by PJ Sharon
“There were large hooks hung from the ceiling. And there were slabs of meat hanging in long rows. It was so cold. And it smelled...awful.”
A shudder quaked through her body. Hot tears spilled down her cheeks, her eyes wide with the terror of what came next. “He tied my hands together with a thick rope and then he...hung me on a hook between two...” She couldn’t finish the sentence. Her stomach churned with acid and she closed her eyes against the memory. “He left me there for two days and two nights. I thought he wasn’t coming back. I thought I was going to die...I prayed for him to come back...but then when he did...”
She looked up at her mother, her eyes refocusing and seeing the horror and anguish on the woman’s face. “He said if I ever ran away again, I would wish he had let me die.”
Her mother’s lips quivered but she didn’t speak. Her eyes were wide and clouded, the storm of emotion beneath fighting to surface.
“He was right. When I tried to run away that last time, he beat me so badly I did wish for death. I woke up in the woods and couldn’t move. My ribs were cracked. Every breath hurt. Leaves and dirt covered me and I had to claw my way out to breathe. I lay there shivering in pain until numbness took over and I couldn’t feel anything anymore. I knew he’d kill me if he found me alive. I had to get away from him. I remember hearing noises and thinking he was coming back or that some animal would come along and eat me before I was dead.” She let out a strained laugh that seemed incongruent with the intensity of the moment.
The sound of it brought her fully back to the present. She brushed the tears away. “If he hadn’t wrapped me in a blanket covered me with leaves, I would have died that night.” She sighed, pushing the dark memories aside. “Eventually, I found shelter, water and food. But those first days and weeks in the mountains were like one long nightmare. The only thing that kept me going was the lullaby you used to sing to me before bed—about the angels—do you remember it?”
A sad smile curved the edges of her mother’s mouth. “I do. The Japanese lullaby my grandmother taught to me as a child. I used to sit in your room after you were gone and sing it to your teddy bear, hoping that wherever you were, you could hear me and have something to hold on to.” The porcelain skin of her cheeks was pale and her eyes were red and puffy from salty tears, but she was still as beautiful as any angel Brinn had ever imagined.
Her mother crawled into the bed next to her and wrapped her in loving arms that warmed her to the core. She hummed the familiar tune, gently stroking Brinn’s hair, soothing the ache that had settled over her just moments ago. When her mother finished the song, Brinn smiled up into the blue eyes so like her own. “Thank you, Mama. I did hear you all those years ago. I knew you were with me—you and the Angel of the Forest. She helped me to survive.”
“You survived because you are strong and brave, Briana.” An undeniable expression of admiration and affection filled her mother’s eyes. The warmth of love spread over Brinn like a healing balm.
“I survived because I didn’t want to get eaten by bears.” Brinn let a smile catch her lips. "Come to find out, bears don’t really eat people.”
Chapter 30
Birds and Bees
Three months had passed since Brinn had returned home. It was a hot day in late August, and she missed the cool breezes and shade of the high canopy that sheltered the mountain. She was patiently waiting for Stockman's trial and finally felt a sense of peace that he was at least off the streets and she was now free to come and go without his constant threat, or the need for twenty-four hour security. The press had died down—probably only a short reprieve until the trial date—but at least she felt like she could breathe.
When she went to visit the little Weston girl after she was released from the hospital, Brinn was glad to see her smiling and happy. Carrie was seven, and had only been taken a few weeks before she was found, so she hadn’t endured Stockman’s cruelty for long, but Brinn knew how much damage that monster could inflict in a very short period of time. Even though the girl smiled and played with her dolls when Brinn stopped by, the haunted look that crept across her face when she talked about her time at the farmhouse reminded Brinn of the nightmares they would both have to live with. She hoped that in time, the two of them would find strength in being kindred spirits.
Mama was teaching her how to drive and Justin was still trying to help her make up for lost time by showing her all over the city—although he refused to let her drive his BMW, claiming that the steering mechanism was “sensitive” and the clutch was kind of “tricky.”
Moreover, he refrained from kissing her again. The passionate embrace they'd shared at the park was replaced by friendly pecks on the cheek or forehead. Frankly, Brinn was frustrated. She understood his apprehension. After all, she was the one who had pushed him away, giving in to her doubts and fears. Maybe it was time to take her future in hand and prove to him that she was ready to take the next step—whatever that might be.
They strolled side by side along the wooded trail behind her house. The humidity hung heavy in the air. The floral scent of hydrangea and honeysuckle lingered as Justin took her hand and led her further into the sheltering trees.
"Justin, could you take me up to the mountain next weekend? It's really pretty this time of year, and it will be cold and rainy if we wait much longer."
A look of sympathy filled his eyes. "You miss the cabin, don’t you?"
"I called it my home for a long time, and I really want to collect my belongings. Besides, I want to see if Kitty still remembers me."
Justin laughed. "I can’t imagine she would ever forget you. I’m not sure she wants to see me again, though."
Brinn grinned at the memory of Kitty sitting on top of him and the wild look of shock he’d had on his face. A lot had happened since Justin had found her in the woods that afternoon in May and had stayed in her little cabin for those three wonderful days. She blushed at the memory of seeing him unclothed. Brushing away the warm desire that rose in her belly, she changed the subject.
"I also promised Abby a visit." Her friend hadn't heard from Phillip in over a month. She had caught him kissing another girl and they'd had a big fight, his only defense being, "Men have needs." Although he had agreed to Abby's decision to remain a virgin until their wedding night, he apparently chose not to abstain himself. The engagement was off and Abby's heart was crushed.
"We can go up on Friday. I'll spend a few hours with Abby and then we can hike up the mountain and stay at the cabin overnight."
Justin remained silent for a long time, apparently pondering her suggestion.
Brinn had plans for getting him alone. She wasn't sure if she was ready for what she knew men and women who loved each other did in private, but she wanted time alone with him to figure it out. Her love for him was not in question, though she hadn’t said the words. She couldn’t imagine ever wanting any man other than Justin to touch and kiss her the way he did. It terrified and thrilled her all at once, but there was an undeniable trust there that made her feel safe. At least as safe as she ever would be. The truth was she had no idea if she could ever be in a real relationship.
Other than malnourishment, some scars, and several healed fractures, the doctors had given her a clean bill of health. Her counseling sessions were getting easier and she finally slept through the night, but the responsibility of sharing a life with someone seemed overwhelming and far too distant. Allowing the doubt to rise for an instant, she quickly shoved it back down. A life with Justin and a family of her own was something she only dared to dream was a possibility, but it was what she wanted with all of her heart, and Justin deserved someone who could love him, body and soul.
She squeezed his hand a little tighter, sending him a shy smile. The thought of being intimate with him made her heart pound with a mix of fear and anticipation.
He swatted at a bee that stubbornly flew about his head. Grinning, Brinn hummed a high-pitched buzzing sound through her teeth and the bee retreated.
“How do you do that?”
“What?”
“Talk to animals—even insects. You seem to have a gift for communicating with them.” He let go of her hand as she climbed the big boulder that edged the property. Justin climbed up and sat beside her, clearly enjoying the shade of the oaks and maples lining the trail.
“I guess I understand them. When you live life in the forest, you realize that all living creatures are connected. From the tallest tree to the tiniest bug, we are all dependent on one another for survival. You become like a family.” She gazed around at the trees and settled on a large hawk high up in the branches of a white pine. “It’s like you’re a part of something bigger than yourself. It’s hard to explain. In time, communication comes naturally, I think.”
“Kind of like us, I suppose.” His fingertips stroked the back of her hand, drawing her attention to the sensation that sent a warm shiver up her arm, and lifted the tiny hairs. “From the first moment I saw you in that stream, I knew you were meant for me.” He said it softly, dimples deepening. The ruddy glow that spread from his cheeks to his ears made her smile back, her heart bursting with happiness.
“Was it my amazing fishing skills or the way I threatened you with my knife that made up your mind?” she asked, joking, trying to lighten the mood and ease the awkward sensations that danced through her flesh.
Justin laughed, brushed the hair out of her face, and tucked it behind her ear, sobering before he said, “It was your incredible courage and strength of will. You are the most amazing girl I’ve ever met, Brinn.” His eyes turned to deep pools of emotion. “I can’t imagine my life without you.” He touched the end of her nose with a gentle fingertip. “Besides, who else could I recite Dickinson with?” His lips tenderly touched the end of her nose where his finger had just been and Brinn’s fears scattered.
Chapter 31
Flirting With Disaster
He was right. Whatever connection they had formed was undeniably a special bond that held seemingly endless possibilities. Her impatience squirmed uncomfortably down low in her belly. She wanted to know in this instant whether her past would be an insurmountable obstacle that would eventually destroy this precious connection that was growing by the day. When he innocently kissed her nose, stubborn desire rose in flames, heating her flesh with curious pleasure and confusing her further.
She blew out a breath that sent a breeze across her face and lifted a wisp of hair from the new bangs that rested at her brow. Patience was definitely not her strong suit. She slid down off the big boulder landing soft as a cat onto the ground below. Justin followed suit, landed agilely beside her, and they started back toward the house. He reached out to offer his hand. Brinn took it and smiled, still awed by how such a small gesture could feel so incredibly intimate and right. It was the same sensation she got whenever he quoted Emily Dickinson’s poetry or answered her calls with sweet messages that lit up her day.
She thought back to the night before when she’d asked her mother to explain relationships and this strange longing her body had when she even thought about Justin. Her mother’s response made her bite back a smile. Over a pot of hot tea, they’d cried and laughed and discussed until the two were yawning with fatigue. Her clinical approach to the topic made it easier and helped Brinn understand the complexities of attraction.
Although the conversation was wrought with embarrassment and discomfort, it drew them closer, bridging yet another gaping hole left behind by their long separation. Her mother’s parting words before the two hugged and went off to bed rang in her ears.
“Every action has a consequence, and sex complicates relationships. You need to be certain of what you want. Trust your instincts and go slowly. There will be plenty of time for your and Justin's relationship to progress naturally. And know that, at any point, you have the right to say ‘no’.” Brinn smiled again at the memory and the serious look on her mother’s face.
If nature were the only factor, Brinn would have tackled Justin to the ground this minute. She had all she could do to keep from kissing him again. The loss of control frightened her, but somewhere beyond the fear, the desire for complete connection drew her to the flame.
"Are you all right, Brinn? You look like you’re about to eat a whole chocolate cream pie." He grinned, “Whatever you’re thinking about, it must be something good; you look happy. Care to let me in on the big secret?”
"I'm okay—it’s nothing." Brinn responded, her skin warming as if he’d read her mind. She would have time to talk to Justin about her newfound understanding of relationships on the way to the cabin. "I was just thinking the same thing you were. I don’t know what I’d do without you, either.” A long sigh escaped her lips as she let go of the rush of sadness that swept through her at the thought of ever losing his friendship. She ignored the fear that tried to steal her smile. “So, what do you say about the weekend?”
Justin tensed, obviously struggling with an answer. "I have a better idea. Why don't I invite Cody and you invite Abby to come with us? You girls can catch up on girl talk and Cody and I will handle all the man chores." He grinned broadly, waggling his brows. “It’ll be fun; besides, Cody's been bugging me to go camping with him and I think it’ll be good for him to have a change of scenery."
Disappointed, Brinn gave him a wary look. "Are you afraid to be alone with me?" She stopped short, pulling him around to face her.
After a moment’s surprise, he recovered and said in a playful tone, "Well, you did tie me up and steal my clothes the last time you brought me to your cabin."
Brinn grinned and punched him lightly on the arm. "You are afraid of me." She closed the distance, gave him a seductive arch of her brow, and walked her fingers down his chest to his belt line, tugging him closer. "What are you afraid I'll do?" Ignoring the apprehension that thrummed in her body, she wrapped one arm firmly around his waist and slid the other under the edge of his collar. The softness and warmth of his flesh made her insides tighten. She traced the outline of his ear, and stroked the smooth line of his jaw. Her eyes widened and her pulse quivered as she felt Justin’s response. She noticed a subtle shift in his scent. The natural spiciness that always lingered on his skin grew sharper, more potent. Her nose twitched but she didn't move away.
Justin sucked in a breath and pulled her hand away. He gently placed her flat palm on his chest. His heart thundered beneath her touch. He encircled her in his arms, and a smile curved his lips. "You’re flirting with me, aren't you?"
"I'm trying to, but you are not making it easy."
Justin laughed, a low, growling sound that sent pleasant shivers along her skin. "It's not you I'm afraid of." He held one hand to her face and looked into her eyes with such gentleness that her pulse skipped like a flat stone across a pond. "I want you so badly sometimes, it hurts. But we need to take our time. You still have the trial to get through and I think it's too soon, that's all."
Brinn wanted to pull away, a deep ache immediately festering in her heart. Maybe the truth was that he didn’t want her after what had happened to her. Maybe no one would ever want her. Brinn felt the heat of anger rising to confront the dark thoughts. She would not let her past steal any more from her. The present and the future were hers to decide.
As much as she wanted to argue with him, she knew he was probably right. She was playing with fire—a kind of fire she knew nothing about. If it burned like the real thing, she should probably run the other way. Her only frame of reference to intimacy was the painful experiences of her past and the make-believe stories of movies and books. Knowing the truth lay somewhere between, fear mixed with longing kept her head spinning.
Uncertain about how she would respond if Justin took her up on her advances, she wanted to pull back. But the tender look on his face gave her a boost of confidence. She touched the softness of his clean-shaven jaw and placed a tentative kiss on his lips, her mouth burning with the intimacy of contact.
Unnamed fear crept along her spine. She shoved
it down. She was safe in Justin’s arms. He would never hurt her. He had proven himself trustworthy and almost maddeningly respectful. But she didn't feel certain of anything at the moment, only that she felt hurt and disappointed and she wanted Justin to see her as a whole woman, not the wounded little girl she once was. She forced her body to stillness, struggling with the urge to withdraw. She lifted her lips away from his and looked up into eyes the color and depth of the earth.
"I won't break, you know," she whispered against his cheek. Gathering her courage again, she wrapped her arms around Justin's neck, prompting him to hold her tighter.
Justin’s composure weakened. His cheeks flushed slightly as he returned her shy smile. "You've made that perfectly clear. I just want you to be sure. You have a lot to go through over the next few months. I don't want to discourage you, Brinn, but testifying will probably be the hardest thing you will ever have to do in your life. I’ll be there for you every step of the way, but I think we need to focus on getting you through the trial. I don't want to complicate matters by having a physical relationship with you." When he brushed her cheek with his fingertips, a swirl of warmth simultaneously flooded her face and sent a shiver through her. "I want us to take our time and give you a chance to recover, okay?"
Determination sparked along her skin as desire collided with anger. She’d spent the last eight years surviving and recovering. She wasn’t a child anymore. She was eighteen years old, a grown, whole woman, and if she could face Roy, Brinn knew she could look him in the eye across that courtroom. She could no longer afford to be an innocent girl and she wanted Justin to treat her like a woman. She considered her words carefully. "I can’t begin to tell you how much your support and friendship have meant to me, Justin, and I don’t want to do anything to ruin that, but I know my heart, and it tells me that what I feel for you is real, and true...and safe."
