Mad Mad Love ~ The Remembrance Trilogy: Complete Box Set Holiday Edition

by Kahlen Aymes

  “Yes, I saw the ones you brought in earlier.”

  I sat back in my chair, struggling to find words that would accomplish what I needed without hurting the woman in front of me. “Jane, I have to ask a favor of you. As my friend,” I began.

  Instantly, her blue eyes widened. “Anything, Ryan. You know that.”

  “I’m here and I can be a sounding board if you need to talk, but when I have a day off…” My voice trailed off when Jane’s breath left in a small huff, and her demeanor became more closed off. Shit! “Julia and I are newlyweds, and we don’t see each other enough, so on the few days we do get together, I just need to focus on her.” So please don’t call. I left the unsaid words hanging.

  I lifted my eyes, and Jane’s locked on. I hoped I didn’t sound like too much of an asshole. I could keep talking, but I decided to shut the hell up and wait for her response.

  “I understand, Ryan. I’m sorry.” She sounded contrite and I could see that she was hurt. “I didn’t mean to intrude or make Julia feel bad. When Daniel told me he was leaving, I needed a man to talk to. And I knew you’d make me feel less… worthless.”

  Jane was picking at her food, and I wasn’t feeling all that hungry either, but if I didn’t eat, I’d pay later. I decided to be more typical. I rolled my eyes and offered a wry expression. “I told you, he’s a dick. Caleb is interested in you, Jane. He has a lot more to offer a woman.”

  She shrugged. “I know he likes me. I’ve known for a few months.”

  “He’s a good guy. You should give him a chance.”

  “He’s not… I mean the way you came in and knew what was wrong with Mrs. Roseman when he had no clue? That was…” She threw up her hands. “He’s not half the doctor you are.”

  “Thanks, but he’s a good doctor and a great guy. You should give him a chance.”

  Jane shook her head and shifted the subject away from Caleb.

  “So, I thought of it first? So what? You can’t judge Caleb by my actions. I just studied it five months ago.”

  “I suppose. Should I call Julia and apologize?” she asked sweetly. I felt relieved that she understood my situation so readily and was willing to mend any misunderstandings.

  “No, that’s okay. We’ll work it out.”

  “Are you two fighting?”

  “Not exactly. She was upset on Friday night, but yesterday was good.”

  Jane leaned her elbows on the table and slid her chair slightly closer to the table. “What are you getting her for Christmas? She mentioned it was a lean year.”

  A smile lifted the corner of my mouth. “Yeah. We’re looking at houses in Brooklyn. I wish I could buy her something amazing, but we did promise each other we wouldn’t go crazy.”

  “And you and Julia are all about keeping promises,” Jane stated simply, and I felt she really understood our relationship.

  “Yeah. We are.”

  “So you aren’t getting her anything at all?”

  I scooped up the last of my meal and hesitated before I took the last bite. “She’s out of perfume. I was going to pick it up on my way home the other night, but traffic was insane.”

  “Traffic is one thing I don’t envy about living in the city. Would it help if I pick it up for you? There’s a Macy’s in Douglaston. Would they have it?”

  “I can’t ask you to do that.”

  “Ryan, come on. It’s no trouble.” We threw our plates in the trash, and I opened the bag of cookies, and she took one. “I’m offering.”

  “Okay, yeah. If you really don’t mind.”

  As we began the walk between the cafeteria and the ER, I felt a much more at ease.

  “No. Just tell me what kind it is and give me the money.”

  “It’s Christian Dior. Je Dur or something.” I grinned in bemusement and Jane laughed.

  “J’Adore,” she corrected. “Do you want just the perfume? Sometimes at Christmas, they have gift sets.”

  “The most you can get for a couple hundred dollars.”

  “My cousin has some of that. It’s pretty.”

  “Yeah.” I grinned. “That shit drives me crazy.”

  The perfume wasn’t all I planned on giving Julia. I was also writing something to have framed for the baby’s room. I’d get home late and Julia would be sleeping, so I’d finish it and tomorrow send it off to Jenna, who’d agreed to take it to the frame shop near the Harvard Campus I’d used four years earlier. It was cutting it close and I’d have to pay extra to rush it and ship it back, but I wasn’t finished with it yet because I wanted it to be perfect. The tension between us kept me from working on it, but now I could do it justice.

  Walking back to the ER with Jane and no longer hearing what she was saying, my thoughts filled with how close Julia and I would feel when she opened it. I couldn’t wait to see the look on her face; surely tears would shimmer in her beautiful eyes as she raised them to mine. My heart swelled to bursting in anticipation. I was certain she’d melt into me and we’d once again be us. She was my truth; my safest place on earth.

  Once again, it was after midnight when I arrived home and as usual, I was beat. My back ached. After Jane and I returned from our dinner break, we had an automobile accident and five victims, three of them critical, one a three-year-old boy. He made it, but his mother did not. I’d worked on her tirelessly for twenty-five minutes when she flat-lined, but it was useless. She wasn’t wearing a seat belt, and her frontal lobe was mashed into the windshield at fifty miles per hour.

  Julia stirred when I moved around the dark bedroom. “Ryan, are you here?” Her voice was soft and laced with sleep.

  “Yes, baby,” I answered, reaching out to rub her back gently through the blanket. We kept it cool in the bedroom; cooler than the rest of the apartment. Julia liked the thick comforter and snuggling close to me, but I was always warm, “Don’t wake up. I’ll come to bed soon.” My fingers played in the dark strands of her hair.

  She was on her stomach and turned her face toward me on her pillow. “How was your night?”

  “Busy. Not great. Had a car accident victim that didn’t make it.”

  “Oh… I’m sorry, honey.” Julia’s eyes glittered in the dark and her hair was all messy. She reached for me and I took her hand in mine, bringing it to my lips. She was so soft and alluring, and dead tired or not, my dick stiffened and started to throb. I was sitting on the bed now and hoped Julia didn’t notice. It had been my plan to finish the note and then sleep, but my body had other ideas.

  “I need to take a shower, babe.”

  “No, you don’t.” Julia moved up onto her knees and sat on her heels. One hand held the comforter to her breasts, but her shoulders were bare. I wanted to reach out and yank it from her, exposing the beauty I knew lay beneath. I leaned in to kiss the one closest to me. Her hand wound in my hair and began to gently scratch my scalp. It felt amazing and I let my forehead drop into the curve of her neck. “I can give you a massage.”

  “Mmm…” I moaned. “That sounds like heaven, but if you touch me, I’ll wanna make love.”

  “I won’t be provocative, Ryan. I just want to help you relax.”

  I huffed against the soft column of her neck. “You can’t help it. You provoke me without trying.”

  “It’s not time right now.”

  I smiled. She was keeping track, just as I was.

  “I know.”

  “You do?” Her lips were so close to mine and I could feel them move against my cheek. My hands began to roam over her shoulders and up around both sides of her face. That beautiful face I adored.

  “Of course.”

  “I didn’t think you’d remember because our schedules are so screwy.”

  I chuckled softly and pulled back to look into her face. A small smile lifted one corner of her mouth, and she nuzzled her nose gently with mine.

  “It’s baby-time over New Year’s.” I was probably stinky with bad breath, but I wanted to kiss her more than I wanted to breathe. “Why do I always miss yo
u so much?”

  “Because I’m so adorable… and yes, it is over New Years.”

  My thumb moved across her cheek, and then my mouth followed the path.

  “You know I always want to make love to you,” I whispered. “When I’m near you, and when I’m not. Every minute; it doesn’t matter.” I placed a soft kiss on her parted lips, and her chin rose for more, but I climbed from the bed, not even bothering to hide my giant erection. “But I smell like the hospital.”

  “We don’t need to make love… Just let me rub you down and relax you so you can sleep.”

  “We’ll see. You have to work early.”

  “I don’t care. And, I don’t care what you smell like,” Julia murmured as I walked into the bathroom and began stripping off my scrubs. “Ryan?”

  “Just rest, baby. I’ll be there soon,” I called.

  I lingered a little in the shower, allowing the hot water to rush over my skin and pound into my muscles, hoping it would be enough time for my wife to fall back to sleep. I almost fell asleep myself, leaning against the ceramic tile of the stall but then shook my head briskly and turned my face into the water, reaching out to crank it over to cold. The shock certainly did the trick.

  Minutes later, I walked back out into the living room, with one towel slung low on my hips and using another to roughly dry my hair. I threw the one aside and rummaged through Julia’s art table for a nice piece of paper and one of the ultra-fine markers she used to sign her drawings, before sitting down at the table with my thoughts. The tree lights cast a low glow through the small apartment, and it was enough to see what I was doing.

  When I put the pen to paper, I was more concerned with how neatly I was writing than the words that just flew from my heart onto the page.

  This Mad, Mad Love… I began.

  I never seemed at a loss for words to tell Julia what she meant to me, though I didn’t think any could do her justice. I crumpled first one and then another sheet until, reading it back, I was satisfied. I tucked the paper away inside her desk, hidden under several of the magazine boards from past issues, and quietly made my way back to the bedroom.

  The room was dark except from the residual filtering in from the other rooms. Julia was on her back, lying diagonally on the bed, her hair strewn like a dark halo around her head. I smiled as I dropped my towel and pulled back the cover. I’d have to move her over so I could slide in beside her. I hesitated only seconds before falling to my knees beside the bed.

  I wanted to give her pleasure, after the past few days, and to reinforce my devotion and unselfishness in my love for her and to totally obliterate any doubt. The delicious ache began to build at my intention, while I reached beneath the edge of the sheet. Her body heat had warmed them, and the closer my hand got to her, the warmth intensified. My hand slid up her thigh to her hip then back down to curl around the back of her knee. I pulled Julia’s lower body toward me and moaned softly.

  I didn’t want to talk. I didn’t want to hear that I needed sleep or how I should let her take care of me. I wanted to taste her, to hear her moan my name as I made her come under my tongue.

  Her head moved to one side as both hands slid up her smooth thighs. My hands closed around them and I slid her closer, bringing her horizontal on the bed and perpendicular to where I was at its side, pulling her closer and draping her legs over my shoulders. I turned my head, kissing the inside of her right knee with my open mouth, slightly sucking on her skin.

  Julia lifted her head slightly, but she knew what I intended to do. “Ryan.” She sighed softly, her legs stiffening as conflict crossed her beautiful features. I could almost hear the words telling me to stop and just hold her before she said them “You don’t need…”

  “Hush. I do need…” I murmured as I continued a delicious path of the same wet kisses up her leg and toward my goal. She knew how much going down on her excited me, and I knew I could make her writhe and moan within a couple of minutes, or I could take my time and draw it out. I moved, slowly repeating the kisses up her other leg, and she fell back, her legs falling open in surrender. I smiled against the tender flesh of her inner thigh, intoxicated by her scent as one hand flattened on her stomach and then slid up to fold around a full breast, kneading and then teasing the nipple with my fingers. It was already puckered, but it grew beneath my touch. I let her anticipation grow, kissing the flat plane of her abdomen below her navel and letting the warmth of my breath blow over her moist, tender flesh. She tensed, the fingers of both hands burying in my hair.

  My cock was fully engorged, but her reaction caused my pounding heart to push in more blood until I thought the skin would split. It pulsed with aching need, but my purpose was Julia, not myself. I finally let my tongue lave her, and her breath drew in on a hiss followed by a soft moan, her fingers tugging at my hair. I was hungry and I let her know it, my hands clutching at her breasts and then one sliding down her body over her hip to hold the outside of her thigh. I licked and sucked, first teasing and then increasing the pressure with the flat of my tongue before finally sucking her clit into my mouth. I knew exactly how to pulse the suction to push her over the edge.

  “Oh, God,” Julia gasped. “Ryan, come inside me. I’m so close…”

  I could feel the muscles in her legs begin to tighten and tremor around my head and didn’t want to stop. When her back arched in orgasm, I moved up on the bed and dove into her. She was hot, wet, and slick, both from my saliva and her arousal. I thrust into her hard and fast, my fingers curling into the hair on both sides of her head as she rode out her orgasm. I took her mouth hungrily, and she parted her lips, her tongue and mine curling around each other’s madly. Her body heaved beneath mine, her internal spasms sucking on my cock with amazing pull. She was tight, and I was so turned on that I couldn’t go slow or hold back. The frantic way Julia kissed me and tugged at my hair told me she didn’t want me to, and three forceful thrusts later, I came hard, pushing in to the hilt, pouring into her with a low groan. I turned my head to kiss the side of her face, wanting to kiss her mouth again. My body jerked and then stilled, my breath ragged and raspy and Julia’s in soft little huffs. My nose traced her face, and then I kissed her deeply, my body pushing into hers, wanting her to feel the passion and love that she alone commanded. Her hands stroked my back and the hair at the nape of my neck. I was reluctant to break the connection, but we were cockeyed on the bed, and the covers were a tangled mess.

  “Hold onto me, baby,” I demanded softly, and Julia complied. My arm underneath her waist pulled her to me, as I crawled up the bed using one knee. I lowered her down, still beneath me; my eyes intent on hers. They sparkled in the darkness. It was unspoken intensity and love that poured between us, the closeness I depended on like air, once again, in place. I didn’t need to say it, but I did anyway. “I love you, so much.”

  She nodded, the fingers of her right hand curled, and she ran her knuckles down my cheek, never looking away. I kissed her once more, softly; our lips and tongues gently tasting.

  My heart filled as I rolled to my side, finally sliding out of her, but pulling her tight against my body, and fell into an exhausted sleep.

  Julia~

  It was a week before Christmas, and Ryan and I hadn’t seen each other much in the past few days. He worked late, and I left early, so we didn’t have much time for conversations, and I had to be content with brief kisses and hugs when he left. He never left without kissing me goodbye, and he’d hold me close if we shared a few hours together in the middle of the night, almost always making love to me.

  My body flushed as images of Ryan’s lovemaking filled my mind. He was an amazing lover and knew just how to touch or kiss me to turn me into a quivering, helpless mass. Even when I was angry with him, my emotions betrayed me and I had absolutely no choice but to give him every piece of me. Body and soul. The pleasure he gave in the bedroom was insane, but I missed just talking to him; hearing about his day or sharing mine with him. It was like he didn’t want to talk to m
e about the hospital and what went on there. The reason was obvious. Last weekend would have been nearly perfect if it weren’t for those damn calls. After the last one, Ryan acted so guilty, and even though we cuddled on the couch, our hands entwined or traced lightly over each other, the conversation died.

  Last night, Ryan mentioned, only briefly, that he’d asked Jane to be more judicious in her calls. I didn’t question him further, instead choosing to trust that things would get better. It didn’t. I could sense Ryan’s discomfort every time his phone rang. When he did speak to her, his tone was more understanding than I would have liked. Given her persistence when he was home, I couldn’t help but wonder how much she stalked him at the hospital. He barely mentioned her when we were together, throwing me an apologetic look on the two occasions he did pick up. Apparently, she and Daniel split, and she had to find a new place to live, and Ryan, Caleb and a few of the others were going to help her move, and they were all trying to coordinate schedules.

  I tried not to let it bother me, but scowled despite my efforts. No doubt she would really turn her attention to Ryan. The hag would probably accidentally dump her lingerie drawers out in front of him on purpose, I thought bitchily, then felt bad that I would even think such a thing about a woman to whom I owed Ryan’s life. It was exhausting fighting with myself all the time.

  Snow was falling softly outside, and I had to admit that besides spring, winter was my favorite time in New York. I loved the lights making the snowflakes glisten as they fell and how Central Park was like a huge, sparkly white blanket in the center of the city. I gently pulled out the half-finished portrait from my portfolio, knowing that when Ryan saw it, any distance between us would melt away. I brought soft yellow matting board from work, and the new glass frame sat beside the table ready and waiting to receive its precious consignment. I brought out the portrait; ready to add just a touch of color to the soft lead pencil drawing. I wanted to use watercolors but it required taping the edges down and leaving it out to dry day after day as I slowly added subtle layers of color. That wasn’t possible if I wanted to keep it a surprise, so I resorted to soft pastels. I placed soft pinks and yellows on the flesh, blending to create the slightest peachy hue, leaving a slight rosiness to the cheeks and nose.