Beneath the Scars

by Joan Fennell Carringer

  “Something’s bothering you. You’re almost always upbeat and cheerful, but right now, you’re not. So fess up.”

  Marna walked across the room and sat down on the bed beside her sister. “You know me too well.”

  “So what’s wrong?”

  “That day I went to see Conrad, Devon was there.”

  Taryn’s eyes widened. “Devon! You’re kidding. I haven’t seen him in forever. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me right away. So what’s he doing now? He’s probably married with a bunch of kids.”

  Why had she never even thought of that? Of course, he was probably married. There was no way someone that looked like him would still be single. What had she been doing all week, mooning over someone who not only could never fall in love with her but was already pledged to someone else? She sighed, unable to stop herself. How utterly naïve could she be?

  “That was a big sigh. Awfully big.”

  “He’s the most handsome man I have ever seen in my life,” Marna blurted out.

  “Well, is he married?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “You like him.”

  “Of course, I like him. We grew up together til he moved away.”

  “If I remember right, you were about six years old when he left. You probably wouldn’t even remember him if he hadn’t shown up again. Tell me the truth. You really like him.”

  “He gave me a hug. It was just a ‘glad to see you again thing’. You know. But….Taryn, when he held me in his arms, for one beautiful split second, I felt like I’d died and gone to heaven. I’ve never felt like that before. And all week, I haven’t been able to get him out of my mind. And you’re right. He’s probably married. He might have three or four kids. Even if he didn’t, there’s no way he’d be interested in me. When he looked at me, he saw what everybody else always sees. I could read it in his eyes. I think that’s why he left so quickly. He didn’t even stay to have coffee with Conrad and me. He couldn’t stand to look at me. So he left.”

  “Not everybody sees what you see in the mirror, sis. You have an inner beauty beneath those scars that shines through, but you’ve always refused to believe it.”

  “You’re wrong. Everyone sees exactly what I see in the mirror when they look at me. But you’re also wrong by saying I don’t see beneath my scars. I know my own heart. I know God lives there and He loves me, despite everything.” She smiled for the first time since she and Taryn had started talking. “I don’t need a man in my life. Everybody doesn’t have to be married to be happy.”

  Taryn grinned. “That’s something Sharris would agree with you on. She says she’ll never get married because she’ll never find just one man she wants to settle down with, that there’s too many of them out there looking too good to pick out just one of them.”

  They both laughed and then shared a comfortable silence before Taryn spoke again. “I don’t think he’s married.”

  “Why not?”

  “I have a lot of phone conversations with Conrad. We both do. He talks about Devon a lot but have you ever heard him mention Devon having a wife or of himself having grandchildren?”

  “No, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t so.”

  “Conrad would’ve mentioned it.”

  “Maybe. Maybe not.”

  “You can’t give up on falling in love, Marna. You were born to be a wife and mother.”

  Marna smirked. “Says who?”

  “Says me. And I think God agrees.”

  “If God wanted that for me, why do I look like I do?”

  “Maybe he wants your true soul mate to see the real you and not just a beautiful face.”

  “If a man doesn’t see a pretty face, he doesn’t hang around long enough to see anything else.”

  “It’s sort of the same thing when they don’t see a pretty figure.”

  “Even if you think you can’t trim down, there’s still a chance you can. I will never be able to lose these scars, no matter what I do.”

  They were quiet for a long time after that, until Taryn finally stood up to leave. “I’m getting sleepy. Think I’ll turn in.”

  “Taryn….”

  Taryn met her sister’s eyes.

  “Don’t say anything to Sharris about what I said about Devon. She wouldn’t understand. Okay?”

  “Don’t worry. It’s between the two of us.”

  ∞ FIVE ∞

  SHARRIS WAS all smiles at the breakfast table the next morning. Not one to make anybody wonder about some new excitement in her life, she started talking immediately. “You are never going to believe this.”

  Feigning more interest than either of them felt, both Marna and Taryn looked at her, waiting for her to continue.

  “I wanted to tell you last night but you were both in bed when I got home. You must’ve turned in with the chickens!” She chuckled. “Anyway, I was doing some shopping last night and all of a sudden I looked up and saw the most – I mean the most – handsome man in the world watching me! Of course, I acted coy, like I hadn’t even seen him. I never expected him to walk over to me and laugh and ask me if I was Sharris Cord. Can you imagine my shock? He knew who I was!”

  “So, don’t leave us in suspense,” Taryn said.

  Marna laughed. “Oh, she won’t. So who was he?”

  Sharris laughed, too. “It was Devon Marks!”

  Marna almost choked on the bite of food in her mouth as her eyes met Taryn’s. Taryn simply shrugged her shoulders, as if to indicate it was bound to happen sooner or later. If Devon was still in town, he’d surely run into Sharris. Everyone always ran into Sharris because she was always everywhere.

  “You remember Devon, don’t you?” Sharris went on. “Conrad’s grandson. Oh, why am I asking you this? He said he met you this week, Marna. I don’t know why you didn’t mention it. He was truly shocked by how you….oh, sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. So, guess what?” Sharris’ excitement mounted. “We’re going to dinner this evening and he’s taking me to some fancy restaurant out of town. I’m telling you, you wouldn’t believe how cute he is! I was flabbergasted when he told me he was that little boy we used to play with so long ago.”

  Marna’s heart was doing flip-flops the entire time her sister was talking. Sharris didn’t have to finish what she started to say about how shocked Devon was. She already knew what the first sight of her face did to others.

  Sharris rattled on. “It’s so funny how he recognized me. He said he was looking through some of his grandfather’s photo albums and came across one of the three of us, taken just before the fire……” She paused, then continued. “Anyway, when he saw me in the store, he was sure it was me and….”

  As Sharris continued, so did Marna’s thoughts. Sharris had met Devon. Devon had asked her out. Sharris was beautiful. Devon was handsome. She tried her best to ward off the jealousy that was trying to rear its ugly head. Even worse than that were the tears that were forcing themselves, uninvited, into the corners of her eyes. If Sharris wanted Devon, she would get him. Sharris could get any man she desired.

  Forcing a smile she didn’t feel in the least, Marna stood up. “I need some more coffee.” She turned her eyes to Taryn. “The breakfast is excellent, sis. Thanks.”

  Sharris sighed. “Marna, did you hear a word I just said?”

  “Every single one.” She wasn’t surprised to find her hands trembling as she refilled her cup, even though it was still nearly full. What was wrong with her? Sharris had every right to be excited about going out with Devon. She stood with her back to the table for a few minutes in an effort to compose herself.

  “You should’ve told me what a doll baby he is,” Sharris said, teasing. “But then again, you don’t notice that a lot, do you?”

  She was human. How could she not notice? Marna reseated herself at the table and lifted a forkful of fluffy scrambled eggs to her lips. Hopefully, Sharris would get onto another subject.

  She didn’t. She talked on and on about how she remembered Devon from ye
ars ago, even though she was only nine when he moved away, how she always knew he’d come back into her life again. Who knew what would happen now?

  Taryn snuck several glances at Marna, wishing as much as her sister did that Sharris would get onto something else. But Sharris didn’t know what Marna had revealed to her. She had no idea that Marna had been totally captivated by Devon and heartbroken because she was sure she didn’t have a chance to have her feelings returned. The more Sharris talked, the deeper the hurt had to be embedding in Marna’s heart. Finally, Taryn stood up. “I’m finished. It’s your turn to clean up the kitchen, Sharris, so, Marna, why don’t we take a little walk. It’s absolutely beautiful outside.”

  Sharris looked at her. “Did you finish that new ad? Maybe you should do that instead of taking a walk.”

  “I have plenty of time for that. It’s going to rain this afternoon.”

  Grateful for the chance to leave the room, Marna stood up and she and Taryn went outside.

  “Are you okay?” Taryn wanted to know as soon as they were alone.

  Marna forced a smile. “I’ll be okay. I’m happy that Sharris is so happy.”

  “Marna…”

  “It’s okay.”

  “You know she won’t want him. She’ll date him a few times and then be tired of him.”

  “It doesn’t matter. He’ll never want me, no matter what happens.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  “Yes, I do.”

  For a long time, neither said anything more but simply walked slowly. Then Taryn chuckled and spoke. “Remember when we used to always hold hands when we were walking? If we were to do such a thing now, we’d be labeled as gay. Sad, huh?”

  “There’s too much sadness in the world, but we have to remember there’s a lot of joy and goodness, too.”

  “I know you’re right, but it’s still hard to understand why so many bad things happen to so many good people.”

  “If you’re referring to me, I’m not that good of a person. I have an awful lot of that carnal nature inside me.”

  “You’re almost an angel. I wish I was as good a Christian as you are. You’re always thinking of other people. Just like now. You’re wanting Sharris to be happy, even if it means she gets the guy you want yourself.”

  “I never said I wanted him.”

  “I remember all the things you told me last night.”

  “It’s probably better if you forget them.”

  “You don’t truly know how he feels.”

  “Sharris just told us, in the sentence she never finished, about how shocked he was when he saw me. That says it all.”

  They walked on.

  Marna spoke again, her voice very soft. “When I saw him at his grandfather’s house, he invited all three of us girls to have dinner. I didn’t tell you that, did I? When I said I couldn’t go but maybe you and Sharris could, Conrad insisted it was all of us or none. Conrad wasn’t there to keep Devon from asking just Sharris.”

  “Why did you tell him you couldn’t go?”

  “It was easier than saying I didn’t want to go because I didn’t want to see all the pitiful stares. If I’d said that, his own look would have been worse than anybody else’s might have been.” She paused a moment, looked at her sister and grinned. “No more sad talk. I am happy and I will be happy whether or not I am alone or married, and I’m going to stop pitying myself.”

  Taryn laughed. “Ditto.”

  “Ditto? Why?”

  “Because I have too many self-pity parties myself. So I’m fat and shy and can’t make myself get out and socialize. What does it matter? You and I can be happy together. You’re my best friend, Marna.”

  “Come to think about it, we are each other’s best friend.”

  “I could never talk to Sharris like I talk to you. She’s so different than either of us.”

  Taryn reached over and took her sister’s hand, then laughed again. “Let people talk. Who cares?”

  ∞ SIX ∞

  CONRAD MARKS looked at his grandson and grinned. “Aren’t you all dressed up? Big date?”

  Devon stood before the mirror, adjusting the dark tie he had just put on and buttoning, and then unbuttoning, the pale blue jacket over his blue-striped silky shirt. Turning to his grandfather, he smiled. “Will I pass?”

  “With flying colors. Who is she?”

  “I’m taking Sharris Cord to dinner.”

  “Sharris? When did you meet up with her to ask her out?”

  “I ran into her in WalMart last night and we got to talking. To be honest, I didn’t ask her out. She asked me.”

  “You don’t say.”

  “She’s really beautiful.”

  “They all are.”

  Devon sighed. “It’s a shame, what happened to Marna.”

  “She’s still the same person inside.”

  “I know, Pops. Maybe that’s what makes me so sad. I can still remember the little girl she used to be, so sweet and innocent. It isn’t fair that something like this should have happened to her.”

  “But she’s alive. The fire killed her parents.”

  “I remember Billy and Martha. They were good people.”

  “Not only good, but they were Christians. They had something much better to look forward to.”

  “But they had to give up everything they had here to get it. And they had to leave their family behind. It’s confusing.”

  “Life is confusing. God is not. Everything that happens is for a reason. We don’t always understand it, but we have to always trust that God is in control and knows what He’s doing.”

  Devon said nothing.

  “By the way, you never did tell me how long you’ll be staying.”

  “Because I don’t know. I’m tired, Pops. I’ve worked all the time I was in college and every day after I graduated, never taking a day off. I just need a little rest, so I decided to take a vacation. A partial one anyway because I’ll be working virtually while I’m here. I want to stay a few weeks, maybe a month or two – if you’ll have me.”

  Conrad grinned from ear to ear. “If I had my way, you’d move in permanently.”

  Devon laughed. “You might change your mind after a while. I try not to be, but I’m a little sloppy and ……”

  “So am I! We’ll be perfect together.”

  “You’ll want me to go to church with you.”

  “Do you have something against that?”

  “I don’t know. That’s another thing that’s been confusing me lately, about whether or not it helps anybody. I mean, like you just said, Billy and Martha were there every time the door was open. I remember, because lots of times I went with them. And look what happened to them.”

  “Look what would’ve happened to them if they hadn’t been Christians. They wouldn’t be living in glory right now.”

  “But they might still be living right here.”

  “Everyone has a designated time to die, just as there is a time for everything that happens. It says it in Ecclesiastes, there is a time for everything, from living to dying. If it was their time, there would have been no stopping it, whether they were ready or not. Thank God, they were ready.”

  “What about Marna? Can you just imagine how she must have suffered and for how long? God could’ve stopped it, but He didn’t.”

  “I’ll never doubt that He was always with that girl to help her through her pain. Who are we to know that it didn’t make her stronger in the end than she was before?”

  Devon walked across the room, stopped by the window and looked outside. Without turning, he asked softly, “What caused the fire?”

  “A faulty furnace. Billy, Martha and Marna were the only ones home when the explosion happened. Billy and Martha were killed instantly. They didn’t have to suffer at all. God was with them.”

  “But poor Marna……”

  “….survived. She’s been through a terrible ordeal, but she came through it.”

  Devon turned, his eyes filled with
sudden anger. “And look at her! She’s scarred for life. All her beauty is gone and I can just imagine how people make fun of her! How could a good and loving God do that to her?”

  The room turned strangely quiet as the two men looked at each other, one with anger and one with compassion. Although it seemed like they stayed that way for a very long time, it was in reality only a few seconds before Conrad moved closer to his grandson and put his hand on his arm. “She didn’t have to be there that night. I heard that Sharris and Taryn were going to a movie and begged the others to go with them. They refused. It was their free will to be in the house, when they didn’t have to be.”

  Devon sighed and looked at his watch. “I need to be going.”

  Conrad smiled. “Well, you and Sharris have a good time. I’m a little tired. Think I’ll rear back in the recliner and watch a little TV.”

  “And go to sleep?”

  “Of course.” Conrad grinned, then left Devon alone.

  Devon looked at his watch again. It wasn’t as late as he thought. He didn’t have to leave for a while yet, so he had a little time to kill. Going into the living room, he sat down on the sofa beside Conrad’s recliner.

  “Thought you were leaving,” Conrad said.

  “Do you know the Cord sisters very well, since they’re grown up?”

  “You know I was good friends with both their grandfather and their father. But we men were usually involved in business and I rarely saw the girls long enough to just say hi and by. Then Billy died and the girls took over the business. Thank goodness, he had them all educated, trained and ready. Not all young women could handle the responsibility that was dropped on them. Of course, Sharris and Taryn worked alone for the entire year Marna was healing.”

  “To be honest with you, I think she’s still beautiful. Sure, she’s got bad scars and she can only open one eye completely, but there’s something about her….”

  “Oh?” Conrad yawned.

  “I don’t know. I wish I hadn’t run out the other day when she was here. I wish I’d stayed and talked with the two of you. I really didn’t have a commitment and I feel guilty about lying about it. The truth is, when I first saw her, I --- just couldn’t stand the thoughts of being with her. I mean, I was so afraid I’d blurt out something accidentally that would hurt her and she’s already been hurt so much. Does that make any sense?”