Mad Mad Love ~ The Remembrance Trilogy: Complete Box Set Holiday Edition

by Kahlen Aymes

  I pulled my phone out and looked at it longingly. No word from my husband yet. He must be incredibly busy or he would have called by now. Ugh.

  I watched the people rush over the crosswalks in droves as the cab stopped at the light. The buildings, cars and people melted into a blur as I lost myself in my thoughts. I missed Ryan and ached to get my arms around him, to feel his body cover mine. I closed my eyes and rested my head against the back of the seat, silently wishing it was the middle of the night and Ryan was finally joining me in our big bed. The hours would drag until then.

  At home, I busied myself with calling my parents and Ellie to check in. My parents still required I call at the end of a journey to let them know I was safe and I wanted to see how Ellie was doing. She seemed a little better, but rattled about a new celebrity client. The woman was a big name, so she should have been ecstatic, but her voice was decidedly flat. My heart was still aching for her, but part of me wanted to yell at her to get her head out of her ass.

  In my heart, I knew Harris was loyal to her. So why didn’t she?

  I’d just spent every non-working moment in Spain trying to convince her. I felt bad for both of them, but they were both so stubborn. There was a real chance that they would break up for good if neither of them were willing to compromise. The situation made me sad and long for Ryan’s arms around me. I could think of nothing more important to me than him. Nothing I wouldn’t sacrifice to be with him.

  I sighed as the doorbell rang. It was the bellman with my luggage and I took it from him gratefully, then went to my purse for a tip.

  “Thank you, Brian.” I smiled at the teenager. He smiled shyly and nodded but didn’t say anything.

  I needed to unpack and do the laundry and then make myself a light dinner. Alone. Again.

  The emptiness of the apartment screamed Ryan’s absence like a banshee. Ryan left the bed unmade and after I toted the bag in and dropped it on the floor, I fell upon it, wrapping my arms around the pillow and filling my lungs with his familiar scent. Yum.

  I was tired and I could fall asleep immersed in the bed he’d vacated pretending he was with me, wound up with my body. My eyes were heavy, as I rolled further into the pillows and let them drift shut, my breathing getting deeper. It was six hours later in Barcelona and so the jet lag was bound to be an issue. If I slept now I would be awake when Ryan finally came home around two in the morning. Yes… this was a good idea.

  RYAN~

  I peeled the latex gloves off as I left the examining room. It had been a hellaciously busy day and it was only dinner time. I looked longingly at the clock. I’d been on for almost twelve hours and still had eight more to go.

  I was excited when Julia told me that she was coming home three days early, but I’d carefully arranged my schedule with the other residents and the attending so that I’d be off on Sunday, the day after she was supposed to arrive.

  “Jane,” I spoke to one of the nurses, “I’m going to take a break for a few minutes. My wife is getting back from Spain and I need to see if she called. I’ll be right back.”

  “Sure, Ryan.” The pretty blonde smiled at me. She was a very good nurse, competent and efficient; two traits extremely important to work in emergency medicine. I could count on her to be steady and focused. She didn’t get rattled like some of the others. A few were so scattered, I wondered how in the hell they ever made it through school.

  “Page me if I’m needed.” She nodded and I rushed to the physician’s lounge so I could retrieve my phone from my locker. I rubbed the back of my neck as I walked down the sterile hallway, the white floor shining in the bright florescent light. “Uhhh…” I sighed as I pushed the door open.

  It was a large room with lockers on one wall and a few tables with counters, a refrigerator, cupboards and a microwave on the opposite side. There was a television and a few recliners on one end and a door leading into a couple of small rooms with cots where the residents could rest when we were on call. I sometimes felt like I spent more time in these rooms than in my own apartment.

  Caleb Montgomery, one of the other residents, was coming out of a sleeping room. He was a small kid, almost scrawny with red-rimmed eyes and hunched shoulders, easily six inches shorter than me. He was third year, and even though two years my senior, he seemed younger, somehow. He was a genuinely nice guy and we became fast friends when I offered to share some of Julia’s cheesecake a couple of months back.

  “Hey, Ryan. How long you been on?”

  I continued my walk to my locker. “A little more than twelve hours. You?”

  “Just ten. I have a couple more then I’m outta here. Do you have any of Julia’s deliciousness with you?” Caleb asked with a smirk.

  I smiled as I fumbled with the padlock. “Not today. She’s been in Spain all week. I haven’t seen her.”

  “Spain, huh?”

  I flipped my phone open and saw a text from her. She’d paged me earlier, but I couldn’t get to my phone to call her back.

  I’m back in town. Cluster at the office. AGAIN. Going straight there from JFK. Home later. Can’t wait to see your handsome face. Love you, BB. XXOOXX!

  I sighed and then registered Caleb’s words. “Yeah. She was working on a shoot in Gibraltar and Barcelona.”

  “Sounds like a rough gig.”

  “It can be. Coordinating our schedules can be murder.” He made no move to leave so I decided to go into one of the sleeping rooms to call her. “Hey, man, I need to call Julia. Will you excuse me?”

  He smirked at me. “Sure, I understand. Does she look as good as she cooks?” I laughed and went back to the locker. I pulled out my wallet, flipping it open to the photo just on the inside and handed it to him. It was the close up of her outside of Harvard that Mike had taken of just her face, veil and flowers. Caleb’s appreciation was apparent in the low whistle that came out.

  “Wow. She’s a beauty.”

  I just smiled and took the wallet back when he was finished. “Thanks, I have to agree.” He moved past me to leave the room and I continued toward one of the sleeping rooms to place the call. The light was low, only a small built-in fixture strip at the top of the shortest wall. It was designed to give enough light to get around, but dark enough to sleep easily. The doors were heavy and the space small, only slightly wider than the single cot along one wall. I sat down and hit the speed dial to reach Julia.

  It rang several times and then went to voicemail. I sank down on the cot and leaned back slightly. I was disappointed. I wanted to hear her voice. I missed her and longed to hear more about her trip. It was bad enough when I couldn’t see her, but I absolutely hated it when I couldn’t talk to her. My eyes burned from tiredness and my stomach grumbled. I’d hoped that Julia would be able to pop in for dinner with me, even though I hated when she came down here alone in the evenings. I needed to set eyes on her. I pressed redial and this time when it went to voicemail I left a message.

  “Hey, sweets. I’m sorry I couldn’t call before. It’s been so busy, but hopefully it will settle down now. I’m going to grab some dinner and then I’ll try to call again. I’m beat, but if I can, I’ll try to catch a couple hours of sleep here later so I can be up with you when I get home. I love you, baby.”

  I rubbed my stomach as it grumbled again wondering what delicacies they’d managed to dredge up in the cafeteria tonight. The food at St. Vincent’s wasn’t horrible, but I was sick of it; the same things over and over, week after week. Ugh. When Julia was traveling, I was left at its mercy.

  I couldn’t wait for Sunday. We had the whole day together and I knew she’d spoil me with something delicious. And lots of sex. I grinned to myself as I imagined her warm and soft in my arms, murmuring my name in that enticing, guttural moan I loved. Suddenly I was hungry for more than just food.

  I longed for the days when I could just walk across campus to her dorm or the few blocks between our apartments in the last two years at Stanford. I took her presence for granted then, never realizing how much
I would miss it. I huffed in self-annoyance. I was married to the woman of my dreams and I was whining like a baby. “Stupid ass,” I muttered.

  I pushed off of the cot to head back to the ER. It wasn’t busy. The nurses were hanging out at the nurse’s station and Caleb was leaning against it with his hip, leisurely sipping coffee, listening to them with interest. He had a crush on Jane. I recognized the way he looked at her as the same way I used to drool over Julia before she knew how I really felt about her.

  I didn’t wait to be invited into their conversation. I was tired and I really wanted the time alone. “Do we have anything inbound that we know about?”

  “Nope.” Beth, a young nursing assistant, piped up. “Thank goodness.”

  The ambulance dispatch or the public services, police and fire departments, usually alerted the hospital if they had any critical issues on the way in. “Okay then. Since it’s slow right now, I’m going to run down to the cafeteria. I haven’t eaten all day.”

  “Sure, Ryan,” Caleb nodded in acknowledgement.

  I made eye contact so he knew that I heard him and then turned around and walked out the double doors that separated the emergency department from the rest of the hospital.

  The cafeteria was several floors down and in the opposite wing of the hospital. It took a good ten minutes to walk there. The hospital halls were quiet and the lobbies empty with only one or two visitors roaming the halls. Visiting hours were over and only the more critical care patients or emergency patients were allowed to have visitors. The administration staff was gone and only one admissions clerk remained in the department for emergencies to be admitted as needed.

  “Ryan…” I heard some footsteps behind me and Jane’s voice calling after me. I stopped and glanced over my shoulder.

  “Yes? Do they need me in ER?” I asked anxiously as I paused in the hallway.

  “No. But I haven’t eaten either. Want some company?” She was half running down the long corridor toward me, her long ponytail wagging behind her.

  “Sure, that’s fine.”

  Jane smiled and I resumed walking when she reached me, but truthfully, I didn’t feel much like conversation or company. I could tell she wanted to talk. We knew each other a little bit, talked a little over coffee or hanging out in the ER between patients, but it had been pretty impersonal. Except for the day I lost my first patient. Jane was working on the little girl with me and had been the one to call time of death, practically pulling me off as I continued to work on her. It still hurt to think about it. Especially after what happened later when Julia remembered losing our baby.

  “Rough day, huh?” she asked, and it was clear that I wasn’t the only one who felt uncomfortable. She’d arrived at work several hours after I did. The nurses worked three twelve-hour days, but the residents practically lived at the damn hospital. Someday you’ll make the big bucks, I reminded myself.

  “Not terrible. Surprisingly, no trauma. Usually we have three or four really bad cases a day.” I ran my hand through my hair as we entered the cafeteria. It smelled good, even if the flavor of it was less than appetizing. I smiled weakly. “Of course, you know that right? You’ve been here longer than I have.”

  “Yes. Almost five years.”

  I looked at the menu for the day. Standard hospital fare: Meatloaf, hot turkey sandwiches, lasagna, some sort of Mexican glop that was supposed to be enchiladas, burgers, chicken sandwiches and then the sandwich and salad bar. I ordered a grilled chicken sandwich, and to my surprise, Jane got the glop.

  I didn’t realize it, but my face must have reflected my horror because she laughed. “You don’t like enchiladas?”

  “Is that what that is?” I joked lightly. “It looks like barf.”

  “I’ll let you know in a minute.” She chuckled lightly.

  We each paid for our own meals and then found a table near one of the windows. I pulled my pager off of my belt and sat it on the table next to my tray. No word from Julia yet. This was weird and I was starting to worry slightly. I sighed loudly as I picked up the top half of the bun and opened one of those little packets of mayonnaise.

  “What’s the matter?”

  “I’m expecting a call. Julia was out of town all week and got back today. She has some issue at her job and so I’m not sure if she’s home yet.”

  “Julia’s your wife?” She glanced at the platinum and diamond band on my left hand.

  My face split into a huge grin as I reassembled my sandwich with lettuce and tomatoes. “Yes. Are you married?”

  “No, but I have a boyfriend. We’ve been dating for four years. I wonder if he’s ever going to get around to asking me to marry him.”

  “Four years is a long time. That’s how long Julia and I were technically a couple before we got married as well… but we were best friends for another four before that.”

  “Holy cow!” Jane’s eyes widened incredulously. “That’s forever!”

  I watched her take a bite of the glop and waited for her reaction. Her nose wrinkled a little bit and I laughed out loud.

  “See? If it looks like barf, don’t eat it,” I teased. Jane nodded, but took another bite.

  She smiled. “I don’t see you in the cafeteria much. You get used to the barf over time.”

  “I bring my lunch most of the time. Julia rocks in the kitchen, so I’m spoiled. Puts this shit to shame. When she travels on short notice, I’m stuck with it, however.”

  “She travels? What does she do?”

  “She’s a fashion editor at Vogue and is working her way up the ranks. Sometimes she needs certain settings or a certain designer for a layout but other times, someone else can’t go as scheduled and they send Julia instead. Those are the times my stomach pays. When she knows she’s leaving, she sets me up in advance.” I was talking more to myself than to Jane, wistful in my thoughts.

  “She does spoil you. I can’t cook to save my life.”

  “That explains your open attitude toward this shit, then,” I quipped and we both laughed.

  We passed the rest of dinner in easy camaraderie and soon went back upstairs.

  I stopped by the lounge once more and tried Julia again. Still no answer, which made the next two hours pass by at a snail’s pace. I was clock watching. We had a heart attack victim and a minor car accident to deal with, but we were way overstaffed for the amount of work we had to do. More snail’s pace clock watching. Finally, at midnight, my pager went off from Julia and when I had stabilized the heart attack victim and we’d gotten him admitted, I was finally able to call her from one of the phones in the department.

  Julia answered on the first ring and my heart lifted at the sound of her voice. “Hi, sweetheart. I’m sorry I didn’t get back to you earlier. I fell asleep.”

  “I forgot about the time difference and the jet lag.” There were too many people around to speak to her in the intimate way I wanted. She sounded sleepy and I could imagine her all warm and rumpled in our bed. “Are you feeling okay?”

  “Yeah, babe. I’m just a little sleepy, still. I woke up with a start knowing that you’d probably be freaking out that you hadn’t heard from me.”

  “I was a little worried. I knew your work wouldn’t go until midnight. Did you get it fixed?”

  “Um… not completely. I know what has to be done, but um… baby, just don’t be upset, okay?” I could hear the trepidation in her voice which told me I wasn’t going to like what was coming.

  “What now?” I couldn’t help the defeat that flowed through the words.

  “We have a re-shoot and…”

  My muscles tightened and I sucked in my breath in preparation for an angry retort. “What did that little fucker screw up this time, Julia?” I shot out.

  “Nothing.” Her voice was soft. “It wasn’t Mike’s mistake this time. He went to the set, he used the models and clothes that were there, but someone screwed up the production instructions. The wrong designer’s line was brought in. So now I have very good photos, but I don’t
have shots for the clothes I need for the issue I’m working on. The cover is printed so I’m screwed. I have no choice but to re-shoot.”

  I relaxed a little as I listened to her. She sounded soothing even if her words meant the weekend was royally fucked.

  “When?” I asked, already knowing the answer.

  “Sunday. I couldn’t get it together in time for tomorrow. I tried.”

  I didn’t say anything because the nurses were looking at me, clearly wondering what I found so upsetting. My face felt flushed and I turned my back on them, lowered my tone and leaned on the counter. “I know. I just… shit! I was looking forward to spending the time with you,” I rasped out roughly.

  “Me, too. I was really mad about it, but now I’m just sad. I’m so sorry, Ryan. You know where I want to be.”

  I could hear it in her voice and I didn’t want to make it worse. I sighed deeply. “I love you, Julia. I’m not mad at you. I’m just… pissed at the situation. We can’t get a fucking break.”

  I could hear her breathing on the other end of the phone and my heart melted. This was my baby and I had no right to be irritable over something she couldn’t control anymore than I could control my own God damn schedule.

  “I’ll keep the bed warm. When will you be home?” she said softly.

  Love flooded through me until I felt like my chest would burst. “I don’t know. It’s up in the air. It’s not busy but I don’t think they’ll let me leave early, just in case something happens, but it’s boring as hell. Most of tonight we’ve been doing nothing. Don’t wait up, honey.”

  “Did you eat?” My lips lifted at the corners. She was always worried about me. After all this time I didn’t know why it still shook me to the core.

  “Yes. I had a cardboard chicken sandwich two or three hours ago.”

  “Will you get time to rest if it’s that quiet?”