Mad Mad Love ~ The Remembrance Trilogy: Complete Box Set Holiday Edition

by Kahlen Aymes

  RYAN~

  Gross.

  A truer statement had never been made. Two months in and I still gagged every time I walked into my Gross Anatomy lab. The smell was more than any normal person could stand. Our professor had passed out little jars of Vicks ointment on the first day of class, telling us that this would become our very best friend. He laughed at the looks on our faces when he instructed us that we were to put it just inside our nostrils before we ever walked into the room.

  I'd laughed at the time, thinking to myself that it couldn't be that bad. It fucking was. It was worse.

  First semester med students were no doubt weeded out if they couldn't make it through that damn class. If you were one of the lucky ones who didn't run home screaming with your tail between your legs, you got a reward. And what could possibly be better than dissecting a human cadaver over the course of three and a half months?

  Oh, right. A study in recycling. We’d continue to dissect the same fucking one for the second half of the year. I was so looking forward to that.

  Aaron, on the other hand, made a joke out of it, naming his cadaver Marcy and referring to her as his baby.

  Ugh!

  I felt bad for the poor bastards that we chopped up, but I guess it was all in the name of science. The cadaver in my group was male and we called him Joe. In the beginning, Aaron taunted me about getting his dick to stand up so he and Marcy could get it on, touting that he didn't need Viagra anymore since now he had rigor mortis.

  The sick bastard. I shook my head as laughter vibrated through my chest. Funny, but sick.

  During the first few weeks, I couldn't get the smell out of my clothes and ended up burning them on a regular basis. Sure, we wore scrubs, but doing so didn't leave the clothes underneath unscathed.

  It became an expensive problem until one Sunday morning, the genius voice on the other end of my cell phone found the solution.

  "Why don't you just wear the same clothes and shoes every day and get a locker in the gym to store them in? Go change before and after class. Gyms are stinky anyway."

  "And never wash them Julia?" I'd mocked her.

  "Gah! Of course, wash them, but they're ruined anyway, right? So bleach the shit out of them. That should help with the smell."

  I smiled as I laid the clean, snow-white scrubs on the locker room bench. I changed into my lab clothes, which consisted of a plain white t-shirt and now bleached out jean shorts. After donning the scrubs, I shoved my street clothes in a plastic bag, sealing it to keep the stench out before I threw it back in the locker. Even so far away, she was still taking care of me.

  It had been two months and I missed her. Sometimes so much, I couldn't even breathe.

  She was still in L.A. with Ellie, who had gotten a job as an apprentice with a prominent stylist.

  Julia got the position with Condé Nast publishing and was working as a junior content and style editor for Glamour Magazine.

  Of course, she got the first damn job she applied for. She's brilliant and gorgeous with an insane work ethic that kept her from trekking to Boston for a visit. To be fair, I hadn't been able to get to L.A. either. The situation sucked.

  I sighed on my way toward the Health Sciences building for my Human Body class. That was the more politically correct name for it, but Gross Anatomy was so much more apropos. I ran a hand through my hair as I took the stairs to the 5th floor.

  Julia. She was all I could think about.

  After that night in my room, we hadn't really defined our relationship as anything different than best friends. I was terrified that it was somehow a dream and was left wondering if it really happened. We both had a lot going on and I’d been very disappointed when she didn't come to New York. We seemed to avoid the topic when we did talk and it left me uneasy and confused.

  When she took the L.A job, I picked a fight instead of doing what I should have done by offering my congratulations and support. But damn it, I was upset!

  After almost making love to her and telling myself that we would finally be together as a couple, I didn't handle it well.

  She'd hung up on me with a trite, "Thanks for the support, asshole."

  We made up after two weeks of my pouting and then another of her ignoring my calls. After that we avoided the subject of us. And now, two months later, it seemed like years.

  I buried myself in school and she was working to establish herself as indispensable. My heart constricted. The better she did her job, the less likely she'd be able to leave it. And Julia never did anything half-assed. Then, where would I be? "Hmmph." I let my breath out. Missing her desperately, more and more as the time passed.

  I took out my trusty vile of Vicks before walking into the lab. The other five members of my group were already waiting for me. I wasn't late, but I wasn't so damn eager either.

  The group was quite diverse. Min Sing, a little Korean girl who barely spoke, except to answer the professor's questions, had a sad homesick look about her all the time. I tried to engage her in conversation, but she was so introverted it was practically impossible, so after the first couple of weeks, I‘d given up.

  Tanner Cromwell was friendly and jovial. His personality was a lot like Aaron's, always poking fun at the dead guy on the table. Sometimes the professor had to ride his ass, but he made the class bearable.

  James Davis was a conundrum. He looked like a biker, with long hair and tattoos, but was smarter than hell. Claire Morris was sort of pretty, but was always bitching about something and emotionally very immature. Two traits bad enough on their own, but combined, it made her completely unlikable.

  Then there was Liza Nash. I inwardly cringed when I walked up to the table and she put her hand on my arm. I'd take Claire's bitchy ways over Liza's constant flirting any day.

  "Hi, Ryan." My eyes made brief contact with hers at the greeting before quickly looking away. I guess you could say she was beautiful in a conventional sort of way, but she seemed so artificial. Hard, cold and unapproachable; which was weird considering she was constantly pursuing me. She batted her eyelashes as I withdrew my arm from her hand.

  Long, dirty blonde hair, blue eyes, big tits and a good figure. I wasn't blind, but I just wasn't interested. I was civil to get through the class, but her obvious attempts had gotten old and monotonous. Constantly brushing her off had not deterred her one bit.

  "Hey, you guys." I said as I pulled on the latex gloves and stood in my spot at the side of the table.

  Tanner met my eyes and wagged his eyebrows at me. He was well aware of Liza's efforts; always ready to throw it in my face. He thought I should just take what she so flagrantly offered and not think about it too much.

  Not likely. I mean, it wasn't like I wasn't a normal guy with physical needs. I was. There were ways to deal with that when necessary, but the last thing I needed was to complicate my life with something meaningless. Liza could’ve been a Greek goddess and it wouldn’t have mattered. Even though the situation with Julia was a little shaky, I wouldn't risk it by screwing around with some twit.

  All I could think about was Julia and, despite the precarious state of our relationship, I loved her beyond reason. I only hoped that she loved me as much.

  Stupid ass. Why didn’t you just tell her?

  After class, when Liza ran up behind us, Tanner laughed when I muttered under my breath, "Walk faster."

  "Ryan! Wait!" She panted. She finally caught up and it was rude, but we kept walking.

  "Oh, hi." I said, hoping my obvious lack of enthusiasm would have the desired effect.

  "Do you want to get some coffee? I have some questions about microbiology."

  So much for her getting a fucking clue.

  We didn't have any other classes together, but still had some of the same cores. She'd gotten my entire schedule out of me through small talk in HB lab before I realized she had an ulterior motive.

  "Uh...I'm sort of swamped, Liza. I promised to do something with my roommate and I only get coffee on Sunday morning." />
  Me and my big mouth.

  She smiled. "Sunday morning? Okay, I can meet you Sunday morning," she said hopefully. Tanner looked between the two of us with a knowing smirk.

  "Well...it's sort of something I do by myself." I moaned inwardly.

  "Ryan, Claire told me that you were brilliant in micro. I'm almost failing! Please help me."

  Am I really going to fall for this bullshit?

  I looked at her sappy face and gave in. I didn't want her failing on my conscience.

  "Okay, look, Liza. I'll meet you in the lower level of the library at 11 am on Sunday then."

  "No coffee? Wouldn't we be able to talk better at Java Joe's than at the library?"

  Java Joe's is my place to call Julia.

  "Nope. I need to go to the library later in the day so that works better for me. I'll see you there."

  I turned and motioned with my head for Tanner to continue walking, leaving her there on the sidewalk with her mouth hanging open.

  "Bye, Liza," he murmured.

  After we got a few feet further across the commons, Tanner finally spoke up.

  "That girl wants your ass bad, Ryan. Damn!"

  I shrugged. "She's...not my type," I said sardonically but I couldn’t help grinning. Sure it was flattering to be wanted, but she didn't have chestnut hair and liquid green eyes.

  "Um...she's every guy's type. She's a willing piece of ass. I've never seen a woman so willing to be violated. It doesn't have to mean anything."

  I cringed at his crudeness and shrugged.

  "It would complicate my life and I guarantee that it would mean something to Liza. The way she looks at me creeps me out. She'd turn into a stalker or something."

  He laughed. "I'll take that kind of stalker. She's hot."

  It all depends on your perspective.

  "Have at it, man.” We walked across the parking lot to my CRV. He lived a few blocks from me and it had become my habit to drop him off on my way.

  "What's the real reason, Ryan?' he probed.

  I paused before turning on the ignition.

  "I'm here to work, not chase tail.”

  He leaned back in the seat in exasperation. "Hell, Ryan. You’re either gay or seriously in love to not take advantage of that opportunity. I know you’re not gay or you’d be chasing my fine ass." Tanner laughed out loud, clearly amused with himself.

  I smiled as I pulled up to his apartment complex. Like being gay and in love were mutually exclusive?

  "Well, I’m not gay." I smirked at him and waited for his inquisition.

  "Who is she then? Do I know her?"

  I shook my head. "It's...well, it's complicated and you'll just make fun of my ass."

  "Dude...I won't.

  My phone jingled in my pocket. Julia. Right on cue.

  I pulled it out and read the message.

  Day from hell. Had a story miss deadline, so holding presses and chasing down photos. Still at the office so can't talk tonight. I'm sorry. Missing u.

  I sighed. Even our phone time was getting less frequent, sometimes as long as two or three days between conversations. My disappointment was written all over my face as I shoved the phone back into my pocket.

  "I bet that was the complication," he guessed wisely.

  I smiled. "Yeah. You have no idea how complicated, Tanner."

  He raised his hands. "Well?"

  "I don't really know what to tell you. She's been my best friend for years, but I’m in love."

  "And?” Tanner prompted. “How does she feel about you?"

  "She's admitted that I'm the most important person in her life." He looked at me and whistled.

  "What? We’d only begun to explore our feelings and now she's got this huge-ass job in Los Angeles and I'm here.”

  He brought a hand down on my shoulder. "Well...that's a long way from here. You could still play around a little, man. She'd never know."

  "I'd know. And...I told you before. I'm not interested in anybody else. I've waited four damn years for Julia to see me as more than a friend. I'm not about to fuck it up. For any reason; certainly not Liza Nash."

  I smiled at the truth in those words. The thought of sex with anyone else left me cold and I didn't care if Tanner thought I was a pussy for admitting it.

  "You're right. It is complicated."

  I nodded and ran a hand through my hair. "Maybe you'll meet her. Then you'll get it."

  He opened the door and the chilly air rushed in. Tanner laughed at me as he closed the door.

  Whatever, man. You'd never understand having a real connection with a woman. Dickhead.

  I sat at the table with my soy cappuccino and waited for Julia’s call. She'd texted earlier and said she was going for a run and would call when she got to her Starbucks. I glanced at my watch.

  10:15. Shit.

  I went over my microbiology and immunology notes so that I'd be prepared for Liza’s questions. My plan was to get in, help as quickly as possible and get out. I felt the bile rise up in my throat at the thought of sitting alone with that ditz for an hour. I vowed I wouldn't allow it to be any longer than that.

  "Ah...finally." I breathed into the phone, picturing her face, flushed and wind-burned, her hair wild and eyes sparkling. "There's my girl."

  Julia's musical laughter rewarded me. "Ya think?"

  "Mmmmm...I know."

  "So are you sitting at the table by the window?" her voice was a little out of breath.

  We'd even taken some photos on our phones and shared them, making it easier to imagine what the other was doing that way. It was comforting to picture her in her surroundings.

  "Yes. How was your run?" I asked, closing my eyes and wishing she were sitting in front of me.

  "Eh... You know I hate running." I could hear the scraping of the wooden chair against the floor as she pulled it out.

  "Then why do it?" I asked quietly.

  "Ryan...would you have my ass explode? My work schedule keeps me from going to the gym enough, so I have to squeeze in whatever I can."

  "Yeah, I know the feeling." I was talking about her squeezing me into her schedule like she did exercise, but she'd think I meant I had a hectic schedule, too. "You'd never explode." Thinking of her body made a warm flush seep under my skin. She sensed the change in my voice and changed the subject.

  "What are you doing today?"

  "Oh, studying for a while and then Aaron and I are organizing a game of football in the park."

  "Mmmm...that sounds fun. Wish I could watch." Her voice was warm but it sounded distant, like she was preoccupied.

  "I do, too. Aaron brings Jenna, but she's more like the heckling squad than a cheerleader, and she never brings treats."

  Julia's laughter tinkled on the other end. "Hmm...funny you should say that, cause I sent you something, moody boy."

  Pleasure enveloped me and I grinned. "Really? When?"

  "You were disappointed Friday when we couldn't talk on the phone, so I stayed up and baked. I mailed them Saturday. Probably get it tomorrow."

  "You're amazing. I don't deserve you." My voice was low and throaty. I longed for her, ached for her in ways I never dreamed were possible. My fingers fiddling around my coffee cup blurred before my eyes.

  "That's for sure," Julia teased. "I have to go into the office later. Sound fun?"

  "They work you too hard, Julia. I don't like it."

  "One of the photographers lost a digital card and we have to redo an entire shoot. It's putting the January issue behind because I had to secure the models and locations all over again. The money we're losing is astronomical, so we had to increase the page count by 16 to pay for it. The Sales Department is scrambling to sell more ads. I can only fill fifty percent of the space with editorial or we'd still be in the red. An eight page fill is a lot to come up with at the last minute," she groaned.

  "You sound like a full-fledged editor. Why does this fall on you?" I asked, exasperated. She sounded so tired and they were literally working the h
ell out of her.

  "Ah. Well...no, the junior editor gets the shit detail, i.e. nights and weekends. It's just part of it. I'm working on getting a promotion, you know. Some gorgeous man I know wants me in NYC." The smile behind her words made my heart pound.

  "Couldn't happen soon enough for me, babe, but I still hate how hard you have to work." I ran a hand through my hair as the familiar ache settled in my chest, "I miss you."

  "For some reason, I'm really missing you, too..." I smiled as the ache eased a little at those beautiful words. I hoped the reason was because she was as in love with me as I was with her.

  "Ryan!" I started in my chair at the annoying sound of Liza's nasally voice. I glanced around. She was coming toward me before I could warn Julia.

  I held up my hand to hold her off, but Liza pulled out the chair and unloaded her backpack on the table with a thud.

  "So...this is Sunday coffee!"

  Damn it! Couldn't she see I was on the phone?

  Julia was hesitant on the other end and I could feel her pulling back, becoming distant.

  "Well...I guess I should get going."

  "Julia, wait. Please."

  Liza looked at me expectantly and I could feel my mouth settle into a tight angry line at her intrusion.

  "Um...it, uh...sounds like you're busy and I've got to get to the office. Mike is waiting for me anyway."

  The sound of his name grated on my nerves like nails down a chalk board. I didn't know anything about this guy other than he was a photographer that worked with Julia a lot.

  "What should I order?" Liza interrupted again.

  "Can I call you later?" I said softly into the phone.

  Julia's voice was stiff when she answered after a brief hesitation. What the hell was she thinking?

  "Um...I'll be busy the rest of the day, Ryan. Seems like you are, too. Let's just...talk when we talk. Bye."

  "Julia..." the phone went dead in my hand.

  I sat staring angrily at Liza as she opened her backpack and took out her notebook. "So? What's good here?" She completely ignored my irritated expression and prattled on.

  "Liza, I thought we were meeting at the library, in what? 20 minutes?" I was annoyed and didn't care if it showed.