Wild is the Blue

by Cecilia Randell

  “Umm, I have a very serious question.” Forrest’s voice cut through her and Mo’ata’s moment.

  She twisted to face him.

  “Why is the clansman the only one getting any kisses? It’s not even his night. I feel like I need to call ‘coconut’ or something.”

  Is he serious?

  Forrest’s lips twitched.

  Nope. Blue decided to take him up on his teasing. “Well, the first kiss he came and got from me, while the rest of you talked. This one was more of a ‘right place at the right time’ kind of a deal.”

  “In that case.” Levi stood, reached over, and pulled Blue from Mo’ata’s lap. “I think we all deserve a kiss. He’s not the only one who should get a reward for ‘no maiming’ as you called it.”

  Blue grinned up at him. “Well then, come here.” She slipped a hand over his shoulder and tugged. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he lifted her against him. The heat that was always right

  below the surface with them spilled over her as their lips met.

  A finger tapped her shoulder. She pulled her head away from Levi, though she made no move to have him put her down. “What?”

  “My turn.” Bright blue eyes and golden hair filled her vision, then Forrest kissed her while she was still held in Levi’s arms. It reminded her of a night not too long ago…

  “Enough. It is my night, give her over.” Hands wedged between her and Levi, and Felix tugged her out of the Prizzoli’s hold. “Plus, I haven’t agreed to ‘no maiming,’ pet,” he said as he settled back onto the couch with her in his lap.

  A hard length pressed against her thigh.

  Maybe tonight he’ll finally…

  “I’ll make you a deal. No maiming, but a judicious placement of a fist is acceptable, as long as it won’t get me involved with the disciplinary committee. In exchange, I’ll take over your dinner nights for the next… two ten-days.”

  “No deal.”

  She needed to sweeten the pot. “Dinner for two ten-days, and you can pick the movie for the next month.”

  That got his attention. She’d thought it would. Felix was still a little sore that he’d missed out on the beginning of the movie night tradition, and claimed he should be able to make up for those lost nights. “Whatever I want?”

  The other guys groaned.

  “Whatever you want.”

  “Maybe one of those new ones Zeynar sent along?”

  “Yes.” This was the perfect opportunity to torture the guys. Or, most of the guys. Of all her men, Felix was the last she would have suspected would enjoy the occasional “girly” movie. He did, though, and it was… cute the way he grumbled about how foolish the men were and how much delight he took in the “mean girl” getting what was coming to her.

  “Deal.” He planted a quick kiss on her lips. “Blaine will not be permanently disfigured, and I will make sure nothing can be traced to you.”

  That was probably the best she’d get out of him. “Deal.”

  “I have something I would like to bring up before we lose the thread of this meeting to kisses and deals,” Levi said as he returned to his seat. He focused just above Blue’s head. Movement brushed against her hair and Levi nodded. “We need to discuss Blue’s schedule.”

  Yup, I’m in trouble. She’d hoped to bring it up before anyone else. “That was what I needed to apologize for.”

  “Is this about forgetting the exhibit?” Forrest asked. “It really is okay. It’s not like you actually missed it.”

  Blue shook her head. “No. Well, yes, but not only that.”

  “She is overextending herself.” This was Felix. His voice rumbled through her and his arms were solid around her. He dwarfed her, and for a moment she felt like the pet he teased her about being.

  She suppressed the sudden urge to bite him. Maybe Garfield and Vivi were rubbing off on her more than she thought. Or maybe it was just her.

  “Elaina pointed out that she’s not getting enough sleep at night,” Levi said. “Which we should have figured out,” he muttered.

  “And when she isn’t doing movie night or taking care of Beast or one of us, she’d studying non-stop,” Felix chimed in.

  “She didn’t only forget the exhibit, she forgot all about the previous plans for today.”

  “She’s lost track of other things too,” Forrest said. “There was her appointment with the healers a few ten-days ago for birth control—and can I say how unfair it is that girls only need a shot while the guys get their junk sliced up.”

  Felix shook his head. “So dramatic. It is not that bad, you must admit.”

  Forrest shuddered. “Still don’t like it.”

  “Moving on,” Blue cut in. “I’ll concede that I should probably cut back on some things. But I don’t know where to cut back. And before any one of you say my studies, there are very real reasons I’m pushing that so hard.”

  “Explain, then, shopa. Please.”

  She grabbed Felix’s hand where it rested against her hip. He turned it over and she nestled her loose fist in his broad palm. It was their way of holding hands. “Well, you all know I’ve become a bit of a… ummm…”

  “Worrywart? Over protective? Mother hen-esque?” Forrest supplied.

  “Hush. But, yes, those fit.”

  “We noticed, illi, and we do not mind the check-ins and schedule confirmations.” Levi gave her a gentle smile. “They help me as well. I enjoy the structure.”

  She returned his smile then shrugged. “It’s just that after what happened to you two, and Mo’ata on Padilra,” —she rubbed her cheek against her shoulder, wanting to rid the phantom sensation of an injury she had not incurred herself— “those check-ins and scheduling really do help me.”

  “That is not all of it,” Mo’ata said, his tone stern. He’d gone into Super First Priden Mode.

  It made Blue want to stick her tongue out at him. She held back. See, I’m growing up. “Of course that’s not everything. I’m just not sure how to articulate this.”

  Forrest waved a hand. “Spill like you normally do. We’ll make sense of it.”

  She did stick her tongue out at him. “Fine. There’s not one reason really. I mean, yes I worry about you guys.”

  “It is not your job to protect us, pet.”

  Mo’ata and Levi groaned.

  “Shh, don’t interrupt or she’ll never get it all out,” Forrest hissed.

  Blue twisted her head to peer up at Felix… well, his chin. “Did I say it was my job to protect you? No. But we are all partners in this. I made that plenty clear in my terms, which you agreed to the moment you put that ring on your finger.” Despite her harsh words, warmth filled her as she remembered that day. It still made her smile, the sight of all four men coming out of Levi’s room wearing wedding rings as though nothing had happened.

  Mo’ata glared at Felix, and the mercenary pressed his lips together tight.

  Blue was not ready to let this point go. “You say it’s not my job to protect you, but it kind of is.” She looked at each of her men in turn. “Just as it’s your job to protect me and each other. I won’t be left out of this, I won’t be pushed to the sidelines. I’m not saying I’ll be your body guard or anything as ridiculous as that.” She waved her free hand. “I mean, look at you guys. There is no way I am your body guard, but if something happens again, and one of you is incapacitated, I will not be helpless in the face of the situation.” She may or may not have been breathing hard by the end of her little speech. Drawing in a breath, she sought to calm herself. “And the first thing I need to do in order to achieve that, is know what is going on in these worlds and how they operate. There’s still too much I don’t know, and it makes me feel… helpless.” Her mind flashed to the moment she’d found Forrest tied to that table with tubes running in and out of him. She recalled Mo’ata laying grey and still in a stone room at the Prizzoli healers. Levi strapped down and vulnerable.

  Felix rubbed his chin over her head but didn’t say anything. None o
f the guys did. They’re learning.

  “It’s why I haven’t asked to adjust the training schedule. I know why it’s intense. I agree. It’s also why I refuse to be in school for the next couple of years figuring everything out. Falass proved that we don’t have that luxury. These assignments and situations can find us at any moment. I once said we have time. When it comes to our family, to building our lives, we do. On the other hand, I can’t help but feel like I don’t have time, not to get up to speed with these worlds. Every time I’m not studying, or working on my training, I start to feel… anxious. Going out with Beast helps, our movie nights help, other things…” She blushed. “They help too. But the moment I’m not busy, my mind starts to run away with me. It’s always stupid because there's no specific worry or fear, only a general anxiety that never lets me settle down.” She sucked in a breath. “Silly huh? So, I’ve been doing the only thing I can think of that would help.”

  They waited.

  Was she done? Something else tickled at the back of her mind. Oh, yeah. “I also… I mean, you guys all have jobs. Even Forrest is showing his work, getting a name for himself, though he’s still in school.”

  “That may be more the novelty of having an artist from one of the closed worlds,” he said with a blush.

  She glared. “It’s not and you know it.”

  “We have talked about this before, shopa. I have plenty of savings.”

  “It’s not about the money, or not totally. It’s about me contributing to the family. I’m not, not yet. I’m not even working towards it at this point. I mean, me being at the Academy is so I’m not a menace to society and sending people and things willy-nilly about the universe. If I was going to join the Ministry, it would be different, but I’m not. I’m not even going to join the more overt branches of the Order like Levi did.” And there it was, she’d finally articulated the niggle of worry she hadn’t been able to isolate before. Damn, family meetings are the best. “I don’t know what I’m going to do.” She had no plan, and she hated not having a plan.

  “I… understand that,” Levi said.

  She thought he did, maybe more than any of her guys.

  “You are already a probationary agent of the Order. You could join Levi in the regular units,” Mo’ata suggested. “There is no reason you could not.”

  Blue shook her head. “No. I’d be outclassed in every way. Can you imagine? I’d go to arrest someone and get laughed out of the room.”

  Mo’ata’s face darkened. “Do not even think things like that. If you do not want to be part of the Order anymore, that is fine. But do not disparage yourself because you are feeling insecure.”

  “Dude, that’s harsh,” Forrest said, shooting a dark look at Mo’ata.

  Her clansman’s jaw tightened. “It is not meant to be harsh. But did that sound like our Blue? She should have been laughing over the image of the tiny woman taking down hardened criminals, not cringing at the thought of being laughed at.”

  “Or, maybe she just doesn’t want to be part of the enforcement branch of the Order,” Forrest shot back. He turned to Blue. “Tell me, is it that you don’t know what you want to do, or that you don’t think you’re contributing to the family now? Because the first might take some time. You could change your mind over and over before you’re done with your training at the Academy. The other we can do something about.”

  What was that look in his eyes? “Both?” she said in answer to his question. She narrowed her own eyes at him. “And if you’re thinking I’ll take over more of the cooking, you’re wrong.”

  Forrest pouted. “I wasn’t.”

  “Forrest has a point, shopa. One is something you really do have time to decide upon. The other we can work on now.” Mo’ata’s lips thinned and his fingers rapped against the chair arm. “After you take some time to relax. We will also adjust your training schedule. And I want to make one other thing very clear to you.” His hazel gaze bore into her.

  Blue held her breath.

  “I would not have pushed the Boss to appoint you as a probationary agent if I did not feel you could contribute something to the team. While I love you, and am ready to indulge you in many things, taking you on as an agent and trainee is not something to indulge in. You do contribute.” A wry smile tipped his lips up. “Do you think all of us started out with the knowledge and skills we now have?”

  An image came to her, of Mo’ata, Felix, and Levi sprouting from the ground fully formed, like some sort of holy demented golems. She snorted, and Forrest was a beat behind her. “No. No, I assume you had some things to learn as well.”

  “A lot to learn. I knew how to fight, and I knew the clans. I was familiar with the general structure and politics of the Alliance. That was it. The Boss took me on because he saw promise in me, not because I had all the skills an agent needs.”

  “And you see promise in me,” she whispered.

  “Yes.”

  “Thank you.”

  “There is nothing to thank. It is a fact.”

  Blue shook her head. “No, I mean thank you for treating me like a partner, even when I’m not acting like one.”

  Levi’s brows drew together and Felix’s chest rumbled behind her. Mo’ata gave her a nod, his expression unchanging.

  Vivi crept over to her and placed her head in Blue’s lap. With her free hand, Blue scratched the piquet right above her ruff. “It’s not only the contributing thing. I feel… restless.”

  “You said that already,” Mo’ata pointed out. “Is there something else bothering you?”

  “Nothing I can pinpoint.”

  “I have and idea for something that may help,” Levi said. He leaned forward, propping his elbows on his knees and lacing his fingers together. “What if, over the break, you take turns accompanying us for a day? Not to relax or have date-days, though we should do that as well. I mean, come with us to our jobs, so you can see what it is we are doing every day and can meet the people around us. It might help reassure you of the things you can’t see.”

  “I don’t think taking her along on my bodyguard jobs is going to go over very well,” Felix said. Amusement danced under his words. “Though I do like the idea of Blue in her mini-custom armor leading the bunch of us around.”

  “Quack,” Forrest whispered.

  Blue choked. How did he do that? How did her sweet Forrest always know how to make her laugh?

  “Actually, that idea has merit,” Mo’ata said. “I agree it would have to be at a time that would not interfere with any ongoing jobs, or be during ones that are appropriate for trainees. Having you shadow us would also be beneficial for other reasons. You are known of, but not really known. It would be good for you to be seen more. And a few days at the Alliance offices would give you some real world experience of how everything operates.”

  “We’ve been to Colci’s,” she pointed out. She hadn’t completely locked herself in a hole of study and training.

  “Yes, but only a few times. And you’ve yet to actually meet Demil. I suppose we should take you more often. I will admit those are good people for you to know, for many reasons.”

  She liked that idea. The couple of times she’d persuaded Felix or Mo’ata to take her, the rough—and very large—crowd had intimidated her, but she’d… liked them. They radiated menace, but at the same time she’d felt safe. And she liked the bartender, Theo. He was a hoot. She’d been trying to persuade him to install a pool table…

  “Both of these ideas are great,” she said.

  “Good, it is a plan then. Starting over the mid-term break, we will each take you around with us.”

  “And there are a few parties the Art Department students are throwing,” Forrest interjected. “They’ve been asking about meeting you. We should go.” He frowned. “Or maybe not.” He shrugged. “We’ll see what happens.” His gaze had that distant look.

  “Forrest?”

  He shook his head, as though ridding himself of thoughts he didn’t want. “Nothing,” he said
. “Or, nothing that makes any sense. Yet.”

  She let it go. She didn’t want to push him. “Let’s plan to go to the parties. I’d like to spend some time with your friends, especially Matti.” Had she really not met any of Forrest’s new friends? Even the one he’d spent hours with working on their exhibition piece?

  Damn, I am the worst wife ever. “This whole balance thing is not for wimps,” she mused.

  Mo’ata gave her a gentle smile. “No, maintaining the ransyi is never easy. Considering everything we have been though, we are doing remarkably well at it.” He tilted his head. “Are you doing better? The restless feeling?”

  Was she? “Some. It’s good to get it all out, you know? I’m still anxious, but I’m not sure that’s going to go away until I’m actually done with my training and we've settled everything else.” Her thoughts moved to the other topic she had yet to bring up, but that was an issue between her and Felix alone.

  As if he heard her unspoken thoughts, Felix rubbed his chin on her head. “Anything else we need to discuss for this meeting?”

  “I do not believe so.” A smile flitted around Mo’ata’s mouth. “Levi and I can discuss the adjusted training schedule. We can move some of the morning training to the evenings, and shorten that as well, at least while Blue and Forrest are still undertaking the extra lessons in the morning.”

  “Good.” Felix stood with Blue still in his arms. “Say goodnight pet.”

  “Good night pet,” Forrest said at the same time Blue muttered, “Don’t call me pet.”

  Her men chuckled as Felix carried her away and to his room.

  Chapter 4

  MO’ATA

  He remained in the chair he’d claimed as his own, Garfield’s head pressing into his lap and the piquet’s grey-blue eyes begging for scratches. Idly, Mo’ata complied with the silent demand as he stared at the doorway Felix and Blue had disappeared through.