by Kahlen Aymes
But...this was also the Ryan who made my panties damp and my heart beat faster. I loved him more than anyone else in my life. More than I'd ever love anyone for the rest of my life. I knew it as sure as I was breathing. He could take me to heaven or drop me in hell and that fact scared me to death.
I took a deep breath, trying to steady my nerves. Tonight would change everything between us. Whether we made love or not, I planned on telling him that I loved him. The words had been aching inside of me for so long, especially since the night in the car after we'd found out he'd gotten into Harvard, and then the last night we'd been together in Boston.
My heart thumped hard within my chest as I pulled into the terminal parking garage and I found a spot close to the elevator.
I wondered if Ryan would think it weird to see me in my Dior pencil skirt and Jimmy Choo heels when he was used to me in jeans and Converse. I glanced in the rear-view mirror as I ran a hand through my hair and dotted some light pink gloss on my lips. I looked different but hoped he'd like the changes.
Here goes nothing...
As I walked into the terminal, my stomach was a mass of butterflies but I couldn't stop smiling. People were smiling back at me as I went. A few men were very obvious in their appraisals of my legs or looking me up and down. Normally, I might be annoyed by the blatant ogling, but nothing could ruin my happy mood.
My phone dinged in my purse and I struggled to pull it out and keep walking toward the security check point and wandered around looking for a good place to wait. I found a Starbucks and took a seat before reading Ryan's message.
I'm on the ground. Hope you're already here. I can't wait to see you!
My body was shaking and my heart racing as my eyes searched the stream of people pouring out of the United terminal. I watched for a wild head of sexy golden hair to move through the throng, but the minutes ticked by and hundreds of people passed without any sign of him. The clicking of my shoe on the floor drew attention so I got up to pace back and forth in front of the window, glancing back through the crowds as I went.
Get a grip, Julia!
I shoved my hands in the pocket of my skirt and stopped dead. Ryan was coming up the long ramp carrying his black leather duffle bag and blue parka. Wearing a Stanford University baseball hat, a white button down with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and jeans, he made my breath stop. I was frozen to the spot as I watched him move toward me.
When he came into the terminal he stopped and looked around… My hungry eyes devoured him as the seconds ticked by. He was so beautiful and I hadn't seen him in so long, I allowed myself this one small indulgence.
He searched in a circle until finally his eyes fell upon mine. He paused to look at me, taking in the differences, and his head moved to one side slightly and his eyes narrowed. A huge grin split his face as he began moving quickly toward me.
I willed my frozen legs to move and ran to him. Immediately, he dropped his bag at our feet and gathered me close, his arms tight around my waist under my suit jacket and his face buried in my hair. I wound my arms around his neck and turned my face into him, resting my forehead just below his ear. He smelled delicious and his hot breath on my skin felt like gold. Like Ryan.
"Julia," he breathed. "I missed you so fucking much."
Emotion surged through me and I felt the familiar stinging behind my eyes and the tightness in my chest as I held on to him for dear life. If I let go, he'll disappear.
He kissed the side of my face and my temple until finally I raised my damp eyes to his beautiful blue ones. "Ryan, I..." he stopped me when his mouth swooped down and took mine in a hungry kiss. He kissed me like it was the end of the world and I let him, the tears falling softly on my face at the same time as my mouth moved frantically with his. Our tongues laved each other and the kisses became slower, deeper but just as intense. My body started to react and I was losing myself.
All that existed for me was this man.
Someone walking by whistled and brought us out of our little bubble. Ryan dragged his mouth from mine, and his hand brushed my hair back from my face as he stared into my eyes.
"What?" I asked breathlessly.
"You're gorgeous. I can't take my eyes off of you." He smiled softly and rested his head on mine. My mouth ached to reach for his again but I remembered where we were.
"You don't have to for the next 4 days." I smiled happily. The stubble on his chin tickled my fingers. I kissed him briefly on the mouth before stepping back and taking his hand in mine.
"Promise?" he said softly. I nodded and nudged his shoulder gently with my own, the gesture so familiar.
"Come on." I tugged on his hand.
He smiled, picked up his bag and coat and we walked through the airport to the garage.
Ryan loaded his bag into the backseat of my new Mazda and I threw him the keys.
"Are you sure? This is your baby." His eyes sparkled as he came around to open the passenger side door for me. I couldn't resist touching him and I brought my hand to the front of his shirt above his belt. The flat of my hand moved up over the taut muscles of his abdomen to rest over his heart. I could feel it beating beneath my fingers.
"Yeah. Of course. You always drive, don't you?" I said as I slid into the black leather seat. The sound of the shutting door echoed through the garage. Smiling, Ryan went around and got into the driver's side.
"Ugh," he said as he banged his head on the ceiling and then reached down to slide the seat back to accommodate his height. "Some things never change, eh? Except with those heels, I'd expect you to have the seat further back."
I rolled my eyes. "My toes are still the same distance away no matter how high the heels are. Duh."
The warmth in his eyes made me flush as he started the car and put it in reverse.
"So, um...you noticed the shoes then?" I smiled at him.
He stopped at the booth to pay for the parking and gave the attendant some money. "Uh...I noticed everything, Julia.” He looked at me. “You're really... beautiful."
"I was afraid you wouldn't like me all 'officed' up...that you'd prefer me in jeans and a t-shirt." I leaned back in my seat but turned toward him so I could study his profile.
"Do you really want me to answer that now?" His hand reached for mine. "Later." The word sounded like a promise.
Heat infused underneath the skin on my neck and face, and I bit my lip, trying to hide the smile that I couldn't contain. It felt good to be with him like this, knowing that finally we were both willing and wanting to take the relationship further. It felt...perfect.
His thumb ran circles over the top of my hand, his fingers threaded with mine. There was a live current of electricity that raced over my skin with each little movement he made. My mouth went dry and my body reacted. He had me teeming with desire with only the briefest of touches.
I can't believe how much I love him.
I gave him directions that took us past downtown L.A. and east of Beverly Hills. Ellie and I shared an apartment in Glendale. It was close enough to downtown for me and even closer so that Ellie could get to her ritzy job in Hollywood. The apartment was modest, but very nice and we kept it clean.
The sun had set two hours earlier and I sat in the dark, watching the passing lights reflect off the planes of Ryan’s perfect features. He seemed content to hold my hand and drive, listening to the soft strains of the satellite radio. He looked deep in thought, like he was concentrating on something.
"What are you thinking about?" I asked softly, not wanting to disturb him, but desperately needing to know. He smiled; his white teeth bright in the darkness. The lights from the dashboard softly illuminated the space inside the car.
"Oh, you know...you," he paused and rubbed my hand again with his thumb, "It's incredible to finally be with you like this, baby. I'm just taking it all in."
I knew what he meant. We were a couple and it was evident in the way he touched me, how he looked at me and the tenor in his voice. My heart sped up and I sighed.
He looked at me and then at the road. "What?" he asked.
"Nothing...Just... Ryan, I've missed you. Too much." I swallowed as emotion welled again. "I was so afraid I'd lose my best friend, but I'm not going to. You're still with me, but it's..."
"So much more."
"Yes."
"I've been a complete idiot. I should have done something about this years ago. We wasted so much damn time, Julia.”
"I like to think that things happen for a reason, Ryan. I still had you in my life, and really, I wouldn't change a moment of the time we spent together." I hoped he didn't hear the catch in my voice but the look on his face told me differently.
His lips were warm and reverent as they softly brushed across my knuckles, then Ryan rested our entwined hands on his thigh. "Julia." He smiled and shook his head.
"Yeah?" I smiled.
Ryan laughed and shook his head. "Nothing...just, Julia."
"Well, Matthews, I need to stop at the grocery store if I'm making a big spread tomorrow. I don't suppose you'd be satisfied with cold cereal and toast?" The corners of my mouth quirked in the start of a grin as I anticipated his reply.
"Pfft. Hell, no! I want it all! Turkey, dressing, potatoes, fresh bread and lots and lots of dessert!" Ryan said happily.
I wasn't prepared for how elated it made me to hear him talk like that and to know that I could make him so happy. I pointed to a grocery store off to the right that was only three blocks from my apartment. He parked near the door and turned the car off.
"Of course, you leave out salad or vegetables. Fucking typical," I added mockingly and he burst out laughing.
"Oh, okay. Salad and vegetables," he said reluctantly. "If you're gonna make me."
"Can I make you?" I laughed.
"I'm thinking you can make me do any damn thing you want right about now."
"Hmmm...now that sounds really good." My mind raced at all the things I'd like to make him do. He meant that he'd give me anything that I wanted.
"Yes. It does," he agreed devilishly and leaned over to kiss me, greedily sucking my lower lip into his mouth before pulling away. "Mmmm...so delicious."
I smiled and I couldn't resist one more little taunt. "You know what they say...Whatever makes me happy, will set you free." I bit my lip as my eyes lifted to his.
"I’m sure of it. Let's get these damn groceries, so I can start getting my orders, shall we?"
I giggled as we both got out of the car. Ryan threw his arm around my shoulders and kissed my temple on the way into the store.
RYAN ~
I was staring, but I couldn't help it. I could tell she noticed by the little glances she threw at me and the smile that danced around those gorgeous lips.
She was so incredibly beautiful. Her legs went on forever in those damn spiky heels and I wanted to ask her to take off her jacket so I could see the way her blouse clung to her body. This was Julia, but so sophisticated and sexy. She had a new confidence about her that I found extremely irresistible. She was everything I could want.
"You're sure you want turkey tomorrow?" She looked quizzically at me as she gathered some fresh herbs from the produce department.
I grinned. "With all the trimmings, please." I was pushing the cart, which suited me because it gave me an unobstructed view of her. I took my jacket off and threw it in the basket. "Um, aren't you hot, Julia?" I teased. "Maybe you should take off your jacket."
She shook her head and rolled her eyes. She knew exactly what I was up to and laughed softly.
"Ryan. You're acting like you've never seen me before," she said as we headed to the meat department and began looking over the birds. She picked out a small one that wasn't frozen after she'd rummaged through the bin.
"Well, you are different, honey. But it's all good." I laughed and grabbed her arm as she placed the bird in the basket. I pulled her to me and wrapped my arm around her waist.
"Stop," she said breathlessly, but I placed my mouth on the skin of her neck below her ear. I couldn't help myself. The scent of her skin, mixed with the muskiness of her perfume was enough to make me want to ravish her right there. Her hand came up to my chest and pushed against me a little.
"Mmmm...you smell so good," I whispered as I nuzzled her neck with my nose.
"I think we should finish shopping before we get arrested for indecent exposure." She was flirting and I loved it. We'd always been so careful of our feelings to keep our relationship from going anywhere romantic, and I found this new playfulness a huge turn-on.
"I don't care. I'm only kissing you a little." I let my hand slide lower to her hip and pressed her closer to my side. "I thought I was allowed now." I smiled, nuzzling a little more and my breath rushed out over her skin.
She pulled back slightly. "You’re allowed...but let's get this done so we can get out of here, hmmm?"
I laughed at the tone in her voice. She wanted to be alone with me as much as I wanted to be alone with her. I wasn't about to let go of her completely, so my hand slid across her back and out to take her hand. I sighed. "Okay...more shopping," I said reluctantly.
I watched in amazement as Julia gathered everything she needed. She didn't have a list, just asked me if I wanted this dish or that and then picked out the ingredients. I would never get used to how perfect she was.
Beyond the Thanksgiving meal, we bought things to make some of my favorites, lemon muffins, Eggs Benedict, blueberry pancakes, cheesecake and Pad Thai. Things she made back in college. My heart clenched at how much my life in Boston lacked her presence. I missed her beyond reason and I'd come to depend on her more than I’d realized.
I nodded when she held up a bottle of Pinot Grigio, a Pies Porter and a Merlot. "That should hold us for the weekend, huh?"
"I'm hoping we'll get to your apartment and never leave, so get everything you need." I lowered my head and ran my hand through my hair, but my eyes never left hers.
"Um...Ellie invited us out on Friday night." She smiled when I grimaced at the prospect. "Harris' band has a gig and she wanted to see you. I'm trying not to be selfish. How about we stay in all the rest of the time?" Her green eyes sparkled.
"I guess I'm being selfish. I haven't been thinking much about Ellie. Soooo sorry," I teased as I squeezed her hand. My heart soared at the sympathetic look on her face as her little fingers curled around mine. "But, okay."
Julia laughed. "Mmm...thank you. Only one night," she said reassuringly.
I paid for the groceries and loaded them into the trunk of her car. The temperature had turned cooler and it was starting to mist. Los Angeles never got as cold as Boston and I found myself missing the holiday weather.
"Do you miss the cooler weather in Northern California?" I asked as I settled in behind the wheel. I thought back to the many times we used to go for walks with the snow falling and how she loved to go skiing and sledding. We had so many fun times making snowmen or having snowball fights. My favorite part was when she would start to shiver and I'd take her in my arms to warm her up.
"Yes. I miss a lot of things. But, the thing I miss the absolute most is sitting right next to me. So, I'm good," she said softly.
My heart swelled to the point of bursting as I brushed the silky skin of her chin with my fingers.
"Come here," I commanded. She leaned in and I touched my mouth to hers. "Julia," I whispered against her mouth. "I can't believe how much I've missed you."
"I can," she whispered, her lips ghosting over mine. "It's like an ache that won't go away."
God, I love you.
Her fingers lightly brushed against my chin as I deepened the kiss and then her hand slid behind my head to twine in my hair. It was so sexy, having her tug on my hair and pull my mouth tighter into hers. My body reacted and my jeans suddenly got uncomfortably tight, but I couldn't stop kissing her. She was like the sweetest nectar I’d ever tasted.
Both of us panting, I rested my head against hers as we struggled to get control. I finally sat back in my seat and looked at her flush
ed face. Her skin was pale and translucent but for the rosy glow in her cheeks. We smiled at each other softly.
"It's like we're in high school, making out and steaming everything up! If it were colder, I’d be writing ‘I heart Ryan' on the window.”
Thump. My heart stopped and the amusement left my face.
"Julia," I began but she put two trembling fingers to my mouth.
"Just...let's go home, Ryan. Please?"
"Is that an order?" My body protested; my mouth wanted hers.
She leaned toward me and placed a hand at the back of my head to play with the hair at the nape. Her touch made my body quake with anticipation of what was to come. My breath caught as she nodded without hesitation. "Yes. It's an order."
Julia~
The sexual tension between Ryan and me was palpable. My skin literally vibrated whenever he looked at me. His brilliant eyes roaming over me was almost like a physical caress. Four years of waiting and wanting...finally, it was going to happen. Just thinking about it had me throbbing in all the right places.
Ryan brought the last of the groceries to the marble countertop while I continued to put things away.
He threw his jacket over one of the upholstered chairs in the living room before coming back into the kitchen to lean his hip near the sink. I felt nervous, my skin on fire as his gaze burned into me. I fluttered here and there between the counter, the refrigerator and pantry.
Ryan watched for a few minutes in silent contemplation, until I couldn't stand it anymore.
"Um...so how are Jenna and Aaron? You haven't mentioned them the last couple of times that we've talked."
He removed the bottle of wine I was unpacking from my hands and set it on the counter, then slid his hand down my arm and gathered my hand in his. His clear blue eyes were intent on my face.
Tugging on my hand, he brought me closer until our bodies were only a few inches apart and his other hand rested on my waist. He smelled so good and the heat radiating off his skin scorched me alive.
"They're good. Jen’s working a lot of nights so she's tired and cranky, which makes Aaron cranky too." His mouth quirked at one side. It was evident that his expression wasn't about the conversation. I opened my mouth, but no words came out.
