Jane Blonde: Sensational Spylet

by Jill Marshall

  ‘But what about Mum? She’s family, and she is . . . was . . . one of us too.’

  Uncle Sol’s eyes misted. ‘Well, your father was very clear on two points. The first was that your mother should never be put in danger. So that you, Janey, would always have one parent to protect you and love you. Gina wouldn’t be safe if she knew what was going on.’

  For a long moment, Janey tried to imagine how different her life would have been if her mum hadn’t always been there for her, to pick her up from nursery and school and chess club, to tuck her into bed at night, to talk to her about homework and hobbies.

  ‘I understand. G-Mamma sort of told me that too. That my dad wanted me to have a normal life. But everything’s changed now, hasn’t it? Tell me everything, Uncle Sol.’

  ‘I can’t do that. The knowledge would put you in too much danger. I just need you to destroy—’

  ‘No!’ said Janey, more loudly than she’d intended. ‘You have to tell me everything now. You got me into this in the first place. Tell me!’

  Solomon sighed and shook his head. ‘I only got you involved because I’d sent you something important, something—’

  But before Solomon could explain, they heard people at the door.

  ‘They’re in here!’ Ariel’s voice rang piercingly.

  Seconds later, the door banged open.

  ‘Solomon Brown. We’re very pleased to meet you at long last.’

  Silhouetted against the night sky were Miss Rale, Edna, Billy and Barry. Before them, tiny but strangely terrifying, was Freda Lear: Ariel. Her ball gown had been ripped off to reveal a spysuit very similar to Janey’s, but it was a darker grey with maroon edging. Without her long wig she looked much more like the Freddie that Janey remembered.

  ‘We knew you’d be here, Solomon.’ Ariel circled them slowly. ‘We knew that if the Spylet was in any danger you’d turn up to rescue her. She was obviously heading straight for a meeting with you when she made her little rocket-powered table-top escape. And here you are.’

  Solomon glowered, and Janey moved a little closer to him, thinking furiously.

  ‘I mean, you really did leave so many clues! And I’m very good at puzzles. Sloppy work, Solomon! Calling your niece to a meeting at the Sol’s Lols headquarters? After I intercepted the letter, it took us a little while to work out that the message was on the envelope. And the wood-frog diagram. Did you think we wouldn’t be able to solve it? I think you underestimated our powers of deduction, Solomon. You thought we were simple!’

  Uncle Solomon laughed. ‘I never considered the Sinerlesse Group to be simple, Ariel. Devious. Dangerous, perhaps. But simple? Never.’

  ‘You hadn’t even worked out who we were! Although the name was pretty good. “St Earl’s Sanitation and Security Enterprises”.’ Ariel looked quite smug. ‘Took me a little while to make that up.’

  ‘I had my suspicions. But I wasn’t able to warn you, Janey.’

  ‘I worked it out for myself, Uncle Sol. Dingbats! You’ve been training me up for a long time.’

  He smiled at her before turning back to Ariel. ‘Now why don’t you tell me who leaked my project to you?’

  Miss Rale started to emit a screeching laugh. ‘Solomon, Solomon, Solomon. Your brain must have melted if you think we give up information like that. Now, if you had some SPIT, of course, we’d all squawk like constipated parrots. Tell you everything. Wouldn’t we, Janey?’

  Janey looked at the floor uncomfortably, but her uncle reached an arm around her shoulders. ‘SPIT? You’re a bit behind the times. I sent Janey SPIT for her fourth birthday!’

  ‘The perfume!’ said Janey out loud. So that was why her mother had burbled on relentlessly when she’d tried it.

  Ariel sneered, her sharp little teeth winking in the torchlight. ‘Well, that was then, Brown, and this is now. And I’d say we’ve caught up, wouldn’t you?’

  Janey was scared. They were trapped in the barn with five people between them and the door, which as far as she could see was the only way out. Beside her, Uncle Solomon radiated confidence, but Janey could hear the tiny whistle in his breath that hinted at the transformation he had just undergone. How could he be so calm? They could be killed at any moment.

  ‘But if you needed me to bring you to Uncle Sol, why did you try to kill me? The soap, the bucket . . .’

  Her old teacher turned her sweet face towards her. ‘We weren’t trying to kill you, Janey. If we’d wanted to kill you, we would have done. And anyway, the bucket was meant for Alfie Halliday. We worked out exactly who he is.’

  Janey frowned. Who was he?

  ‘But no,’ continued Miss Rale, ‘we achieved exactly what we wanted. You and your mother got frightened, she got you out of the clutches of Rosie Biggenham next door and you became convinced you were the only Spylet who could find your uncle and sort this whole thing out. Then you really would step up your clumsy efforts. And look – that’s exactly what you did! Gold star for you, Janey Brown! You’ll get a very good report this term. Ha! Ha ha! Ha ha!’

  As she watched the teacher she had once adored racked with evil laughter, Janey felt a stinging behind her eyes. Ariel was smirking at her unkindly.

  ‘Hey, do you know what else, Janey?’ said Ariel. ‘Do you know why I pretended to be a boy? Because we know you so well, that’s why! Because we could see that as a girl I would be so stunning in comparison to mousy Janey Brown that you would be too threatened to make friends with me. But a little boy, well, that was no problem, was it? Then there were the notes Susan wrote about you – they really helped turn you into the school freak. Drove you to make friends with the only person who was remotely nice to you. Helpful Freddie. I mean, me! You’re a sad, sad creature.’

  ‘Leave Janey alone,’ said her uncle suddenly. ‘She didn’t even know she was a Spylet until a few days ago, and look at everything she’s managed to do in that time. No doubt you’ve had a lifetime of plotting and evil, Ariel, but Janey’s already outwitted you on several occasions. Remember Scotland, and the ball. She’s made you look foolish, Ariel. Janey is a hundred times the Spylet that you are. And a million times the person.’

  At that, Ariel’s pretty face screwed up with rage. She lifted her hand, complete with Girl-gauntlet, and pointed accusingly at Solomon. ‘And who made me this way? Who poured this evil into our family and made us so vengeful? You did! You Browns!’

  Janey looked in astonishment at Uncle Solomon, and he stared back, equally confused.

  ‘We did nothing to you, Ariel.’

  ‘You did. It was your buffoon of a brother – your darling pops, Janey. He killed my parents!’

  real earls

  ‘You’re the children of Reg and Lally Baron,’ said Uncle Solomon, nodding slowly.

  ‘At last!’ snapped Ariel. ‘Not quick on the uptake, you Browns, are you? A Baron is roughly the same as an Earl. All our names are anagrams of Earl. How could you miss it?’

  Uncle Sol shrugged easily. ‘I suppose I could never have imagined Baron’s family turning into something so evil. Anyway, it was an accident, Ariel. Boz and Reg were carrying out an experiment together when it went wrong and the whole laboratory was burned down. Nothing could have been done to save Reg.’

  ‘Lies!’ spat Ariel. ‘Then my mother died giving birth to me. She had nothing to live for after she lost her husband. My brothers and sisters hate you Browns –’ Susan, Barry and Billy nodded – ‘but not as much as I do. I have never known either of my parents, and it’s your fault. I’ve made it my life’s goal to avenge their deaths. And who would think a pretty little thing like me could lead an entire organization? People tend to trust children you know, let them overhear things they really shouldn’t . . . I was the perfect choice to take control of the project intended to Wipe. You. Out.’

  Solomon sighed. ‘Your father would be devastated to hear this, Ariel. Reg was committed to the work he and Boz were doing together. He was a good man – it would hurt him to see what his death created.’

>   The Sinerlesse siblings glared at Solomon and Janey. Only Edna allowed a tear to trickle down the dome of her cheek.

  Ariel pointed the stun-gas finger of her Girl-gauntlet in Solomon’s face. ‘Enough. You know nothing about my father. It was your brother who knew him well, and it was your brother who killed him. And seeing as you’ll be dead soon I might as well tell you that it was Copernicus who handed us the perfect excuse to come after you. And now we know the secret you have been trying to hide from us. So you can stop playing for time. Take us right now to where Boz Brown is, and we can make sure we’re rid of the murderous pig. And then, of course, we shall deal with the pair of you.’

  ‘My dad?’ blurted Janey. Something red flashed in the corner of her Ultra-gogs.

  ‘Oh,’ said Ariel in mock pity, shooting a disparaging glance at Uncle Solomon. She looked every bit as ferocious as Bratwurst. ‘Haven’t you told her, Solomon? That you have her daddy tucked away in a deep freeze somewhere? Cryogenically preserved. Well, if you think you’re going to bring your brother back to life some day so you can all play happy families again, then I’m afraid you’re terribly deluded!’

  With that she nodded to the group behind her, who moved in to seize Janey and her uncle. Janey’s head was spinning – what did Ariel mean? Was her dad really still alive somewhere? It was all Janey wanted to think about, but she had to stay focused on the danger she was in right now. As she was dragged out of the barn, she read the scarlet lettering on her Ultra-gogs. ‘“Cryogenics – the science of preservation through freezing, experimental at this stage.” Ref. Cantab Dictionary, 1999.’

  Project Crystal Clear had been about cryogenics, it was true. But Uncle Solomon had discovered more than that. He’d surpassed the boundaries of known cryogenics. Janey just didn’t yet know how.

  And neither did the Sinerlesse Group. They didn’t have a clue that Uncle Solomon had actually been the ice swan. They thought he’d been waiting in the barn for Janey to arrive. They had completely misunderstood Solomon’s secret and were looking for the wrong thing. Uncle Sol had progressed far beyond preserving bodies.

  Ariel had no idea.

  Jane Blonde had the advantage.

  Swallowing down her excitement, Janey carefully checked out the location of each of their captors. Billy and Barry had taken hold of her uncle and were dragging him along behind her, past the barn full of straw. Miss Rale and Edna had each seized one of Janey’s arms, while just ahead of her Ariel led the way with the narrow beam of light from her Girl-gauntlet.

  It was perfect. With a sniff, Janey made her lip wobble slightly, as if she was trying bravely not to cry. Then she let out a small sob.

  Edna squeezed her arm. ‘Look, Janey,’ she said kindly, ‘I’m sure you didn’t know what you were letting yourself in for. I’ll talk to Freda and ask her to be nice to you. Can’t promise anything, mind you.’

  ‘It’s not that, Edna,’ whispered Janey with a sniff. ‘It’s just the thought that my father might be alive and I’ll never get to meet him. I mean, maybe your son . . . your Reg . . . is alive too. Wouldn’t it be awful, to know he was alive, preserved somewhere, and you never got to see him again?’

  Edna’s eyes clouded with doubt, then tears. ‘I never thought of that! Oh, do you think he might be? My darling Reginald. Oh my!’ And with that Edna stopped dead and slapped her hand dramatically to her heart, sobbing noisily.

  ‘Oh, Granny, get a grip,’ said Miss Rale unkindly.

  Janey only had a few precious moments. The group had stopped, with everyone looking back to see what was upsetting Edna. Just as Janey had hoped, Ariel came right up to her grandmother, who reached out her hands to her youngest granddaughter.

  There was no time to waste. Janey shoved hard with her right hip, sending Edna sprawling into the snow. In the same movement she grabbed Ariel’s Girl-gauntlet, pointed it at Miss Rale and squeezed the little finger hard. Stun-gas sprayed directly into Miss Rale’s face and she slumped to the floor as if she’d been shot. Ariel was baying and squirming, but Janey was too strong for her. She wrapped her arms around Ariel from behind and hoped desperately that her enemy was wearing Fleet-feet. She lifted the smaller girl as high as she could and then dropped her on to the ground. With a bang, Ariel’s feet exploded into life and she was flung several metres into the air. Screaming loudly and with all limbs flapping, she tumbled down the hillside.

  Uncle Solomon struggled to get away from the men, but they had too tight a grip. Janey ran straight towards them, pulling on the Girl-gauntlet she had ripped from Ariel’s hand. She pointed her index finger and squeezed as hard as she could into Billy’s eyes.

  ‘Not again, you . . . you . . .’ he screeched, flapping at his face as ink blasted into his eyeballs. ‘My eyes!’

  With one arm freed, Uncle Solomon spun Barry around and pushed him into Billy. Careering into each other, the two men fell to the ground and lay stunned, groaning loudly.

  Meanwhile, Ariel was back on her feet and running back up the hillside towards them.

  ‘Can you ride a horse, Uncle Sol?’ shouted Janey, grabbing his arm and sprinting towards one of the barns.

  He laughed. ‘I can do anything – I’m a SuperSPI, aren’t I? Let’s go!’

  And less than a minute later, just as Ariel reached the barn with her grandmother panting along behind her, Janey and Uncle Solomon burst out of the small back door, whooping and laughing and clinging on for all they were worth to an enormous galloping carthorse.

  spi surprises

  The horse was wild with joy at being released from its stall and galloped across the open countryside with what felt like more speed and nearly as much height as the Satispy. Janey, encircled by her uncle’s arms, lowered her head and entwined her fingers still further into the horse’s mane. She felt completely exhilarated. But after a few miles she could sense that her uncle was beginning to weaken.

  ‘Find the crossroads at Allerton, Janey. We’ll get help there.’

  ‘OK!’ According to her Ultra-gogs, Allerton was just a mile or so away. ‘Uncle Sol, you have to tell me more about your discovery. And I need to know what happened to my dad.’

  ‘You know Ariel has got it wrong?’ answered Solomon.

  ‘Yeah, I don’t think she realized you actually were the swan. But you really did end up being turned into an ice lolly!’

  ‘Exactly, Janey!’ her uncle said. ‘Just think about that. For a long time, scientists have tried to preserve things – organs, bodies and so on – by cooling them very quickly to minus 200 degrees Celsius in liquid nitrogen. But that causes all sorts of damage that can’t be put right.’

  ‘Like the frogs that were frozen and got snapped.’

  ‘Exactly. So I worked out how to freeze things to a low temperature but over a much longer time frame, with no damage to the subject. It started with animals. And I’ve discovered it can be done with humans too. I’ve done it to myself, and to one other person – a very brave SPI who insisted on being a guinea pig for me. And the results were amazing. What I discovered was just . . . just incredible really,’ he went on. ‘But even that was only the beginning. My experiments developed and I found a way to transform a person into any frozen form. Imagine that, Janey. My SPI colleague and I tried it on each other, and it works amazingly well. Once we became ice, pure ice, we could be moulded into any shape.’

  ‘Like frozen swimming pools, Uncle Sol?’

  ‘Exactly. I was in there with you that evening. You did everything right.’ He smiled proudly at her. ‘When I realized the Sinerlesse were closing in, I put myself through the Crystal Clarification Process. I had hidden in my office. Because I wasn’t forming into a particular shape, for which you need an assistant, I was able to get myself on to the surface of the pool and transform into a simple layer of ice.’

  Janey remembered the photograph she had taken in her uncle’s office. ‘You went through the tube!’ He nodded. ‘But what happens when the pool melts,’ she continued, ‘or if someone slurps y
ou up from their drink?’

  ‘Well, it’s a very, very complex cellular activity. If the freezing process is carried out correctly, each cell is tagged and becomes a crystal. Those frogs taught me that previous attempts at cryogenics hadn’t worked because the subjects were frozen too quickly. It has to be painstakingly slow. Then, after you’ve melted again, a magnetic field draws all the cells back into their original form. But there is always risk involved. Look what happened this time.’ Her uncle held his hand in front of Janey’s face, and she saw that his thumb and half his forefinger were missing.

  She shuddered. ‘You’re so brave, Uncle Sol.’

  ‘Brave? I’m not so sure. I’m almost sorry I discovered it, Janey. I thought it would be of huge benefit to SPIs. Just imagine the meetings, the planning sessions you could get into in this way and never be detected. You could clink around in someone’s water jug, listening to every plot they’re hatching. At outdoor locations you could lie like a frozen puddle, finding out what your target was up to. And, provided you have the equipment with you, all your cells can be drawn together again from wherever you ended up. It’s spying supreme. But in the wrong hands . . .’

  ‘Like Ariel’s,’ said Janey grimly.

  ‘Quite. Evil-minded people could discover secrets, infiltrate all sorts of decision-making forums and create havoc. They could even freeze their enemies!’

  ‘And turn them into ice swans?’

  ‘Whatever they wanted. They could turn them into snow-globes and keep them in the freezer. The sculptor – the creator – has the key to all that power.’

  ‘And is that power what the Sinerlesse Group wants?’

  Uncle Solomon patted the horse to slow it down. He leaned towards Janey’s ear. ‘I don’t think they have any idea what it is they seek. They mentioned Copernicus, but thank God I never gave him access to my complete files. Even he doesn’t know the extent of what I’ve discovered. He must be paying the Sinerlesse to track down my secret for him – which is clever of him, given their personal grievance against me. Revenge is a dangerous motive, Janey. But of course the Sinerlesse don’t really have a clue what I’ve discovered. And they’re wrong about your father . . .’