Sibyl cleaned up the dinner dishes, took a little food herself, and came back to sit with Adam some more. As the evening progressed into night, the idea she’d have to find a place for herself to sleep gnawed at her. She could go out to the barn, of course, like Adam had all those nights when she’d first arrived. But he was so much more equipped to it than she was, and she didn’t know if she would get any sleep with all the strange sounds out there. Plus if Adam cried out in the night, she’d never hear him. She could sleep on the uncomfortable sofa here in the parlor, which was pushed off to one side. She’d be able to hear him, but she’d still be there, in the room with him, in her nightgown.
Or she could share the large feather mattress. If they were to marry, it’s where she would sleep every night for the rest of her life anyway. But this was the issue that had driven the wedge between them in the first place.
She argued with herself that things were different now. She knew him, and he was wounded. He needed her.
If she tried it, would he make a big deal of it? It would embarrass her if he did and send her running. But running to where? No, she couldn’t share the bed with him. She’d make do. Put some blankets down on the bedroom floor. She could camp out there, and keep things proper.
She read to him a bit from Robinson Crusoe, one of the books Ben had brought over. She’d worried the story of the man left alone on the island might ring too true to him after being left in the prairie overnight, but he didn’t seem upset by it. She finished the third chapter, inserted her bookmark, and set the book down.
“I’m going to bed.”
His shoulders drooped a little, but he didn’t say anything. He’d been expecting her to stay with him, and she could see he was disappointed she wasn’t going to. Not until they were man and wife. If they became man and wife.
Flustered, she whispered, “Goodnight. Call if you need anything,” and hurried up the stairs. As she left the room she felt his eyes burning into the back of her dress. Well, so be it. She made up her meager little bed on the wooden floor. The room seemed so empty, and the little nest she’d made seemed so inadequate as she doused the light. After tossing and turning, she realized it was impossible to get comfortable, so she lay staring at the ceiling, wondering if it was time to go home after all. How could she forever commit herself to this man she barely knew? What if he proved to be like her father? Fanny vouched for him, sure, but what if she was wrong?
The only way Sibyl knew she’d slept at all was because once again, she dreamed of Adam kissing her. And she’d kissed him back, curving her body into his. In the dream he wasn’t wounded—he was whole again, and healthy. The aftermath left her curled around herself, wishing she were brave enough to go to him.
Downstairs, Adam was awake and reading. His tone was cool when he spoke to her, and she set about cooking his breakfast. It hadn’t been like this last night. They’d actually seemed to enjoy one another. She asked herself what had changed, but she suspected she knew.
“Tell me about New York,” he said as she handed him his breakfast dish.
“What do you want to know?”
“Everything. What did you like about it so much?”
His use of the past tense bothered her. She still loved it…though it was hard to think about the dirty skyscrapers when the Rockies loomed large above her.
“There were people everywhere. Nothing was ever quiet or dull. Where did you grow up?”
“When I was eight and Ben was twelve, we came here from outside Jefferson City. I don’t remember much of back east. All my memories are here. I can’t imagine what the kids do in the city. Where do they run? How do they play?”
“It’s much nicer for children here, I agree.”
“So why do you want to go back so badly?”
“I don’t.”
“Then why won’t you let yourself be happy here? I catch you at it, out of the corner of my eye. Then it’s like you have to remind yourself to be stoic and miserable. When I saw you’d decided to stay with me, I thought maybe something changed, but I can see now it hasn’t. Am I a fool for hoping this isn’t the real you?”
She gaped at him. How dare he speak to her like that! “The real me?”
“Be happy. Enjoy something. Anything. You could enjoy me, my company, if you’d let yourself.”
“So you could kiss me again like in the barn?”
“Would that be so bad?”
Sibyl’s face went red. “We’re not married.”
“There’s no law against kissing before marriage.”
“In God’s eyes there is.”
“Why?”
“What do you mean why?”
“What good reason does God have to get upset about a few kisses? People are cruel to one another—” Sibyl thought of her father here. She couldn’t help herself. “—people lie, and they steal and they kill. What harm is a kiss?”
“It’s a sin.”
Adam sighed. “So marry me, then.”
She started to speak but he interrupted her. “No, don’t tell me, you can’t marry me because you don’t know me. You don’t know me because you won’t let yourself. I appreciate how clean the house is, all the mending you’ve done, and the delicious food you cook me, but honestly Sibyl, I’d rather go back to being alone than living with a ghost.”
“You asked me to come here, all the way across the country. I don’t know anyone here—”
“You have Fanny. She made the same trip with no idea what to expect. I’m your brother-in-law. We’re already family.”
Now Sibyl was mad. “You can’t compare me to her. That’s not fair. We’re different people.”
“It’s also not fair to whine that you were dropped in not knowing anyone. I need you to make up your mind, sooner rather than later.”
“You can’t push me into this,” she said.
“Then I’ll have to push you away. But it’s up to you, Sibyl.”
She stalked out of the house, taking the role he once had. At least he had the advantage of the dog to follow him when he went. No one had ever spoken to her like that, not even her father. At least when her father chastised her, she knew it wasn’t true. This cut to the quick because he was right. Marry him, or go home? She didn’t viably see a third option. She went to the barn where Sally waited for her. Cisco’s stall stood empty, and as Sibyl stroked her horse’s nose, she wondered how hard it had been for Adam to shoot the horse. Compassion for him flooded her.
Even now, she’d fed him, but what else might he need? Was he lying in bed, needing something she was supposed to supply? Was she failing him right this second?
The idea humbled her. Whether she married Adam or not, she’d told Ben she would help him.
“I should go back, shouldn’t I?” she asked Sally.
The horse didn’t answer, but looking into her warm brown eyes, Sibyl knew she had to tend to him. A little voice asked, what if I just married him? A louder voice shushed her. She’d be doing a duty, that was all.
“I’m sorry I raised my voice,” Adam said. “I’m in a rather lot of pain this morning, and I got testy.”
The poor man. Of course he was in pain. “I’m sorry too. Shall I read to you?”
“Why don’t you help me get comfortable? The pillows are all bunched up and I can’t quite reach them.”
She leaned in and helped him, aware of how close they were. If he were an unattractive man, she wouldn’t be conflicted.
Like Ben showed her, she cleaned his bandages, talking about Sally and plans for riding before the snow came.
“I think you’ll like it here in the winter. The snow comes—snow like you’ve never imagined back east—and everything gets so quiet. It’s the most peaceful sensation in the world. Did you ever make a snow angel?”
“A what?”
He laughed. “A snow angel! They have snow in New York City, right?”
They did, of course, but she didn’t remember ever playing in it.
“You lie down in
the snow, and move your arms and legs. The impression in the snow looks just like an angel, the arms make the wings, and your legs make the dress. How about sledding? Ever been sledding?”
She shook her head. Part of her wanted these things, very badly. The idea of coming in from the cold, from playing in the snow, and settling in before the fire appealed to her. But only when Adam was there in her imagination, too.
She realized she was holding her breath and let it out. “We didn’t have much time for play when I grew up. Fanny’s older, and Mother was still alive when she was a little girl. Mother died, and Fanny left home, and I had to take care of the younger girls. I was always so jealous of her. Collum was so handsome and such a passionate man. And then she found Ben.”
She expected Adam to say something. To suggest she could have those things too. Instead, he said, “That must have been hard. It was just Ben and me. I bet he would understand some of the things you went through. It was up to him to take care of me a lot of the time, too.” He paused a moment. “I’m going to walk again. And ride. I’ll be back to normal in no time. I promise you that.”
“Then we’d better get your dressing cleaned,” she smiled.
It looked better than the day before, nothing inflamed, no pus. Sibyl hoped this meant he was truly starting to mend. They couldn’t see, of course, what the bone was doing. The splint kept it tight, so as best Ben could tell it wasn’t healing crooked. Ben had said Adam was lucky that Ben didn’t have to re-break it to set it properly.
The day passed, and Sibyl found herself enjoying Adam’s company. They played a few games of checkers, read a while, and talked. While she fixed dinner he dozed, once crying out in his sleep. Sibyl appeared in the doorway, unsure if she should wake him. He twitched, let out a little moan, but then his face relaxed, and he seemed to drift off again to better dreams.
The sun set, and as the evening progressed, she read to him from Robinson Crusoe. She sat close to him on the bed. He liked having her close, she could tell. As she read and the hour grew later, Adam fell asleep.
Sibyl set down the book, and stood up, careful not to disrupt the sleeping man. She crept upstairs and changed into her nightdress. She did her evening ablutions, and came down the stairs as silently as she’d gone up them. She paused in the parlor doorway and studied Adam’s face. In sleep, the worry and pain of his injury melted away and he looked almost like a boy. His chest rose and fell gently in the candlelight. Sibyl extinguished the lights in the kitchen, then in the parlor. Dim light from outside cast a blue glow over everything, and she moved carefully to her side of the bed in the dark. She pulled the covers back and slipped into bed. She stayed as far from Adam as she could manage, hugging the edge. She was afraid to move, because she didn’t want to disturb him. She started to think she’d made a terrible mistake, that she’d never possibly fall asleep…and the next thing she knew it was morning.
When she opened her eyes to the morning sun lighting up the butter yellow walls of the parlor, it took her a moment to gather her bearings. This wasn’t the room she’d become accustomed to. And there was a heavy, warm weight pressed against her, something draped across her chest.
Adam lay cuddled against her, his arm wrapped around her. She froze, unsure of what to do. She didn’t want to disturb him, but surely she shouldn’t be lying here like this.
As she lay in the morning sun, fretting about what to do, a certain calm washed over her. She wasn’t doing anything wrong. She wasn’t sinning. Her closeness clearly comforted Adam, and he was in such poor shape. Surely it couldn’t hurt to make the poor man feel good by holding him. Someone might judge her if they saw, but there was no one here save for herself and Adam. No one ever had to know.
It wasn’t how her father thought, but she didn’t see the harm in any of it. She’d been working herself up over this intimacy, but she realized now it was nothing but the fear of letting another person close. To help Adam get well again, she’d need to let him close. Because if she didn’t, Ben was right. She might as well go back to New York.
And if she wasn’t going to leave, there wasn’t any use postponing the wedding any longer. So what if their marriage wasn’t how it looked in her dreams? No union was a purely happy one. A few days ago, Fanny had been grousing about how Ben always took too long in the hot water, and when it came her turn it was always lukewarm. Not all marriages were like the screaming ones she’d heard through the walls of their tenement building. Hers could be better if she allowed her heart to be free.
Terrified, she reminded herself to breathe, then snuggled in closer to him. She was sure the thudding of her pulse would wake him, but he made a little sound in his sleep and rested his head against her shoulder. They lay just so for a while longer before he woke up, blue eyes fluttering open.
He didn’t make a big deal of her sleeping in the bed with him. He made a little happy sound in the back of his throat and squeezed her close in a hug. “Good morning.”
The way he said it made her smile. He was right. It was a good morning. “To you too.” When she said her next words, she expected her voice to shake. It didn’t. “Adam? I’ve decided I will marry you.”
“Really?” He sounded so happy, like a little boy. “Please not because I yelled yesterday. I was in pain, and I was being unkind. I want you to stay because you like it here. Because you like me.”
Moving across the country to Wyoming territory felt like a bold step, but it paled in comparison to what she did next. She turned her head and found Adam’s lips with her own. She caught him by surprise for a moment, but then he kissed back, gentle and eager. He reached up and buried a hand in her hair. With the other he gently touched her face. Instead of retreating, Sibyl leaned into his touch. She parted her lips for him, and found the pleasant sensations of the kiss only getting more powerful.
When they broke apart, Adam said, “Do you think the Father can marry us today?”
“I hope so. We’ll tell him you’re a wounded man and it’s your final wish.”
He smiled and kissed her again. “Sibyl, you’re going to be the most beautiful bride Wyoming territory has ever seen.”
“I don’t even have a dress.”
“It won’t matter. You’ll have me and I’ll have you.”
He kissed her again, and she was sure God wouldn’t mind a few kisses, especially since they would be man and wife so soon.
THE END
Table of Contents
Scandalous Territories
Frontier Sister
Mail Order Bride: Scandalous Territories (Clean and Wholesome Historical Romance) (Women’s Fiction New Adult Wedding Frontier) Page 6
