arms. The rabbi stood beside him, silent the entire trip; neither could speak. Both men were lost in their own premonitions of what awaited them and the entire Jewish race.

  Chapter 140

  Berlin

  With the Jewish problem under control and Detrick not due back from the country until Monday, Konrad prepared to attend a party to honor a high-ranking official that Friday evening. The situation with the Muellers and the Jews would require some disciplinary action. Detrick must realize the seriousness of his crime, but Konrad felt secure that he’d had the brilliance to resolve the entire fiasco without any of the higher-ups ever discovering Detrick’s offense. Therefore, the punishment would be enforced and acknowledged only between the two of them; no one else need ever know. As he shaved the soft shadow of stubble from his chin, Konrad winked at himself in the bathroom mirror. He’d saved Detrick’s life; now Detrick owed him an even greater debt. Careful to wear a perfectly pressed uniform, he affected a smile guaranteed to push him toward another advancement in the party. Then, as always, picking up the black phone on his desk and dialing a number from his long list, he secured the perfect girl to appear as his date. After he replaced the receiver, he marveled at how women willingly accepted his invitations at the last minute because he was a man to be reckoned with. It had never been clearer to him how much the Third Reich had done to change his life. He had gone from the awkward, unaccepted boy to a man women and men aimed to please. Yes, the Nazi Party had been the best thing that ever happened to Konrad.