SPQR X: A Point of Law

by John Maddox Roberts

  “All Rome knows that address,” he assured me. “This has been most enjoyable, and if I may be of help, next year’s tribune will owe me a favor.” With that he was hoisted aloft and carried off.

  I dashed up the steps. A soldier I knew slightly from the Gallic war recognized me and stepped aside. “Good day, Captain. We kept anyone from disturbing the lady because we thought that’s what Caesar would want us to do. He said to support Curio.”

  “I doubt he had this in mind, but it looks like no harm done. You men get back to your carousing.” I rushed to Fulvia’s side, pulled off my toga and draped it over her white shoulders. Her whole upper body jerked rhythmically, as if she were sobbing, but no sobs came from her. Then I understood why she kept quiet while Pompey and I distracted the mob: The moment she stopped screaming she had gone into convulsive hiccups.

  I patted her on the back as I led her from the Rostra. After a while the hiccups subsided and she could talk.

  “They waited for him outside my house. My house, Decius!” As if she would have been less offended had they picked some other street.

  “It is because they knew he was to be found there. How badly is he hurt?”

  “I left him weak and bleeding badly. I know you think I’m heartless for leaving him there and coming down here, but my personal physician is with him. You needn’t have brought your Greek. It was very thoughtful of you though.”

  “It was the least I could do.”

  “It was just too much!” she went on, getting her breath back as I led her down the steps with an arm about her shoulders. “I mean, first Grandfather and Great-Uncle Tiberius, then Clodius, now Curio! Are they determined to leave me entirely bereft?” It did not escape me that she had not included her late brother among those for whom she grieved.

  “Fulvia,” I said soothingly, “you are a high-born Roman lady, and you must learn to accept the fact that, in the course of your life, about half your menfolk are going to die violently.”

  I looked around and what I saw wasn’t greatly reassuring. Everywhere there were senators, many of them pointing and glaring at Fulvia. But even more of them were frowning in the direction of the soldiers, and the words I overheard weren’t pretty. They would not soon forget that Caesar’s legionaries had shown such insolence and disrespect toward senators and had handled them violently.

  As for the soldiers, those tough, battle-scarred men seemed not at all abashed by this senatorial hostility. They looked as if they had rather enjoyed the little tussle and were now back to basking in the admiration of the populace. The plebs and a few senators who were Caesar’s supporters saluted Fulvia respectfully. It had been a bravura performance. After this, the upcoming elections were sure to be anti-climactic.

  “You weren’t entirely candid with me, Fulvia,” I chided her. “You said you had no gift for public speaking.”

  “It isn’t from training or inclination,” she said. “It is just that sometimes I get so angry! It isn’t rhetorical polish you hear, it’s passion.”

  “Well, we’re all doomed if you ever take it up as a profession.” I saw someone coming toward us like a thundercloud. “Uh-oh, here comes Pompey. Let me talk to him, keep your eyes modestly downcast and your mouth shut.”

  “Why? Do you think I should be afraid of him?”

  Pompey gave me a curt nod. “That was excellently done, Metellus. We tend to forget how dangerous it is, having so many people in the City as we do at this time of year.” He turned his glowering countenance toward Fulvia. “As for you, you indecent young woman, it is your great luck that I choose not to have you arrested for creating a public scandal. It is a pity that you’re a widow because by rights your father or husband should flog you like a rebellious slave. As it is, I ought to—”

  She raised her blotched, tear-stained face and stared him fearlessly in the eyes. “Why don’t you go screw yourself, you pompous, jumped-up toad! And by what right do you address a single word to me? You have no imperium here in Italy, only in Spain. You are only allowed your lictors by courtesy. Everyone else in Rome has gotten used to jumping when Pompey speaks, but I don’t! Now step aside and keep out of my way or I’ll set my slaves on you.” As if she had any with her.

  Pompey looked as if someone had dropped an anvil on his head. Everyone within hearing range gasped, scandalized and delighted. When he had his voice back, Pompey spoke to me.

  “Metellus, get this woman to her home and chain her up. The Republic is not safe while she’s walking around loose.” He whirled around and stalked off, his spine actually trembling with fury. People sprang from his path as if they’d discovered hot coals under their feet.

  “You don’t take advice very well, do you, Fulvia?” I said.

  “Never. Escort me home, Decius.”

  Like a deferential valet, I obeyed her. Hermes joined us, smiling hugely. A day like this didn’t come along very often. And I was pondering this new side of Fulvia. I had known her, slightly, for years, but only as a member of that almost laboriously scandalous social set headed by Clodius and Clodia. This fearless, determined woman who could not be cowed or intimidated was new to me.

  As we crossed the Forum from west to east, headed toward the Palatine and her home, we acquired an escort of citizens, among them a number of Caesar’s soldiers. It was the last thing I wanted, but it was unavoidable. Romans prized this means of showing their support for someone they respected, and a great man sometimes found himself embarrassed by a self-appointed escort of thousands. By the time we reached the Clivus Victoriae there were several hundred in our train, and nobody seemed to think it odd that I, Clodius’s deadly enemy, was taking his widow home.

  At her door Fulvia thanked them graciously, feigning hoarseness to avoid a prolonged oration. Then she went inside, closely followed by Hermes and me. As soon as the door was closed behind us she turned and removed my toga.

  “Here, Decius, and I thank you for the loan.”

  I took it from her hands and, with Hermes, goggled as she went about the atrium, calling for her slaves. We were seeing only what the whole city of Rome had just seen, but somehow, in this private setting, it seemed far more intimate. Her slaves, frightened and astonished, hustled her into the rear of the house while she called for her wardrobe mistress and her cosmetician and her hairdresser.

  “Well,” Hermes said, “we don’t get to see something like that very often.”

  “As well for our hearts that we don’t,” I told him. “My own is near apoplexy as it is. Now, where is Curio? I want a few words with him.”

  “I saw Asklepiodes’s litter up the street by a fountain, with the bearers and the fighters lounging around it, so he must be here somewhere.”

  I caught sight of Echo, the comely Greek housekeeper, and beckoned her over. She led us to a bedroom that opened off the peristyle, where Asklepiodes stood by a bandaged Curio, while a man in Syrian robes looked on with disapproval. This had to be Fulvia’s personal physician, resentful at being usurped by the illustrious Greek.

  “Decius Caecilius!” Curio said, seeming quite spirited for a man at death’s door. “How good of you to come. My new friend, Asklepiodes, tells me that my betrothed took my injury rather too much to heart.”

  “You would have enjoyed the spectacle,” I told him. “I hope someday she will perform my funeral oration. I’d like to be remembered for something. I take it that the severity of your wounds is not as great as has been feared? If so, I rejoice at the news.”

  “No, I’m fine, but don’t tell anybody. This will do me endless credit at the election.” He wore a bandage around his temples and some blood was seeping through it. “The scalp wound made it look bad. You know how copiously they bleed. The rogues set upon me as soon as I stepped out the doorway, and when I staggered back inside I looked like I’d been through a taurobolium.” He referred to the odd initiation ceremony practiced by the Phrygian cult of Mithras. New members pledge themselves to the god by standing in a pit covered by a bronze grate. A bull is
led onto the grate and its throat cut, showering the novices with its blood.

  “How many were there? Did you get a good look at them?”

  “It was only beginning to get light. To be truthful I was still half asleep and a little the worse for last night’s drinking and—well, other things. I think there were three of them, armed with daggers and clubs.”

  “I am surprised you are still alive,” I told him.

  “It was dark, and I think they had been indulging in wine more heavily than I. They got in each other’s way, and I am handy with my fists. I’ve trained as a boxer all my life. I like it better than swordplay. They probably thought they had killed me. These two physicians, with the best of intentions, have striven to finish the job. Each insists his methods are foolproof.”

  “A poultice of herbs is always the best for such wounds,” the Syrian said, heatedly. “With a proper prophylactic spell, it unfailingly halts the bleeding and protects from infection.”

  “I fear that my esteemed colleague,” Asklepiodes said affably, “is more conversant with headaches and menstrual cramps than with wounds. A thorough washing with boiled, sour wine and a tight compress to hold the edges of the laceration together will protect the wound, promote quick healing with minimal scarring, and reduce the danger of infection.”

  “Asklepiodes has my vote,” I said. “He’s put a mile of stitches in my hide, and I’m still here.”

  “And now,” the Greek said, “I can do no more here, so I bid you all good day. Just change the dressing every day, and you should have no more trouble.”

  Curio thanked him, and, as he left, I saw him whisper something to Hermes. The young man nodded.

  “I’m sorry that Fulvia got so overwrought,” Curio said. “But I was a frightening sight, and she’s an excitable woman.” He looked at the heap of bloody clothes on the floor and shook his head. “My best toga and tunic. They look like someone mopped the floor of a slaughterhouse with them.”

  “I imagine Fulvia has plenty of men’s clothes you can wear. Clodius liked to affect workingmen’s garb, but I know that he had decent clothes that he wore to banquets and Senate meetings.”

  “I suppose so.” Curio seemed unhurt except for the head wound.

  “So who do you think they were?” I asked. “Such assaults seem to be all the fashion lately.”

  “Do you mean, do I think they were the same ones who killed Fulvia’s brother? I doubt it.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “Because those men would have done a better job of it. They made sure Fulvius was very thoroughly dead, then they dragged his corpse all the way to the basilica steps. There was a certain amount of planning, determination, and skill involved there. No, I imagine it was somebody with a personal grudge. I’ve made enemies like the rest of us.”

  Fulvia came in, now decently gowned, her hair dressed, and the facial evidence of her recent fury reduced by cosmetics to a slight puffiness around the eyes. It spoke well for the efficiency of her slaves that they had wrought such change in so short a time.

  “Why, Caius,” she said to Curio, “you look much better than I had expected.”

  “Please don’t sound so disappointed, my dear. I told you before you stormed out that it was not all that serious.”

  “But you men always talk like that! Clodius used to come home bleeding like the loser at a munera and tell me that the barber nicked him. I’ve seen men with their guts hanging out insisting they were merely scratched. I thought I’d probably find you dead when I got back here!”

  “You got yourself freshly made up and dressed in your finest first, though, didn’t you?” he noted.

  “Don’t try my patience!” she was beginning to get wrought up again.

  Curio stood and took her in his arms. “Now, now, let’s not get excited. It’s all just the little hazards of life in Rome these days. Things will quiet down after the election.” He looked at me and made a significant gesture of the eyebrows, indicating the door.

  “Well, all seems under control here,” I said. “I’ll just take my leave of you. Curio, congratulations again on your survival. Fulvia, thank you for a wonderful entertainment this morning. It will be long remembered.”

  I beat a hasty retreat, Hermes following close on my heels. As we left the house, he touched my arm.

  “Before he left, Asklepiodes said you’re to meet him at the altar of Hercules.”

  “I saw him speak in your ear. Let’s go learn what he’s discovered.”

  The altar of Hercules was on the western side of the Forum Boarium, near the Sublician Bridge. There we found the physician lounging at his ease, still in his litter, with his bearers squatting all around it. The gladiators had apparently been dismissed. The old cattle market, besides selling livestock and meat, was the business place for some of Rome’s best food vendors, and Asklepiodes had availed himself of their wares while he waited for me.

  “Ah, Decius, good. I did not think you would tarry long. Have a seat and help me finish this excellent lunch. You too, Hermes. I bought enough for five men.”

  I climbed into the litter and relaxed on the cushions. Hermes remained standing outside. Between Asklepiodes and me lay a platter of flat bread two feet wide, heaped with street-vendor delicacies, the best to be had. I took a skewer of tender quail grilled over charcoal and Hermes picked up a river fish caught that morning and steamed in a wrapping of pickled vine leaves.

  “You are being even more generous than usual today, old friend,” I told him. “I will not forget it. Now, what were you able to deduce from Curio’s wounds? Did they tell you something significant about his attackers?”

  “There was only one wound,” he said, “and it told me a great deal indeed. Your friend Curio was not attacked. The wound was self-inflicted.”

  Hermes pounded me on the back, as I choked on delicious quail meat. Asklepiodes looked upon the effect of his pronouncement with deep satisfaction. There were times when I would have liked to strangle him. He handed me a cup of excellent Falernian, and I forgave him.

  “Explain,” I said, when I could speak again.

  “When I arrived—and this was only a short time before your own advent upon the scene—Curio lay on that bed, his hands clasped to his bloody head, writhing about like a condemned man being flogged with chains. He and that Syrian quack were astonished and alarmed when I showed up. When I went to examine the wounded man, the Syrian tried to restrain me forcibly. Luckily, my medical specialty being what it is, I know a great deal more about force than he.”

  I nodded, remembering his many demonstrations of homicidal technique, some of which had left marks on me for weeks.

  “I called for a basin and cloth, something oddly missing from the room, and cleaned Curio’s head. His attitude changed swiftly. He began to make light of the wound and say that Fulvia’s physician was being entirely too excitable, that he was no more than stunned by the blow to his head. Are you aware of something called the ‘coward’s blow?’ ”

  “I think I’ve heard it mentioned among the sporting crowd. Something to do with throwing a fight, isn’t it?”

  “It comes from the early days of pugilism. In the earliest times, boxers were amateurs—aristocratic athletes like the other contenders in the Olympics and the rest of the Greek games. But, in time, there arose a class of professional pugilists, and people began to bet heavily on the outcome of the fights, even as they do today. Various ruses were developed to rig the outcome, and one of these was the coward’s blow.

  “Any scalp wound bleeds freely. The skin is stretched thin as vellum over the skull and is plentifully supplied with blood vessels. There is a spot”—he tapped a place on his own pate, about five inches above his right eyebrow—“which, when nicked, guarantees an especially generous effusion of blood. By prearrangement, one boxer would aim a punch at his opponent’s head. The other would duck in the usual fashion but not quite enough. The tip of one of the caestus spikes would open a cut on that spot, and the blood wo
uld flow as from an upended bucket. The prearranged loser would drop as if slain, and the wagers would be paid. As an added bonus, once the place has been spiked a few times, all that is needed to reopen it is a tap, so the ruse can be repeated endlessly, always before a new audience.”

  “And this is the wound you found on Curio?” I asked.

  “It was done with a dagger, and at the precise angle that would be made by a right-handed man cutting himself, but it was the coward’s blow—a trifling laceration done by a man who knew exactly where to cut for the most dramatic effect.”

  I nodded. “I saw the boxer’s marks on his face when I first met him, and just now he said that he was a lifelong enthusiast of the sport. He would know how that cut is delivered. He made a quick recovery when you found him out though. He acted as if he had never thought the wound was serious and he carried it off well.”

  “Do you think the lady Fulvia was party to the ruse?” Asklepiodes asked.

  I was pondering that one myself. “No, I think not. I would certainly never put such a subterfuge past her, but her outburst in the Forum this morning was genuine. It could not have been faked unless she’s an actress of surpassing merit. I believe Curio left her house this morning before daylight, waited until the janitor shut the door, took out his dagger and cut himself, waited until he was well-soaked with blood, then raised a huge noise, as if he were being murdered. The janitor reopened the door, and Curio staggered back inside. He’d probably made arrangements with the Syrian beforehand to keep the true nature of his wound secret.”

  “That would have been prudent,” Asklepiodes agreed.

  “He probably didn’t expect Fulvia to erupt like Aetna though, or he would have had his supporters in the Forum ready to further his plans, whatever they may be. And, of course, he had no way to anticipate another physician coming to examine him. He had to make the best of it and play the scene to the best effect he could.”

  “Just what is his plan?” Hermes wondered aloud. He took from the platter a pastry of mashed figs cooked with honey and nuts.