by Kahlen Aymes
“I know. It’s a dream.”
“I love that you think so, too. I miss you.”
“Miss you more. Sweetie, I want to keep talking, but I need to finish the vows. They have to be as perfect as the man I’m writing them for, right?”
“Are you gonna start crying again?”
“Probably, yeah.”
“Mmmm. I’m sure I’ll cry like a baby when I hear them, too.”
“You think?”
“I’m sure they’ll be…aamaaazing. More than I could hope for.”
I sighed into the phone. “Ryan, when you say things like that I just…miss you so much.”
“Well, if you’d have done as your man asked, I’d be making love to you right now. I’m not letting you out of my sight after this. Ever.”
“Promise?”
“Mmmm, yes. You know the next time I make love to you, you’ll be my wife.”
My heart thumped loudly as tears overflowed.
“My wife,” he whispered again. “Always mine. You didn’t forget to remember me, did you?”
My breath hitched on his words. “Never. I’m glad you wouldn’t agree to the double wedding. You were right. My focus is totally on you. Even if we were the only two there, it couldn’t mean more to me.”
“Julia. No one else will exist in that moment. I love you like crazy.”
“I know,” I said, smiling softly. Whether I was worthy or not, I knew that he loved me and I was ready for a lifetime more to come. “Just us.”
“Ellie!” I squealed when she finally arrived. “Oh, my God! What did you bring?” I asked after we hugged tightly. Her eyes danced as she flitted inside and instructed the cab driver to deposit her bags in the middle of my living room, with three huge white boxes.
She handed him a fifty and then turned toward me. “Well? I had to give you choices, but I’m pretty positive which one you’ll choose. Ryan is dead, I’m telling you! You’ll kill him when he sees you.” We were giddy and giggling, hugging and jumping up and down. “Finally, the boy is going to make an honest woman of you.”
When we drew back, we were both crying. She wiped an errant tear away quickly and rushed toward the boxes and began opening them. She proceeded to pull one after another of the white dress bags out and hang them up in my closet, bringing them one by one into my bedroom and carefully opened them. I felt like a kid at Christmas, grateful to have such a good friend.
“Ellie…thank you.” I grabbed her hand and stopped her in the middle of her task. She looked up with a tremulous smile.
“Julia, give me a break. Of course, there’s nowhere I’d rather be. I love you.”
“I love you, too. Everyone is so…I just…I mean,” I stumbled around the words as I sank down on the bed, her fingers parting the wrappings on the first dress, revealing a soft, shimmery white silk. “I’m so blessed. All of you are so amazing. Ryan and I are so thankful.”
“I need a drink! All this blubbering will do me in. Do you have a bottle of wine?”
I nodded and wiped my eyes, trying to laugh. “Yes. I’ll get it.”
“No red, Julia, okay? We don’t need any accidents.”
“Sure. White it is. I’ll be right back.” I jumped up and ran into the other room, gathering two glasses, a corkscrew and a bottle of Pinot Grigio from the refrigerator.
The first dress was completely unwrapped when I walked back to the bedroom. Very simple and elegant with very little embellishment, the dress relied completely on the lines and fabric for effect. It was a big dress with a full ball gown skirt.
“So? Do you want to try it on?” I nodded and Ellie proceeded to produce a bevy of foundation lingerie and she quickly had me suited up. The fabric was a fine raw silk, with a deep v-neckline and a large array of handmade silk roses at the left side of the waist. The layers of petticoats were heavy and too much for my small frame.
Ellie was shaking her head as she read my mind. “Nope. Too much dress for you, Jules.”
My hands smoothed over the delicate fabric, feeling its richness. I nodded in slight regret. “Yes. But, it’s so beautiful.”
The next one was a trumpet style that hugged my curves all the way down before flaring out at the knees. I didn’t like the way I looked in it. “I feel fat. I’m sorry, Ellie. All this shirring…I guess.”
She deftly undid the buttons and the zipper. “No worries, but you’re far from fat, Julia.” A bright smile split her face, her grey eyes lit up as she brought out the last dress for me to see.
My mouth fell open as the wrappings fell away.
“Oh…Ellie!” I said softly, my hand reaching out to touch the delicate sequined lace, my heart thumping so loudly that Ellie must’ve heard.
“Exactly,” she said smugly. “I knew it. This is it and you haven’t even tried it on yet. Like I said, Ryan’s a goner.”
The week passed and we were finally on our way back to Boston. My parents were flying in the same day. Harris and his bandmates had trekked across the country in the new bus their record company had provided and were set to play at our reception. Elyse had helped Jenna finalize the details for the ceremony and Ryan and Gabe picked out the tuxedos. Ellie cranked up the stereo and we sang at the top or our lungs during the drive. We had an absolute blast, just like old times.
I didn’t bring much with me, save the chosen dress and veil, some lingerie for the wedding night and three changes of clothes for the rehearsal, graduation and traveling back to New York.
When we pulled into Ryan and Aaron’s neighborhood, anxiousness overwhelmed me. The culmination of the last eight years; the friendship, the love…the pain suffered through separation and all Ryan had gone through during my recovery made my heart squeeze inside my chest. My parents came rushing out of the front door to enfold me in their arms. My mother was crying and my dad lifted me off my feet and twirled me around.
“Oh, I missed you guys! I’m so glad to see you!” I gasped, glancing over Dad’s shoulder to see Ryan leaning up against the porch railing, watching intently, a big smile on his face. “Just a second!” I kissed them both and then bolted toward Ryan who started moving toward me the minute I left my father’s arms.
“Oh, baby.” His strong arms enfolded me as I jumped into his arms, my legs wrapping around his waist. “I missed you every second. Only 53 more hours, Julia,” he said so softly, only I could hear, the spicy scent of his soap mingled with the smell of his skin. His blue eyes were brilliant and shining with happiness. He was gorgeous!
“Get your mouth on mine, this instant,” I said happily. He laughed and then complied with relish, his mouth closing over mine in a deep, open-mouthed kiss. I moaned into his mouth.
“Mmmm…You taste so good.” His arms tightened around me and his hand pressed into the back of my head as I felt his lips on my temple and closed my eyes. “I love you.”
Aaron emerged behind us, groaning in exaggeration. “Will you look at what I’ve had to put up with? Sickening,” he laughed. The others joined in as he went toward my car and gathered Ellie up in a big bear hug. “Little bit! You’re here!”
She laughed loudly. “Aaron! Where’s Jen?”
“Working. She’s got the rest of the weekend off, and is very anxious to see you. Where’s Harris?”
“Getting in later this evening. He won’t miss the bachelor party, I promise!!” Ellie said.
The rest of the afternoon went by in a blur and soon it was time for the boys to leave. Elyse and Gabriel arrived an hour before and the girls decided to go get manicures and pedicures early the next morning in lieu of going out. It was so long since we’d all been together, and I just wanted to talk to them. Meredith and Andrea were coming into town tomorrow and Mike was taking my portraits before the rehearsal. The next day was the wedding and Ryan and Aaron’s Harvard graduation on Sunday afternoon.
We sat around and gabbed about the men, laughed, and got a little tipsy on champagne cocktails. Ellie and Jen fell asleep in Aaron’s bedroom as I sat quietly with Mo
m and Elyse for a few minutes, talking about the wedding and graduation, the past, and the beautiful man that would become my husband. My thoughts must have been reflected on my face, because Elyse reached out and took my hand. I was lying on the couch and she was in the chair next to it. I glanced at her through teary eyes. “Thank you, Elyse. Truly. Ryan is so amazing, and it’s due to you and Gabriel. You’re all so remarkable. I’m so lucky to join your family.”
She got up and knelt in front of me, our arms wrapped around each other and we both cried. Mom wiped away a tear and looked away for a second. “We think you’re pretty amazing yourself. You make Ryan so happy.”
“I think now is the time, don’t you?” Mom asked Elyse, coming over to place one hand on her shoulder and another on the back of my head.
Elyse pulled back and I looked up into two pair of tear-filled eyes. “Yes.” She smiled softly and nodded.
“I do, too.” My mother sat next to me, and Elyse went to her purse on the table, returning with a white handkerchief in her hand.
“Julia, we’ve got some business to discuss,” she said matter-of-factly. “Gabriel and I love you and Ryan is our pride and joy. I wore these at my wedding when Gabriel’s mother gave them to me. They were hers, and we want you to have them. They are something old, but not borrowed.” She carefully opened the handkerchief and lying inside were a dozen or so hairpins, each with a sparkling diamond on the end. “I wore them scattered in my hair under my veil. I’d love it if you’d do the same. I told Ryan that I’d give them to the girl he chose to marry, and here we are.” She laughed lightly as she placed them in my hands.
“They’re just stunning,” I said in awe as I looked at them. I was speechless at the unselfish gesture. Each one must have been at least a carat, totally priceless, mounted in the white gold pins.
“Ryan called the day he met you, Julia. I could tell by the tone in his voice that these would be yours one day. I love you as if you were my own daughter, and as a mother, I couldn’t ask for anyone better for my son.”
I was crying like a baby, and both of the other women were, too. “He…touches me, in ways that no one else ever could. I love him more than anything in the world.”
She nodded. “I know. I trust that, Julia.”
My mother wrapped her arm around my shoulders and I leaned my head into the curve of her neck and rested my head against hers. “My baby.”
“Mom.” I choked out.
“You’ll always be my baby. I wouldn’t trust anyone but Ryan with you.”
Elyse took a tissue and wiped at her eyes. “What a bunch we are.”
“Do you have something blue and borrowed?” Mom asked gently. “The dress is new, so…”
“Um…Ellie gave me the gloves that go with the dress and they’re embroidered with our names and wedding date on the inside of the cuffs. The embroidery is pale blue. Does that count?”
“Yes. Now, what about something borrowed?”
“Mom, you know I don’t believe in all this superstitious stuff.”
“Humor me. I have a handkerchief that I was going to carry, but I’ll give it to you to use.”
“Okay, if you want it back full of snot. I expect to be a huge mess!” We all three burst out laughing, just as the door opened and Ryan entered looking very handsome in black jeans and a white button down, sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He set his keys on the table in the hall and walked in slowly. I looked at the clock.
“Hey. You’re back early. Where are the guys?” He looked good enough to eat, his hair a little longer than usual and tousled, like he’d run his hands through it a hundred times.
“Hmmph.” He let his breath out and came to stand in front of us. “Enjoying my bachelor party. I wanted to be here. But…I don’t want to interrupt.” He glanced at our mothers and then down into my eyes. He seemed pensive, his brilliant mind racing. The blue eyes were intent and did not move from my face.
Elyse and Mom understood and both rose at the same time. “When your father comes back with Paul and the boys, let him know that Marin and I went on to the hotel.” She hugged Ryan as my mother hugged me.
“Thank you, both. Tonight was wonderful. I love you.”
“Oh, Julia. My pleasure,” Elyse touched my face and then started toward the door.
“Julia, what time tomorrow? Ten?” My mom asked as she waited to give me one last hug.
“Uh…” I tore my gaze away from Ryan to look at my mother. “Yeah. I’ll swing by the hotel and pick you up.”
When they left, Ryan sat down in the big chair and put his feet up on one of the boxes that were strewn around the room, ready for the moving truck on Monday. I walked up behind him, went down on my haunches and wordlessly slid my arms around his neck from behind. Instantly, he grabbed my hand and pulled it to his mouth, rubbing his lips lightly back and forth over the top of my knuckles thoughtfully. I turned my face toward him and placed an open-mouthed kiss on the tender skin below his ear. “Uhhhh,” he sucked in his breath. “Come here.”
As I stood to do his bidding, he never let go of my hand, gently tugging on it until I sat on his lap. I curled into him, my head coming to rest in the curve of his shoulder, my forehead resting on the side of his face as he pulled me close and wrapped his arms around me.
I nuzzled into him and my hand inched up his chest to the opening of his shirt. I opened one, then two, of the buttons and slid my hand inside. His skin was warm to the touch and the light smattering of hair there tickled my fingers.
His lips found my temple and then my cheek, waiting for me to speak or turn my mouth up for his kiss.
“What’s wrong?”
“Not a thing. I just wanted to be here more than there. I missed you. I haven’t seen you in two weeks and I wanted you in my arms.”
“Ryan,” I whispered. “I missed you, too.” Finally his mouth found mine, opening hotly; his tongue plunging hungrily into my mouth. We clung to each other, both clearly aroused and wanting. I raked my hands down his chest as his fingers found the skin beneath the hem of my shirt and started moving in slow circles. I could feel him getting hard beneath me as he pulled his mouth from mine in a groan, only to return and place a few soft, sucking kisses back on my lips.
“I want you. So much.” The words practically ripped from him, but his tone was soft and breathless.
“Yes,” I whispered breathlessly, no hesitation.
“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but not tonight, Julia. Not tomorrow night. Not until I’m peeling that wedding dress off of your luscious little body.”
“Uhh…why?”
“Because,” he whispered against my mouth. “I want it to be perfect and any little thing I can do to make it that way, I will.” His hands were roaming my body softly, arousing in his touches, in his hardness beneath me, in the way his breath was coming in hot panting rushes over my skin.
“Will you at least sleep with me, then? I can’t bear to let go of you.”
“Just try and stop me.”
RYAN~
Chairs were lined up on a wooden parquet floor that would later become the platform for Harris’s band and dancing, but now was adorned with sparkling lace bows and candles. The large, ethereal flower arrangements on all of the white linen covered tables were breathtaking in their simplicity. My heart pounded furiously as I watched our friends file in and take their seats. The girls had certainly outdone themselves. My mother and father stood near as I looked into the room from the doorway. There was a beautiful white cake towering on a table along one side of the room and a bar would be set up in the back after the ceremony when Julia and I would take a minute to ourselves.
“It’s perfect,” I murmured softly, glancing at my watch for the twentieth time in as many minutes. My mother placed her hand over mine.
“Breathe, Ryan,” my father cautioned, but with an indulgent grin on his face.
“Are you nervous?” Mom asked gently. “You look so handsome.”
I was wearing a modern ve
rsion of the traditional tuxedo with a fitted white linen shirt and a long black tie instead of a bow tie. “That suit is so gorgeous on you.” Her voice cracked on the words.
“Mom. Stop. I’ll be a blubbering idiot in a few minutes, so can we not cry right now?” I begged. She hugged me close.
“Yes,” she said with a sympathetic glance.
I looked at her anxiously. “Have you seen her? How is she doing?”
My dad put a calming hand on my shoulder. “She’s breathtaking, son. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a more beautiful bride.” I smiled when my mother elbowed him in the ribs. “Oh, except for your mother.”
She grabbed his chin and planted a quick kiss on his mouth. “You’d better say that.” When she let him go, she turned back to me. “Ryan. Julia is so gorgeous.” She bit her lip as her eyes filled with tears. “You’ll be heartbroken, she’s so beautiful.”
Thud. My heart pounded and then stopped, my emotions threatening to overwhelm me. I nodded as their faces blurred before my eyes. I blinked in rapid succession to keep from losing it, and put a hand over my eyes to brush an errant tear away. “I can’t believe this day is finally here.”
Aaron moved toward us to offer his arm to my mother. “Time to get seated Mom. Dad?”
“All right. Looks like this is it. I couldn’t be more proud of you, Ryan,” my father told me as he turned to leave. “I know this marriage will last.”
I took a ragged breath as I watched Aaron escort my parents down the makeshift aisle. Little votives flickered at every place-setting and larger candles on pedestals lined up on both sides of the altar. Everything was glistening softly. I wasn’t sure who was responsible for all of this, but I couldn’t have pictured anything more perfect. There was a large round floral arrangement in the same style as the ones on the tables hanging from the high ceiling, over the altar and a white runner along the floor that was strewn with red and white rose petals. The petals were also all over the tabletops and classical music was being played by a string quartet seated at the front of the room.
