Coming Home (Homeward Bound Series Book 1)

by Rebecca Barber

  “Looking good, Pippi!” Spencer’s voice came from behind me, causing me to jump with fright.

  “Fuck me, Spencer. You scared the shit out of me!” I roused, my hand over my heart as if trying to keep the racing organ inside me.

  The smarmy shit just chuckled. I wanted to throw something at him, but as soon as I actually managed to focus I realised he was standing before me in nothing but a towel and a panty-melting grin. The bastard was trying to kill me. My eyes roamed unashamedly over his body and I felt my cheeks burn.

  “Get dressed,” I instructed as I ducked under his arm and left the bedroom. I couldn’t look at him a moment longer.

  I needed some space and a minute to get my head together. Stepping out onto my pathetic excuse for a balcony, I sucked in a deep breath of the salty air. I loved living this close to the water. Even though I couldn’t see it, I could still hear the crashing of the waves against the pier only a block over. I didn’t care that I’d had to sacrifice a bigger living room to be this close to the water. In my opinion, that was more important. It took a moment, as soon as I regained control of my erratic and confusing heartbeat, I felt better. Letting my eyes drift shut, I lifted my face and turned towards the sun, letting its warmth sooth me.

  I don’t know how long I stood there or how dumb I looked, but when Spencer stepped out beside me, there wasn’t enough room.

  “You ready, pretty girl?” he asked smoothly.

  Opening my eyes, I saw my boy. His hair was still damp and his face still had a smattering of stubble that made my fingertips itch. It should have made him look unkempt and dirty, but somehow it made him look more masculine and edible, if that was even possible. I swallowed the lump that had mysteriously formed in my throat. “Yep.” I grinned at him stupidly.

  Taking my hand in his, Spencer led me back inside before locking the door. Within minutes we were settled in his truck, weaving amongst the traffic. Today I didn’t want to be in the city, I needed to be outside. For twenty minutes we drove before pulling into a vacant spot along the St. Kilda beach front. Somehow Spencer could read my mind. He knew I needed fresh air and he’d taken us to exactly the right spot. Sunday on the esplanade was chaos, but I didn’t care. Some of the stalls from the morning’s markets were still open and trading, while others were busy packing up, stuffing things into their cars.

  Hand in hand we walked along the promenade in silence. We didn’t need to talk. We just needed to be together.

  “You okay?” Spencer asked, stepping in front of me.

  Other than being completely and utterly humiliated, I was fine. As soon as the idea of being with Spencer crossed my mind I’d frozen. Stopped walking. I think my heart may have even skipped a beat or two.

  I forced myself to nod. “Yep.”

  I knew Spencer didn’t believe me. Not for a second. The look on his face was a dead giveaway. The boy could read me like a book―a fact I wasn’t all that happy about. Right now, I would have preferred to remain anonymous, and for Spencer to remain oblivious.

  The rest of the day passed in a blur. We ate more than we should have, walked along the beach in the sunshine, and even stopped in a pub where a live band belted out Aussie classics. We didn’t talk about the future, or the past, or anything that could possibly ruin the fun. Instead we laughed. We laughed until it hurt too much to laugh anymore.

  By the time we fell through the door, the sun had long ago disappeared and I was buggered. Completely worn out…but in a good way. I felt normal. Collapsing heavily on the couch, I kicked my shoes off and dropped my feet on the coffee table.

  “You right there?”

  “Yeah.”

  Spencer flopped down beside me and let his head fall back. He looked as tired as I felt. I watched as his eyes fell shut and his breathing steadied. It wouldn’t be long ’til he was snoring. Summoning all my courage, I said, “Spence?”

  “Yeah, Zoe.”

  “When are you heading home?”

  “Had enough of me already, hey?” Spencer teased as his eyes fluttered open.

  “No!” I protested, probably a little too quickly.

  “I was going to head off tomorrow.”

  “That soon?”

  I knew I sounded like a clingy, needy, whiny girl, but I didn’t care. I didn’t want Spencer to go. Not today. Maybe not ever. With him here, everything felt better. Everything looked better. I was not so secretly terrified what would happen when he left again.

  “Yeah. Is that a problem?”

  “No, not at all. I was just wondering,” I lied.

  “You go back to work tomorrow, don’t you?”

  I nodded, unable to hide the sadness in my eyes.

  “You’ll be fine, Pippi,” Spencer reassured me. “It’s getting late. You should probably go to bed and get some sleep.”

  “I guess.”

  Spencer grunted as he scrambled to his feet, offering me his hand. Once I was on my feet reality set in and I sagged into his arms. Without missing a beat, Spencer scooped me up in his arms and carried me into my bedroom. A moment later I was dropped on the fluffy comforter with a bounce. Despite the pain coursing through my broken body, I couldn’t contain the smile that crept over my face.

  “Get changed and get into bed, Pippi.”

  “You’re bossy.”

  “Don’t look so surprised.”

  Kissing my forehead affectionately, Spencer smiled at me. “Sweet dreams, Zoe.”

  I watched as Spencer started towards the door. His butt looked damn good in those jeans. My throat constricted. “Wait!”

  “What?”

  “Stay.’

  “Huh?”

  “Stay with me.” The words were barely audible.

  Spencer’s face paled. He looked unsure. Almost afraid. His eyes were wide with what was probably shock. I mean, I’d been the one to ask the question and even I was surprised. “Zoe…”

  “Don’t think, Spencer. Just get in.” I huffed, grabbing my pyjamas and disappearing into the bathroom.

  As soon as the door clicked behind me, I let out the breath I’d been holding. I’d just invited Spencer into my bed. What the fuck was I thinking? I knew nothing would happen, I wouldn’t allow it, and Spencer wouldn’t even try, but still. I wanted him there. I wanted to fall asleep in his arms. More importantly, I wanted to wake up wrapped in them.

  Quickly I brushed my teeth and changed into my unflattering yellow flannelette pyjamas. I reached out and as soon as I went to open the door, I thought better of it. Turning around, I grabbed my hair brush and dragged it through my hair. I don’t know why I felt the need to look pretty just to get into bed, but I did. I couldn’t explain it, but the need was desperate. After brushing my hair, I added some antiperspirant and a swipe of lip gloss. I was trying too hard and I knew it, but I couldn’t stop. Sucking in a deep, fortifying breath, I opened the door and my mouth fell open.

  Chapter 32

  SPENCER

  I felt like an imposter. An idiot. In my gut I knew this was a bad idea. A very bad fucking idea. I wouldn’t deny Zoe anything. I never could. I watched her wobble into the bathroom on unsteady legs and couldn’t help but wonder if she was having second thoughts. Even though I’d heard the words fall from her lips, I still wasn’t sure I believed her. The longer she took in the bathroom, the more I regretted slipping between her sheets.

  When the door creaked open, my stomach lurched.

  My Zoe looked beautiful.

  As soon as I saw her I knew why it had taken her so long. She wanted to look pretty. And she did. There was also fear there. I found myself praying it wasn’t me she was afraid of. With her eyes downcast, Zoe flicked off the light and made her way to the bed.

  I was already safely nestled beneath the covers. I’d stripped off and slipped into bed while she was hiding. I didn’t want to make this anymore awkward for her than it already was. I thought about saying something, anything to make her more comfortable but I couldn’t find the words. I didn’t need to. My Pi
ppi was strong.

  Without a word she climbed in beside me and wiggled as close as she could to her side of the bed. Taking my cue from her, I shifted towards the edge as well and closed my eyes. It was weird, and more than a little intimidating.

  The room was silent except for my own heavy breathing. I could hear my heart pounding. I was wide awake. It was going to be a bloody long night.

  “Spencer!” Zoe’s meek voice echoed.

  “Yeah,” I answered, not even recognising my own voice.

  “Stop thinking so damn hard. I can hear you all the way over here,” Zoe teased.

  Even through the darkness and the silence she knew. “Sorry,” I conceded, more than a little embarrassed. Only Zoe could know me this well. It scared the shit out of me. We’d barely seen each other through the last couple of years, but in a week everything had changed and I couldn’t imagine my life without her in it.

  “Sorry.”

  I heard Zoe’s giggle just before she rolled over into my arms. “Princess…” my voice was grave.

  “Shut up and sleep, Spencer.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” I wrapped her in my arms and settled in for a long, sleepless night.

  I was surprised when I woke hours later to the smell of coffee hanging in the air. It had taken what seemed like forever for me to fall asleep but once I was out, I was dead to the world. Rolling over, I stretched out my bone weary body, stunned at how achy I was. When I buried my head in the pillow beside me I was surrounded by Zoe’s familiar scent. I couldn’t restrain the groan. That girl was going to be the death of me.

  And then like the torturous wench she was, Zoe appeared. “Morning, sunshine,” she said sweetly.

  “Someone’s in a good mood,” I grunted, adjusting the sheet over my lap. Zoe did not need to know what was happening under there.

  “I am,” she declared, dropping onto the bed beside me and holding out a steaming mug. “I had the best night’s sleep I’ve had in a while.”

  Taking a large mouthful from the cup, I took my time before answering. “Did you now?” I taunted. I couldn’t help myself.

  Zoe flushed bright red with embarrassment. I chuckled. I loved getting under that girl’s skin. For some reason Zoe brought out the worst in me, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

  “I hate you,” she grumbled before yanking on the sheet and taking it with her as she waltzed out the door. I was just thankful she didn’t look back. She didn’t need to see what she’d inadvertently uncovered. I needed a shower. A cold one. Right now!

  Twenty minutes later, I was showered, shaved and sitting at the kitchen bench sipping my second coffee of the morning. I’d already packed all my stuff into my bag and now it was sitting by the door, taunting me. If I’d been smart I’d already be on the road, but again I was proving how much of a dumb ass I really was.

  “Huh,” Zoe sighed as she tipped what was left of her tea down the sink before rinsing the cup and setting it aside. Everything she did looked calculated and measured. Something was off. Zoe was acting weird. She was timid and unsure. Zoe was never timid or unsure.

  “What’s up, Princess?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Just tell me.”

  “Nothing.”

  “Liar,” I countered.

  I knew what was wrong. Without her saying a word, I knew. Yesterday the fear had been washed away, but like the tide it had come in overnight. It wouldn’t help if I pointed out what was wrong. Zoe had to figure it out for herself.

  “It’s no-nothing,” she stammered miserably.

  I wished I could take away her pain and make it my own, but I couldn’t.

  Seeing the shame and pain in her eyes, I leapt from the bar stool and dragged her into my arms. When she stumbled against me, my heart split wide open. “Zoe, you’ll be okay. You can do this. You’re stronger than you believe. But do you wanna know the good news?”

  “There’s good news?” Zoe asked between painful sobs.

  “Yep. A pretty silver lining. Want to know what it is?” I forced buoyancy in my voice.

  “Tell me,” she whimpered into my shoulder as I tangled my fingers in her hair.

  “You mightn’t believe that you can do this, but you can. I know you can.”

  After a long pause, Zoe nodded. “Okay.”

  ‘Okay?”

  “Okay.”

  Pushing her back, I looked in her face, desperate to find a trace of hope. Of belief. Of acceptance. It wasn’t there. Nothing was. Her eyes were lifeless and empty. Her face was expressionless. Suddenly I knew I wasn’t going anywhere. At least not today.

  “Shouldn’t you be leaving for work?” I encouraged as I intertwined our fingers and led her towards the front door. She moved like she was being sent off to her own execution. Every step was slow and heavy.

  “I’m going,” she grumbled, swiping at her tear-filled eyes.

  Damn, this girl is going to be the death of me.

  “You got everything?” she asked, pointing to my bag.

  Nodding, I said, “Yeah, but I was wondering if…if it would be okay if I stayed another day?”

  Zoe raised an eyebrow, obviously caught off guard. “You-you want to stay?” she asked, stumbling over her words.

  “Is that okay?”

  Zoe didn’t have time to answer before she leapt into my arms and squeezed me so tight she almost cut off my oxygen supply. Loosening her grip on my neck, I laughed. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

  “Thank you,” Zoe whispered.

  It was Thursday before I got home.

  Chapter 33

  ZOE

  Thursday night was the worst night sleep I’d ever had. Ever.

  I barely slept.

  I woke up in a cold sweat. More than once.

  Every sound, every breath of wind, every rev of a car engine, I heard.

  I didn’t want to admit it, and I could never say it out loud, but I wished Spencer was still lying beside me. The nights wrapped in his arms seemed like a lifetime ago.

  I watched the sun rise as I blew the steam from my coffee. I couldn’t risk a look in the mirror. I already knew I had a rats’ nest on my head and the bags under my eyes were so heavy they felt like overstuffed suitcases.

  Four days of work had almost killed me. It had been boring and monotonous and more than a little exhausting. Sitting in an uncomfortable chair, trying to refrain from taking the pain killers. I hated that they made me more than a little loopy and left me feeling completely spent by three each afternoon. It seemed that no amount of coffee or chocolate could provide the energy just to get me to the end of the day.

  Spencer had texted me yesterday letting me know he’d made it home safely. He’d been more than supportive. He’d been everything. I’d known Spencer forever and loved him in one way or another for even longer, but in the past week, he’d become my hero. He held me when I needed him to, he’d picked me up off the floor and wiped my tears. He’d given me tough love when I needed it, whether or not I wanted to hear it. Now though, now he’d gone home. Returned to his life and left me to mine. Or what was left of it.

  Before he’d left he’d made me promise that I was okay. Each day I’d come home from the office to find him waiting on my couch, dinner already cooking, and as I’d walk through the door he’d offer me a smile and ask how I was. Not once did he ask how work was, or what I’d been up to…his questions were always about me. How was I feeling. How much pain were my ribs causing me. Did I need anything. He’d made me the number one priority in his world. I loved him for it. Somehow I knew I’d never be able to repay him.

  And each day, I’d told him the truth. I ached. I was tired. I was grumpy. The man on the tram stunk. When I’d come home on Wednesday night, I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t take another day of seeing the pain and pity in his eyes. It was too much. Too hard. So I did something I never thought I’d do. I lied. To Spencer’s face, I lied to him. I told him that I was all right. That I could do it on my own. I must
have been damn convincing because he’d believed me. The next morning Spencer packed his bags and headed home.

  And I’d let him.

  I was a fucking idiot.

  A fucking, lying idiot.

  And now I was paying the price. Now I was sitting alone in my empty apartment staring at the sunrise. I wasn’t just alone. I was lonely.

  Then I couldn’t breathe. I was fighting for each breath. Wheezing and gasping and then I dropped the mug I’d been holding, sending it clattering to the floor, the hot liquid spilling everywhere. I couldn’t care. Clutching my chest, I felt like I was trying to hold everything together, but couldn’t. When black spots danced in my vision I knew I was in trouble.

  Grabbing my phone, my trembling fingers managed to hit the speed dial.

  “Zoe!” Spencer’s voice sounded surprisingly buoyant for being barely dawn.

  “Sp-en-cer,” I stammered, coughing on another breath.

  “Fuck, Zoe! What’s going on?”

  “Can’t…breathe.”

  “Okay, Zoe. It’s okay. You’re okay. Just sit down. Go on…go sit on the couch.”

  “M’kay.”

  “Are you sitting down?”

  “Ye-yeah.”

  “Right now take off your shoes. Are they off?”

  “Mmm,” I mumbled as I kicked off my socks.

  “Right now this might hurt a bit because of your ribs, but I want you to try. Try for me. Put your head between your knees and just concentrate on taking one breath at a time. Forget everything else. Just take a breath. Just one. That’s good. Now take another.”

  I followed Spencer’s instructions explicitly. I wasn’t sure whether it was the breathing that was slowing my racing heart or Spencer’s steady, soothing voice in my ear, but I started to feel better.