“Spencer.” He groaned, ignoring my hand and pulling me in for an awkward man hug. “Is it true? Is it really Zoe?”
“Yeah.”
Derek had always been there. Always been beside us. He’d been my best mate since before we could walk and there was nothing about my life he didn’t know. It was the best and worst thing about growing up in a small town. Everyone knew everything about everyone. There was no denying it and no secrets.
“Well, shit! Has she said what happened?”
His question was innocent enough but I barely contained the desire to beat his ass into next week. “Nope. I haven’t asked.” I knew I was gutless. I should have asked. The truth was, a big part of me didn’t want to hear the answer. Once it was out there, it couldn’t be taken back. Not ever. The words would haunt me forever.
“Okay.”
“Don’t look at me like that!”
“Spence, you know I have to ask, don’t you?”
“I know,” I spat through gritted teeth.
“I’m going to have to ask you some questions too.” Derek shrugged nonchalantly. “Come down to the station later?”
“I’ll be there,” I promised, clasping him on the shoulder.
“Cheers. But that can wait. More importantly, how’s our girl?”
“Off the record?”
“Absolutely!” he implored vehemently.
“Honestly? She’s a fucking mess. She won’t admit it and she isn’t saying anything but she’s a total disaster. She’s still Zoe, though. Stubborn as a mule.” I forced a smile.
“That’s our girl!” He smiled sadly.
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I wanted to burst into tears. “Yeah, she sure is.”
“You still in love with her?” Derek asked unexpectedly.
The coughing fit caught me unawares. “What are you talking about? I’m not in love with Zoe,” I denied honestly.
“Whatever you say, Spencer.”
“I’m not.”
“Okay.”
“I’m not.” My palms were sweaty and my heart was beating so fast it was going to bust through my chest any second.
“If you say so.”
“Spencer,” he said in a voice so low it was barely audible. He stepped to my side and wrapped his arm around my shoulder, holding me in place. I knew something bad was coming. Something I didn’t want to hear. I also knew Derek better than perhaps I knew myself. Whatever he was going to say next was coming from a good place. “You might be in denial, and you have been for a long time, but you’ve loved that girl in there your whole life.”
“You’re wrong.”
“I’m not, Spencer, and you know it. Think about all the women that you’ve been through. All the so-called relationships. Why didn’t they work?”
“I’m not having this conversation with you right now!” I didn’t want to hear it. I didn’t want to think it. I couldn’t. Right now getting Zoe back on her feet had to be my number one priority. My only priority. I’d be fucked if I needed Derek putting stupid ideas in my already messed up head.
“Okay, I’ll shut up about it. For now. But one day, you’re going to have to admit it.” With a sadistic smile he pushed past me and headed towards Zoe’s room. “You know you can’t be in here for this.”
“I know,” I growled rudely.
The truth was I didn’t want to go in and hear it. But in the same breath I didn’t want Zoe to have to face it alone. She was strong, stronger than everyone I knew, but right now she was like a broken baby bird. Of course I had my own suspicions of what had happened, suspicions that made me grind my teeth and my blood boil, but until Zoe confirmed or denied it, all I could do was hope I was wrong. There was nothing I wouldn’t give to be wrong.
“Hey Derek!” I called out to his back. “Go easy on her.” The begging in my voice was unmistakable.
“Wouldn’t dream of doing anything else.” He smiled sadly.
I watched as my best mate knocked on the door before stepping inside to interrogate Zoe. My Zoe.
“Shit!” I swore under my breath.
Stupid bloody Derek and his ridiculous theories. I loved Zoe, I’d never deny that but to insinuate that I was in love with her, well that was just straight out dumb. Or was it? And then as soon as the question I’d asked myself registered, I literally stumbled. I had nothing to do but wonder where that thought came from.
Chapter 7
ZOE
It took me a moment to place her. It was Nurse Foreman standing before me. She was the cranky old lady who’d worked at the doctor surgery when I was a kid. She’d been the one to poke me with needles giving me my shots. She was the one who’d bandaged knees when I’d toppled from my horse and taken more skin off than I should have. She was the one who’d been there the night at training when I’d fallen over and realised my elbow wasn’t working correctly. In fact, it was anything but. It was hanging out of the socket. She’d strapped it to my body and wrapped me in a towel and sent me to the hospital to have it put back into place.
And now here she was saving me again. She’d checked my stitches, added more pain killers to my IV line, and lightly poked at my tender ribs.
After taking my temperature, she sat down on the end of my bed, and explained my injuries. I had broken ribs, ten stitches in my forehead, scrapes on my knees and cheeks. Burns on my ankles and wrists, and a few other injuries that I couldn’t even repeat. Not even in my mind.
“Zoe, I know you probably aren’t ready, but you need to make a statement to the police,” Nurse Foreman informed me.
“I…I can’t do that,” I spluttered as unexpected tears toppled from my eyes and down my cheeks.
Inside my head I was screaming. Fuck no! I wasn’t talking. I didn’t want to relive anything. I didn’t even remember what happened. How could they expect me to talk about it?
“Zoe, you can and you will. I believe in you. I always did,” she reminded me warmly.
“Yeah, Zoe!” a deep voice added.
At the sound of his voice my gaze snapped up and met with his. It took a moment before recognition set in. Derek Cartwright in the flesh. Standing before me. Looking good enough to eat. He stood at the end of my bed in full uniform. I’d forgotten that he’d grown up and joined the police force. Every time I’d seen him over the years he’d been off duty and usually half pissed thanks to the shenanigans he and Spencer got involved in.
“Derek.” I could hear the tenderness in my voice.
“I’ll leave you two to it. But Derek Cartwright, if you so much as make that girl cry a single tear, I’ll hurt you. Got it?” Nurse Foreman cautioned as she tucked in the blankets tightly around my legs before slipping out the door.
We both watched her go, pulling the door closed behind her. Neither of us said a word. Derek made his way across the room and sat on the end of my bed.
“Zoe,” his raspy voice drawled.
“You know, I think she’s telling the truth,” I offered.
“Who?”
“Nurse Foreman. I think she really would hurt you.”
“I don’t doubt it for a second.” He shrugged with a half-smile on his face, but I knew it was fake. It didn’t meet his eyes.
“Isn’t threatening a police officer an offence?”
“Yep, but there’s always an exception. Nurse Foreman is always the exception,” he added with a wink.
I know we were avoiding the elephant in the room but I didn’t want to talk about it.
“So…”
“Zoe,” he softened. He was a walking talking contradiction. He was tall with broad shoulders and a toughness that radiated off him. “You know we need to have this conversation.”
“Yeah,” I admitted demurely. “But…”
“It doesn’t mean you want to? Am I right?” I nodded and my head pounded.
“Yeah, just…”
“Make it as painless as possible?”
“Please.”
“I’ll do my best.”
; “Thanks.”
Sucking in a deep breath, I watched as he bit his lip as if he were looking for the right words. “Wanna tell me what happened?”
“No,” I added so quickly I surprised myself.
“Zoe,” he cooed, taking hold of both my hands in his. “You’ve known me a long time, and you know I love you. You know I’d do anything to avoid hurting you, but right now I have to ask. I need you to trust me. I need you to talk to me.”
“Please don’t make me do this,” I pleaded. As the tears returned, I realised that no matter how much everything physically hurt it was the emotional scars that were proving more painful than anyone could imagine.
“I have to. You need to. Zoe, please. Talk to me. I’m right here. I promise I’ll catch you. If it makes you feel better, not only will Nurse Foreman make me feel pain if I hurt you, but there is a guy right outside that door who I have no doubt in my mind that on duty or off, he would not hesitate to rip my balls off and stuff them down my throat.”
I heard the sincerity in his voice. I knew he was telling the truth. We both smiled and said simultaneously, “Spencer.”
“I haven’t been home in such a long time. Katie’s invite arrived and it just seemed like time. I mean, I’d missed everything else through the years. The truth was, I’d lied. For years, I’d lied. So many lies that I think part of me started to believe them. I’d constantly told everyone I was too busy to come back. I mean, I missed weddings and christenings and bridal showers and birthdays and even divorce parties. I didn’t want to come back. I never had any desire to. Then Katie’s invite arrived and for the first time, I didn’t want to say no. I’m still not sure why. Why it was different, I don’t know. I don’t think I’ll even know where the compulsion came from. I wish I did. Maybe then this wouldn’t have happened.” Once I started I couldn’t stop. The verbal diarrhoea started.
“My car broke down about five kilometres from town. Just past the old Clayton place. I’d left late last night…call it a last minute decision. I got home from work, tossed some clothes in a bag, and started driving. It was just on dawn and the sun was creeping into the sky.” I felt my eyes close. “It was chilly but it was great. The truth was the walk made me feel awesome. I was more nervous than I wanted to admit. The closer to town I got, the heavier the guilt weighed. All the people that I’d let down over the years. All the people I’d abandoned. I didn’t want to confront them. I didn’t want to see the disappointment written all over their face, knowing I’d put it there…”
“Their faces or his face?” Derek asked pointedly.
“Their faces. Their faces,” I reinforced, trying to look casual. Although I tried to brush his words aside, they poked an open wound, and that scared the shit out of me. I’d assumed that after running and avoiding it for so long, it would have healed. I mean, I expected a scar, but never could I have predicted an open, weeping wound. But today I didn’t have time to deal with that. I’d ignored it for years. Another day or two wouldn’t kill me. “Anyway,” I waved my hand dismissively, “I kept walking. A few cars passed me and I didn’t even consider hitching a ride. It was a cool morning, but it was so beautiful and I was enjoying the space. It gave me time to think. Time to plan. Time to rehearse the apologies that I needed to make. I was caught up in my own head. Too caught up. I didn’t even hear him…” my voice trailed away. I was a mess. A huge fucking disaster zone. I knew it. I couldn’t summon the strength to be anything else.
“It’s okay Zoe…keep going. You’re doing great…” I heard Derek encouraging me, but reality was sinking in.
“The next thing I remember a hand clamped down over my mouth. I could barely breathe. I was so scared. I just wanted to breathe. The more I struggled, the tighter he squeezed. He was taller than me. With one hand on my face and the other arm squeezing me around the middle, he yanked me off my feet. I don’t know how far he carried me. I remember kicking and squirming but it didn’t help. Nothing did.”
“Take a breath. You’re doing great, Zoe. Another breath, then when you’re ready, keep going.”
“He threw me on the ground. I remember that. I remember it fucking hurt like a bitch. Then there was this smell. It was like stale whiskey and something else. Something that made me want to vomit.”
“What happened then, Zoe?”
"Then there’s nothing.”
“Nothing?”
“Yeah,” I admitted. The frustration was both overwhelming and beyond maddening.
“Okay, Zoe. What is the next thing you remember?”
Gulping down the bile that was filling my throat, I didn’t want to remember but I knew Derek wouldn’t let me stop now. “I remember coming to and the metallic taste of blood filling my mouth. I was by myself. There was no one else around. I was all alone. I crawled to the road. My legs didn’t want to hold me up. Every time I managed to find my feet, my legs let me down and I stumbled. Then he was there.”
“Who? Who was there, Zoe?” Derek probed, straightening his spine and squaring his shoulders.
“Spencer. He was there. I don’t know why it had to be him, yet there he was. I don’t know if that’s a good or a bad thing. But there he was. Saving me. Again.” As soon as the words fell from my lips I knew how true it was.
“Zoe, you know I love you and you know I love Spencer,” he began as he reached out and took both my hands in his. I looked up into his eyes and saw them rimmed with tears. His voice shook. “I have to ask. Could Spencer have been the one…” He couldn’t even find the words to finish his question.
I wanted to kill him for asking. How dare he ask me that about Spencer! But I understood. He wasn’t being my friend Derek right now. He was being Officer Cartwright. He had to ask the tough questions whether he liked it or not.
“No.”
“Are you sure?”
“Fuck, Derek! Spencer saved me. He wouldn’t hurt me. Ever. He might get pissed at me sometimes and we might disagree, but he’d never hurt me. I know that. You do too,” I declared strongly.
“Okay. So what happened next? When Spencer found you?”
Sucking in a deep breath, I had to finish. I knew that. I’d come this far. Now wasn’t the moment to start holding back. I just hoped that once I said it I’d never have to repeat it again. “He found me and he took care of me. I remember he picked me up and put me in his car. He kept promising me I’d be okay. That no one would hurt me. That he wouldn’t let anyone hurt me. And I believed him. He brought me here. I remember he didn’t let go. Not once. He never left me. He was here when I woke up.”
I was shaking. I’d let it out and I was wrong. It didn’t feel better. It was pure fucking torture. And no amount of drugs could numb that pain.
Chapter 8
SPENCER
It was taking too long. Too fucking long. The length of the corridor was exactly twenty-eight paces. There were three nurses at their station chatting mindlessly about some chick flick I had no interest in. I’d read and reread the notices pinned to the board so many times I could probably recite them on request.
“Shit!” I muttered, running my hands through my hair. I needed a distraction. My imagination was running away with itself and it wasn’t headed in a pleasant direction.
I fumbled my phone in my pocket and texted Kane. I would be the first to admit he was my lifelong pain in the ass, but he was also my voice of reason. I knew that no matter what I needed, he’d never turn me down. Sure he’d give me shit for the rest of my days and never let me forget my moments of weakness, but he’d never say no. Just like I would never deny him.
Spencer: Need a favour.
I hated that he made me wait. I hated that he could have been doing it on purpose. I knew him as well as I knew myself. It was exactly something he’d do. Hell, I’d done it to him more than once, so I was honestly shocked when moments later my phone vibrated, causing me to almost drop it on the scuffed linoleum.
Kane: It’ll cost ya.
“Bastard!” But that was Kane. Before
I had a chance to promise him the world, another text came through.
Kane: What you need?
Spencer: Zoe needs clothes.
As I typed out the words I almost choked. I hated that this was happening. I didn’t need Zoe to tell me the specifics, I didn’t want her to confirm my thoughts. I had my suspicions. I’d had them from the moment I found her hunched over on the side of the road, but I couldn’t focus on that. Right now my priority was cleaning up this mess.
Kane: On it.
After re-reading his response for the third time, I slipped my phone back in my pocket and before I knew it, I found myself standing outside her room. I couldn’t hear the words, but the sobs reached through the flimsy wooden door and wrapped themselves around my heart. With each heart breaking sniff, I felt like I was being suffocated.
Without hesitation, I pushed open the door. “Okay, that’s enough!” I announced, stepping into the room.
The sight before me almost killed me. Zoe’s eyes were red and puffy and I knew she’d been crying. Her hair was matted and screaming to be brushed. There she was cowering under a thin blanket, Derek’s hands wrapped around hers. Even his face was covered in complete and utter devastation. The conversation I’d just brought to an abrupt halt had obviously been deep and dark.
“Spencer,” Derek’s tone was laced with warning but one look at Zoe and I knew the only way he was getting me out of the room was if he dragged me out in handcuffs.
“Everything okay in here?” I asked, my voice shaking.
“Yeah,” Derek mumbled.
Without waiting for an invitation, I walked determinedly to the other side of the Zoe’s bed and took a spot on the end. For some strange reason it was where I needed to be. My place. Right next to Zoe.
“So…what happens now?” Zoe asked, her voice no louder than a murmur.
“Well, now you go home, have a long hot bath and a nap, and we can try to get back on track,” I promised her.
Coming Home (Homeward Bound Series Book 1) Page 3
