Mad Mad Love ~ The Remembrance Trilogy: Complete Box Set Holiday Edition

by Kahlen Aymes

  Moore was talking softly with a smug smile on his thin lips, his eyes raking over her. The thoughts running through his head were clear in his expression. I wanted to beat his fucking face in. I was barely in control when I finally reached the table.

  He caught sight of me first, stiffened and paused mid-sentence. I stopped a few feet behind Julia and waited. When he stopped talking altogether and stared, she finally turned to look over her shoulder.

  Her mouth fell open and a look of shock crossed her delicate features. “Ryan,” she gasped as her eyes met mine. What did she expect me to do under these circumstances?

  “Good evening, Julia. Dr. Moore.” I pulled out the chair next to her. “May I join you for a few minutes?” I sat down without waiting for an answer.

  The other man opened his mouth and promptly shut it.

  “Of course,” Julia murmured, still stunned as her eyes shifted over my jacket and white shirt, then back up to my face. She frowned and shook her head slightly. “Wha…What are you doing here?”

  “Aaron and Jen were going out and I was starving. I haven’t eaten since late morning.” I spoke to her but my eyes narrowed on the other man. “Aaron suggested this place. What a coincidence to find you here.”

  “Yes. Isn’t it?” Moore pushed his chair back a little and threw his napkin on the table.

  “We’ve only just ordered, so why don’t you all join us for dinner?” Julia looked anxiously into my face. She knew damned well this was no coincidence.

  My eyes were trained on Moore’s face and the corners of my mouth lifted slightly at her invitation. What did you think? That she was going to tell me to leave you two alone? Fucking hardly.

  “That would be nice, thank you. You look gorgeous, baby,” I said, my voice purposely caressing. “Spencer, do you mind?” My eyes dared him to say no. I settled into the chair next to Julia, my lips still twitching at his pissed-off expression. The waiter brought another chair and set it on the other side of the table.

  “No, not at all,” he smiled tightly. “Julia and I were just talking.”

  “Oh? Did I interrupt a therapy session? And, at the Four Seasons, no less.” Sarcasm dripped off of each word.

  Julia shot me a look that said I was pushing a boundary. Thankfully, Aaron and Jenna walked up to the table.

  “Julia, fancy finding you here,” Aaron said jovially. She shifted in her seat uncomfortably.

  “Hi, Julia. It’s nice to see you. Dr. Moore,” Jenna said politely as she took the seat between the two other men. “Have you already ordered?”

  Julia leaned toward me when the waiter brought us menus. “I thought you wouldn’t be home until late.”

  “Uh huh. I guess ten is late when you start at five fucking AM,” I said shortly under my breath, so only she could hear me. She stiffened and moved back to her original position. I instantly regretted the words that made her withdraw.

  Shit.

  The meaningless conversation continued until we ordered and then I sat back and glared at Moore. It made Julia uncomfortable, but I could barely contain myself from flying across the table and strangling the little bastard. I knew what he was up to, even if Julia was oblivious.

  Right on cue, Jenna went into action.

  “Julia, will you come with me to the bathroom? My zipper is broken and I need your help to pin up the back.” The corners of my mouth lifted as Julia nodded and they both rose from the table.

  “Oh, of course. Please excuse us,” Julia said as they left and we all stood with them as they moved away. My eyes took in the rest of her dress, how it hugged her perfect curves and left her long legs visible from six inches above the knee, to the stiletto heels that I loved on her.

  Normally I’d be completely aroused, but I was livid that she would dress that way for another man.

  “Well, well, well,” Aaron began and started to rub his hands together as we took our seats. “This should be fun. I haven’t seen my little bro’ this worked-up in years.” I held up a hand to silently ask him to let me speak.

  “What do you think you’re doing, Dr. Moore? This is seriously close to crossing the line of professional ethics,” I said coldly.

  He shifted in his seat, smoothing down the front of his shirt with his left hand. “Julia is no longer my patient. We’re friends, so it’s nothing of the sort,” he replied, his tone flat. My chest tightened. “Ryan, this is evidence of how Julia has changed. Surely, she would have told you if you were as close as you believe?”

  I was getting more and more furious with every syllable he uttered. “You know nothing of our relationship or the feelings between us. She’s mine and you’d do well to remember it. If you think I’d let some little prick move in on her, then, you’re seriously mistaken. I’ll tell her everything, even at the risk of hurting her, before I’ll lose her.”

  Aaron sat back, glancing between the two of us, rubbing his jaw and sporting a silly grin.

  “That will accomplish exactly what you fear. Julia may feel differently now. She tells me you two are friends. You may have to accept that’s all she wants now.”

  “Hmmph.” I snorted. “Not fucking likely. She doesn’t tell you everything. I should never have listened to you.”

  He shrugged. “Clearly, she is not telling you everything either, Ryan. The fact remains that she isn’t ready to remember the miscarriage. It’s not in her best interest to tell her or to consummate your relationship, which could be the catalyst. I’ve come to care for her as I know you do. I’m simply trying to offer her friendship and guidance.”

  “By bringing her to a hotel? You’re crazy if you think I don’t know what you’re up to. I ought to beat the shit out of you right here and now. You’ll never touch her while I have a breath left to prevent it,” I growled. I wanted to kill the bastard. My breathing increased and my heart felt like it would fly from my chest. “Never doubt that our relationship has been consummated a thousand times over. She knows she belongs with me even if she doesn’t remember. She lost my child. Mine.” My throat thickened and my vision blurred.

  “Calm down, Ryan. You’re overreacting. I understand that your emotions are out of control, but you’re completely misreading my intentions. This is a nice place, and she deserves an evening out. From what Julia tells me, the only thing she knows is that you’re never around and are pushing her away. She’s confused by the mixed signals. She needs to spend time with someone more…emotionally available.”

  “You bastard,” I spat at him. “Julia is aware of my obligations right now. You know nothing of her needs.” I was ready to tell him that I knew her better than anyone else, but the girls came back to the table. Julia looked at my face and her brow dropped in concern. She swallowed and then glanced over at Moore. Rage filled me that she would give a Goddamn what his reaction was.

  The waiter brought our salads and I ordered a bottle of white wine that I knew was one of Julia’s favorites. Jenna struggled to carry the conversation and Julia and Moore made small talk, but overall, I spent the meal brooding. Suddenly my ravenous appetite was non-existent.

  I drank three glasses of wine, but didn’t eat more than five bites.

  “Ryan, I thought you were starving,” Julia leaned into me and her perfume became more pronounced. I’d given her that perfume for her birthday the year we met and she’d worn it ever since. My eyes glanced over the translucent skin of her shoulders, her bare arms and then to the creamy curve of her breasts visible over the top of the dress.

  “I’ve lost my appetite,” I said shortly. “You look…amazing.”

  She smiled softly. The compliment pleased her very much. “Thank you.”

  “You know how gorgeous you are and don’t think that looking beautiful will keep me from being pissed off.”

  “Why are you upset?” She grinned and then bit her lip in an attempt not to laugh. Her eyes were sparkling in the candlelight and my heart stood still.

  “Stop baiting me, Julia. What in the hell are you doing here with him?
”

  She started to respond, but the waiter came by to remove our plates. I used my hand to motion him to me, “Do you have a piece of paper and a pen, please?” Moore’s eyes landed on me many times during the meal and then his gaze always settled back on Julia. I decided to show him that she did remember on many levels and she belonged to me by her own free will.

  I wrote down the title that had become our song ever since the Christmas Eve night in Estes Park, Colorado when I gave her the bracelet four years ago; ever since the first time we made love to it. God, would she remember the lyrics, would she remember the reason her wrist felt empty? I handed over the note and asked him in quiet tones to give it to the band.

  “What are you doing?” Julia questioned.

  “Nothing,” I said. I knew she felt like I dismissed her, but I wanted her true reaction when the song began.

  “Well, should we call it a night?” Moore asked stiffly. “Julia, I can take you home.”

  I chuckled menacingly. “I don’t think so. She lives with me, so obviously she’ll leave with me. Don’t strain yourself.” The wine relaxed me to a degree, but I was still on edge. Julia’s tight expression said the confrontation was getting to her, but I needed to remain where we were until the song played. “Besides, I’m enjoying the music and I’m sure Julia would like to stay out for awhile, wouldn’t you, babe?”

  Her eyes lit up and she nodded.

  “Sure. Spence…wanna stay?” she asked.

  I hoped he would. If he left, he wouldn’t get to witness what I knew was about to happen.

  “Hell, let’s all stay!” I flashed a smile that didn’t reach my eyes.

  “Oh boy,” Aaron muttered.

  “No shit,” Jen added. “This oughta be good.”

  “Okay, I’ll stay,” Spence replied.

  I helped Julia with her chair and placed a hand on the back of her waist. We found a new table closer to the dance floor. I needed some liquid courage, so I went to the bar and ordered a round of Julia’s favorite shots.

  I set the lemon drops down in front of everyone, lifted my glass and waited for Julia to pick hers up.

  “Do I like these?” she asked with a soft laugh.

  “Yeah. Ellie hates them, though.” We both downed the drinks and she wrinkled her nose a little.

  “I wasn’t expecting it to be so sour, but it’s good.”

  The music was soft and when Moore got up and moved to Julia, I tensed. He really was living on the edge. My jaw clenched as he held his hand out to her. All I could think about was that his hands were about to be on Julia’s body.

  “Julia, shall we dance?”

  “Uh…” She bit her lip. I could feel her gaze but I didn’t meet her eyes. “Okay.”

  I watched him lead her to the dance floor, sighing deeply.

  “Ryan, it’s just a damn dance,” Jenna cautioned.

  “I know,” I nodded, my eyes still on Julia. “But, he wants her.”

  “She’s a beautiful woman. Men are going to want her, and…women want you, too. Just look at those two at the bar. They’re eye-fucking you right now.” I hadn’t even noticed. “Maybe you should ask one of them to dance. Give her a taste of what she’s dishing out,” she suggested.

  “Jen, this isn’t a damned game,” Aaron shot at her. Apparently, our little altercation in the gym had clarified his thinking.

  “Yeah, that would only confuse things more,” I agreed, never taking my eyes off the couple on the dance floor. He held her hand in his, while the other rested lightly on her waist. Anything more and I’d be out of my chair in a flash. “Anyway, I’m not interested.”

  Aaron got up. “Okay, well, we’ll keep an eye on him, then.” He took Jenna to dance, leaving me alone at the table. I reached for Jen’s half-full glass, downing the rest of it in a quick gulp. I ordered another round as the song ended and everyone came back to the table. Julia sat down and I pulled her chair closer to mine.

  “Did you have a good time?”

  “It was fine,” she said shortly. Moore took the chair on her left so she was effectively sandwiched between us, but the table was round so he and I were almost facing each other.

  “Mmmm…” I answered as I threw some money at the waitress who brought the drinks.

  “Cheers, Spencer.” I lifted my glass and waited for him to lift his. His name felt like acid on my tongue.

  “Thank you, Ryan.”

  “No problem.” We both drank at the same time.

  “Is it your intention to get drunk?” Julia asked, irritation lacing each word.

  “No. It’s my intention to get numb so watching some bastard put his hands all over you won’t bother me so much.” We stared at each other unflinchingly, our eyes locked together. The skin of her cheeks flushed until finally she broke away and joined in the others’ conversation.

  As the strains of our song began, I sat back and waited as the lyrics began. The acoustic guitar and bongo drums filled the room in the slow, sultry strains.

  Her eyes snapped up to mine, desire rising up within me like a tangible thing, my body reacting at the intensity as her lips parted and her hand reached for mine.

  It spurred me to action. My fingers closed around hers and I rose from the chair, slowly pulling her up with me, my eyes never leaving hers.

  We didn’t speak, just held hands as we moved onto the dance floor. I took her in my arms, pulling her close and turning my face into her hair. My hands pressed her to me, the swell of her breasts pressed against my chest. Her hands slid under my jacket to fist in the back of my shirt. I felt like if I didn’t kiss her, I would die right there. My eyes dropped to her mouth and she lifted her face in silent permission as her eyes slowly closed.

  I let it happen. I wanted it. Needed it like I needed air to breathe. Our bodies swayed together as our mouths fed on each other over and over again. The words to the song communicating what I needed her to know…as my mouth went back for more. Kiss after kiss, we couldn’t get enough, our lips ghosting and finally tasting, sucking on each other like we were starving.

  I pressed my hardness into the softness of her stomach because I couldn’t help myself and she moaned into my mouth. “Ung…” I slid a hand up to the back of her head and into her hair, our mouths slanting across each other so we could get closer, our tongues sliding into each other’s mouths like they had a million times before. So familiar. So absolutely delicious.

  “Julia…” I dragged my mouth across her jaw and up to her temple as the music ended. It was so hot between us that I was sure everyone in the room must be burning, but all I could do was rest my forehead on hers and look deeply into her eyes. My fingers brushed her cheek as I pulled back slightly. “God, babe…”

  “Mmmm, huh.”

  “Let’s get out of here,” I whispered as my mouth hovered over hers. She nodded very slightly and the movement succeeded in pressing her lips back to mine.

  I placed one more soft kiss on her open mouth, before releasing her, then lacing my fingers through hers to lead her back to the table. I paused briefly to speak to the others as Julia picked up her clutch from the tabletop. Aaron and Jen were smiling. I didn’t need to ask Julia if she was okay with leaving, I could feel it in the way she was clinging to my hand, her other hand curled around my bicep.

  “We’re leaving. See you guys at home.” I glanced down at Moore, who looked embarrassed and contrite. I smirked almost against my will. “Goodnight.”

  “Bye,” Julia said as we started to move away, my hand still threaded through hers possessively.

  I led her outside and asked the valet to get us a cab. The breeze had come up and she shivered. I handed the attendant a ten dollar bill and then shrugged out of my suit jacket and placed it around her shoulders; then wrapped my arm around her.

  She didn’t speak but melted into me, resting her head on my shoulder after we climbed into the cab.

  I inhaled deeply. This was my baby in my arms. Finally in my arms; like before. She turned her fa
ce into my neck and I tightened my hold.

  “I know that song,” she whispered.

  “I knew you recognized it when you grabbed my hand under the table. The look in your eyes spoke volumes.”

  “It makes me feel…” she stopped and I waited anxiously. “Like I need to be closer to you.”

  “Me, too. Those kisses were amazing, baby,” I whispered against her hair. Her hand tightened on my arm and she nodded.

  When the cab driver pulled up outside the apartment, I reluctantly let her go to pay him. I offered her my hand and she took it, stepping out beside me.

  Once we were inside, I slid the jacket from her shoulders and placed it over the back of a chair in the kitchen. She walked into the living room and sat on the couch in the dark.

  I wasn’t sure what she remembered or what she was feeling, but I wanted to be close to her. I sat next to her, slowly reaching for her hand again. “Julia…do you want to talk?” My body was aching and all I wanted was to press her back into the cushions and kiss her again and again.

  “I don’t know.” Her eyes searched my face in the darkness. “I’m afraid if we talk about what just happened back there…it will disappear.”

  “No, it won’t, babe,” I barely got the words out.

  She reached out and took the hand I offered. My thumb rubbed over the top of it again and again. I was certain, if I tried to speak, my voice would betray my emotions. Maybe I’d scared her and maybe she needed some space, but the silence was like a huge fucking exclamation point on the make-out session on the dance floor.

  I craved her body and her mouth. I wanted to feel her hands on my body, to sink into her softness, to lose myself in our incredible love…yet, we just sat in the darkness. I didn’t know what to say to make things right. The air vibrated around us in silent anticipation, but neither one of us moved.

  I couldn’t take it. I had to get away because if I didn’t, I was going to make love to her right here on the couch. My body was throbbing, my heart aching, both to the point of physical pain. “Julia, honey, I think I need to…uh, be alone for a little while.”