Mad Mad Love ~ The Remembrance Trilogy: Complete Box Set Holiday Edition

by Kahlen Aymes

  “Please! I have to get down there!” I reached up and urgently grabbed the back of his seat. “Please! My husband is a first year resident and he was working tonight! I have to go!” Two tears plopped onto my cheeks and I hastily brushed them away and returned the unanswered phone to my purse. “Please!”

  I was shaking so badly that when I tried to find Gabriel and Elyse’s number, it fell completely from my hands and landed with a thud on the floorboards. All I could think about was getting in touch with someone that knew something. Since Ryan wasn’t answering his phone, maybe his parents knew something. I scrambled to pick it up as the driver made a U-turn at a light and headed toward St. Vincent’s.

  “The hospital was unaffected. It was only the ER.”

  “Ryan works in the ER! Please!”

  “Okay. But, I doubt they’ll let us in.”

  It seemed like years until Elyse picked up the phone and the time it took the cab driver to navigate through the Manhattan traffic was excruciating.

  “Hello?”

  “Oh, thank God! Elyse, have you heard from Ryan tonight?”

  “I haven’t spoken with him since Wednesday. Why? What’s wrong, Julia?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe nothing. Have you watched the news? Maybe it’s not national news.” I was rambling and my voice trembled. “There was some sort of gang warfare at the hospital. I don’t know the details, I just got in from L.A. I’d hoped you’d know if Ryan was safe.”

  I could hear Ryan’s mother audibly gasp on the other end of the phone. “Oh, no! Gabe! Turn on the news! We’ve been out to dinner with friends all evening, so I haven’t heard anything! What do you know?”

  “Not much. I’m on my way to the hospital, now.”

  “Julia, is that wise? If it’s dangerous, Ryan wouldn’t want you to go down there.”

  “I have to!” I almost screamed. “I’m sorry,” my voice was softer now. “I just… I have to make sure he’s okay. He’s not answering his phone!”

  “Ryan never answers his phone at the hospital, honey.”

  “I know, but he should be home now. I tried his pager, too. I’m…” my voice cracked and I brushed a stray tear from my cheek. “Oh, God, I’m so scared!”

  “Julia, no news is good news.” Elyse tried to calm me down, but I could hear that her fear echoed my own. “I won’t believe anything has happened to my son. Just calm down.”

  I almost told her two people had been killed but decided to wait until I knew more. “I’ll call you back when I know more. I’m just getting to the hospital.”

  There were flashing lights from half a dozen police cars and four news vans at the Emergency entrance. The parking lot wasn’t blocked off, though, and the lane for ambulances delivering patients was clear. “I gotta go, Elyse. I love you.”

  “You, too, sweetheart. Call us as soon as you know something.”

  “I will.” I hung up the phone and dug out thirty dollars to give to the cabbie. “Thank you,” I said as I rushed from the car.

  “Miss! What about your bags?”

  “I can’t worry about that now!”

  “But…” he called after me as I rushed up to the police officers standing at the entrance.

  “Ma’am, are you in need of medical attention?”

  “No.” I was breathless, my chest tight as I tried to move around the officers. One of them put his hand up and the other grabbed my arm. “Please, I have to get in there.”

  “This is a crime scene. We’re only letting critical emergency patients through.”

  “Please!” I knew the panic showed on my face as I looked up into the officer’s face. “My husband works here! I just need to know he’s safe!”

  “I’m sorry. No can do. You have to leave, ma’ am. We have to keep this area clear while the investigators do their job.”

  I stood there ringing my hands, unable or unwilling to do as he asked. I looked away, trying to stem the panic and thickening in my throat, but my eyes welled. When I looked back, his burly face was a watery blur. “Please.” I reached out and grabbed his arm frantically, my voice shaking. “Are you married? Wouldn’t you want to know if your wife was safe?”

  “I’d want her safe, and I’m sure your husband wouldn’t want you in the middle of this. We can’t let you in. We’re just flat feet. We don’t get to make these decisions. I’m very sorry. You’ll have to leave.”

  I could see behind him through the glass doors. The waiting room was filled with more police milling around, and one woman was screaming hysterically. Sobbing and falling to her knees as one of the officers caught her. I closed my eyes. Please, God.

  “You let that woman in! Please! I have to make sure he’s okay!” I was openly crying, clutching at his arm. “I’m begging you.”

  “She was already in there when it all went down, ma’am.” The officer put his arm around me and physically pulled me back toward the cab. The driver, leaning down and over to look anxiously up through the window watched it all in silence. The policeman opened the rear passenger door and pushed me inside. “Take her home. This is no place for her.”

  I felt helpless and angry, frustration threatened to explode in my chest. “This is bullshit! Tell me he’s okay and I’ll leave!” I screamed at the man as he closed the door behind me. The cab driver rolled the electric window down and regret crossed the features of the two officers. “Can’t you at least do that?”

  The one who wasn’t saying much finally stepped forward. He was shorter with gray hair and gentle features, sympathy written all over his face.

  “What’s his name?” the second policeman asked.

  “Ryan Matthews. He’s a resident.” I put my hand to cover my mouth as a sob rose up in my chest. My nose was running. I was a snotty mess and I wiped at the tip of my nose with the back of my hand and blinked up at him.

  “Okay, I’ll go in and find out. We can’t let you in, but I’ll have someone call you, okay?”

  I nodded and dug in my purse for my business card to quickly hand to the man. “Thank you. My cell number is on my card.”

  “Now, get out of here,” he said with a soft smile and then turned and walked past the other officer. The glass doors parted and he disappeared inside. The other officer waved to the driver and the car started to move away from the entrance.

  I closed my eyes, and wiped at my wet cheeks. “Can you pull around to the front of the hospital, please?”

  I watched through the back window as the cab pulled out of the driveway.

  “He said to take you home. Aren’t you going?”

  “No. I can’t leave until I know. Just take me around to the front and drop me off, please. I’ll pay you. Can you take my bags to my apartment?” I gave him the address and a hundred dollar bill as I got out of the car and ran into the front entrance as fast as my feet would carry me. I knew my way around the hospital and hurried through the halls toward the back of the hospital where the Emergency Room was located. As I got closer, there were policemen, more staff and several men in suits were wandering around. The doors were off the hinges and leaning up against the wall, plaster and debris littered the floor. Two armed guards put up their hands to stop me. One was a huge black man, and the other a younger and much smaller white man, both in hospital security uniforms. I inhaled, ready to fight my way in.

  “Sorry.” The big officer crossed his arms in front of him and shook his head. “No one gets in.”

  My head fell back and I gasped as I looked at the ceiling. My eyes felt swollen and I knew my face was red and pinched. “I have get in there. Please.” Determination laced my voice.

  He shook his head again and his partner spoke up. “You got someone in there?” he asked.

  “Yes. My husband is a resident. He was working tonight. I just need to know he’s okay.”

  Dark eyes scanned my face and he frowned.

  “Please?”

  “What’s his name?”

  “Ryan Matthews.”

  “Oh, Ryan. He�
�s a good dude. Julia, right?” I nodded quickly, a tiny ray of hope beginning to flicker. “He’s not one of the casualties, but he was injured. We’ll take you in.”

  Ryan was alive. I was relieved, but still panicked because I didn’t know how badly he was hurt. I wanted to bolt through the doors, and once we got into the ER, I glanced around quickly, my eyes desperately seeking those of my husband. I recognized some of the nurses and Caleb, whose scrubs and lab coat were covered in blood. He looked up from the clipboard he was holding, acknowledgment filling his expression. He nodded at the guards. “I’ve got this. Julia, come with me.”

  The officers remained where they were as I walked beside the other doctor. “Just please tell me he’s okay.”

  “He’s okay. He has a pretty nasty slice on his shoulder and he’ll be sore, but he’s going to be fine. They’re stitching him up.”

  At that moment, we came to an open doorway and I saw Ryan, shirtless, with an older woman in a white lab coat, sewing up his shoulder. He was hunched over with his back to me. All I could see was the blood. His arm was stained red with it, and his pants were saturated, his scrub shirt and lab coat were sitting on the table next to him, all covered in large bloody splotches. They looked like they’d been used to mop up a murder scene.

  “Ryan?” I called softly. His head snapped around instantly and his eyes met mine. Relief flooded through me. I was so grateful for the light in those beautiful blue eyes. He held out his good arm and I rushed to his side, and he wound it tightly around my waist. I buried my face in the crook of his neck and clung to him, trying hard not to let the torrent of tears break free. He smelled like Ryan, but the scent of his cologne and skin was masked by the salty rank of blood.

  “What are you doing here? I thought you were still in L.A.”

  “Oh, my God!” I said, unable to answer.

  “This isn’t all my blood, baby,” he soothed. My hand moved to his face and I kissed his jaw and cheek. “I’m fine. Really, Jules, I’m okay,” Ryan soothed. His eyes softened at the fear in my own. When the nurse asked me to wait in the chair against the wall, Ryan shook his head in refusal, so she continued working as Ryan held me with his good arm. It felt so good to be held closely to him, his warm breath reassuring me he was still alive, rushing over my face and neck. “I’m so glad to see you.” His arm tightened and his lips found my temple. “You’re all I thought about. I was so worried I’d never see you again.”

  I clutched around him harder, as the dam burst and I closed my eyes. “Don’t ever say that to me. Ever!”

  “I’m okay, babe. You’re stuck with me.”

  “Can you go home tonight, or will you have to be admitted?”

  “Pfft! For this little scratch,” he joked, trying to make me feel better. I knew it was much worse than he was letting on. It looked deep and would leave an angry scar on his perfect skin.

  “Let’s go home when you’re done. You can tell me what happened, but I want to get out of here and I need to call your parents.”

  He rolled his eyes. “You called my parents?”

  “You wouldn’t answer my texts!” I exclaimed, thankful for the amused look on his face.

  “I need to check on Jane, before we leave.”

  I remembered the pretty blonde nurse. “She was hurt pretty badly. She stepped in front of me when the bastard with the knife came at me. She got the worst of it. I might be dead if it weren’t for her. She’s in surgery, now. I’d like to stay until she’s in recovery. Okay?”

  “What happened to her?”

  Ryan briefly explained and I nodded. “Okay.” Gratitude was an understatement. Tears blurred his beautiful face before my eyes. He looked so tired. “Can I stay with you? I can’t bear to have you out of my sight.”

  His lips quirked in a soft smile. “Yeah. I’d like that.”

  “Does it hurt?”

  “Yep. Like a son-of-a-bitch. They gave me some Vicodin, but I can’t take it until we get home. It’ll put me to sleep.”

  “I remember how that is.” I said softly as he leaned over and placed a soft, open-mouthed kiss on my lips. “I hated taking it.”

  It was only a few minutes more and Ryan was bandaged up and we went to the doctor’s lounge so he could change into clean scrubs. He was quiet as he took my hand and walked with me down the hall to the elevators. We found a couch in the waiting room of the surgery floor and he pulled me down onto his lap. I went without protest and curled into him, resting my forehead on his jaw, content to be held by him.

  After he called Elyse and promised to call again with more details the following day, Ryan unloaded about the horrible happenings of the evening. I was frightened just hearing about the cold-blooded murder that happened right in front of their eyes and how Jane saved my husband by sacrificing herself. I had no way to show her how grateful I was. She’d saved my life, too.

  “I’m so thankful, Ryan. I’ll never be able to repay her.”

  “I know. Me either. She was so selfless. I owe her everything.” His arms tightened and he kissed my forehead. “I owe her this.”

  Chapter 5

  RYAN~

  My shoulder burned like a son-of-a-bitch and the other one was aching where it had slammed into the wall and floor. It was pitch black and 3 a. m. when Julia and I finally pushed through the door of our apartment. Jane came out of surgery an hour earlier and was in recovery. She wouldn’t be lucid for hours, so I decided to take Julia home. The artery was so badly damaged, along with her uterus being almost sliced in half, the surgeons had to perform a complete hysterectomy to curtail the bleeding and save her life. I felt horrible; immersed in guilt and decided it was my responsibility to deliver the devastating news. I was going to grab a few hours rest and then get back to the hospital early in the morning.

  Julia padded softly around the bedroom and bathroom as we both brushed our teeth and got ready for bed. She silently rubbed my bare back and kissed my shoulder, standing there, watching me in the mirror with her soulful eyes. My chest filled. I’d never been so happy to see anyone in my life as I was when she walked through that door in the ER.

  I put down the toothbrush and gingerly slid an arm around her waist and tugged her close to my side. The familiar scent of her, the warmth and love I found in her face when she looked at me, was as life-giving as a bonfire in Antarctica. My lips found her forehead and then moved down the side of her face. Her skin was warm beneath my mouth; alive. I breathed in deeply, sucking in her life-giving breath for my own.

  Julia’s arms wound around my waist and she kissed my jaw before our lips met in a gentle kiss. I could feel the remnants of her fear and sensed the ache in her heart at the prospect of losing me. It was a feeling I remembered all too well.

  She drew a shuddering breath as I forced my arms to wrap around her despite the pain that knifed through me with the movement. “I was so scared. I couldn’t bear to lose you. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

  My hands framed her face as she looked up at me, her features gentled by sadness and love, my thumbs brushing along her cheekbones. She seemed so small, so fragile… so luminous. Emotion flooded through me and my heart constricted. It was so real—the possibility of the end of everything—and losing just one second with her was something I couldn’t contemplate. Even these quiet moments were so precious. It would’ve been easier being the one who died, rather than the one left behind. My brow knitted and I closed my eyes, nodding, pulling her little body closer into mine. “You won’t lose me, baby, but I know what you mean.”

  Julia buried her face in my bare chest and held onto me for dear life, her fingers splayed out on my back and curled sharply into my flesh. I could feel the desperation in her touch; the magnitude of her terror and overwhelming love, as if her feelings were my own; because they were. We were two halves of one person.

  “Does it hurt if I hold you this tight? I can’t seem to let go.”

  “Even if it did, I want you to touch me. Come on, sweetheart. Let’s go
to bed.”

  She nodded, pulling out of my arms and retreating to the other room as I moved to follow her. The bed wasn’t made. I flushed, wondering if she was silently berating me because I hadn’t bothered tidying up the prior morning. Normally, Julia would scowl at me, but she silently pulled back the covers, straightening them as she went. I slid under, grimacing as I eased my upper body down. Everything fucking hurt.

  Julia left the room, returning with a crystal glass full of ice water and a small white pill in her hand. She smiled gently as she held it out to me and I took it from her.

  “Nighty-night.” She smirked and I couldn’t help but smile back. She was so cute.

  I paused before I put it in my mouth and reached for the water. I was propped up on four pillows and she began to rearrange them, putting one under my injured right arm. “What am I, an invalid?”

  “Yes. Shut up and take your medicine, Matthews.”

  “What if I don’t want to go nighty-night, Mommy?” I wagged my eyebrows at her.

  Her eyes widened as did her smile. She sat on the edge of the bed watching me until her brows rose. “I don’t care what you want. You need sleep.” When she bit her lip, I laughed.

  “Since when don’t you care what I want?” I reached out and ran a finger down her arm to her hand. “Even if you didn’t, I can make you,” I said suggestively. My voice was teasing, but we both knew the truth in my words. I grabbed her hand in mine and stared at her with an intensity we could both feel. “We were supposed to make a baby tonight.”

  Her doe eyes softened, jade green turning darker. “Ryan, you need to rest. It’s so late. Let’s just sleep.”

  “I know,” I admitted. “But I’d rather make love. You can be on top. I’m an invalid, remember? Maybe if I come, I won’t need these damn pills.”

  “You know you’ll still need them. Do you still have tomorrow off?”

  “Yes. But I’m going in to check on Jane. I want to be the one to tell her about the hysterectomy.” Julia nodded sadly. I obligingly took the Vicodin and then handed the glass back to her.