Star-Spangled Secret

by Caroline Lee

  Alyssa cleared her throat, blinking back tears. “Well! Who’s ready to go to the park?”

  She drove, mainly so Tripp could spend the time twisted around in the front passenger seat, talking to Jeremiah in his booster seat in the back. By the time they arrived at the park, Tripp had discovered they shared an interest in dinosaurs—specifically velociraptors—and Batman comic books.

  Even though Alyssa was chuckling and shaking her head, it thrilled her to know these two could find some common ground.

  She pulled into a parking spot on Main Street, opposite from the playground. To her surprise, Tripp hopped out of the car and helped unbuckle Jeremiah’s seatbelt. For years, she’d been so used to doing things all alone, with the exception of her family when they were together, so it was a little surreal to find him jumping in without being asked.

  As the boy climbed out, he paused and stared up at Tripp. He said, in that solemn little way of his, “You have my eyes.”

  Alyssa’s heart leapt into her throat. She’d wondered how long it would take Jeremiah and everyone else to realize the boy had the Weston ice-blue eyes.

  But for his part, Tripp just cleared his throat and nodded. “Yep, I noticed that too. It’s kind of a family trait.” Then he glanced at Alyssa, and must have realized what he’d said. “I mean, everyone in my family has them. Now, do you have to hold hands when you’re crossing the road?”

  Alyssa blinked at the change of subject, but it was exactly what Jeremiah had needed.

  The boy scoffed. “I’m basically six, you know!”

  Tripp just shrugged. “Well, I haven’t been back in town for a long time, and all this traffic is kind of scary to me. Can I hold your hand?”

  Nodding, Jeremiah reached up and took Tripp’s hand. His gaze was serious as he glanced up at his father. “Don’t worry, Mr. Tripp. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

  Alyssa managed to get her emotions under control and follow her two loves, listening to them chatter about comic books and super powers. But when they reached the park and Jeremiah ran for the swings, she stopped Tripp.

  “You’re doing perfectly,” she told him with a smile.

  “Thanks! Is it weird I don’t feel like I’m even trying? He’s a good kid, and it’s wild how much we have in common.” He closed one hand around hers. “You’ve done a really amazing job with him, Alyssa. Thank you.”

  Holy moly!

  If she hadn’t been in love with him before, she certainly would have been now. It took most of her willpower not to throw herself into his arms, to kiss him the way she remembered kissing him. Instead, she took a deep breath and squeezed his fingers.

  “I’m sorry I can’t stay back here and hang out with you. When we’re in public like this, I try to be nearby for Jeremiah. He can handle all the equipment just fine, but in case he has a meltdown...”

  Tripp nodded. “Minimize collateral damage, I get it. But hey,” he offered that devastating smile of his. “Where you go, I go.” Then his eyes brightened. “Or…”

  When her brows went up in question, he shifted slightly, a look of embarrassment on his face.

  “I know it’s sudden, and I know it would be asking a lot of you, but I was thinking, maybe, if you wanted…” He paused. “I just mean, if you want to go sit down and chill on the swing and read a book or something…” He shrugged. “I’d be happy to hang out with Jeremiah. If you’d let me.”

  You need a partner.

  Her sister’s words from her birthday dinner came back to Alyssa. Parenting wasn’t easy, and doing it alone was even harder. In Tripp, she’d found somebody who wanted to share the burden—desperately, it seemed. Could she trust him?

  Seven years ago, she might have said no. Today, she was increasingly ready to say yes.

  She squeezed his fingers and smiled. “I’ll be over on the swing.”

  And by the way his expression lit up, she knew she’d made the right choice. Still, as she settled on the same swing where they’d sat and spoke of their pasts and possible futures, she kept her watchful eye on the two of them. Of course, she pulled out her phone to make it look as if she wasn’t spying...but she was totally spying.

  After Jeremiah’s turn on the swings located on the far opposite of the playground from where she sat, he headed for the slide. She smiled when she heard him call out to Tripp, “Watch me go down the biggest one!” and Tripp appeared sufficiently impressed. Seeing the two of them together made Alyssa’s heart soar.

  That is, until Jeremiah decided he wanted another turn on the swings. Even from this far away, Alyssa could tell her son was disappointed other kids had taken up all of the swings. She had shoved her phone in her pocket and was halfway across the park by the time Jeremiah’s tantrum started.

  He was screaming and waving his little fists around. Alyssa’s heart was beating a mile a minute as she broke into a jog, and she thanked the heavens Jeremiah wasn’t near any of the other kids. She was already mentally reviewing the steps needed to restrain her son when, to her surprise, Tripp went down on one knee in front of him.

  She arrived just in time to see him wince as one of Jeremiah’s fists deliberately caught him underneath the eye. She knew it must have hurt, but Tripp didn’t react. She was just opening her mouth to draw Jeremiah’s attention, when her son’s fist headed for Tripp’s face again.

  The man calmly kneeling before Jeremiah caught the boy’s fist in one open palm. When Jeremiah went to hit him with the other hand, he caught that one too. Alyssa could tell he wasn’t holding tightly, but the actions surprised Jeremiah enough he stopped mid-scream.

  “Let me go! Let me go!”

  But instead of responding, Tripp just said calmly, “I can’t. That really hurt me when you hit me.”

  “Good,” screamed Jeremiah.

  “That hurt me, and I don’t think you meant to do that.”

  “I did!” screamed the boy. “I did!”

  Without raising his voice, Tripp shook his head. “No. I think you’re just angry. You didn’t mean to hurt me, it just happens when you get angry. Sometimes when you get angry, you hurt people, but you don’t mean to.”

  “No!” But this time, when Jeremiah shook his head, Alyssa could tell he wasn’t sure. “I don’t like you.”

  “I’m sorry, but I also know you didn’t mean to hurt me. Sometimes, when you get angry, people just end up hurt, right?”

  “No...?” The boy was still angry, but seemed more confused by Tripp’s reaction. “No!”

  Tripp still hadn’t looked up at Alyssa, his attention completely on his son, and he began nodding. “I want you to do something for me.”

  “No!”

  How could he possibly think a six-year-old, in the middle of a tantrum, could help him do anything?

  “Yes,” Tripp calmly refuted. “I want you to tell me five things you see.”

  Jeremiah seemed stunned at Tripp’s request, and with a look of confusion on his face, asked, “What?”

  It was the first time Alyssa had seen her son calm down from a tantrum so quickly.

  Well, fair enough; Alyssa was just as confused as her son.

  But Tripp didn’t explain. Instead, he snapped his fingers quickly. “Quick! Jeremiah! Tell me five things you see!”

  “You!” the boy screamed, obviously recovering his anger.

  “Good! How about Mommy?”

  Jeremiah frowned. “The swings!” he said defiantly, as if willing to play the game, but not understanding it.

  “Yes.” Tripp nodded. “The slide?”

  Jeremiah’s ice-blue eyes flickered to the side towards the piece of equipment he’d been playing on. “Yes,” he said warily.

  Tripp nodded, as if this were a regular conversation. “One more,” he said in a commanding tone.

  “The ground?”

  That was five things, but instead of celebrating, Tripp snapped his fingers in front of Jeremiah’s face. “Quick, name four things you hear.”

  “What?” It was clear
Jeremiah was confused.

  Tripp didn’t explain, but held up one finger. “Do you hear laughter?”

  Jeremiah frowned, but nodded.

  “You hear my voice, right?” Tripp said as he held up a second finger.

  “Yeah,” Jeremiah said warily.

  “What else?”

  “Cars?” the boy offered.

  Tripp, holding up three fingers, wiggled the last one. “One more.”

  Just then, the boy still on the swings laughed. Instead of reminding Jeremiah why he was angry, Alyssa was surprised to see her son too engrossed in this new game to notice. Was it a new game? What was Tripp doing?

  “Another laugh!” Jeremiah declared triumphantly.

  “Yes!” Tripp said with an approving nod. “Now take a deep breath.”

  Jeremiah responded to the command in Tripp’s voice, taking in a deep belly breath the way she’d taught him. He was calming down before her eyes, thanks to Tripp.

  Tripp snapped his fingers. “Now tell me three things you can feel.”

  Jeremiah’s brows dipped in as he considered the new question.

  Tripp snapped again. “Quick! Three things you can feel!”

  “I’m hot.”

  “So you can feel the sun?”

  Jeremiah nodded. “I can feel the sun on my head.” He stomped his foot. “And the ground is hard. But the wind is nice too.”

  Tripp was smiling when he snapped again. “Two things you can smell.”

  “Smell?” Jeremiah’s brows went up. “Like...the mulch?”

  Tripp was grinning when he lifted one shoulder in a sort of half-shrug. “I can smell the burgers from across the street.”

  Jeremiah inhaled deeply again, and when he finished, he was smiling and nodding right back at Tripp. “Me too. Can we go there for lunch?”

  For the first time, Tripp’s shoulders slumped as he exhaled. He sent a grin towards Alyssa. “I think we can manage that, buddy,” He spoke to his son while looking deep into Alyssa’s eyes. “But you need to promise me something.”

  “What?” the boy asked.

  Tripp turned back to his son, and there was no doubt about it. Jeremiah was his son, and he’d just shared a piece of himself with the boy.

  Still on one knee, Tripp leaned forward and took one of Jeremiah’s hands. Not in the confining way when Jeremiah had been mid-tantrum, but in a confidential, friendly way.

  “I want you to remember this game, okay, buddy? Sometimes, when we get angry, people get hurt, even if we don’t mean for them to. Or we might think we meant them to be hurt, but they’re not the ones we’re angry at. Look at me,” he commanded.

  Jeremiah quit his fidgeting and looked into his father’s eyes.

  “Most of the time, Jeremiah,” Tripp said in a low voice, “the person we’re most angry at is ourselves. That’s hard to admit, but I want you to know I understand. I’m angry a lot too, but I learned I shouldn’t accidentally hurt somebody because of it. So I learned to start playing this game.”

  “The what-you-see-hear-feel-and-smell game?”

  Tripp nodded. “It’s my secret, okay? Whenever I get so angry I want to scream, I take a deep breath and quick,” —he snapped with his free hand— “name five things I can see, four things I can hear, three things I can smell.”

  “You told me to name three things I could feel and two things I could smell!”

  Tripp just shrugged. “Sometimes it’s different. I like smelling things, because it reminds me of food, plus I like to take deep breaths.”

  Jeremiah glanced up at Alyssa. “Mommy’s always making me take deep breaths.”

  Tripp nodded solemnly. “That’s because deep breaths are the best way to control your anger.”

  “Why do I have to control it?”

  “Because if you don’t”—Tripp leaned forward and placed two fingers against the boy’s chest, right under his breastbone—“your anger controls you.”

  Jeremiah stood, silently contemplating his father. But then, after a few moments, he finally nodded and exhaled.

  “Okay! Can I go play on the slide now?”

  After he scampered off, Tripp exhaled as well, then stood up to brush off the knees of his jeans.

  When he turned to her, Alyssa felt as if her heart was whole.

  “Hey! What’s this?”

  It wasn’t until Tripp reached for her, his palms on her cheeks, that Alyssa realized she was crying.

  “I’m sorry! That was just…”

  For the first time, Tripp’s expression turned wary. “Was it okay? I’m sorry if I overstepped. I shouldn’t have—”

  Alyssa’s breath caught on a sob. “It was beautiful! It was perfect! Oh Tripp, you knew exactly what to say!”

  She threw her arms around him and buried her face in his shoulder. “I’ve never seen him calm down so quickly! Thank you!”

  He didn’t respond, but she felt him shrug.

  She pulled back far enough to peer up into his face. “How did you know?” she asked quietly.

  He shrugged again, then smiled a little sheepishly. “I wasn’t kidding when I said it was my secret. It was a little game I played with myself all the way through basic. You saw what I was like back then. Can you imagine how angry it made me to be surrounded by a bunch of guys yelling at me, telling me what to do?” He snorted a little wryly and shook his head. “I got really good at breathing deeply and focusing on my senses.”

  She squeezed him. “Thank you!” she said softly. “Thank you so much for sharing that with him.”

  She felt him lace his fingers behind her back as he smiled down at her. “Hey now, I make no promises. It helped me, but I had to practice it for a long time. Jeremiah’s going to have to do it again and again, and he’s going to forget a lot.”

  Alyssa smiled at him. “Well then, you’re just going to have to keep reminding him!”

  After what she’d just seen, she knew there was no way she could keep Tripp from his son.

  More importantly, she couldn’t keep Jeremiah from his father.

  As Tripp’s smile bloomed, she knew he understood what she was saying.

  “You mean it, Alyssa? You’re willing to let me— I mean, I get to be a part of—” He stopped, flustered, then chuckled at himself. “I can be Jeremiah’s friend? I can be part of his life?”

  Alyssa squeezed. “Only if you’re part of my life, too.”

  When Tripp inhaled sharply, she felt it. He opened his mouth to say something, then closed it, before trying again.

  “I gotta be honest,” he finally said in a rough whisper. “I’ve been waiting a long time to hear you say those words, and...

  When he trailed off, Alyssa raised her eyebrows. “And what?”

  “And…” His smile turned sheepish. “And I’ve been thinking a lot about kissing you.”

  She nodded solemnly. “Fair is fair. I’ve been thinking a lot about kissing you too.”

  Tripp’s gaze was fastened firmly on her mouth. “Is that so?” he murmured. “So, you’re saying if I kissed you right now, we’d both be okay with that?”

  “Well, what we had was pretty good, remember?”

  “Oh yeah?” Tripp murmured.

  Hiding her smile, Alyssa continued her reasoning. “So, since we are reconnecting, and reminiscing, it only makes sense to see if things are as good as we remember.”

  Tripp’s gaze hadn’t left her lips. “Kind of like an experiment, yeah?”

  Alyssa was trying not to laugh, so she nodded seriously. “To test our hypothesis.”

  Stretched up on her tiptoes, Tripp pulled her closer, and when their lips met...

  When their lips met...

  Well, it wasn’t as good as things used to be between them.

  It was so much better.

  CHAPTER NINE

  “Hey there, beautiful!”

  When Alyssa opened the door for him, Tripp stepped inside and swept her into his arms. It felt so perfect to have her there, he dropped his lips to hers. An
d when she smiled against his mouth, he kissed her again.

  Her arms snaked around his neck and she hummed appreciatively. “What has you in such a good mood today?”

  Tripp grinned down at her. “I get to spend the afternoon with my two favorite people. Why wouldn’t I be grinning like an idiot?”

  Using her fingernails, she scratched lightly at the back of his neck, sending delicious shivers down his spine.

  She hummed again and cocked her eyebrow at him. “I think it’s probably something more than that but—”

  “Tripp! Tripp! Tripp!”

  The adults pulled apart just in time for Jeremiah to barrel down the stairs and throw himself against Tripp’s hip.

  “Ooof!” Tripp was chuckling as he bent over and scooped up the almost-six-year-old. Holding him by his armpits, Tripp had to smile at how natural it felt. He lifted Jeremiah until their eyes were level. “Have you gotten bigger overnight?”

  Dangling, Jeremiah giggled. “Yep! Only one day until I’m six, you know.”

  “I know,” Tripp said with a serious nod. “I’ve been keeping careful count.”

  Jeremiah kicked his feet so they swung wild. “Not as careful as me!”

  Tripp had to chuckle again as he let his son down slowly. “Actually, I believe that. Turning six is a big deal.”

  It was hard to believe he’d only known this precious little boy for a short time. In the last few weeks, Tripp had spent every available moment with Alyssa and their son. He’d wanted to suggest picking the boy up from school, but knew it wouldn’t be right to push so soon. But that hadn’t stopped him from spending each evening with Alyssa and Jeremiah, getting to know the boy and loving both of them.

  And today he had a special treat...

  “Did you bring them? Huh? Did you?” Jeremiah was practically vibrating with excitement. “You promised! Did you?”

  Chuckling, Tripp held up his hands, palms out in surrender. “I did! I did!”

  He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a plastic shopping bag, which had been folded many times and contained today’s special treat.