by Kahlen Aymes
“This isn’t possible, Ryan. Oh, God…”
I rolled to my side and slid out of her body, pulling her until she was nestled on my chest, head under my chin as my arms tightened around her. “It’s possible, Julia. I swear.” Emotions welled and I felt my throat tighten. “You own me so bad,” I said, expelling a shaky breath.
Her arm that was across my middle tightened and she lifted her head to kiss my chest, her mouth hovering and then opening to press hot, sucking kisses. “What did you want to talk about?” Her features were soft, satiated…full of love as her chin rested on one of her hands. My hands threaded through her hair as I stroked it down and over her back.
“Well, I’m wondering if I’m being selfish asking you to forgo a big wedding.” She started to speak, but I placed a finger to her lips. “If we get married now, we won’t get a honeymoon and I want to give you all of that.” I searched her face, looking for her true feelings as I continued to stroke her hair.
“Weren’t you listening? You are all I want,” she said softly. When I didn’t respond she continued. “Ryan…could any honeymoon be better than this? Every moment we’re together is perfect and I just want more of these moments. I want to get married as planned. I’ve already told everyone and they’re so happy. Harris’s band is coming to play for us. Ellie is already working with designers on the dresses. I just wonder if we should run off to the courthouse and not bother with the dress. Is it silly when there will be so few people with us?”
“No. If you’re not doing the dress, then I won’t do the wedding like this. I told you, Julia. I need that. Please.”
Her eyes glossed over and her arms wound around me, two hot tears fell on my skin as she lay on my chest. “How are you so perfect?”
I smiled into the darkness. There was a small stream of moonlight shining in through the window and casting a soft blue glow across her bare skin. I was distracted by the slope of her breasts and the curve and swell of her waist and hips.
“Mmmm.” My hand ran down her body to rest on her hip. “I don’t want the courthouse. Maybe we could get a ballroom at the Four Seasons, get married and have a small reception all in the same space. I’m thinking around 75 people. What do you think?”
“I think it sounds wonderful.”
“Good. Because our moms are already working on it with Ellie and Jen.”
Her head snapped back and her eyes widened. “Is this a conspiracy?” She climbed up to straddle my lap. Julia clutched the sheet around her, holding it together at her breasts and I shifted beneath her until I was sitting up against the headboard.
I tugged on the sheet until she let it fall, revealing the glorious treasures underneath. “Yes,” I whispered. “I conspire to make love to you, everyday for the rest of my life.” I leaned up and slid my arms around her back and hips, pulling her closer as I rained kisses over her chest and over her shoulders. Finally, our mouths married in another series of soft, yet passionate kisses.
My hands lightly traced the soft curves, roaming over the side swells of her breasts, thumbs circling both nipples over and over. Her eyes glistened, almost glowing in the darkness and her hips surged into mine. I could feel her heat against my hardness. I wanted it.
I let the back of one of my hands brush over her taut stomach, the place where my child used to be and I swallowed the pain, knowing that, more than anything, I wanted to see her swell with the evidence of our incredible love. I drew in a breath and kissed along her chin and spoke against her skin.
“Julia…have you thought about…children.” My heart stopped as I waited for her answer, continuing to kiss her softly. Would this make her remember? She needed the opportunity to remember before we were married, in case she was angry and didn’t want to be with me. I waited without speaking as she drew in a breath.
“Of course, I’ve thought about it.” Her hand went up to my face, her fingers feathering across my chin and jaw. I watched her reaction carefully, but I didn’t find any recognition. “I love you…so, yes, I want your children. If…you do. I think you’ll be just an amazing father. You’re so full of love.” Her voice trembled on the words and my heart exploded inside my chest.
I sat up suddenly and gathered her close, burying my face in her hair. “Oh, sweetheart. Of course I do. Nothing in the world could make me happier. I want to give you everything. I love you so much.”
Once again…she left me breathless.
Julia~
Ryan pushed the food around his plate without eating. His beautiful brow was furrowed and his mouth set. I knew what was bothering him. I was going back to New York for the final two weeks before his graduation, to get back to work and give him the space he needed to concentrate on finals. I took a deep breath. Ryan heard me, his bright eyes flashing angrily.
“What?” he asked sharply.
I reached forward so that I could take his big hand in mine. “Babe…it’s only two weeks and…” I began, but he interrupted me.
“Yes, I know,” he retorted shortly. “I was there when we discussed it. Remember?”
Moody ass was rearing his ugly head. I bit my lip to hide a smile. It made my heart fill that he was upset that I was leaving, but at the same time, I was concerned how it would affect him. He’d already been through so much.
“Ryan,” I said quietly, urging him to look at me once again. He sucked in a ragged breath.
“Look, I need to get to the hospital.” He was already dressed in scrubs and ready to leave. Jenna was taking me to the train station later that morning. This would be the last time we’d see each other until I came back for the graduation and the wedding. The wedding. It was really happening.
I got up and lifted the arm he had resting on the table so I could climb on his lap. He stiffened and turned his head away as I wrapped one arm around his shoulders and pressed my forehead to his cheek. He smelled so wonderful, the scent of his cologne so heady. I pushed my fingers up his chest, around his neck and into the thick hair at his nape. I gave it a little tug and drew back to look into his eyes.
“I am well aware of your objections, but this is the absolute last time we’ll be separated. I need to get back to work so when you’re there, I can concentrate more on us. This is a new beginning.”
“I like our old one,” Ryan snapped sourly. His lower lip jutted out like a petulant child. I tugged on his hair again. Usually that brought a reaction but, when he still didn’t move, I bent my face closer. My breath fanned out over his face and his eyes finally moved to mine before closing slowly.
I smiled and pulled that lower lip between both of mine and sucked lightly. I could feel him softening, as my mouth coaxed his to come out and play. “Come on. You know you can’t resist,” I teased. Finally one arm slid across my thighs and the other moved up my back as he turned into the kiss, finally opening his mouth hungrily over mine.
Truthfully, I was torn as well. I did need to get back to work, but I didn’t want to leave him. I didn’t want to miss the last times I’d find him hunched over his computer studying, when I could rub his shoulders and bring him coffee or food. It was a big chapter that was closing and even though the future was bright, my heart couldn’t help but feel a little loss. I’d been remembering more of the past, but there were still a lot of holes. Like the time just before the accident. I still struggled with it, but was trying to concentrate on the present. Now that Ryan was with me, my life was pretty much perfect.
He threaded his hands through my hair as his mouth lifted breathlessly from mine and he groaned in protest. “Ugh…I’ll miss you. I don’t want you to go.”
“You know I need to go.” His arms tightened and pulled me into a tight hug, as he buried his face in my neck and shook his head.
“All I know is that I need you with me.” When he pulled away, his features had softened and he looked deeply into my eyes. His fingers traced my cheekbone, jaw, and temple in soft butterfly touches.
“I will be, soon. We’re getting married, remember?” He smiled; despite himsel
f and he was so gorgeous. “I have to get the dress fitted. Doctor’s orders. He won’t marry me without it, remember?” Many different emotions flooded his features and I wanted to comfort him. “Just don’t let Lola chase you too much in a last ditch effort to land you before you’re off the market,” I challenged, crooking an eyebrow and grinning. “You didn’t invite her to the wedding did you?”
He burst out laughing. “Hell, no! She’s one of the things I will not miss about Boston.”
“Mmmm,” I murmured. It was only 6:30 am and Ryan had to be at the hospital in half an hour. “Does Aaron work today?” I asked.
“Yeah. Later I think.”
My mind raced with an idea. “Ryan…Jen wants to get married soon, too. Should we invite them to have a double wedding with us?”
Ryan’s eyes narrowed slightly. He hesitated only briefly. “No.”
I was surprised at the shortness of his reply. “Why? Your parents will be with us already and Aaron and Jen do everything with us. Ellie and Harris will be here. They could stand up with us. It just seems logical.”
“They don’t do everything with us. Not this.”
“But…”
“I said no,” he said adamantly and shook his head once. “I don’t want to share this. It belongs to us, Julia. For one damn day the world is going to revolve around you and me. Please.”
My heart tightened at his tender words. I nodded. “Okay.” I placed a soft kiss on his mouth. “Like the world doesn’t revolve around you every damn day,” I teased.
The lopsided grin I adored split out on his face. “If that were entirely true, you’d keep your sexy ass in Boston until we could go to New York together.”
I was silent in his arms, both of us stroking the other. My arms around his shoulders allowed for my hand to thread through his hair and Ryan had one arm around my waist and the other rubbing the top of my thigh.
“Julia, it’s just…I’ve shared you with your job, with distance, with time…I’m so done. I won’t give anything else up.”
Thud. My heart stopped in my chest. The words that fell from his lips never ceased to amaze me.
“I love you so much,” I whispered against his mouth as his lips brushed over mine in another series of kisses. “Only two more weeks and forever starts.”
“Oh, honey, it started eight years ago in Psych 101.”
Chapter 12
Julia~
This past week was a whirlwind. Andrea was happy to have me back, although I was unsure what our roles would be. She’d been doing my job quite well for the past four months. I glanced at her from where I was sitting behind my desk. She was efficiently continuing on with details for the August issue and my heart dropped; glad to be back, yet seeing how smooth the machine was running. I wondered if Ryan had been right and I should have stayed in Boston until the wedding.
Thinking about it filled me with excitement, yet I was calm. I couldn’t reconcile it. Elyse and my mother were arranging everything via internet and phone with Jenna acting as the liaison in Boston, while Ellie wrangled the dress designers in L.A. While some brides might want to be more involved, I was grateful for the help. We decided on shades of a silvery moss green for Ellie and Jenna; Ellie’s a lighter hue and then a silvery white for my dress. My dress I hadn’t seen, but described to Ellie and I trusted her to make it happen. She had access to some of the top designers in the world and it would be made to order. Extremely expensive, but she insisted it was her wedding gift. I felt a surge of melancholy at her tangible absence in my day-to-day life.
I spoke briefly with Ryan every night by phone. He was finishing finals, and the last week before graduation would be spent packing up his apartment. I was filled with pride at all he’d accomplished,
Gabriel and Elyse, along with Jenna’s parents had already arrived. Somehow, the wedding guest list had swelled to around one hundred people and it was all falling into place. Mike Turner called from Los Angeles and offered to fly in for the wedding photos. I was truly touched by the gesture.
The pages before me blurred as I struggled to write the vows that I would say to Ryan next Saturday evening. My throat ached as I poured over how to put into words exactly what he meant to me. Impossible.
When we talked about it the night before, he’d been so tender, and I missed him immensely. There were no doubts, not one, that marrying Ryan was the only choice. He wasn’t really perfect in the true sense of the word…everyone has flaws, but he was perfect to me. Incredibly so.
My eyes finally overflowed as I pulled myself back toward the headboard and rolled to my side, bringing the notebook with me, to rest on the pillow next to mine. Ryan’s pillow. My hand ran over it lightly. Surely, my heart would explode as I gazed at the wall to where his poem hung next to one of my portraits of him. As if he could read my mind, my phone rang as it rested on the comforter next to me. I answered and pressed it to my ear.
“Hello?” I murmured softly.
“Hey, how’s my beautiful girl?”
“Missing you. Bad.”
“Oh, babe. Me, too. I can’t stand it.”
I closed my eyes, picturing him sitting in the near darkness on the bed with his legs stretched out in front of him.
“Are your parents there yet?”
“Yeah. They got in around four o’clock and are so excited to see you.”
“I can’t wait to see them, too. Elyse said she may take the train down on Wednesday and ride back with Ellie and me on Thursday morning. It would be really nice to spend extra time getting to know her again.” I wiped at my leaky eyes with a tissue. My emotions were fragile. “I really miss you. How did we manage this before?”
“It’s harder this time, even for me.” The ache in his voice echoed mine. “Julia… Are you crying? You’re not having second thoughts, are you?”
“Oh, Ryan. No.” My heart stopped at the thought. “I’m working on my vows. It overwhelms me a little.”
“Yes. I wasn’t sure how to put it all in thirty seconds worth of words.”
I loved that velvet voice as he spoke my thoughts aloud. I never heard quite that tone when he spoke to anyone else. It was one he used on the phone when he missed me, or when he made such sweet, tender love to me. The rustling in the background told me he was rolling over as he let out a deep sigh. “Nothing can do it justice anyway. I can’t find the words to tell you.”
I smiled despite the tears. “Should we write them together?”
“Honey…I’m tempted, but no. Is that okay? I want you to hear them for the first time during the ceremony. Am I a sap?”
“I still don’t understand where you came from. Too wonderful to be real.”
“I can’t wait to see you in your dress. I’ve been dreaming of it forever. There is nothing in the world I want more than to marry you, my love.”
The tears rolled unabashed down my face, the emotion so overwhelming it threatened to choke off my breath. I couldn’t speak.
“Julia?”
“Y…yes. I’m here.”
“Baby, are you okay? I wish I was touching you right now.”
“I’m okay. I’m fine, just anxious.” I cleared my throat and sat up, hoping I could stop crying, wiping at my tears with my free hand. “How does it feel to be finished with school, Dr. Matthews?”
He chuckled softly. “Great, actually, but I still have to take my boards and graduate before I’m official, sweet.”
“Mmmm…Well, lots of things are becoming official these days.”
“Yes. How is work? Is Meredith being easy on you?”
“I’m energized to be back at it; but Andrea is so efficient, I’m wondering if they really need me.” I couldn’t hide my disappointment.
“You’ll be back into it soon enough, but I don’t want you overdoing it.”
“Please. I’m perfectly fine. Stop being so overprotective.”
“You love that about me.” The laughter in his voice was unmistakable.
“One of many things.” I
giggled into the phone. “Ryan, Mike offered to take the pictures and I thought it was very sweet of him. What do you think about that?”
His laughter died and the silence was deafening. “Ryan?”
“Uh…I guess. If that’s what you want.”
“He’s very good and, he’d be able to get the prints turned around quickly. He said he’d fly here on Friday to get some shots of me in the dress. It’s by some famous designer that Ellie lined up and an original, so we may be using the photos in the mag at some point. Please?”
“No naked pictures in sheets, unless I’m naked with you, understand?” he teased.
I laughed again. “Hey…you love that picture, so stop complaining already.”
“I do love it. I’m looking at it right now.”
Thud.
“What about the lingerie? Do you want…?”
“Uh…” he began hesitantly.
“Just for you, not the mag.”
“Was that Turner’s idea?” he said rather shortly.
“Never mind. It was a stupid idea. I just remembered how happy you were before and I thought…it would make a nice wedding present.”
“You remembered it all?” His voice was full of questions.
“That Christmas. Every beautiful detail.”
“Okay. I would like the pictures, if I’m honest. But, if he touches you, I’ll beat the shit out of him, so tell him going in.”
I smirked. “Don’t worry. Ellie will be there. She’s coming in tomorrow.”
“Aaron and Tanner are arranging this big bachelor party and Jen wants a girl’s night out with anyone who’s in town, including our moms. Will you be up for that?”
“I don’t know. I won’t be there until early Thursday. There’s so much to do, so maybe, but I’ll have to play it by ear. Harris will be there with his band, so please include them, okay?”
“I’m not a schmuck, babe. I talked to him already.”
“Okay, I should have known.”
“Julia…In one week, we’ll be married by this time.” His excitement made my heart do flip-flops. I actually had goose bumps wash over my arms.
