Kyle turned back to look at her. “I ruined your life. You’re better off without me. You know that.”
“My life wasn’t ruined,” Autumn said, her voice just above a whisper. “I don’t even remember what it was like before.”
“You mean before your legs were mangled and your perfect face scarred?”
“Yes, that. This is my life. I’d rather it be different, but hey, it got me out of P.E. the last few years of high school.” Autumn wiped under her eyes. “How could you leave us?”
“When I left home it was for good. I started fresh,” Kyle said.
“But what about Stone and me? You left just like Mom did. Nothing. Just evaporated.”
Kyle buried his face in his hands and let out a long, shuddering sigh. “It’s what I had to do to save myself. I had to save myself to save you guys.”
“Why couldn’t you do that and stay in our lives? Is it because of me?”
The second hand on the clock above the mantel clicked away the seconds. Finally, he answered. “Yes. It kills me that I did this to you. All I ever wanted was to make sure you guys were okay. I failed you.”
“The only way you failed us was to disappear. Stone needs you. Please, can we see you? Talk things through?”
“You could come to Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow,” Violet said. Why had she said that? It just slipped out of her mouth. Kyle glared at her. She looked away, flushed.
“I’d like that. Very much,” Autumn said.
The sound of Mollie crying through the monitor interrupted them. Violet stood, but Kyle shook his head. “No, I’ll get her.” He rose from the chair. “Yes, come tomorrow. Bring Stone.”
“I will.” Autumn smiled.
“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Kyle headed out the door. His footsteps echoed through the house.
Autumn picked up the photograph from the table and stared at it like she’d never seen it before. “Do you know how many hours I’ve spent staring at this picture? I could have circled the earth twice on foot.” She looked up and over at Violet. “I should go.”
“I’ll walk you out,” Violet said.
When they reached the front door, she helped Autumn into her coat and escorted her out to the driveway where a rental car was parked next to Kyle’s Lexus.
At the car, Autumn opened the driver’s side door and placed her cane inside before sitting. She looked up at Violet. “Do you think he’s all right? I mean, for real. Is he happy?”
Violet gripped the top of the car door. “I think so.”
“He has friends?”
“Yes. The best kind.”
“He basically raised us after our mom left,” Autumn said. “Until he left for college, he took care of everything.” Her voice softened. “I missed him more than I can say. Stone wouldn’t admit it, but he did too. We never missed our mom much because we were so young when she left, but Kyle, well, that was hard. I would never have predicted he was the leaving kind. I guess he got that from our mother.”
“I’m sorry. My family’s estranged too.”
“This was more like abandonment, not estrangement.”
“Kyle’s complex. He has demons, clearly.” More so than I could even imagine.
“I’m one of them,” Autumn said.
So it seems.
Autumn started the engine. The driveway filled with the smell of engine fumes. She rolled down the window. “Are you guys in love?”
Violet nodded. “Very much so.”
“Be careful. Kyle will leave when you least expect it and break your heart.”
“People change,” Violet said.
Autumn looked up at her with a sad smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “I hope so. Was it dumb to come? Are my hopes for reconciliation futile?”
“I don’t know. But you have to try.”
“Yes, I do. Thanks for the invitation to dinner. I have a feeling you may have to pay for that,” Autumn said.
“Sometimes you have to take a risk for someone you love.” Violet pulled her sweater tighter around her waist. “Honestly, it slipped out. But my gut tells me this is the right thing. For all of us.”
“I hope so. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Violet shivered in the night air as she watched the car back out of the driveway and onto the street. When the lights were no longer visible, she looked up at the moonless sky. A few stars twinkled between the clouds. The roar of the car’s engine faded, replaced by the sound of waves crashing to shore. She wrapped her arms around her middle and closed her eyes. Please God, help them forgive and become the family they’re meant to be. Please help Kyle forgive himself.
If he didn’t, would he ever be free of his demons? Without forgiveness would he be able to love her and the children the way he should? Was it true that one must love themselves before they could love others?
Love. It was all a leap of faith that required great courage. Kyle loved her. She loved him. With that pact came the responsibility to stand by the other during moments of weakness and uncertainty. She looked back to the sky, to the twinkling stars that pushed aside the clouds to shine. Tonight, I’ll be the strong one. I’ll shine with such intensity that he will melt into forgiveness.
She walked into the house, determined to wake the sleeping lion named Courage that resided in the deepest part of her.
Chapter Fifteen
Kyle
* * *
KYLE WAS HUNCHED over in the armchair in the master bedroom with a drink in his hand when Violet appeared in the doorway. Every muscle and organ in his body ached. He couldn’t shake the weight that wanted to cut him off at the knees and make him fall apart.
“Drink?” he asked.
“No thanks.”
“Don’t give me that look,” he said.
“I didn’t say anything. You’re a grown-up. You can have another drink if you want.”
She moved nearer to the fireplace with her arms wrapped around her waist like she did when she was cold. “I’m sorry I asked your sister to dinner. It just slipped out. She looked so sad and I thought about my parents and how I wished they were in my life and I got carried away. I know it wasn’t my place.”
“It’s okay.” He blinked, and she came into focus. How was he supposed to stay angry at her? An apology stole the fury from him. He tried to conjure a little more anger, but nothing came. Instead, a sadness crept into the lining of his stomach. He drank from his glass.
She moved toward him almost on her tiptoes, like he was a frightened animal and she the benevolent zoo keeper. Her oversized sweater made her seem small, almost fragile. He knew differently. She was made of steel. When she reached him, she took the glass from his hands and situated it on the bedside table.
An image of Autumn on the ground, bloody and mangled flashed through his mind. I can’t do this. I can’t feel all this at once. Black spots danced before his eyes.
I just want to feel numb, to forget.
She slipped between his legs and splayed her fingers through his hair before forcing his chin upward so that she could peer directly into his eyes. “Did you hear what I said?”
“No.” Kyle breathed in the heady scent of her perfume like it would ease the tightening of his chest. It didn’t. He fixated on her small mouth, those perfect lips that made him think of pink daisies. If he could kiss her the ache might leave for a moment. But the anguish would come back. It always did.
Violet knelt on the floor beside him and placed her hands on his knees. She stared up at him with those eyes that saw through every layer of skin to his heart. “You’re the only one who thinks the accident was your fault. She doesn’t. Stone doesn’t.”
“My temper and ego fueled the flame. If I’d been a better man I would’ve just walked away. But I couldn’t. I was an irresponsible, selfish boy who let his sister get smashed to bits.”
“You fought dirty, just like Stone told you to do. Because you had to. You don’t know what they would have done to Autumn had you not gotten her out of there. Think a
bout that for a second.”
“Her face, Lettie. Her beautiful face.”
“She’s still beautiful. Maybe more so because of what she went through.”
“I made sure they got out. I made sure. That’s all that mattered.” Words were hard to conjure. Too much scotch. And still he wasn’t numb. The pain was a heavy cloak dragging him deeper into darkness.
“If you’re under the impression that people would rather have your money than you, you’re wrong,” she said.
“Money makes a person like me seem a lot better than I really am.”
Violet shook her head so violently that one of her earrings fell out and flew across the room. She didn’t appear to notice. “Your money isn’t you, Kyle. Of all people, you should know that.”
“I’m dark and selfish. All the women, all the business deals to prove I’m worthy—they all add up to one thing. I’m no good for you or anyone.”
“Do you really hate yourself that much? Do you really think disappearing from their lives was the best thing for any of you?”
“When I was a kid that was everyone’s wish. Make Daniel disappear. Pig stinks.” His voice was ragged in the quiet room. “When I wake up in the middle of the night and it’s all dark, I remember. I remember it all. The torture. The ridicule. The accident. With them, I’ll always be the one who ruined my sister’s life, the boy who smells like a pig farm, the kid whose own mother didn’t want him.”
“Is that what you’ve been doing all this time? Running from your old self? Because I have news for you—there’s no way you can ever succeed. You’re still going to wake up with yourself in the morning.”
“That’s just it. No matter what I do, Pig still lives inside me.”
She looked up at him in that way she did with the tilted head and her mouth slightly parted and those eyes that swallowed him whole. “You can’t wish away the little boy you were. Maybe you shouldn’t even want to. Do you think you would be this version of yourself without those hard times? They made you into the man I love.” Her eyes filled. One teardrop clung to the bottom lashes of her left eye.
In that teardrop, another Kyle lived. The one who could make her his wife and give her that picket fence she wanted. He wanted so desperately to live there forever. But could he?
“You don’t have to punish yourself any longer for a crime you didn’t commit. You can let people love you. You can love yourself.”
“How? How do I do that?” The words strangled in the back of his throat.
She wiped his cheeks with her thumbs. Was he crying?
“Do you love me?” she asked.
“I do.”
“Say it.”
“I love you,” he whispered.
“It’s as easy and hard as that.”
“Loving you isn’t hard. It’s the easiest thing in the world.”
She finished his sentence. “But how do you love yourself?”” She paused. “Close your eyes.”
He followed her instruction.
“Now think of the little boy in that photograph, the one with the dirty face and ragged clothes. He’s an innocent child, hungry and sad. Did he deserve love?”
“Yes,” he whispered.
“You’re still that little boy. A child who deserves love and affection and a full stomach. You did your best in a terrible situation. But we’re not our circumstances. Can you find it in your heart to forgive the little boy who did his best to protect his sister and brother?”
He opened his eyes. “I think so.”
“What do you see when you look into my eyes?”
“Love.”
“Absorb it. Let it heal all the broken parts. Use it to absolve yourself. We can’t ever make the past disappear, but we can use it to inform how we live now. The hardships you went through made you strong and determined. But now it’s time to reconcile your past with your present. They have to merge. Otherwise you’ll never have peace. Your sister and brother have come back to you for a reason.”
“I don’t know if I can do this—maybe it’s too late to have a relationship with them.”
“They’re here. It’s a start. And, I’ll be there for you tomorrow and the day after that. When one of us is weak, the other can be strong. We don’t have to carry our burdens alone.”
He kissed her, cleansing the last of the grime that remained under his skin and in those nearly impossible to reach crevices. It was Violet’s smell now that permeated every part of him. Jasmine and sunshine and the scent of her hair splashed over him like no bottle of expensive cologne ever could.
Chapter Sixteen
Violet
* * *
THANKSGIVING DAY, THE doorbell rang at exactly four. Kyle and Dakota were by her side as she took in a deep breath. Whatever happened today didn’t matter as much as the two people right here with her. As if he knew she needed it, Dakota slipped his hand into hers just before she opened the door.
To her surprise, both of her parents stood on the porch. “Hi Mom. Hi Dad.” Violet’s voice sounded high pitched, or was it the buzzing in her ears? Dakota had slipped behind her and peeked out from behind her skirt.
She gestured for them to come inside and accepted her mother’s hug.
“This is Kyle Hicks.” Violet’s voice sounded like a child’s, even to herself. She was eight years old the minute he walked in the door.
“Terry Ellis.” The men shook hands.
“Good to meet you,” Kyle said. “Thanks for coming.”
Violet gently pushed Dakota forward. “And this is Dakota.”
“Nice to meet you, young man,” her dad said.
Her mother crouched low to take Dakota into her arms. “You’ve gotten so big.”
Dakota escaped from his grandmother’s tight embrace and smiled politely. “Kale says I have to eat meat to get big like him.”
“The boy doesn’t look a thing like our family,” her dad said, almost under his breath. We all heard you, Dad.
“I don’t, Mama?” Dakota asked.
“You look like yourself,” Kyle said. “And that’s just right.”
Dakota grinned. “Just right.” He turned back to his grandmother. “We have a baby here too. Mollie Blue.”
Her mother nodded and smiled. “Your mom told me about Mollie Blue.”
“A nanny job,” her dad said. “This is what happens when you don’t finish your degree.”
“Terry,” her mother said. “Please.”
“What was that, Rose?” Her father glared at his wife. A warning. Don’t cross me in front of others. Violet knew that one all too well.
“Would anyone care for a cocktail?” Kyle asked.
“I would,” Violet said.
“Some wine might be nice,” her mother said.
“Do you know how to make a dry martini?” her dad asked.
“One of my best friends is a bartender. I’ve picked up a few tricks over the years.” Kyle smiled but it didn’t match the steely glint in his eyes.
Kyle led them all into the living room and asked them all to sit while he fixed drinks. “My brother and sister will be here soon and then we’ll eat. Violet and I have been cooking all day.”
“She cooks now?” Her father raised his eyebrows before turning to Kyle. “She never had much interest in that when she lived at home. Seemed to think meals were delivered by a magical fairy.”
Violet stifled a sigh. Here we go.
“Well, she lived with you when she was a child, so that sounds about right,” Kyle said.
“She was a pampered princess. Enough said,” her dad said.
This was a mistake. Why had she weakened? He was the same. Toxic and awful.
The doorbell rang before Kyle finished mixing her dad’s martini.
“I’ll finish up,” she said. “If you want to get the door.”
“Sure. Wish me luck.” He kissed her cheek before disappearing into the hallway.
“You don’t know how to make a martini. Move over. I’ll do it.” Her dad pic
ked up the bottle of vodka and poured a good dose into the shaker.
Violet poured two glasses of white wine and handed one to her mother who was now sitting with Dakota on the couch, listening to one of his stories about his favorite train.
Her dad approached, having fixed his drink. “What’s going on here? I thought he was your boss.”
“He was. Now he’s my boyfriend.”
“For heaven’s sake. You are shacked up with him,” her mother said. “My friends were right.”
“Your mother told me about the store. I knew that hippie idea wouldn’t work. Not in this town, especially.”
She was saved from responding when Kyle came into the room with his siblings. Autumn looked beautiful in a light blue dress and ballerina flats. Stone wore a pair of khakis and a cranberry colored sweater over a button-down shirt. He was taller and wider than Kyle by several inches in every direction. Their faces were similar, with the same dark blue eyes and strong jawline. He held out his hand to Violet the moment he came into the room. “Thank you for having me. It smells delicious.”
“Thank you. I’m glad you could come.”
“I’m never one to turn down a homecooked meal.” His voice was soft and low-pitched, which belied his tall, muscular frame.
Dakota approached, looking up at Stone with a timid smile.
“Who’s this now?” Stone asked.
“I’m Dakota.”
“I’m Kyle’s little brother,” Stone said.
“But you’re bigger than him,” Dakota said.
Stone reached into the pocket of his sports coat and pulled out a toy car. “I brought this for you. It’s a Corvette.”
“Thank you,” Dakota said. “I love cars.”
“Me too,” Stone said.
“That was very thoughtful,” Violet said.
“It’s nothing,” Stone said. “We’re pretty darned excited to meet you all.”
“Do you want to see my truck?” Dakota asked. “It’s over there.” He pointed to a corner of the family room where his truck was parked next to a potted plant.
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