Mad Mad Love ~ The Remembrance Trilogy: Complete Box Set Holiday Edition

by Kahlen Aymes

  I was nervous as hell, which I didn’t understand considering this was what I’d been dreaming of for almost eight years. I wanted to pull at the front of my shirt to ease the tightness in my chest.

  “Are you okay, bro’? You’re looking as green as Jen’s dress,” Aaron said caustically after he’d delivered my mother to her seat.

  “I’m good,” I said as I ran a hand over the back of my neck. “Except I can’t…feel my hands. Do you have Julia’s rings?”

  I’d had two more thin bands, each encrusted with diamonds, connected on either side of her engagement ring when she left it with me before she went to New York. “This is the last time this comes off,” she’d said and kissed my hand after my fingers had closed around the diamond ring.

  Paul and Marin approached as I waited outside the double doors. Marin was dabbing at her eyes with a handkerchief. I tried to concentrate on what she was wearing, but ten minutes from now I wouldn’t be able to remember. Only that it was a very light shade of green and made of silk.

  “Hello, darling,” she said as I wrapped my arms around her. “You look so handsome. Julia is a lucky girl.” Her arms tightened for a second before she stepped back and I offered my hand to Paul.

  “Thank you both so much for just…for having her.” Damn throat. How am I going to get through the vows if I can’t get through this? “I’m sorry. I need you both to know that Julia is my entire life. There is nothing that I wouldn’t do for her.”

  “We know that, son. We couldn’t be more proud to have you in the family. Our little girl loves you a lot.” Paul placed one hand on my shoulder and squeezed. “Come on, Marin; let’s get you to your seat.”

  I took another huge breath as I watched Paul take her to the front row on the left, and then return back up the aisle. “Here we go, Ryan. Are you ready?” he asked with a smile.

  I returned the smile and nodded. “Yes. Thank you, Paul.”

  “Just don’t cry on Julia’s dress. She’ll kill you,” he teased me lightly. If he was trying to put me at ease, it worked a little bit.

  Harris and Aaron stood next to me as Paul retreated down the hallway. My heart was pounding so hard I could hear the thrumming behind my ears.

  “Let’s go, Ryan,” Harris said quietly. “This is it.”

  “Yeah,” I said more to myself than to either of them. The minister was already at the front of the aisle waiting, and once we took our places, the music changed to ‘Canon in D’ by Pachelbel. It had always been one of Julia’s favorites, and was the processional song for all of the girls.

  First, Jenna stepped into the opening. She looked beautiful, her hair swept up with a few loose tendrils falling around her face. She carried a bouquet of red roses and her dress was a medium shade of moss green. It was strapless and fitted with lace trim on the top that was sprinkled with sequins.

  Ellie was next. By this time, I felt like my skin was literally falling off of my body. My palms were sweating and I was sure my heart would leap from my chest. Her gown was a lighter shade of the same color and with some sort of fluttery fabric on the skirt. Ellie smiled as she took her place next to Jenna. I took one last calming breath and looked at my feet for a split second trying to steady myself for what I was about to see.

  When I looked up, Julia was standing in the doorway with Paul and my lungs stopped working.

  Holy mother of God. She literally took my breath away. My mother was right. Heartbreakingly beautiful…unbelievably stunning. It was like my heart was made of glass and it had just shattered in a million shards inside my chest. My hand went to the front of my suit in a silent plea for breath to fill my lungs.

  My eyes widened as I looked at her, trying to comprehend the magnitude of the vision before me as I tried to memorize every line. This was a sight that would be with me for the rest of my life. Her white dress dipped in a low scoop on her chest, leaving the top swell of her breasts bare and the neckline continued up to the slope of her shoulders. It was barely sitting on the top of them, accenting the graceful curve of her neck and collarbones. It was fitted until just below her breasts where it fell from an empire waistline straight to the floor. The design was simple but the lace dress glistened softly from top to bottom. She wore white gloves that went to about two inches below her elbows, but otherwise, her arms were bare. Her skin was radiant and with a soft blush to her cheeks, and her mouth a soft shade of pink. Her hair was piled up in soft curls atop her head and adorned with my grandmother’s diamond pins and two or three white camellias nestled in the chestnut strands. She held a bouquet of more camellias and some other small white flowers. Her veil was one layer and edged in the same shimmering lace of her gown, cascading down her back to the floor to drag behind her and the blusher over her face fell just above the flowers in her hand. Completely mesmerized, I couldn’t tear my eyes away.

  As she came closer, I watched her face. Her large green eyes were liquid and her lower lip, trembling. My heart swelled and my throat constricted painfully. I swallowed hard, my fingers aching for hers, as Julia waited on the other side of her father.

  “Dearly beloved…” the minister began, his words muted as my eyes locked with hers. She was so beautiful, I wasn’t even aware of anything else. I wanted to touch the porcelain skin on her face and shoulders, feel the heat of it under my fingers, and to kiss her full mouth. All I could think about was how much I loved her and that she belonged to me.

  “Who gives this woman to this man?”

  “I do,” Paul said and then he bent to kiss Julia’s cheek through her blusher. When she turned to hug him, I could see the back of her dress, the scoop neckline echoing the front, but dipping lower, almost to her waist. She looked every bit the bride. Perfect in every way.

  Paul placed her hand in mine and finally, my world felt complete. I used my free hand to cover hers, holding it between both of mine.

  “Julia and Ryan have made it through so much and have loved each other more because of, and in spite of, all of their obstacles. They have asked that they be allowed to pledge their love with vows that they have written for each other as we all bear witness as they declare their love for one another under the eyes of God. Please join both hands.”

  Ellie moved forward and took Julia’s bouquet and soon both of my thumbs were rubbing over the tops of her gloved hands, my eyes never leaving hers.

  “Ryan, you may begin.”

  This was it, time to tell her how much she meant to me. I knew it wasn’t possible to put the magnitude of my feelings into words, but I was going to give it my best effort. I tried to swallow the emotion, but my eyes were already starting to sting and my throat ached with the effort. I drew in my breath and prepared myself to completely lose it. When I spoke, my voice shook, but the love in her eyes was so reassuring.

  “My beautiful Julia. You are…the most stunning thing I have ever seen.” I watched her reaction to every word, and when her lower lip began to tremble, I had to stop for a few seconds as my own emotions welled up.

  “I can’t comprehend what I’ve done to deserve someone as wonderful, giving and amazing as you. The fact that you have chosen to spend your life with me confounds and humbles me like I’ve never been.” The first tear slipped from my eyes as two fat drops finally spilled on to Julia’s cheeks and tumbled down her face. I cleared my throat for control.

  “From the moment I laid eyes on you, I’ve known that your gorgeous face…is the last thing I want to see this side of heaven.” She closed her eyes as more tears squeezed out. I felt myself breaking yet I pressed on through the tears and the crack in my voice. “You were meant for me and I’ve loved you since before either of us was even born. Everything about you calls to me and I want to protect you and give you everything in my power to give you. I would lay down my life with just a word from you.”

  Her fingers squeezed around mine as she gasped, trying so hard not to sob out loud. I could see her struggling, her throat constricted and her chin visibly trembled. “You make me want to b
e a better man, to be more than I am…for you and you alone. This mad, mad love that we share is…a truly immeasurable a gift…the most precious miracle of my life.”

  I had to stop then and fight for control. I glanced down at our entwined hands and I rubbed my thumbs over her fingers again and again. This was much harder than I’d ever imagined. Not the words, but holding in the emotions that they stemmed from, was impossible. “I promise to be your husband and everything you need me to be, to take care of you and to love you with all my heart, to worship you with my body. With everything I am, I love you and I am yours, now and forever. I want your time, I want your love and I want your children…I want you, always. To tell you that I will love you forever can never be enough.” The tears were rolling down my face as her luminous eyes burned into mine. I watched the tears spill from her eyes as I said the last part of my vows, “Forever will never be long enough to love you, Julia.”

  The room was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop, save for the soft snuffling, as many of our guests cried with us.

  “Now, Julia,” the minister said softly, “whenever you’re ready, my dear.”

  My heart thrummed inside my body. I realized that my entire life was just a pathway to this one moment. Here, standing in front of me, in this beautiful and loving package, was the entire rest of my life. My heart was so full it ached as I tried to prepare myself for her words.

  “Ryan. Every day…you amaze me.” Her voice was shaking, her hands trembling in mine and tears flowing freely down her face. She sucked in a shaky breath, pausing to breathe, but her eyes never left mine. “The way you always put my needs ahead of your own, leaves me in awe and inspires in me the need to give you everything. Everything you do tells me how much,” her voice broke on a sob, “you love me and I’m overwhelmed by how much I love you in return. I sometimes can’t believe that a love like this even exists.”

  I wanted to gather her in my arms and never let go of her for the rest of my life. I felt like my heart was going to explode and kill me on the spot. “If this intensity isn’t a dream, I am certain that we are the only two people to ever love this much.” She closed her eyes and I rubbed my fingers over hers in silent communication. “I love you so much it consumes me; fills me up so completely that I am left shaking, wanting and breathless…just undone. Every time you look at me or whenever you touch me, there is nothing I want more in this life…than to be with you, to be your wife, to have your children, to be certain that you are mine. I feel you within me and it is the greatest gift I will ever receive. You are truly…” her voice broke again, the tears in each and every word, “truly a miracle to me; the love of my life, my very heart and soul…now and always. Without you, I am only half of myself…with you, I am whole. I will love you and I am yours, will only be yours, forever.”

  I was a mess and I didn’t care. I was completely and utterly lost in her words and her eyes. The emotions running between us were palpable and I was certain the hundred or so people in the room could feel what flowed between us.

  Even the minister was affected. “Uhggg…” he cleared his throat. “Ryan, do you take Julia to be your wife, to have and to hold, for all the days of your life?”

  “I do.” Finally, words easy to say. She smiled through her tears and my face split into a wide smile in return.

  “And Julia, do you take Ryan to be your husband, to have and to hold, for all the days of your life?”

  “Yes, I do.” She nodded; the smile still firmly in place on her beautiful, tear-stained face. Her eyes were clear and sparkling, the tears still coming, clinging to her dark lashes.

  “Julia and Ryan will now give the symbol of their unity and pledge. The rings, please.”

  We let go of each other’s hands briefly as Ellie and Aaron produced the rings. Julia removed her left glove and handed it to Ellie at the same time as she took the ring. I took her left hand in mine as I slid her rings back onto her finger. My hands were shaking so much I was surprised I didn’t drop them. Her long, graceful fingers were freshly manicured, as beautiful as the rest of her, and her bracelet glittered on her wrist. “With this ring, I thee wed.”

  I could hear her intake of breath as I said the words. My eyes darted up to meet hers and I brought her hand up to my mouth to kiss it.

  She repeated the process and slid the platinum band with one large diamond bezel set in the center onto my hand. “With this ring, I thee wed.” Her little fingers closed warmly over mine and I waited for the words that would allow me to pull her into my arms.

  “I now pronounce you husband and wife. Ryan, you may kiss your bride.”

  I inhaled deeply as I looked at Julia while gently lifting her veil. After all we’d been through and all it took to get to this place, I wasn’t about to rush any part of it. I touched her face, brushing away the tears, which only made her cry harder. I wasn’t sure how it even happened, but she was in my arms, her feet dangling off of the floor as we held each other tight. We were laughing and crying together as I turned my face into her neck and breathed in the scent of her perfume, her skin and her tears.

  “Julia, I love you. I love you so much.” I held her as tight as I could. “So much, I can’t breathe.”

  “Ryan,” she sobbed into me. “Oh, God, I love you, too.”

  Then our mouths were moving with and on each other’s and there was no one in the room but us. This was no chaste kiss, but more of a desperate and hungry plea. I held her tight and kissed her as the room erupted in applause and cheers. “Ladies and gentlemen, may I present, Ryan and Julia Matthews!”

  I didn’t want to let go, but I reluctantly set her on her feet and took her hand in mine as Ellie handed back her bouquet and we walked back down the aisle and ran straight to the elevators. The staff had to get ready for the reception so we had a few minutes before we needed to be back for pictures. Time we wanted alone.

  I wiped my thumb under both of my eyes before I took her into my arms again. “You are so beautiful. Utterly breathtaking. I can’t tell you how I felt when I saw you…knowing you were mine. I’m so happy right now!”

  She laughed through her tears. “The vows…Ryan, they were so incredible. I wanted to sob my eyes out. Those words were so beautiful, they physically hurt. I love you so much.”

  “Julia, yours too, sweetheart. Just amazing.”

  “We’ve got it bad.”

  “Yes. I wouldn’t have it any other way, Mrs. Matthews.” It wasn’t the first time I’d called her that, but now it was real.

  Julia~

  We spent a few minutes, clinging and kissing. Long, reverent moments of silence, lost in each other, in our love…realizing that we were married. Ryan balked gently when I asked him if I should take off my veil before going back downstairs.

  “Not yet. Please?” His blue eyes were burning, beseeching mine as he ghosted his hand over the side of my head where the edge of the veil glistened next to my hair. “You’re so stunning and you’re mine. My bride. Let me have you like this for a few hours.”

  I reached up to touch his face and could already feel the slight stubble starting. I closed my eyes and raised my face up so I could press my lips to his. I let my tongue flick out and lick the top lip, and his mouth instantly parted, his breath rushing out over my face and his full lips nudged and coaxed mine. I pulled away after a minute or two because if we didn’t go down soon, we’d be missing our own reception.

  “There is something incredibly sexy about a man that can grow hair this fast.” I smiled against the hard line of his jaw and then dragged my nose along the slight sandpaper surface. “So much testosterone. Mmm…It makes my girlie parts get very excited,” I teased and he burst out laughing.

  “Ah, Julia. I love your girlie parts,” Ryan chuckled and buried his face in the curve of my neck. “Love them.”

  Happiness welled like a tidal wave and I kissed the side of his face. “We have to go down now. Ellie probably has her panties in a bunch by now.”

  “Mmmm…Only one
set of panties I’m interested in.”

  I cocked my head as a brilliant smile spread over his face. I cleared my throat and reluctantly climbed off his lap. His hand ran down my arm to enfold my hand. I’d removed my gloves and laid them on my suitcase. “Let’s do this. Lots of people down there want to get a look at your gorgeous ass. Meredith was practically drooling last I looked. You’re so handsome,” I said in all seriousness. “Really Ryan. Just beautiful.”

  “Hush or I’ll have to take you this instant.” He started walking backwards and pulling me with him toward the door. I lifted the bottom of the veil and draped it over my arm as we left the room. He held my left hand in his and his right arm wrapped around my waist as we went downstairs and back into the ballroom, where Mike was waiting with everyone else in the wedding party. He hugged me tightly when he was done with the photos.

  “Julia, Ryan is one lucky bastard,” he said softly and smiled slightly. “You’re gorgeous.”

  “Thanks. It means a lot that you’re here.”

  Ryan extended his hand. “Thank you, Mike. We really appreciate it. I’m looking forward to my present.” His lips twitched in a smile.

  Mike grinned and nodded. “You should be. Indeed.”

  Surrounded by our parents and best friends, the evening passed in a flash. Dinner was delicious, the music wonderful and the hand in mine was constant. Aaron and both of our fathers made heartfelt toasts and Ryan’s hand tightened around mine when Ellie stood up with tears in her eyes and raised her glass.

  “Julia is one of my best friends. I love her like a sister. When she met Ryan, she blossomed. She became freer, happier, more loving. He brings out the best in her, and he adores her. All of us close to them knew years before they would admit to even themselves, that one day we would be standing in a place just like this, as they vowed their love. And what a love it is. Sophocles said ‘One word frees us from all the weight and pain of life: That word…is love.’ Ryan and Julia…my beautiful, wonderful friends…you must surely be the freest souls to ever exist, because the love you have between you is like nothing I’ve ever seen. May God bless you, always. I love you both. To Ryan and Julia Matthews!”