“I thought you might have gotten the wrong impression when you walked in tonight,” he said.
“Wiping your mouth in obvious disgust told me everything I needed to know.” Her eyes reflected the soft lights that hung above the table.
“I would never touch her.”
“I’m surprised but pleased.”
“I would’ve maybe. In another lifetime. Before Mollie.”
She moved a cocktail napkin from one end of the table to the other. “Is Mollie the only reason?”
“No, she’s not the only reason.” He hesitated, unsure of what to say next. This was his opportunity. Tell her how you feel. Don’t be a coward. He stayed quiet a second too long. The moment was lost. She spoke, breaking the silence.
“I saw my parents again tonight,” she said. “Through the window at The Oar. They were having dinner.”
“Did you go in anyway?”
“Yes. Honor made me. She said they were not allowed to ruin our night. We sat in the bar. If they saw me, they didn’t acknowledge me.”
Laughter from the large table interrupted whatever she was going to say next. She sipped from her glass, seemingly lost in thought.
“Where’d you go?” he asked.
She looked up and blinked. “Nowhere really. I was just thinking it’s weird to see your own parents and not have them acknowledge your presence. I don’t know what I ever did to deserve this.”
“You didn’t do anything,” Kyle said. “It’s them.”
“The night I told them I was pregnant, he called me a whore.”
Kyle stomach turned. What kind of man said that to his daughter? “It’s only a word.”
“A very hurtful word,” she said.
“But so far from the truth.”
“No kidding.” She smiled. “Very far.”
“Has it really been since Lund?” he asked.
She lifted her chin. “It’s been my choice.”
He straightened slightly and whistled under his breath. “God, girl, you’re depriving mankind.”
“It has to be right this time. I won’t compromise again.” She bit her bottom lip. He called on every ounce of self-control to keep himself from dragging her across the table and kissing her until she begged him to take her upstairs.
I will not be a compromise. I will be everything you need.
A great pressure pushed against his chest. Now. Tell her now.
“Lettie, I have something I want to tell you.”
She went perfectly still.
“It’s the thing I’ve tried to forget. The memory I’ve been running from.” He ran his thumb around the rim of his glass. “I’m afraid to tell you.”
“Don’t be. You can tell me anything.”
“My real name isn’t Kyle Hicks. It’s Daniel Kyle Hickman. I have a brother and a sister. Stone and Autumn who are two and four years younger than I am. After our mom left, I took care of them. By the time I was in junior high, my dad was either out of it or off on some binge with one of his skanky friends. He’d lost so many jobs we lost count. Money was tighter than ever. When I was thirteen, I got a job at the local diner after school, so we could eat and have hot water. We functioned like a team. I helped them with homework. Stone did most of the outside work, cutting trees for firewood and making sure the roof was repaired. Autumn kept the house clean and cooked all our meals.
“By the time Stone entered ninth grade, he was six feet tall and weighed a hundred and eighty-five pounds. All muscle. I was still scrawny Pig. Stone was determined to beat the crap out of anyone who bullied me. The news quickly spread. Mess with Daniel Hickman and Stone Hickman would beat you to within an inch of your life.”
His mouth seemed full of cotton. He drank from his water glass.
“There were these brothers. The Millers. They’re the ones who gave me the nickname.” He told her the details of their torture that started when he was six. “They were the instigators of most of the bullying. But Stone put a stop to that.”
She nodded, watching him.
“One day Stone saw them corner me under the bleachers. He went crazy. They left with split lips, black eyes, and a few less teeth. After that, they left me alone. But they were just biding their time, waiting for revenge. One day, they got it.”
He shut his eyes, seeing the events unfold in his mind. “It was late spring. I was eighteen. Autumn was fourteen. In a few months I planned to head to USC but until then it was life as usual. It was my payday, so I took Autumn into town to shop for groceries.”
He told her the story, as succinctly as possible but with all the details. She must know everything.
Rain fell hard and fast that day. By late afternoon the tender tulips and daffodils in the pots that lined the main street of town were bent and broken. Later, he would think of those flowers as a symbol of his sister. Autumn had started the day as a perfect, newly bloomed flower. By the end of that day, she was as bent and broken as the flowers so carefully planted by the women of their town.
He and Autumn exited the grocery store, each clutching a bag. They ran across the parking lot, damp by the time they reached their car. Kyle unlocked the trunk. He hadn’t noticed their truck until he saw the Miller boys start toward them.
“Get in the car,” he said to his sister.
Too late. They were near them now. The older one, Tim, had a knife in his hand. Jason, younger but bigger than his brother, with an oversized, round head and maniacal grin that reminded Kyle of a jack-o-lantern, held a bottle of whiskey. Kyle dropped the grocery bag inside the trunk and turned to face them.
“Look who it is. Pig and his hot sister.”
“What do you want?” Kyle asked.
“Where’s your moose of a brother, huh?” Tim shoved Kyle and he staggered against the bumper of the car. Jason knocked the grocery bag out of Autumn’s arms and grabbed her. With his free arm, he pulled her against him. “Hey pretty thing. You want to go for a ride?” Autumn looked over at Kyle, obviously paralyzed with fear.
“Let go of her.” Kyle lunged forward, but Tim shoved him against the back of the car and pressed the knife’s blade against his neck. The sharp edge pierced his skin. For a split second, everything went numb, followed by a sharp sting, almost like a burn. Blood trickled down his neck and onto the collar of his shirt. Tim’s hot breath smelled of cheap whiskey.
What would Stone do?
Fight like hell. Fight dirty.
With every ounce of muscle in his scrawny frame, he called upon the ravine of rage that had built up inside him for years and years. He shoved his knee into Tim’s crotch with the force of his anger and fear. The knife flew out of Tim’s hand and tumbled onto the concrete. The boy fell to the ground, screaming and clutching his groin. Jason, perhaps surprised by this sudden turn, let go of Autumn and stumbled toward his brother.
They’re drunk. This had not been obvious at first. Drunk people were unsteady on their feet. He knew this well enough.
“Autumn, get in the car.” Kyle shouted to her, but he needn’t have. She was already half way around the car.
He reached into the bag of groceries he’d put in the trunk and pulled out a can of cleaning spray. Using it like a bat, he swung it hard against the side of Jason’s head.
“What the hell?” Jason touched his hand to the side of his head. Without wasting a second, Kyle sprayed the cleansing agent into Jason’s eyes. He yelped and stumbled backward. Kyle shoved the butt of the can into Jason’s chest, knocking him to his knees, then sprayed again.
Tim continued to writhe on the ground. Kyle kicked him four times in the ribs, then did the same to Jason. “Get out of the way or I’ll run you over.”
Kyle slammed the trunk closed and ran to the driver’s side door and slipped behind the wheel. He started the engine. The Miller boys were on their feet, staggering toward their truck. Kyle backed up and out of the parking space. He would have made it out before the Millers if there hadn’t been an old lady crossing from her car to the front door. By the time she
was safely out of his path, the Miller boys were right behind them.
The truck slammed into the back of their car. He and Autumn lurched forward in their seats. “Hold on tight.” Kyle pressed his foot on the gas and sped out of the parking lot and onto the main street of town. The Millers followed.
Kyle increased his speed as he drove through town. The Millers stayed close. They hit the back of Kyle’s car again just as they exited town and onto the highway that would take them home. Would they follow them all the way home? Stone was there. A shotgun hung over the door. Stone would use it if he had to.
He pushed the gas pedal down to the floor. They barreled down the highway at just under a hundred, the Miller boys behind him. The windshield wipers were no match for the falling rain. The road blurred into a soppy impressionist painting. He didn’t see the sharp turn in the road near the Foster’s farm. Too late, he slammed on his brakes. They slid on the slick road and spun in a full circle, then stalled. The Millers’ truck hurled toward them. Autumn screamed.
The Millers’ truck plunged nose first into the passenger side of the car. Blackness.
He woke on a stretcher in the middle of the road. “Autumn. Where’s Autumn?” The car. Where was the car? He thrashed and pushed against the strap that held him down, searching for the car. Oh God. The whole right side had folded in like the tin cans they picked up on the side of the road. How could she have survived? “My sister. Where’s my sister?”
“She’s in the other ambulance. Relax now. We’re going to take good care of her.”
“I’m not hurt. Let me ride with her.” He tried to sit up but couldn’t. Straps kept him flat on his back. “Is she going to live?”
“She’s going to fine, young man. Just rest. We’ll take care of her.”
They took care of her as best they could. But a girl as broken as Autumn couldn’t be perfectly put back together.
He had cuts and lacerations. Nothing serious. Autumn had not fared as well. The right side of her beautiful face had been slashed by a piece of metal. It had missed her eye but would leave a significant scar. Both legs had been crushed and would require surgery and months in the hospital. She would never walk without braces again, they’d told him. Best case scenario.
They were right. After her long stint in the hospital, she came home with braces on her legs, needing canes to help her walk. The scar ran from just under her eye to the middle of her cheek.
His sister never complained. He never even heard her cry. By the time he left for college, she had mastered the braces and was making it around well enough that she would be able to start high school as planned. No more dance team. No more boys drooling over her when she walked by. She was now the girl with the braces and the scar.
“I’ll never forgive himself,” he said to Violet, whose eyes glittered like the brightest star in the sky. “I promised Stone I’d get them out of there. I’ve done that. Once I made money, I set them both up financially through trusts. But the day I left town, I disappeared. I changed my name so there was no way they could ever find me. It’s +like Daniel Hickman never existed.”
“But why? Why would you leave your sister and brother?”
Kyle stared back at her. Adrenaline rushed into his system. He must tell her the truth. Could he? Would it ruin her opinion of him? If she knew what a coward he was, would she run?
He thought back to the day Mollie came to him. Paulina had said it hurt too much to look at Katy’s baby. She was a reminder of her dead friend.
“Here it is.” He placed his hands on the surface of the table. “Seeing Autumn scarred and crippled hurt too much.” His temples throbbed, like pangs of guilt were trying to escape. “I was too weak to face her. All I could see when I looked at her was how I’d failed her and ruined her life. So I left. All these years I’ve tried to forget.”
“But it didn’t work?”
“No. No matter what I do, it haunts me.” He raked his hands through his hair. “You’re the first person I’ve told since I became Kyle Hicks.”
“Why me?”
“I want you to know the truth about who I am.”
“But why?” she asked.
“You need all the information…all the data…so you can decide if I’m worthy of you.”
“Did you think this would change my opinion of you?”
Was she incredulous or disgusted?
“How could it not?” he asked.
“It doesn’t. The accident wasn’t your fault. You were being chased by monsters. If anything, it explains so much about you.” He watched as she worked through it all, piecing together the missing pieces to the puzzle of Kyle. “You never had a chance, Kyle. But you made it out anyway. Do you know how much I admire that?”
His eyes filled. He pressed against them with a napkin. Relief tugged and loosened the guilt that throbbed between his ears. Could Lettie love him despite everything he’d done?
Her warm hand circled his wrist. “Please, you must let go of the guilt. It’s going to eat away at you for the rest of your life. You deserve to feel joy.”
He looked into her warm eyes. She cared about him. He’d shown her everything and she still cared.
Go deep. Tell her everything.
“There’s something else. Over the years I’ve had these episodes.” He described them and what he believed triggered the last one he had. “I might have one again. I just don’t know. It’s something I can’t seem to control.”
“Of course not. It’s a delayed reaction to the abuse. You were bullied every day of your childhood. How could you not have lasting effects?”
“I just wanted you to know, in case that changes anything.” He took in a deep breath. “I have feelings for you. I’ve fought against it. But it’s time to come clean. I’ve been happy. Happier than I’ve ever been. I love being Mollie’s dad. I love how Dakota runs to greet me when I come home from work, like I’m a rock star. But it’s not just the kids. You wreck me. I think I’m falling for you.”
“You think?” she whispered.
He tugged at his ear. “No, I said it wrong. There’s no thinking. I have to say it exactly right, so you understand. I’ve fallen for you. I’m in love with you.”
“Oh. In love with me?”
“Yes. I love you.” The second time was easier. He’d try another. “I’m hopelessly in love with you.”
She gazed at him for a long moment. His heart pounded, waiting to hear what she would say next, fully expecting her to reject him. There was no room in her heart for him. Not for Pig.
“I kept telling myself you were everything I should protect myself from. I thought I knew how men like you operate.”
That hurt. Men like you. She was right. He was exactly like she described. That was before. Before you.
“But you’re nothing like I thought. I see now that you’re like Honor. The outer polish hides inner wounds.” She placed her hands over his. “These past few months have been the happiest of my life, other than I felt sure I was headed into heartbreak. Being with the children all day and having the luxury of a life without constant money worries have been great gifts. But it’s you that matters most. If we lived in a shack on the side of the road, my heart would still beat faster when you walked through the door. If I could spend every moment of the day with you, I would. Don’t you see? There’s nothing from your past that would ever change my opinion of you. I adore you. I love you.” She looked down at her hands. Did he imagine that her gaze had skirted to the ring finger of her left hand? “But I want everything.”
“The white picket fence?”
“And backyard barbeques. A father for my son. A husband. I can’t play around. I’m not a pack-and-play kind of girl.”
“Lettie, don’t you see? I want to give it all to you. I love knowing you’ll be there when I get home. I’m like a country song these days. Just itching to get home to my…” He wet his upper lip with the tip of his tongue. Dare he say it?
“To your what?” she whispered. “Wh
at are we?”
“I can’t wait to get home to my family.” He caressed her wedding ring finger with his thumb. “We’ve done all this backward and upside down. You deserve dates and wooing. I have every intention of winning your forever heart.”
“I’m scared,” she said. “Please don’t change your mind.”
“Lettie, losing you would kill me.”
“I won’t hurt you. I just want to love you. If you’ll let me.”
“I will. I promise.”
He moved to sit beside her, inhaling the scent of her perfume. The smell of his one true love—jasmine and spice and a hint of citrus. “Do you know how beautiful you are to me?”
“I think so.”
He placed his hands on either side of her face. “Are you ready for the kiss we’re going to tell our children about? The kiss that sealed our future?”
She nodded with a slight smile.
He lowered his mouth to hers and kissed her gently. His heart pounded and his throat ached. This is what it is to kiss the woman I love.
Chapter Twelve
Violet
* * *
THEY MOVED INTO the Burnside house the next day. The moment she saw the cathedral ceilings, marble floors, and everything in shades of white, Violet’s immediate concern was Dakota and his sticky fingers. Those fears were waylaid by the four bedrooms and state of the art kitchen. She hadn’t thought it possible, but she missed cooking.
Last night still seemed like a dream. When they had arrived back upstairs to the suite, Mel was asleep on the couch. They had agreed it was too weird to sleep together with Mel in the other room, so they went off to their separate bedrooms. Violet had scarcely slept, thinking of Kyle, wishing she was there with him. All day they’d been busy with the kids and moving. They hadn’t had much time to talk. Or kiss.
Now, she put Dakota down for the night in his new, temporary bedroom and went downstairs to the kitchen to finish cleaning up from their pasta dinner. It was already done. The counters gleamed. There wasn’t a dish in sight. On the video baby monitor, she could see Mollie had already been put down. Super dad.
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