Mad Mad Love ~ The Remembrance Trilogy: Complete Box Set Holiday Edition

by Kahlen Aymes

  "You know I do and I fucking hate being jealous!”

  "I have to go get ready. I love you, Ryan."

  "I know. I'm sorry I'm being a baby," he sighed. My mind's eye could see his face and that little smirk trying to play on his full lips. I wanted to kiss those lips.

  "It's okay." I changed the subject to take the focus off of the shoot, all the while admonishing myself for even telling him. I should have guessed what his reaction would be. "Will you be able to help me move?"

  "Baby, I'll try. It depends on when and what’s going on with classes, but I want to."

  "We'll figure it out.”

  "Tell Turner I'll rip his head off if he even thinks about you in the wrong way," Ryan teased and I could tell he was more relaxed.

  I laughed. "He thinks about everyone in the wrong way. He's twisted like that. I'll call you tonight."

  "Don't forget about me when you're half naked."

  "It’s impossible, no matter what state of dress or undress I happen to be in. You know that.”

  He laughed. "Leave it to you to soothe the savage beast. Okay, honey."

  "I love you, baby. Bye."

  "Goodbye, my love."

  Happiness flooded through me. I put away my phone and motioned to Andrea to join me as I rushed down to the studio floor. I glanced at her and then it hit me. I knew how to make my move happen even faster and the transition for the company even easier.

  "Andrea, I'm going to New York to be near Ryan. How would you like to have my job?" I asked as her mouth dropped.

  Chapter 8

  Julia~

  Is that me? Holy shit!

  I leaned forward and tried to find myself in the mirror. The make-up was more pronounced, the lips brighter, the eyeliner thicker and the skin bronzed and glowing. They'd covered my body with a layer of airbrushed tan, my usually pale skin now golden brown. The green shadow on my eyes made my eyes seem larger in combination with the heavy layer of mascara.

  My hair was wild and big. Teased to look like I'd just been made mad love to and someone had run their hands through it over and over again. I puckered my lips and raised my eyebrows at my reflection. My lips weren't overly bright, they were darker, and not the blood red of the last model.

  I'd discussed the layout with Mike and Andrea earlier and we'd agreed that the male model would be the focus and I’d be in the background, preferably in profile or a back shot. I didn't want my face plastered all over the magazine. Not that anyone would recognize me anyway, but Ryan would be less agitated if it wasn’t obviously me.

  The most effective shot would be to have Nick in his boxer briefs, all muscled abs and arms, standing in front of the bed with a smoldering stare into the camera, while I would be on the bed in the background, wrapped in a sheet. I was nervous about the sheet because even though wardrobe had put me in nude boy shorts, I couldn't wear anything on top so the sheet could drop low on my back. At least I'd be a blur in the photo, but the illusion had to be there.

  Andrea patted me on the shoulder.

  "Is it so obvious?" I cringed.

  "Of course, Julia," she soothed. "You look amazing though!" She smiled at my reflection in the mirror and I pulled the white robe closer around me.

  The make-up artist that had slaved over me for the past two hours groaned. "Julia, don't. You shouldn't even be wearing that damn thing. You'll rub off the tan!"

  "Oh, crap. Sorry, I'm just...I'm not used to this."

  "Just be more careful." She was clearly not sympathetic to my plight. She had a sort of punk rock style going on, with jet black hair, and numerous piercings in her ruddy face. I grimaced as I noticed the tongue ring and the one through her left eyebrow. That shit had to hurt.

  She had a dark demeanor and she didn't talk at all during the entire time she worked on me. I'd tried to start up a conversation several times, but finally gave it up as a lost cause. I was damn glad to be getting out of her chair.

  Andrea hustled me down the hall and into the studio. I wobbled slightly on the platform shoes. They were black suede Louboutin pumps and the heels were at least 5 inches high. I loved them and wondered why I needed shoes considering my feet wouldn't show in the shot if it turned out like I wanted.

  A low whistle filled the empty space as I walked on set. Mike was checking the lighting and had stopped. "Can it, Mike. I'm not interested in your pseudo admiration," I said shortly.

  He stood there staring and I stopped ten feet in front of him. "Oh, it's the real deal, baby. You look ah-ma-zing, Julia. I mean it." He smirked at me and went back to adjust the camera on the tripod. "The camera is going to love you."

  "Yeah, well, we talked about this. Background, background, background! Got it?"

  He laughed as Andrea moved over to chat with Nick, the male model. "Spoilsport," he pouted. "You ruin all my fun."

  "Can we just get on with it? I have a real job to get back to."

  "Take off your clothes and get on the bed, Julia." Mike was looking through the camera lens as his throaty laugh followed me when I walked toward it. Andrea was right behind me, holding the sheet that I would wrap around me when I dropped the robe. Mike cleared his throat. "I've been dreaming of saying that to you since we first met."

  "Fuck off, Mike. I mean it," I said sardonically. "I don't need your bullshit."

  “I love it when you talk dirty."

  I turned sharply and shot him a hard look. Nick looked bored, except for a sardonic smile playing around his lips as he listened to my exchange with Mike. "Mike!"

  "Oh, okay. Hell, lighten up, Julia. I'm a professional. Even if you are drop-dead gorgeous." He winked at me. I sighed and looked at Andrea who held the sheet up to hide me from the men while I dropped the robe.

  "Arms up," she said and I resisted because they were instinctively covering my bare breasts. I looked over my shoulder at her. "Julia, I can't wrap this around you unless you raise your arms." I nodded and complied.

  With the sheet firmly around me, she moved out of the shot. I started to ask Mike how he wanted to position me but heard the camera click in fast succession and the assistants with the reflectors moved into position around me. I was standing behind the bed that Nick was lounging on.

  "Nick, stand in the foreground, and Julia, sit on the edge of the bed with your back to him like we talked about. I need you to drop the sheet low and then look over your shoulder at Nick. Hold the sheet in front of you with one hand but let the other arm straighten and take your weight with your hand on the mattress," Mike instructed.

  I loosened my hold on the sheet, my heart racing. The bed creaked slightly when I lowered to it. Andrea came over, pulled my hair back to smooth it down my back and adjusted the sheet to expose the top curve of my ass. I raised my eyes to her and she laughed. "It's only your ass dimples, Julia. No butt crack, I promise!”

  "Ugh!" I breathed in disgust. Ryan was going to lose it when he saw this.

  Mike talked me through several more shots, and after a few minutes, I felt more at ease. All of the important stuff was completely covered, so my apprehension was eased slightly.

  He took a whole card full of shots and then swapped it out. "Julia, I want to try one thing we didn't talk about, okay?"

  "Uh..." I hesitated.

  "Just roll with me on this, okay? It will be a great shot. Nick, I want you to stay facing the camera but lie on the bed and reach out and grab Julia's sheet and sort of drag her to you. Look into her face and make it intense. Julia, you look into the camera this time and put one bare leg on the bed to take your weight, but resist Nick slightly. I need you to look sexy. Think of something that gets you hot. I want to see desire on your face, honey."

  My mouth set into a tight line and I huffed. "Mike," I started to protest.

  "Think of Ryan, Julia. Think of all the stuff you haven't been able to tell me about yet!" Andrea shot off from across the set. My heart raced at the mention of his name. "When you look at the camera, imagine you are looking into his eyes. Are you in love with
him, Julia? What about him? Does he want you? All you gotta do is let that show."

  A soft smile twitched at the corners of my mouth as I glanced down. Nick grabbed the sheet and I grasped it more tightly to hold it closed over my chest and placed my knee on the bed as I was told. I closed my eyes and thought of Ryan's hands and mouth on my body while I tried to tune out everything else. The air rushed from my lungs and my mouth dropped open.

  I raised my head and looked into the camera and five minutes later it was over and I blushed at my shamelessness. I felt vulnerable, exposed, like I'd just let these people see a very private part of myself, that I shared only with Ryan.

  "Okay, that's it," Mike said. "Julia...that was...well, you're a natural." He smiled and shook his head.

  "Uh...thanks, Mike," I said as Nick moved off of the bed.

  He smiled at me and winked. "Great job. Better than Natalie did, for sure," he said as he walked away.

  "Thanks, you too."

  I glanced at Mike, debating whether to ask him to take a few shots of me alone. "Um...Mike, can we take a few of me alone?"

  "Why?" he asked, curiosity crossing his face, but his lips curved in a wide smile.

  "Um, I'd like to have a couple for a Christmas gift. Maybe?" I bit my lip and waited for him to start giving me shit. It didn't come. He just raised an eyebrow, as he processed my request.

  Andrea was still watching silently, her eyes full of laughter until she interjected, "Julia, that's a terrific idea!"

  Mike raised his eyebrows. "Ah..." Mike shrugged. "Sure, why not?"

  "Thank you. So...can you tell me how to pose? But keep it clean," I hesitated.

  "Yeah. What is your goal with these pictures, Julia? I need to know what I’m after."

  "Uh...I guess...um," I stumbled around the words, struggling to figure out what I wanted to say. "I want them to look like...well, like they're being taken for one person and one person alone. Like I'm looking only at him...kinda." I felt embarrassed and pensive as I bit my lip and waited for Mike's reply. When he didn't, I continued, "I want him to know how much I love him."

  Mike rubbed a hand over his jaw as he considered my answer. "And...you want him bad, right?"

  I licked my lips and clutched the sheet closer before breaking his gaze. I nodded. "Yeah. Exactly."

  "Okay. So...will you trust me to get the best shots, Julia? Can you let go of the control freak inside of yourself that we all know and love? Let me do my job?"

  I laughed nervously. He was right, I did like to be in control of everything but if I wanted the best pictures, then I needed to let him do his thing. "Okay." I nodded.

  "I really have to meet this guy. He's one lucky son-of- a-bitch." My eyes shot to his and he shook his head and went to switch out the lenses.

  The girls took some instructions from Mike and positioned the reflectors around me and the bed.

  I tried to relax and give myself over to Mike's directions. To be fair, he was respectful and succinct, a consummate professional as he went about taking the pictures and moving me around. I filled my mind with images of Ryan and the memories of our lovemaking, imagining looking into his handsome face instead of the camera. In no time at all, we were finished.

  Mike had me in various poses, some sitting up or kneeling and others lying down with the camera above me, but in all of them the sheet was pulled and placed around me so that a lot of skin showed, even one where the curve of my breast was visible under my arm as I looked back over my shoulder.

  I examined the digital images afterward and had to admit that they would make Ryan's heart race. Especially the one where I was lying on the bed and the sheet barely covered me. I was looking straight into the camera, my head to one side and the index finger of my right hand at my open mouth, my eyes half-lidded. It gave the illusion that I was completely naked under the sheet with only those damn heels and some large necklaces that Andrea had brought in at the last minute. I had to admit, her instincts had been right on.

  My breath rushed from my lungs as I looked at it and I knew that was the one.

  "Great job, Julia. We'll have some beautiful shots. I think they'll have the desired effect on the lucky recipient. I promise." He winked at me again. Andrea repeated the process with the sheet wall, while I threw the robe back on. Soon we were walking out of the studio and back to wardrobe where I could get back into my own clothes.

  My instinct told me that Ryan would adore getting something so personal from me, something so vulnerable that opened me up so fully. The only hesitation came because I was a little worried about Mike’s involvement. Ryan knew he flirted with me outrageously. I’d just tell him how professional Mike had been and hope that the actual photos would completely obliterate any other thoughts from his mind.

  I smiled to myself and Andrea saw it. "Feeling devilish, Julia?"

  I laughed out loud, surprised at myself and my intentions, knowing the reaction the photos were likely to get out of Ryan.

  "I hope you plan on getting very thoroughly fucked, because that, my dear, is what is going to happen when he sees these pictures," she teased.

  "Oh, I can dream, Andrea. I can dream." We both were giggling when I disappeared into the dressing room.

  RYAN~

  The words blurred on the page. I'd spent the last four hours in this study carrel, at the library, working on research for my molecular biology class. Struggling to keep my focus, my thoughts were a hot mess over the passionate weekend with Jules and knowing she was in a photo studio half-naked with that cocksucker, Mike Turner. From what she said, the dude was a lecherous bastard who did nothing but chase her skirts. Though I’d never met him, I couldn't help hating him. I leaned back in my chair and ran both hands through my hair.

  "I gotta get out of here," I muttered under my breath. I glanced at my phone. It was 10:30 and it would be too early in L.A. for Julia to be finished working. She was frustrated and fed up with fixing Mike's mistakes, but she would do what was needed to get the job done right. I was beginning to wonder if maybe he didn't mess up on purpose so that he could spend more time with Julia. The fixes seemed to happen in the evenings since they were constantly pushing those damn deadlines.

  I longed for the times at Stanford when Julia would be studying right next to me. I would get stuck on something or frustrated and she always had a way of distracting me or calming me down so I could get my focus back. We'd taken many walks in the middle of the night, talking about anything and everything and I missed having her near. I'd been missing her all of these months, but after the past weekend, I was miserable.

  I pulled my backpack off the floor and slammed my book shut before stuffing it and the notebooks into the bag. I wasn't anywhere close to being finished with the assignment, but it was apparent that I wasn't going to get shit done tonight.

  I quickly dialed Aaron. "Hey, bro’. What's up?" he said a little out of breath.

  "Aaron, I need to go do something. Go to a bar, play pool...anything. I can't focus on studying. Are you up for it?" I asked impatiently as I quickly threw on my black leather jacket, picked up my pack and flung it over my shoulder. Julia had given me the jacket for my birthday two years ago and it was my favorite piece of clothing. My parents had gotten me a new down coat last Christmas, but it hung in my closet untouched. I had many memories of Julia wearing it when I'd draped it around her or she'd forgotten her own and we had made midnight grocery runs. It smelled like her for days afterward.

  "Uh, Jen is here, and we're sort of, um...busy."

  Jealousy surged through me. I was happy for Aaron that he was able to be with Jen on a regular basis, but it only emphasized how empty I felt without Julia. Aaron was planning on asking Jenna to marry him over Christmas or New Year's while Julia and I were on opposite ends of the continent. Her move to New York would help, but it couldn't happen soon enough, and, as Aaron had pointed out, there were still more than two hundred miles that would separate us.

  "Oh, I'm sorry. Okay. Well, I'm going to Kelly's
if you change your mind. I just need a distraction for a while."

  “There won't be much going on since it’s Monday night, Ryan, but I'll see if she wants to. Just give us an hour or so, okay?"

  "Yeah, later."

  I walked out of the library and across campus to my car. I unlocked it and threw my book bag in the back before sliding in behind the wheel and digging the window scraper out of the glove compartment. I turned on the defroster before quickly scraping the windows, shivering by the time I got back into the car.

  That's what I get for not remembering to wear gloves.

  I pulled my phone out again. It would be too early for Julia to be free to talk, but I couldn't help myself. It immediately went to voicemail which meant her phone was turned off.

  Hi, this is Julia. I'm sorry I'm not able to take your call right now, but please leave your deets and I'll get right back to you. Um...if this is Ryan, I'm thinking of you this very minute and I love you.

  I laughed out loud as a huge grin split my face. She knew I'd be anxious tonight and she was doing her damnedest to make me feel better. She was so friggin' amazing. After the beep I left a message.

  "Hey, baby girl. Knew you wouldn't be finished yet but needed to hear your voice. Thanks for knowing I'd call and the sweet message. I love you, too...and miss you." I sighed heavily into the phone. "I...just, I really miss you. So much, I can't even study. Call me later if you can. I'm going out with Aaron and Jen so I should be up. If not, I'll call you tomorrow. Bye, honey."

  Kelly’s pub was one of those hole-in-the-wall places where everyone liked to hang out. Despite it being Monday, there was a decent amount of people milling around. Some of them were regulars that I recognized, but I pulled up a stool at the bar, not feeling like socializing.

  "Hey Becky," I said as I shrugged out of my jacket and hung it over the back of my chair.

  The bartender was a pretty woman in her late thirties, with blonde hair and blue eyes. Aaron, Jen and I came here on occasion to play pool and just hang out, so we knew her pretty well. "How was your Thanksgiving, Ryan?" She smiled.