Shatter Me Whole (Shattered Lives Book 3)

by Barb Shuler

  “If you ever talk to her like that again.. I will take this badge off and I will beat you until you know how bad she feels. This is not a threat, it’s a fucking promise. Do I make myself clear?”

  “Sheriff, if this is-”

  “You were asked a fucking question. I would advise you to answer it,” snapped the big man behind Thorne. When Marcus (aka; Sarge to the men in black) took a step closer the color drained from Thorne’s face. He seemed to get himself back together quickly.

  “I got that you threatened a federal officer. Want to add anything to that?” he glared pitifully at Marcus. Marcus just flashed him a nasty grin.

  “Oh, I could add a lot to that.”

  His words left no doubt in my mind he meant business. I shook my head and glanced at Dani Lynn, who had pulled out her phone and was furiously typing. I looked around, careful to not draw attention, and saw Derek look at his tablet, then to Dani Lynn and grin. I raised a brow in question, but Derek wouldn’t make eye contact. There was a knock on the door and when Gabe said “enter” none other than Special Agent Carlson walked in along side Special Agent in Charge, Albert Masters. The pipsqueak (aka; Thorne) stood up quickly and went to move to him.

  “Sir, there has-”

  “Hold it,” Masters snapped, his palm coming up to halt the idiot’s actions and words.

  “You have some nerve, Thorne,” he said sharply as he crossed his arms over his chest, his gaze hard on the man now frozen in place. “I sent you here to do a profile on Miss Cannon, and the others from the compound. You were not given orders to interrogate her.”

  Carlson stepped forward and raised a brow before he sneered at the man. “You were not told to push the poor girl to the brink of hysteria. You are not an interrogator. You are a fucking book worm. As for what Deputy Landry said, if he hadn’t have said something to that effect, I would have. This task force is made up of men and women.” He glanced our way. I looked at Drew, who stood straighter at those words. “Who are in this to take down the monsters willing to hurt innocent children, young women, all for a few dollars or drugs. I think it’s best if you leave. Now.”

  “But, Sir…” his gaze cut from Carlson to Masters. “What about Toby... um, Agent Locklear?”

  That got everyone's attention. Kristol sat up in my lap and stared at Agent Thorne. “Toby?”

  “Kristol, Miss Cannon, I’m Special Agent in Charge, Albert Masters. May I talk with you a moment?” He sat a chair down across from where we were so she could see him.

  “What about Toby? Do you know Toby? Is he-”

  “Agent Thorne, enough,” snapped Masters.

  “Toby.. he.. Oh, God. He was there when I escaped.. I, um… I had to knock him out… he was.. He was going to put me in a fucking cage!” she yelled before she jumped up and ran out the door. I was up after her, but Dani Lynn moved to intercept me.

  “Let me, she needs a minute. Trust me, I won’t let her out of my sight,” she said and moved out the door.

  * * *

  I shuddered at the memory and looked down at the girl asleep in my arms. She had to be convinced to stay with me, temporarily, or so she thinks. I hope it’s permanently. Kristol, the kids and Thor, all make my house feel like a home now. I bought this old ranch house years ago as a fixer upper. It started as a way to keep busy when I wasn’t working. The sperm donor - my father - had always been a workaholic, and I never wanted to be like him. I originally had plans to fix this place up, sell it and make a lot of money. But the strangest thing happened, I fell in love with the damn place. Who knew that was possible? It was a lot of house for one person, but it was mine.

  I’ve made the house into a stronger place to live,and with Kristol and the kids here, I feel at peace. It’s like my soul is complete. Ugh, I know that sounds sappy and shit, but it's the God’s honest truth. In less than an hour I had to head back to the station, get locked and loaded and we would be off to the Jacobs place.

  We had two undercover agents to find, assholes to capture, and hopefully some women to rescue. God, I could only imagine they were all suffering in ways similar to Kristol or worse. I placed a kiss to her lips and hugged her tight. I needed this before I could let her go. I had to know she was here and safe. Know I had her to come back to.

  19

  Saving Graces in new Places

  Kristol

  When I woke up in a bed, all alone I felt, well, empty. Honestly, a few nights with Jackson holding me at night was amazing. I slept, I mean really slept, for the first time in my life. Seriously. That may sound cliche, but it’s the truth. Nothing beat the warmth and safe feelings he gave me. I finally started to feel like I belonged. I had been shattered for so many years, hated and treated like shit, and now… now I had a safe place.

  If he was being honest with me, the kids and I had a new, permanent place to stay. I smiled at that thought and grunted as I rolled over. I still hurt in a few places after the craziness that happened at Doc’s place, but that wasn’t what my pain was from. There was only one way to deal with the old me. I was still adjusting and … well, the feel of the cuts along my stomach were keeping me in control during the dark moments. It’s taking all I can do to not do it… but I really can’t fight it for too long.

  If Jackson found out he’d kick me out. I knew it. He wouldn’t want that kind of trouble again. I rolled back over and sighed into the pillows. So, maybe we don’t have a new home. What in the fuck was I gonna do?

  I heard the door downstairs slam shut and I sat up in bed, clutching the covers to me. The walls rattled and I swear my heart stopped. Had they found me again? Oh, God.

  I jumped up, my bare feet padding across the wood floor to the door. I eased it open and slipped down the hall. Peering over the bannister I looked down into the main room. I could hear whispered voices from the living room. What was going on? What if it was a burglar? I ran to the room, jumping on the bed to get to the other side. I unlocked the drawer and grabbed the gun from the nightstand drawer and checked the safety like Jackson had shown me. Taking a deep breath I went back to the door, slipped out and tip toed down the hall.

  When I got to the stairs I went down them one by one and was trying to be as quiet as possible. My throat became tight when I heard Taylor scream “NO!” so loud my ears rang. I ran down the stairs and rounded the corner - the gun at my side - and froze.

  Standing in the living room was Dani Lynn, Stella and Anna. Lana was on the floor with Taylor, who was climbing over her back and pushing his sister away from her.

  “What in the hell is going on? You scared the shit out of me!” I snapped. Jesus Christ. I glared at them all.

  “Oh, someone is not a morning person,” Stella snorted as she came over and pulled the gun from my hand. She tucked it into the back of her pants and slapped me on the ass. “Relax, killer, all’s good.” I went wide eyed then realized I was only in a tank top and panties. I grumbled and scrubbed my hands over my face.

  “I need coffee…” I turned and walked to the kitchen. I couldn’t help but smile when I saw a sticky note stuck to the top of the coffee pot. I pulled it off and my grin grew.

  * * *

  Morning beautiful,

  Sorry I couldn’t be here when you woke.

  I’ll be back before you can miss me.

  The girls are coming over for a spa day.

  Be safe and don’t let Stella get ya in trouble.

  Love, Jacks

  * * *

  I swooned at his words, then giggled. Me... I actually frigging giggled at that. I heard a scoff from behind me and chuckled as I turned to see Stella there making a face.

  “Why would he think I’d get ya in trouble? Rude. Asshole,” she huffed out but I saw the corners of her mouth tick up and shook my head.

  I moved to put the note on the fridge so I could find it later. I kept all of the little notes he left for me. I added them to the diary I started each day. Dani Lynn had been right, it was a great way to keep my thoughts together and it was its
own form of therapy. The pages never judged me. They soaked in my words and held them for me. I could go back on any day and see what made me happy, sad or anything in between. Right now, my heart was filled with all kinds of happy. I reached up to grab the box of cereal from the top of the fridge, but froze when Stella cursed.

  I turned to look at her with a raised brow. “What?” The look on her face made me scowl. She moved quickly to stand in front of me and I felt her fingers tug my tank top up more. I dropped the box in my hand and tugged my shirt back down. “Don’t!”

  “Don’t what? Don’t look at what you are doing to yourself? Those are new, Kristol. What are you doing? Does Jacks know?” she hissed.

  “No.. you can’t say anything to him. Please, Stella. He can’t know,” I said, begging her with my eyes. She shook her head.

  “Why? Why are you hurting yourself? Haven’t you suffered enough?” she asked, worry written on her face.

  “Stella, it’s… it’s not like that.”

  “Well, what in the fuck is it then?”

  “I need it. It helps me.”

  “That’s bullshit. This is as bad as being addicted to drugs. You have a need for them too?” she snapped. I shoved her hands away from me and glared.

  “How dare you? You know nothing of what I struggle with daily. You wouldn’t fucking understand,” my voice broke as I fought to keep back the tears that were burning my eyes.

  “Look, I don’t mean to be a bitch, but I’ve seen that before. It feels good at first but trust me, it doesn’t last. It only causes you more trouble in the long run. You can’t hurt yourself just to feel good,” Stella said, her hand squeezing mine.

  A throat cleared behind us and I closed my eyes, tears slipping past my lashes. There was a warm hand pressed to mine and I slowly opened my eyes to meet Dani Lynn’s gaze. She gave me a reassuring smile. “Can we talk for a minute?” I nodded at her soft spoken question. “Stella, can you give us a minute?”

  “Yeah, sure,” she said. She looked away from me and moved out of the room. I let out a small breath and shifted on my feet. After a few seconds Dani Lynn moved closer and took my hand. Without a word she tugged my hand and I followed after her. Not that I had a choice. We took the back staircase and came to the door outside of Jacks’ room. I sighed as she went in, tugged me in and shut the door.

  “Have a seat,” she said, softly.

  “I don’t want to talk about this… I can handle it,” I said, my eyes stinging with unshed tears.

  “That’s fine. I’ll talk, you listen. That’s all I ask,” Dani Lynn said looking down at her feet as she took a deep breath and let it out. “My mom died when I was fourteen. She was coming home from work, it was storming… she flipped her car and… she didn’t make it. As a kid I think that is one of the worst things you can find out. My mom was there to say goodbye to me when I left for school… then fate decided she’d had enough,” her voice cracked and I looked up.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, not knowing what else to say.

  “No, you have nothing to be sorry for. Shit happens,” she sighed. “After my mom died, I went into a tail spin. It was a bad place to be. I tried to get lost in anything that would ease the pain. I found out hurting myself could do just that. It started small. A few cuts here and there… then it got to be where I craved the feeling. Every time I was upset, frustrated, sad, anything really.. I just wanted to feel that rush of calm cutting brought to me,” I felt the bed dip down beside me and I looked over at her. The tears in her eyes matched my own.

  “I don’t want to be this girl. I don’t want to hurt myself just so I can feel good,” I said, sniffling.

  “I know, honey. You can fight this. You can beat it. I know it’s hard and if it hadn’t been for Drew-” she paused and turned to me and took my hands. “I am not trying to pry into your life, God knows you have been through enough hell already, but I really think you need to talk to Jacks about this. Let him help you,” she said.

  “What if he hates me for being so stupid,” I said, then bit my lip, panicked as I looked up at Dani Lynn. “Oh, I- I didn’t mean to say it that way.” She laughed and patted my hand.

  “No, it’s alright, in the long run it is stupid, but we are no different than someone who gets hooked on alcohol to dull the ache or someone who abuses drugs for the same reason. It’s an illness. One that will mess with your head, if you let it,” her words were soft as she leaned in to hug me tight.

  “Promise me…” I dropped my head, looking away from her. “Look at me, Kristol.” When I met her gaze she started speaking again. “Promise me that if you’re not ready to talk to Jacks - which is fine, that is your story to tell, not ours - that you will call me. Let me be there for you.”

  She was demanding, but I could see she was going to leave this up to me. In the long run it was my choice anyway, right? But could I actually do this? How did I handle the influx of emotions, the pain the nightmares brought back when I wasn’t with Jacks? Why would anyone want to know anything about my problems? I sighed and got off the bed, turning to look out the window at the vast expanse of the land behind the house. A house that could be ours for as long as we needed… or wanted. I wanted it. I wanted Jackson, all of him. He was the best thing to ever happen to me - besides my kids, of course.

  “I’ll… thank you, I mean that,” I said. She stood and moved to me. We hugged, and when she left me alone to get dressed I sank to the bed and buried my face in my hands. I felt lighter but anxious. I would talk to Jackson. He deserved to know each piece of me. He had been picking up the pieces of me that were shattered… and slowly he was putting me back together. It was only fair I let him help me though this too.

  I hurried to shower, brush my teeth, again and get dressed. I’d pulled on a short jean skirt, tank top and flip flops since everyone else was in skirts and shorts. Nothing fancy, but it was good to actually have clothes that were mine, and that fit me right again. I scooped up Ryan as she toddled towards me. I chuckled and kissed her cheek loudly as she babbled in her own language.

  “Okay, what’s this I heard about a spa day? I hope that means you will all make me pretty…” I grinned as Taylor ran over and hugged my leg.

  “You ams pwetty, mommy,” cue my heart melting. Thud. My kids killed me. I squatted down and kissed his cheek.

  “Thank you, my handsome little man. Let’s say we go have some fun with your aunties, and Lana?” I said and watched him run to Lana, who already had Tyler on her hip. Tyler shrieked and Dani Lynn pulled her to her hip. Elijah and Robbie were in their car seats, sound asleep. At least that was a small miracle. People would see us coming and hide. I laughed at my own thoughts.

  “All right heifer's, let's roll,” I snorted at Stella and grabbed the diaper bag she handed me before heading out the door.

  20

  Ready to Rumble

  Jackson

  The drive to the meeting point had me on edge. I wasn’t the only one. Everyone was in full camo, badges on the vests we wore. This was a mission that we may or may not come out of. This was a lot scarier than I thought. My brother Drew, Gabe, and many others here had families that would miss them if they were not to come home. I was fighting two battles at once. The anger I felt towards these people and the worry of not coming back home to Kristol and the kids. I was willing to promise myself that I would do anything I had to to make sure I came out of this in one piece.

  As the truck slowed I glanced out of the back and all you could see was trees, dirt and the partially open field. Once we passed under the canopy of trees the truck came to a stop. I had my door open and was out before anyone else. I made my way over to the makeshift command post they had set up and met Gabe’s gaze. He looked around at us all and cleared his throat.

  “Fella’s, you all remember Sheriff McKenna. Robert here is the man with a plan, as we would say. He’s been asked to help make sure you all come out of this shit hole in one piece. We have the DEA, FBI and my guys all going in at once. Watch out f
or each other. Out here you are on separate teams but once you break that fence, your asses all belong on the same team. Got me? If any of you take chances that could lead to you or your teammate getting hurt you will have so many boots up ya ass, you’ll taste leather for years. Do I make myself clear?”

  When a chorus of Sir’s rang out Gabe nodded and moved to the large monitor setup on the side with Robert. They gave it a look then turned to us. Robert pointed to the larger red outlined portion on the screen before he spoke.

  “Gentlemen, this is the projected area the Jacobs’ own and reside in. The blue area to the North is where there are possible victims in cages and God only knows what else. The yellow area is the area of drug activity. This is based off of what Miss Cannon was able to give us and things our informants sent us last.” He took a minute to let us all get a good look at the map before looking back at Gabe.

  Gabe met my gaze again before he spoke. “Just as we have discussed, Beta team will hit the houses. That team is responsible for the retrieval of the women and children that may be on the property. Get in, get out. Do what you have to do to make it out in one piece. Charlie team, you will hit the area where the drugs are. Be careful. The last interactions with Agent Locklear detailed a few traps lying in wait. If you don’t know where you’re stepping, then don’t step down. Delta team, you are to go in and remove anyone in the area where the woman are being held against their will.” He stopped and took out a tablet, blowing up the screen in one area, but it was Robert that continued.

  “In between these two areas may be the most dangerous of all. According to Agent Locklear’s reports there is an underground system of tunnels that they use to get deeper into the forest. It’s one of the ways they get their shipments in and out without anyone seeing them. Trick is to get in and out and not be seen. I know some of you have military experience, use it. Quiet as a mouse may be the difference between life and death.”