by PJ Sharon
Brinn noticed the subtle shift of energy in Justin's response, sensing a burden lift from his shoulders. A glint of heartfelt satisfaction lit his eyes.
Before he could respond and without further reservation, she blurted, “I’m in love with you and I—I want to be with you.” Brinn’s heart pounded, her skin burning from the bold words that tumbled from her lips and the blaze of the August heat.
"Which is more of a reason to wait," he argued stubbornly, making it clear he wasn't going to be swayed. Then he stopped and stared at her as if the words were just beginning to make sense. He stood stunned for a moment longer and then his expression softened to one of wonder. He was smiling gently and his face glowed with affection. But he hadn’t returned the sentiment. Wasn’t this the moment when he was supposed to say “I love you, too”? The world pressed in around her, and a suffocating sadness rose to steal her breath. Maybe he didn’t feel the same way.
What if he didn’t love her back? Maybe he was just being kind to her because he felt sorry for her. She’d been a fool to believe someone like him could really love her. He was handsome and smart and kind and funny. He could have anyone he wanted. He should be with someone who fit into his world—a normal woman without all of this drama hanging over her head like a storm cloud. Brinn released her hold on him and started to push away, wishing she could escape the silence and hide.
Justin held her close and searched her face. She didn’t fight him. He raised her palm to his lips. His warm brown eyes penetrated so deeply into hers that the look reached her heart, bringing a flood of relief. "I want every step that we take in this relationship to be beautiful, so that whatever bad memories you have are washed away forever. My first priority, however, is keeping you safe—even if that means keeping you safe from yourself—and me. I don’t want to do anything to ruin this either, Brinn."
Even as he spoke of a possible future, making her heart soar and her belly somersault, Brinn knew that the memories that seeped into her conscious mind and darkened her dreams would be with her as long as she lived. Even Justin couldn’t protect her from that. And he knew it. He was afraid. The look in his eyes showed it. He was afraid she would never recover enough to give herself fully to him.
She dragged in a breath and released a sigh of resignation. Dreams of a future remained haunted by the nightmares of the past. There was no getting around it. She would somehow have to make peace with that. Allowing Roy Stockman to live in any part of her seemed unthinkable, as if she were allowing him ownership, but Brinn needed to believe that facing him down and putting him behind bars forever would go a long way toward reclaiming her soul. That, and believing that Justin could maybe love her—someday.
"You were wrong before,” she said. “Testifying won't be the hardest thing I've ever done. Surviving was." Brinn kept her gaze trained on Justin's, holding his attention. "Do you remember how I acted when you tried to give me your chain?” She traced the small oval medal that rested on his chest.
He reached inside his shirt and lifted out the chain. Brinn stared at it while she spoke. “I couldn’t wear it because it reminded me of a time when I was kept chained. It was his way of showing me that I belonged to him—that I was powerless.” Her hand went to her throat. She swallowed hard and looked up into Justin’s eyes, so filled with pain. “Once I got away from him, I swore no one would ever chain me again. I won’t be owned or controlled, but...I don’t want to be alone anymore.”
“I understand...better than you think,” he said.
“I have overcome a lot to be here with you now, Justin, and I don't want that monster to take one more minute of my life from me." She blinked back the tears that welled up. “As long as I know you’re on my side, I can make it through anything.”
A long moment of silence breathed between them. Justin studied her face and didn’t argue further. “I will always be on your side; don’t you know that by now?” He stroked her cheek with the backs of his fingers, the softness bringing another warm flush of eagerness to her whole body. “You can always count on me, okay?”
And then he kissed her—gently but with a passion that left no doubt about his intent. He took her into his arms and met her lips, stealing her breath. She waited for the panic to take over, but instead felt desire rush through her veins like a wolf on the hunt, spurring her to respond.
Brinn clutched Justin's hair, tightening her hold and pressing her body solidly against his, every inch of her skin tingling with heat. As she felt his response to the kiss, a low growl escaped her lips. Instinct and half a lifetime spent in the wild raged through her. She had watched animals mate and it never seemed particularly gentle or even friendly, but the savage necessity of it thrummed in her flesh.
For the first time, Brinn could see the possibilities of reckless abandon and the right to choose. She wanted to free the part of her that innately knew the rightness of coupling with a man whom she loved, a man she could trust and who loved her. As delicious heat seared across her skin, Brinn realized she wasn't afraid anymore. She loved Justin and she wanted him. His desire, his need, and his love poured into her body as his lips joined with hers in perfect rhythm and flow.
Brinn pushed herself past the momentary flashes of panic that bubbled to the surface, mentally popping them as she refocused all her attention on Justin and the new sensations that he evoked. Sparks of fear disintegrated as joy blossomed and took hold of her mind and body, leaving her no doubt that she would prevail against her invasive past.
Then Justin stopped abruptly, pushed her back, and severed the connection that burned between them. "No, not like this, not now. You are way too vulnerable and honestly, so am I." Seeing her disappointment, Justin managed to catch his breath, then clarified, "I do want you." He leveled a steamy gaze at her, a determined smile curving his lips, "When the time is right. But for now, that kiss is all you are getting out of me."
Brinn released a shaky breath and nodded, unable to form words to argue. Another thing her mother was right about was that love was not black and white, right or wrong. What Brinn did know for certain was what love was not. It was not about domination, or hateful demand. It was not meant to be painful, but beautiful and passionate, and mutual. Loving Justin would teach her what love could be, and Brinn wanted to find out—needed to find out. Determined to prove herself, even with Abby and Cody tagging along on their trip to the mountain, Brinn would make sure Justin would see how much she loved him.
"Okay, you win. We can make it a foursome, then.”
Justin chuckled and lifted a dark brow. "When we talk to your parents about our plans, you might not want to phrase it just that way."
Chapter 32
Hearts are Breakable
With plans made for the week after Labor Day, Friday afternoon came and Brinn and Justin had agreed that he would pick her up after work. They would travel to Cody's house on the way out of Atlanta and they would find a way to stuff all of their supplies into the BMW's trunk.
Brinn had a better idea. She had just gotten her license and her parents—who were struggling to let go of their hold on her—reluctantly agreed to let her take the Ford Escape Hybrid they had recently purchased. Her father told her she could drive it once she passed her driving test and she had held him to the promise.
Her parents seemed distant from each other despite their common goal of spoiling their only child, returned as if from the grave. She’d asked her mother why they never had more children, and her response made Brinn that much sadder for the pain her abduction had caused her parents. Though her mother didn’t say so outright, Brinn could see that her guilt over losing her daughter that day in the park somehow made her feel unworthy of having another child. Brinn stumbled upon her mother and father more than once, arguing quietly about what was best for her, only to have them stop short, pretending they weren’t. The awkward silence that followed left her feeling that she was at the center of their discourse. A few days away from the situation seemed like a good idea.
Brinn wanted to surprise Justin by picking him up at work. He would see that taking the truck was a much better idea for packing all of their supplies for the weekend. He would also see that she was no longer the naïve, sheltered girl she was when he’d found her. She pulled into the parking lot and parked next to his BMW.
Taking the stairs to the twelfth floor office, Brinn felt light and happy. The trial date had been set, she had a driver’s license, a boyfriend, and the freedom and sense of belonging she’d always longed for. There was still a lot she had to overcome. The trial was not going to be easy, but she was beginning to believe that she had found a place in the world.
Twice a week therapy appointments with Dr. Carlson, a sweet older lady who specialized in post-traumatic stress disorder were going as well as Brinn could have expected. It was a relief to find out that her nightmares and symptoms of anxiety and nervous tension were to be expected under the circumstances and perfectly normal. There was hope that, in time, things would get better.
With her confusion over her feelings for Justin and the way her body betrayed her at every turn, Dr. Carlson had suggested she wait until after the trial before pursuing a relationship. Justin said he understood Brinn’s need to withdraw, but the tension growing between them left her feeling an unnatural detachment from him. She missed how it felt to have his arms around her, holding her against his solid frame, making her feel safe and loved. She wanted him to kiss her again—the way he had before—but she struggled with the warring sensations of desire and fear that battled for control within her.
Brinn reached the landing in the stairwell that had a large red number twelve painted on the door and wall, out of breath, but anxious to see Justin. She opened the door into the bustling atmosphere of the cubicled magazine office. She had been there several times with Justin while he was writing her story and had met his coworkers, who were all friendly and excited to see her whenever she visited. She asked Stephanie, the fair-haired receptionist at the front desk, where she might find Justin, and was directed to the editor's office.
She’d met Charlene a few times. Justin’s boss was a pretty and outgoing young woman who was pleasant enough, but Brinn felt awkward and shy around her. She was uncomfortable with the way Charlene was always touching him and standing so close. It left an unpleasant feeling in Brinn's stomach.
As she approached Charlene's office, she saw the door opened a crack, and noticed the odd feeling had returned. She knocked once lightly and then pushed the door open. A jolt of hot anger took over her whole body when she saw Justin and Charlene in an embrace. Their lips were locked together in a kiss, Charlene’s fingers entwined in Justin’s hair as he let out a groan.
Brinn stood frozen for half a heart beat and then she turned and bolted. She heard Justin far behind her, calling out for her to wait, but her heart thundered in her ears. She bypassed the elevator, and ran down the stairs. She jumped from the third and fourth step of each floor, nearly sprouting wings in her effort to flee from the heartbreaking scene. She didn’t want to hear anything he had to say.
By the time she reached her vehicle and sped out of the parking lot, Justin was just coming out the front of the building. She saw him run after her truck, but she didn't slow down. Tears blurred her vision as she forced herself to concentrate on the road.
How could he do this to her? She felt like someone had stabbed her in the heart. A bone-deep ache, mixed with a pain and fury she had never imagined she could feel, poured from her body like molten lava. She sobbed and cried and screamed, but didn't stop driving. What had she been thinking? She should never have come down from her mountain. She should never have trusted him.
Her cell phone rang several times until finally she shut it off and stuffed it in the glove compartment. She didn't want to talk to Justin. There was nothing he could say to explain why he was kissing that woman. Mopping her face and wiping her nose with her sleeve, Brinn saw the scene over and over in her mind.
Charlene had red, luxurious curls, and bright green eyes that glowed like fiery emeralds when she looked at Justin. Now, she understood why. The woman was obviously in love with him. But why did he kiss her? Did he love her? Maybe it was like Phillip had told Abby. "Men have needs," he'd said, just before breaking off the engagement. The idea that Justin wanted the kind of relationship Brinn might never be able to give him made the hot tears stream faster.
Charlene had a worldliness about her. Justin would like that. He had travelled and seen places Brinn would never see. And Charlene dressed like a model in a magazine. She wore short skirts and high heels and tops that made her large breasts squish together like she'd stuffed her bra with two ripe grapefruit. Brinn fumed, remembering Charlene's body pressed against Justin's. How could he not want such a woman? She was everything that Brinn would never be: sexy, self-confident, in control, and not burdened with an ugly past that made her afraid of intimate contact. The thought of Justin holding that woman the way he’d held her caused Brinn to swerve. The SUV slid toward the edge of the road and then back on just before it nearly careened into a ditch.
She regained control, gripped the wheel tight, and screamed her pain. Shuddering breaths escaped through sobs until her tears stung and dried on her cheeks. She watched the mountains in the distance growing closer. A combined sense of comfort and dread filled her chest. She would be alone there, but there was no one to hurt her, no one to lie to her, and no one to break her heart. And maybe if she was gone, her parents would stop arguing.
Brinn, exhausted but fueled by her raging emotions, blindly followed the GPS coordinates that her father had programmed into her truck. They would take her to Abby's farm at the eastern edge of the Chattahoochee National Forest. She would park there, commiserate with Abby about what rats men were, say good-bye to her friend, and head into the hills alone. She needed time to think by herself. She needed to get away from Justin—from this foreign world determined to keep her out.
A crushing sadness bigger than she'd ever felt before permeated her soul as she drove along the stretch of highway leading out of the city. In all the years that she’d lived in the mountains, she had never felt as alone as in that moment. She couldn't think about how worried her parents would be or even if Justin would care that she was gone. They would all be better off without her.
Brinn was so distracted by the whirlwind of thoughts and feelings that she didn't notice the pickup truck that followed her every turn not far behind.
Chapter 33
Running Scared
Justin flew down the highway but Brinn’s truck was nowhere in sight. Why wasn’t she answering her damn phone? But he already knew the answer to that question. How could he have been so stupid? He knew better than to let Charlene get close. She’d been waiting for a chance to corner him and her timing couldn’t have been worse. When his phone rang, he jumped to connect the call. “Brinn, is that you?”
“This is John Hathaway. Isn’t Brinn with you?”
Justin hesitated. "No, Sir. She took off without me a half an hour ago. She was upset about a misunderstanding. She isn't answering her phone, but I'm on my way out to Abby's house. It's the only place I can think that she would go."
“Oh, God.” John’s voice crackled with tension. “We have to find her.”
“What’s happened?” Justin’s jaw tightened as he gripped the steering wheel harder.
"I just received a call from Bud Paulsen. Apparently, the van transporting Stockman from the county jail overturned. He killed both guards, freed himself, and escaped on foot." He hesitated before adding. "We have to assume he's armed. The police have put out an APB on any stolen vehicles in the vicinity and contacted the State Police.” John’s voice had lost any remainder of calm and was now frantic. “I’ll call Bud back and have him add Brinn’s Ford to the search.”
“I’ll call Abby and warn her that Brinn is probably headed her way and to keep an eye out for Stockman.” Justin’s mind spun with the horrible possibilities of what would happen if he didn’t
get to Brinn before her kidnapper. As if echoing his thoughts, Brinn’s father came back on the line, the fear in his voice palpable.
"I don't know how he could possibly get to her, but I'm certain that he will try. He knows she’s the key to his conviction...and he’s going to want her silenced.”
"I'll pick up Cody on my way out of town. Call me if you hear any news on Brinn." Justin hung up the phone and pressed his foot hard to the accelerator.
∞∞∞
By the time Brinn reached Abby's farmhouse, her tears had dried and she was as composed as she could be under the circumstances. Seeing her friend, however, sent her back into hysterics. "I hate him!" she cried, while Abby rubbed her back in soothing circles.
"They are all vermin," Abby agreed.
"I thought Justin was different." Brinn sobbed and then hiccupped. "I thought he loved me."
Abby nodded, "I’m sure he loves you, Sweetie. There has to be a logical explanation for what you saw."
"You didn't see them.” Brinn shot off the couch, waving her arms as if to push the thought away. “Her hands were all over him. She was like a poison ivy vine with lips!" Brinn ranted, fuming at the memory and pacing a swath along the living room carpet.
"What was Justin doing?"
"He was kissing her!"
Abby shook her head and added helpfully, "I know, but where were his hands?"
Brinn choked back another sob, but thought back to the horrible picture that was seared into her mind. "His hands were at her waist...on her hips, I guess. Not that it matters much where his hands were. It was his lips attached to hers that makes me angry." She stopped pacing, took in a shuddering breath, and wiped her tears away again. She faced Abby and set her shoulders. "It doesn't matter. I don't need him. She can have him. Her and her fancy clothes and her curves can keep him. I'm going back to the mountain. It's where I belong."
