Now she was glad she hadn’t.
It held no memories. It was fresh and new.
Like her life.
As she walked the mile or so to the office she was preoccupied trying to remember all the things she thought she would never need to know again; how to operate the machines she had been so adept at; all the clients’ names and the work they required, always supposing she hadn’t managed to put them all off through the Spring.
She was really looking forward to her fresh start, to seeing Linda again.
And Charles.
Holly was so lost in her own world that she didn’t notice the man walking several yards behind her along the wide tree-lined road.
He had been waiting outside the flat, as he had the day before, leaning against the doors of the telephone box, half hidden from view.
She could have seen him if she had been looking for him, but of course she wasn’t.
He followed her at a distance, watching her body move as she walked, wondering again why she had cut her lovely long blonde hair.
That made him quite angry as he thought of that hair brushing against him, of him holding her head, making it swing slowly from side to side, brushing over him, arousing him.
It would be very different having sex with her now.
But he was sure he’d find a way to enjoy it.
Chapter Twenty-Five
I was in my room in the office while Linda went round switching on fans, opening windows, getting everything ready for the day. I was under strict instructions not to appear until she had worked out how Holly was.
When Holly walked in she looked up as if it had only been a day since they had seen each other and there had never been any problems. “Love the hair.”
She poured two plastic mugs of water from the cooler and handed one to Holly.
“This bloody weather, it hasn’t let up for ages. Had to get in all these fans even though they blow all the paper everywhere and we have to weigh everything down. We always want a hot summer and then when we get one all we do is complain. No such thing as air-conditioning here. Not worth it usually. Oh! I’m wittering on aren’t I? I always do that.” She paused for a moment and topped up her cup from the cooler.
“It’s so good to see you!” Holly was overwhelmed by the welcome “I’ve missed you. I’ve missed you for years really.”
“Come on. Don’t get all serious. It’s all history. ‘Today is the first day of the rest of your life’ as they say. We’ve got a staff meeting at 8.30. I’ve asked everyone to be here early so we can bring you up to speed with who’s who and what’s what.”
“Everyone?”
I listened as Linda enthusiastically explained all the changes a month had wrought on the business.
“Absolutely. Lorraine has left. I don’t think it was a surprise and she got herself a fantastic job in Liverpool. I think she preferred to be in a bigger office with shops just round the corner every lunchtime. We’ve got Luci now. She’s absolutely brilliant. You’ll love her. She’s just spent a year travelling in Canada and the States and Charles found her looking through the job adverts while working behind the bar in the Derby. Saved no end of agency fees. But she’s really very good. She spent loads of time temping in Canada and used all sorts of new fangled machines and she’s got so many brilliant ideas. Although she’s only been with us a couple of weeks but it’s as if she’s been with us for ever.”
Seeing the worried look on Holly’s face she continued rapidly “Don’t worry, she’s not going to take anything away from you, just add to all your training. We’ve taken on one or two other people because we’ve got one or two strange clients. Completely different sort of work. We still do the memory typing and what we should now call ‘word processing’ but we’re getting into other stuff. We’re doing translation and I’m looking at new machines that will do a lot more than these.” She waved her arm dismissively at the desks. “Anyway, time enough for all that when the others come in.”
She slowed her talking down, looked more serious and asked “Are you really OK about this? About Charles I mean. I know you two had the most awful row, but is it all OK now?”
“I don’t know really. I think so. I hope so. I haven’t spoken to him since … since May. But I’ve done a lot of thinking and I’m looking forward to seeing him, talking to him, thanking him. You know what he’s done to the flat and everything?”
“Of course! He told me all about it but stressed it was purely a brilliant business opportunity.”
“Good morning Charles.”
Linda kept up the business front for a few moments after I came out of my office. “Those flats were in a dreadful state and I got them for a really knock down price, with sitting tenants. It’s purely an investment.”
She must have seen the look Holly gave me. It was a slow smile, beginning with her eyes and spreading, almost as an afterthought, to her mouth.
“I’ll go and check the… um … things.”
And Linda left us to it.
As Holly got into the swing of things at work I tried to keep everything between us on a purely business footing. We were as we had been in the early part of the year when the three of us enjoyed the hard work during the day and a little relaxation in the evenings.
Linda helped by making sure we spent very little time alone.
Holly and I spoke of work and of the weather, neither of us said anything about anything important. Sooner or later, I knew, we would have to face up to difficult subjects but for the time being we both seemed to be happy to put that moment off.
In those two weeks I mentioned neither Max nor Monika and no one mentioned Graham or Matt.
And I left it until the very last minute before mentioning that Susannah had come home.
I was extremely wary of inviting Holly to Susannah’s graduation party, a party Max was determined to give her ‘for Alicia’s sake’. I didn’t think she would want to go back to Sandhey. I couldn’t imagine she would want to meet Max, or Monika. But I didn’t want not to ask her in case she found out and felt hurt. I didn’t think I could win either way I decided to ask both of them. Perhaps I could have done it more graciously.
“I don’t suppose you’d like to come to Susannah’s graduation party? It’s next Wednesday? Well, it’s not really a party, more champagne and canapés in the garden for the select few. Both of you? Don’t feel you have to if you don’t want to.”
“Bloody hell. Susannah’s back.” Linda didn’t sound very enthusiastic.
“Don’t you want us to go?” Holly must have picked up the hint of some reluctance in my voice.
“Of course I do. It’s just that you might not like it. It’ll be stuffy and formal. It’s Max’s party not mine.”
“We might liven it up a bit then.”
“What do you think Linda? Shall we accept his kind invitation?”
“We’d love to come.” Linda agreed. “Just make sure you don’t leave us to talk to the grown ups!” I hated being teased.
Holly came to my rescue by asking “It’s odd that I’ve lived here five years and I’ve never met her.”
“Yes you have,” Linda reminded her “at the funeral.”
“I don’t remember.”
“That was the last time I saw her too.” I think I surprised them. “It was my fault. We argued. I went to Cornwall and she went away saying she wouldn’t come back till she’d sorted herself out. She wanted to get a proper degree and now she has.”
“Have she seen the children? How are they?”
“He’s seen them every other Wednesday for two hours at ten o’clock.” Holly answered.
I looked at her questioningly. “You don’t want to know.”
I tried to concentrate on my answer to Linda “Not yet. They’re growing up. Bill, the youngest is 7; Josie, the eldest she’s 12, nearly 13. We go to see them most weeks for an hour or so.”
“I’ve been visiting them too, every so often.” Linda had never told me about her visits even th
ough I had known about them almost since she first went.
“I wondered when you’d get round to telling me. They often talk about this energetic bubbly lady with red hair who comes to visit them now and again. I’ve always said ‘a friend of your mummy’s’ when they asked me who it was though I knew it must be you.”
“I don’t go very often. It’s just that Carl…”
One, maybe two years, before I would have said “What’s it got to do with him?” feeling an area of mine had been invaded but now I understood far more. Carl was always going to be interested in Susannah and her children, however much she hated the idea, were part of her. Now I was able to accept that I felt none of the old pangs of jealousy. “I suppose he wants to keep in touch with Susannah in any way he can.”
“Yeah. I just tell him how they’re doing, what interests them, you know, that sort of thing. Just in case…”
“…just in case he ever gets to know them himself you mean. I wish you’d told me, we could have gone together.” I had no reason not to be generous.
“When did Susannah last see them?” Holly was curious.
“Jack’s 4th birthday. 1st August 1971. “
“Jeez. That’s as long as I’ve lived here. It seems forever ago and she hasn’t seen them all that time?”
“No. Not once. She’s been living in the south.”
“But she’s coming back now?”
“Maybe she’s grown up.”
“Well we’d love to come. Will we know anyone other than you?” With only the slightest of pauses she continued. “Apart from Max and Monika, of course.” Sooner or later they would have to be mentioned, I was glad she had the courage. I didn’t.
“Ted, he always comes to important family occasions, it’s just a small party really, close family. We don’t want to scare her off again.”
“Carl?” Linda asked and I tried not to notice that Holly looked interested in the response.
“I sincerely doubt it. They’ve avoided each other one way or another, for more than 15 years. We haven’t seen him for a while, I think he’s spent a lot of time in Spain. We keep in touch by letter more than anything, though he did phone a couple of weeks ago to say he’s back in the country.”
I kept looking at Holly and tried not to be worried when I saw her blush.
I forced enthusiasm. “We’ll leave Luci in charge and have the afternoon off. Champagne will be served on the terrace at noon.”
“We’ll be there.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Neither Charles nor Linda went into the office that morning. Charles had rung Linda to say “We’re off to see the children. They’ve broken up now so I’m just going to check everything’s OK.”
“We?” Linda asked, surprised. “Is Susannah going with you?”
“No. Ted. He comes along sometimes to check on the house, the nanny and to make sure everything is as it should be. Want to come with us?”
Holly wasn’t included in the invitation but she didn’t mind; Linda knew the children, she didn’t, and in any case, someone had to stay in the office.
It turned out to be a very busy morning. She had had every intention of stopping work at eleven. This would have given her plenty of time to change, put on some makeup and walk the mile or so to Sandhey by noon. At a quarter to twelve she was still fielding phone calls and leaving instructions for Luci and the girls for the afternoon. She very nearly rang Sandhey to say she was sorry she couldn’t make it after all, she was too busy. It was after twelve when she ran out of the office, past the station, through the crowd milling around outside the sweetshop and down to the promenade.
She stood leaning against the railings, looking out over the estuary to Wales, panting as she to tried to get her breath back. She decided she should calm down. It would be better to be a few minutes late than to arrive breathless and dishevelled.
Passing the sweetshop had made her think about all that had happened in the years since she had been kidnapped by Linda, how her life would have been so different if they had caught a later train, if there had been a taxi outside the station, if her mother had had her way and they had gone to see the house in Formby instead of the one in West Kirby.
Enjoying the cooling sea breeze on her face she turned away from the busy prom and headed along the path towards Sandhey.
She remembered the day she had walked that same path with her parents. How angry they had all been with each other on the afternoon of Charles’s birthday barbecue four years earlier. She gasped as she had a vivid memory of her Mother walking along this same path. How quiet she had been. How unhappy. Her father’s mood had been very different. Angry, yes, but confident and aggressive.
She hadn’t really wanted to go to a party that day but now she was looking forward to an afternoon on the lawn at Sandhey. So much had changed, but it was the same place, and many of the same people. Watching the house as she walked, seeing the colourful umbrellas in the garden getting closer, she knew she was lucky. Even if she couldn’t acknowledge them as family, she was glad to have them as friends.
She would be meeting Max for the first time since their argument back in March. He’d know everything that had happened and that could be embarrassing but Charles wouldn’t have asked her if he thought there would be a problem.
She had to trust him.
And she would have to meet Monika. How would she be able to stop staring at this woman she hardly knew, who was her aunt? How would she be able not to say anything? How could she forget what Max had said about how she was treated? She understood why she had to say nothing and she was not so selfish as to want to do something that could cause so much hurt. Charles knew Monika and what she was capable of knowing.
She would have to trust that he knew best.
With all the other people on the path Holly wouldn’t have been aware of the man who had been following her since she left the office.
Graham had struggled at first to keep her in sight, but once she turned onto the beach path he knew where she was going and he took his time, careful to keep a good distance behind.
He was confident that even if she turned around she wouldn’t see him. Even if she saw a man she wouldn’t see him as she wouldn’t expect him to be there.
And Graham knew that people only ever saw what they wanted to see.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
As Holly rounded the corner of the house I saw her walk past Ted who had arrived just before her. I saw her trying to catch his attention to say hello, but he was looking down from the terrace at the tall, beautiful woman standing on the brown grass below him.
Susannah, champagne glass in hand, turned as if she had felt his gaze and walked up the steps towards him.
I walked over to Holly, diverting her from Susannah for the moment. They would have to meet, but not until Holly felt more comfortable.
“She’s beautiful. So smart.”
“She looks just like I remember my mother. She was beautiful too.
“She makes me feel so unsophisticated.”
Holly looked down at her bright cotton skirt, bare brown legs and white sandals.
“Don’t think you’re not beautiful too.”
I led her across the lawn to join the others.
An hour or so later we were playing an aggressive game of croquet when Holly said she hadn’t seen Susannah for a while. “Inside with Max I think.” I said as I aimed at a hoop “Catching up on things probably. She seems to be showing some interest in the kids at last. We’ve taken a lot of photos over the past few years so she can see what she missed.” I tried not to sound bitter.
“I’m going to have a word with her. You OK here for a while?”
Since she had been back Susannah and I had had little chance to talk. I didn’t get back from work till late and had gone in the mornings before Susannah came down to breakfast. I thought this afternoon would be a chance to build bridges.
We sat in the kitchen telling each other something of our lives since that argume
nt at our mother’s funeral. I wondered when, if ever, we had had a conversation with no tantrums, no misunderstandings and no tears.
“You’ve changed Charles, you’re a much nicer person than you ever were. I actually quite like you.”
“We’ve both changed, Susie.” I noticed that she didn’t yell at me for calling her that.
“Perhaps we’ve both shrugged off what our parents made us and been able to become what we should be?”
“Are you going to see the children?”
“Are you going to tell the blonde American you’re in love with her?”
“I will if you will. But how do you know that I love her?”
“It shows a mile off. Good luck Brother of Mine, have better luck than I have.” She turned to leave the kitchen only to bump into Holly.
“Go for it girl!” She said as she passed her. “Although he’s my brother he probably is quite dishy. Now.”
“Hi.” I hoped I sounded less foolish than I felt.
“Hi. Look I wasn’t listening in, I just came to get some ice.”
“Don’t sound so guilty! Susie and I didn’t say anything you couldn’t hear.”
“Not even that last bit?”
“I’d like to have told you properly, I’d like to have been outside in the moonlight with you, sitting on the sand or walking along the edge of the water not standing in the kitchen with the table between us when I said ‘Holly, I love you’ for the first time but if you had to hear it like that then you had to hear it like that.”
“Do you?”
“Holly, I do, really, love you.” and I kissed her.
I am not sure how we got through the rest of the afternoon.
I didn’t want to let her leave my side in case she disappeared so I held onto her hand as if, were I to let it go, everything would fall away to dust.
Linda couldn’t stop smirking and I’m sure Ted smiled far more than he had ever done at any of our family do’s.
When Monika joined us, smiling, she kissed Holly on both cheeks. “I am so pleased my dear. I have waited a long time to see my Charles so happy.”
Walking Alone Page 29
