Waiting Period: A Novel

by Hubert Selby Jr.

  Ready to order?

  Hows the white fish?

  Very good. Had some myself. Tender and flaky.

  Sounds good. Salad. Thousand island.

  You got it.

  Funny, flaky is a put-down in one case, a compliment in another. Jimbo was flaky and so was his catfish. Was I flaky in leaving? Cant peek and find out. Might have gotten a few more … maybe all of them. Theres always tomorrow. The message was too strong. Be an absolute fool to go against it. Never know why. Dont need to. Know that its always right. Im here, now, no problems. Thats good. Who knows what will happen. The—

  Here you are, white fish and a salad, thousand island. Enjoy.

  Thanks … Oh, now that sure does look delicious. What a beautiful stride … yeah, like ‘jello on springs’. Flaky certainly doesnt apply to her. Hmmm, the fish is flaky and tasty. Feast my sense of taste and sight. Now thats pretty good for one meal.

  Well, lets see whats going on … whos killing who, or is it whom? No, its for whom the bell tolls. Well, good to know theyre still killing each other all over the world for no really good reason. Seems like most of them are trying to prove their god is bigger and better than some other god. Goofy … just plain goofy. Like kids in the school yard: my brother can kick your brothers ass! Oh yeah, well my father can kick your fathers ass. I guess nobody grows up. The world is one big playground and everyone is duking it out. Kill for the love of killing … kill for the love of Kali … Wonder what theyre doing now that they cant kill a commie for krist? Really feel for those poor christians. Of course they do have the faggots and feminists to kill for krist. Yeah … but thats not so fashionable, and certainly not pc. Guess the important thing for them is that they have some body to hate and to kill. Was so much easier when they could direct it all toward the commies. Spreading it out amongst so many people takes much more work. Ahh for the good ol days. Guess theyll pick up their assaults on Islam. Can be fashio—Oh no … no. I dont believe it. Holy jumping bald headed codfish. Wait a second, dont go jumping … but it says definitely … not ‘its reported’, but a very simple, definite statement. Easy does it man, it might be a mistake—Oh god, dont let this be a mistake, let it be true, totally and absolutely true … please. I/ll say a whole bunch of Hail Marys and Our Fathers. I/ll beat my chest and mea fuckin culpa, I/ll join the Jews for Krist and make a novena, make a novena … so whats wrong already with a little folk dancing? Oh god is good, god is really good … a regular goody two shoes. ‘Oh I am glad youre dead you rascal you, I am glad youre dead you rascal you’ … Okay, from the top. E.COLI OUTBREAK FELLS FOUR AT FAIR. Yippee i yay and all that good cowboy shit. Fells Four. Dont you just love that shit? Yeah … Fells Four. No one would listen to me … and others. Beef is not healthy. You just shouldnt eat it. Even if you do eat things with faces, you shouldnt eat beef. Now havent I told you that many times? Comeon, fess up, Ive told you a whole bunch of finger lickin times yuall just shouldnt be eating those ribs. Didnt I now? Dont deny it. Jus before you climbed up into your pickup truck I told you not to be eating any a those ribs. Just look at what happened to the world when Adam give up a rib. Uh uh, heap bad medicine. But you wouldnt listen, would you? No, you had to have your way, just like always, I beg, I plead, I pray but you still do just as you damn well please. Well, look wheres it got you now. Is you lookin mutha fucka? Is you lookin? Spect yuall not seein much about now. As they say in 7-card stud, ‘down and dirty’. Well, not yet. Guess it will be a while before they give you a dirt blanket. But it wont be long. No siree bob, it wont be long. Four … four felled. Oh, those food concessions are catching some heat. Theyll be checkin out those butcher shops and supply houses. Yeah, theyll have good ol government agents crawling up their asses. Good. You deserve to have to crawl up those shit kicking asses. Innocent people hurt? You kidding me? Those people starve millions … millions for their goddamn beef. Eighty (80) people can live on what it takes to produce just one (1) pound of beef. The more they shut down the better—Yeah, a fringe benefit I never anticipated. A little something extra. Not of the import of the main objective, but at the same time a noble addition. Oh, I cant believe it. ALL FOUR!!!! Right the fuck on!!!! The way to go! Thats right, they havent. No mention of the murders and trial and barbecue and all that good ol boy stuff. Havent made the connection yet. Wonder what will happen when they do? Has to be a ton of suspicion. But the pm’s will prove food poisoning … period. Just a weird coincidence. Guess its just as well I left. Eight more would have been something else. My god, they really would have gone apeshit. Theyll be scratching their heads and asses as it is, but 8 more??? Whoa, that would have been absolute madness. Wonder if it could have caused me any problems? Who knows, but not going to worry about that. Oh I feel good. Seems like this is better than Barnard. But that was truly a reason to rejoice. Oh man … Thank you jesus … Better start calming down. I/ll blow a blood vessel or something. Dont think Ive ever been this hyped. Holy shit. All 4 of them. Wonder if I should post something on Big Jims web page? Maybe a cryptic remark about the incident … saying nothing definite, but implying everything???? That would roast some asses. Oh that would be fun. Could even scare the shit out of the other 8. Some news wire would be sure to pick it up. Sounds good. Wouldnt do it from my own machine. Library … one of those Internet coffee shops, whatever. Oh that would be fun. I can feel the power thrusting through me. But not tonight. Just give it all time to settle in and settle down. Could send mysterious, unmarked packages to all 8 of them … or maybe just a couple … randomly. After the connections made theyll be afraid to open anything that doesnt come from Sears or Monkey Ward. Could send them a box of candy. Or a ham sandwich. A whole box of ham sandwiches. O krist, can imagine … cops and technicians all going apeshit over ham sandwiches … Hey chief, I think I found something on this one, looks really suspicious.

  Yeah, its called mustard asshole.

  Oh, theres a million variations. But nothing tonight. Tonight everything is cool. Just … just what? Cant sit still. Better walk it off … as much as possible anyway. Can always watch some dumbass television. That should help me sleep. Nice night for a walk, not too hot. Good idea. But just walk, no skipping and jumping up in the air and clicking my heels. And no bars and talks with bartenders. Yeah, a good walk will help. I/ll take a constitutional. Health and strength all the way.

  Truly I say to you, I find no fault in this man. I rejoice and am exceedingly glad. Walk, my son, walk and feel the fresh refreshing breeze on your face. Whatever befalls you you will never be alone. Look … look now at the stars in the heavens, do they not seem brighter, if just by a little? The Blessings of the night are upon you my son. Truly I say to you you shall prosper in all your endeavors in my name.

  Another day, another day. Yes indeed. And what do you have in store for me ‘day’? Will you tell me now or slowly feed it to me one breath at a time. Feel a little bit like Cyrano, but giants I can do without. Now the blonde that served me this morning … now thats a whole other matter. Oh is she delectable. Such musical movements … and not like a metronome … no indeed. Really fluid, as the saying goes. Time for a song and dance ala Fred Astaire or Gene Kelly. Maybe a little ‘Ive got the world on a string’ … yeah, sure do feel like that, but who needs the whole world? For now one lovely blonde will do. Should really check that out. Oh well, later for that. Time to check the web page. Cant wait any longer. Tantalized myself enough. A tap a click a click a tap and ……… Herrrrrrrrres Jimbo!!!! Baboom. Okay, we get to the end and …… yep there it is. Some people have already made the connection. Its amazing, they must spend hours every day searching for connections and posting information. But this is a little obvious. Anyway, god bless these people, wow … look at the speculations … conspiracy, conspiracy … the wrath of god, now thats a good one … Holy Mackerel! THE NIGGAS REVENGE. This is really sick … Sure have a lot of choices for responsibility: NAACP, Jackson, Farrakhan, SLC, SNCC, oh man, the list is endless. You know, this is just like the Kennedy killing: No one can bel
ieve that one little obscure misfit like Oswald could cause such a momentous event. Only in this case the event is not momentous, not in the Kennedy sense, and its something that really needed doing. But Im just me so it cant be a conspiracy. Wonder if I should suggest that on the web? No, no point. No tempting fate. No downloading info or even printing it. Just a little perusal from time to time, and never too long. Just long enough to make my little heart go pitter patter. Oh, this is so great. Its really starting to settle in … hes really dead. Big Jim Kinsey is dead and so is good ol boy Clyde. Damn! Cold stone dead in the market. Yowza, yowza, yowza, they done checked out an dont know if they has did any checkin in yet. Yeah, thats a good one, Whats your forwarding address? Paper burns and e-mail melts. Ha ha, thats good … yeah, I like that: What did you do with your sheet? Hey, maybe theyll wrap them in them? A few hundred years it may look like another shroud of Turin. That would really confuse posterity. What the hell, no reason they shouldnt be as confused as we are … Yeah, no need to try, theyll accomplish it all by themselves just as we did. E may equal MC2, but ignorance is truly bliss. Oh man, Ive got to stop spending all my time with this web page. Fun is fun, but theres still a lot to do, much that needs accomplishing. Aint that something, dont want to close, well … there you go Jimbo. Yeah, just like that hes gone. A click of the mouse and no more Big Jim. Period. Back to browsing the news. Damn, wish I could see what in the hell is nagging at me. Something, something, something … right in front of my nose and I cant see it … yet. Shit! Better cool it. Never see it this way and I/ll drive myself nuts. Okay, lets work for a few hours, eat dinner, and see what happens …

  Maybe a little walk around the block, slowly, on the way to the deli would be a good idea. Work went well. Always does when I dont think about it. Yeah, sure, but how do you not think about a white monkey? Just have to get my head involved in something else and it will come. Yeah, speaking of which I hope the redheads working tonight. Hey, thats a good one, red, white and blue. A blonde in the morning, a redhead in the evening, and Im blue … oh, am I blue over you. Perhaps thats the distraction I need. Best one at a time though. Want to do a thorough job. Always aim to please. Concentration, thats the key. Keep them coming back. But not too often, no need for greed. Just doing what I can to keep the old red, white and blue flying. Perhaps a soft landing is even better. Oh, Im sure they are soft … and cuddly. Thats important—ah, she is here. No wonder Im not all there, just look at the music. Better not sit at one of her tables, cant trust myself. Better to worship from afar than never to have worshipped at all.

  Can I help you?

  I

  hope so sweetheart, you see—

  Can I get you something to eat?

  Oh … yes. I/ll have the brisket and a salad.

  What kind of dressing would you like on your salad?

  Italian.

  You got it.

  Ah, so I have … But isnt that always the way … you have everything except what you want at the moment? But I have no complaints. A little will of the wisp is flying around my awareness, but it will come in for a landing … Providence will see to that. Sooner or later I/ll see it.

  Here you go, brisket, salad. Can I get you anything else? Something to drink?

  No, no thanks. This is fine.

  Yes, yes, this is fine … real fine the way she walks and … and whatever. Oh Red … Who the hell ever said theyd rather be dead than red? What madness. Red is the color of my true loves hair … hmmm the brisket really is pretty good. Salads not bad too. Funny how different dressings taste so different in various places. Same old bowl of shredded lettuce, but sometimes the Italian tastes like Irish sauce. Wonder if they have a particular dressing? Probably mayo and ketchup … with a touch of tabasco. No self-respecting Italian would call this dressing good, but if you forget what its supposed to be and accept it for what it is, a deli dressing, its not so bad. Its like canned spaghetti. Loved it when I was a kid. Nothing like real pasta, but if you forget that its not bad. But of course, you can never really forget whats real and whats a hopeless imitation. Like ol Jimbo. Cant forget he was just imitation people, a piece of detritus that was somehow scraped off the shoes of the fisherman or some ditch digger, and somehow got classified as a human being. World is filled with such insults to the human race. And theyre not all politicians either. Or televangelists. Or even teamsters. Why, some of my best friends are teamsters—wait a minute, lets not go that far. Those bastards … Have to pay more for a loaf of bread and a quart of milk … Oh well, time to take a short walk and get back to work.

  Jesus, pictures of the ‘Royal Family’ on the front page of the paper. What the hell is that all about? If they want to keep those parasites thats fine with me, but why clutter up our papers with stories about bonnie prince charlie and—wait a second … prince … prince … I almost got it. Somethings—of course, Machiavelli. Divide and conquer. Dont let the right hand know what the left is doing. Wait … wait a second … something is happening—ah, the fresh air is good … if you can consider it fresh. So, deception … divide and conquer … well, conquer in a limited sense. Certainly not going to ‘take’ anything. Royal Family. Why does that keep spinning in my head? Royal Family, Royal Family. What in the hell do they have to do with this? Royal pain in the ass. Who deceives who … whom? Why????What in the hell can this have to do with Royalty? Royal mess???? Royal screw up???? Royal, Royal … Cincinnati Royals … oh come on. Madness. Well, she is a nutcase … but nothing to do with me. No. Family. What family? Whose family? Family? Family????

  Family!!!! Somethings coming together—How in the hell did I get to the park? Oh well, sit on the bench under a tree. Hmmm, surprisingly quiet. Really pleasant. Just a few blocks from the house. Wonder why I never came here before. Nice and quiet too. Damn … birds and everything. Probably a lot of nests. Good trees for them … heavy foliage. Hide from predators. Protect their family. Seems like a lot of energy in nature goes into protecting the family … the klan. Yeah, some wear skirts, some wear sheets. Hey, wait a second. Thats right. Every one wants to protect the family … whatever or whoever you consider your family.

  From the dumb street kids to the mafia. Its the family. Okay, okay. The family! Must be plenty of them. Special legislation, prosecutors, investigators, undercover agents, witness protection program, an entire legal sub-culture to combat an illegal sub-culture. Yeah, chirp away little birdies … or sing, as they used to say in the old gangster movies. Eddie G and Cagney never sang. They told the bulls where to shove it. Oh, its really starting to come together. Yeah, lets all sing like the birdies sing, tweet tweet … Sammy the Bull. Yeah, thats a good place to start. Probably take a while, but I/ll get all the info I need. I can really feel it happening. Its coming together. Must keep my mind open and just get the information. Leave the results in the hands of Providence. I/ll know what to do when the time is right. I always know … Well, better get back to work—no! Take it easy. Let it continue to gel. Yeah … tomorrows plenty of time. Just let it be … yeah, and present itself to me. Just as it always does.

  Is it not joyous to see a man of faith? Indeed, every soul in the Universe rejoices and sings his praises. It takes but one man of faith to transform the world, and thus does my son transform this world of ego and mockery. Oh my faultless son, some day you will hear the Heavens sing, the very stars kneel at your feet. Yet you think not of these things, but only of the task at hand. Meditate well on the task, my son, all has already been given you. Continue to surrender to the task and your awareness will be illuminated at every step. You are the aurora borealis of my life.

  Well, what do we have so far … a lot of families loosely connected and/or opposed … a lot of in-laws and outlaws … to coin a phrase. Plenty of rivalry in New York. And elsewhere. Advantage here is I dont want it to look like a normal death … yeah, except that killing each other is a normal death … if they dont kill themselves with cigarettes and espresso. Okay, lets get serious for a minute. The danger is to kill them without gettin
g caught … by them or the police. However, I also have the advantage of not needing to be completely surreptitious. Its important it looks just like any other gangland killing … and god knows there are abundant examples to copy. Safest if done from a distance, but close enough for accuracy. Cant look like an accident. Must make them think another family did it. Havent had a good gang shoot-out for a long time. Before Im through theyll be knocking each other off like a free lunch, free lunch??? Where the hell did that come from? Okay, a jokes a joke, and a good laugh will heal anything, but I have to stay serious long enough to map this out. Now, New York is always the center of attention, so thats where I start. But need to know where else. Must have everything clearly organized and defined before I start. Imperative. Dont need too many cit—yeah … oh yeah, thats right. Important thing is that it looks like somebody is trying to take over the mob … hmmm … Oh shit, wait a minute. Maybe I dont need to concentrate only on the old wise guys. Yeah … Those crazy Russians are driving a lot of people nuts. Hit one … maybe two … wise guy places … yeah, sounds good, one or two of those and then a Russian ‘club’. Theyll be at each others throats. Yeah, theyre crazier than the Sicilians. Okay … lets see. I start with a ‘social club’, maybe even the one Gotta used to go to, and stir up a little trouble. Have to make them believe the Russians are behind it … Whats their favorite thing? Seems like just killing. There must be a method associated with them more than just a few shots in the head???? Yeah, but how would I do—No! Cant take that attitude. Cant start thinking I cant do this or cant do that. Establish the right way to do it and I/ll know how. So … Okay, they love to blow things up, be boom. But how—relax. Let it come. Well … wiring a car is out. Need to get too close … and its an old wise guy method. Also too neat. Russians are nuts. Theyd blow up a whole building to open a coconut. Want it to look unplanned. Like walking down the street and suddenly deciding to toss a hand-grenade. Real subtle. And obvious. Make it so they figure it has to be the fuckin Russians. Yeah, no kiss of death, no shots in the head and throat, and no last meal. Hey, hold the scintilla, I gotta take care of business here—Right, right. Serious. Okay, so they know its the Russians. The mob is better organized. Should have troops in the streets in minutes … hours. So, I start where???? Hey, I have to drop this for a while. Take a break and get something to eat. No rush. Easy does it. Dont go running around so fast I pass myself. Nice and easy …