Shatter Me Whole (Shattered Lives Book 3)

by Barb Shuler

  “Taylor James, what are you doing?” I asked, pushing the door open.

  “Uh, baby, you might want to come see this….”

  I moved across the hall and went wide eyed. “Oh. My. God.”

  Each word came out in a whoosh of air. Ryan and her crib were covered in poop, what I hoped was baby powder and… I'm not sure what the other stuff was. Rash creme? I inched by Jacks who was standing there in shock.

  Taylor came running in, a big grin on his face. My head tilted when I saw Ryan’s diaper was on inside out. I kid you not. Speechless. I had no idea what happened in here. I was sort of scared to ask. I sighed and moved to kneel before Taylor.

  “What happened… is that baby powder? Taylor James, what the heck, kid?”

  “Mommy, I, I makes her stinky butts not stickies no mores,” his wide eyes met mine. “Her smells so bad. Her, her nots sits stills. I does the goodest I cans, mommy.”

  “I-” what could I say to that? I shook my head and stood up. I scrubbed my hands over my face before looking down at my daughter who on second glance was covered in more than baby powder and rash cream. I cringed.

  “Where are your clothes, buddy?” He looked everywhere but at me and I sighed again. Great.

  “Thems stinky mommy,” he finally said as he hunched his shoulders. I felt Jacks behind me and shook my head.

  “Hey, it's okay, buddy,” Jacks said, squatting down and putting his finger under Taylor’s chin. “Let me guess, sissy was stinky and you changed her for mommy?”

  “Yes, I makes her not stinky no mores,” he said, his little head nodding super fast.

  “Thank you for trying to help mommy. Next time though, can you come and get me? I'll help you with sissy and her stinkiness, okay?”

  “Okays, daddy, I does thats,” the word daddy made my heart lurch and the tears immediately started to roll down my face. Daddy, Taylor called Jackson, Daddy. Would Jacks really be okay with that? I mean, he was a single man before he moved us in here. Was this temporary? Would we all be out on the street soon?

  I was freaking out… and honestly I wasn't sure why. I brushed a hand across my cheek and quickly scooped up my messy baby. Holding her at arm's reach I carried her to the bathroom. I stood her in the tub before I started taking off her onesie which was wrapped up around her chest. “You're a hot mess, kid,” I said as I tossed the onesie on the pile of Taylor's clothes and pried the diaper off of her. She flung her hands out and babbled as I worked. She only had a few days left in her cast but I still had to figure out a way to keep it dry. It was the only clean thing about her.

  “Kris? You alright baby?” I turned slightly and looked up at his worried face. I nodded slowly then shook my head and shrugged. Was I okay? Yes. Could I explain what just happened? No. “Talk to me, please.”

  I sighed and nodded. “Is this gonna work? I mean-” I stumbled over my words before I could get them out. “This, me, the kids, the constant mess that is going to happen? Jacks…”

  “Hey,” he said moving to squat beside me. Ryan took that opportunity to babble at him and all he did was smile and poke her tummy. She loves when he did that. When his gaze came back to mine he smiled and leaned in closer, his lips brushing my cheek. “I'm sure, baby,” he kissed my cheek and I sat back so I could see his face.

  “I want to believe that, I'm just scared,” I said. He kissed my forehead and I smiled as he pulled me closer to him.

  “I know, but I'm going to show you just what you mean to me. You and the kids, baby, I need you all. I was lost before. Yeah, that sounds like a line, but it's true. With you all here, I feel like I'm really home.” He took my hand and squeezed it, looking into my eyes. “I've fallen in love with you and these kids. I won't let any of you go without a damn fight.”

  “Oh, Jackson,” I said as I leaned in and kissed him softly. I pulled back when I needed a breath and smiled. “I love you. I do. My heart… oh God, it's all yours. It has been for so long now.”

  He kissed me again and I had to fight to not lose myself in his warm embrace. I pulled back and laughed when Taylor ran in and climbed into the tub with Ryan. Jacks winked in my direction and I blushed. My brain fizzled. What was I doing? Bath time… Ryan, oh yeah, the power, poop covered toddler.. That’s what I was gonna do, give her a bath.

  “Come on mommy, hurry. Daddy says us ams going to a balls games,” Taylor said, tugging at the shower handle. The water came out and he did just like I showed him last night. He stood back a little and made sure it wasn’t hot before he pulled off his undies and plopped down in the tub.

  “Ball game?” I asked as I sat Ryan on her butt and grabbed the baby wash. I squirted some on a rag and handed it to Taylor. “Here buddy, wash up.”

  “Yeah, the high school has a game so I thought we could go. I need some air and they could use a little interaction with the townies,” he said, cracking me a grin.

  “Um, okay. I’ve never been to a ball game. It sounds…” I wanted to say frightening but I was anxious too. Maybe this was just what we needed. Some time in public as a… family. I smiled at that thought and lathered up another rag so I could wash Ryan.

  “Good, I will go clean up the crib and then go shower. I’ll get Taylor and Ryan dressed while you shower,” he said standing.

  How he thought he was dressing two kids with one good arm was beyond me. But, I can say, my man was full of surprises. My man… damn that sounded good to say. Even if I was only thinking it. I went back to focusing on the kids. They used to be my only family, now, things had changed for the better.

  My heart was happy, my soul was at peace, and I was once again whole, thanks to Jackson Landry.

  26

  America’s Pastime

  Jackson

  It hadn’t taken long to get everyone together, washed, changed and bags packed for the game. We needed sippy cups, snacks and of course ear plugs for both kids. Games could be loud and I wasn’t sure how they would handle the loud crowds. We were prepared for anything, I hoped.

  What I hadn’t been prepared for was the wave of emotions that would run through me as I walked across the parking lot with Kristol and the kids. The pride and love I felt right now was unreal. I gave Kris a kiss on the cheek before we took the stairs up to the seats. It was easy to spot our group. The blue and silver jerseys were everywhere, but we always sat in the same spot. No matter what. I helped Taylor up the stairs and grinned when he saw the mass of people. He stopped and backed up into my legs. I bent down and scooped him up.

  “It’s okay, bud. If I carry you, will that make it better?” I asked. To be honest I wasn’t sure how I’d handle this if he said no. These kids were not used to the loud, rambunctious Texans filling the seats. Nothing beat a Friday night game, no matter the size of your town. He curled into me and I looked at Kristol, worry etching her brow and mine.

  “Bud, what is it?” she asked as she stood up on her tiptoes to look at him.

  “It’s louds. I scaredes, mommy,” he covered his ears again and I sighed.

  “Maybe this was a bad idea…” I trailed off when I heard my name. I looked up to see Stella and Shayna coming our way. I smiled and looked down at Taylor.

  “Hey, Peter Pan, what’cha hidin’ for?” Stella asked Taylor as she tickled his side. He giggled and I felt him relax slightly in my arms. I met Kristol’s gaze and winked.

  “It seems this may be too much for our little fella. He’s scared. It’s sorta noisy,” I said, trying to not make him feel bad by my words. It was okay to be scared of new things.

  “Oh… I see. I guess my little Peter Pan wouldn’t want to come get hot dogs then. I’ll just have to eat them all,” she said, fighting her grin when Taylor’s head shot up. The kid loved hotdogs. Though, really, what kid didn’t? He reached out for Stella and we all laughed.

  “I likes hots dogs! Us can goes now?” his little face was lit up and I smiled.

  “Here, bud,” I said, pulling my wallet out to give him a five for the dog. They were in no wa
y cheap, but hey, it’s game night. Stella pushed my hands away and glared at me.

  “I got this, go on, we have dogs to hunt down.” With that, they were off. I laughed and wrapped my arm around Kristol.

  “He’s easily swayed with food… maybe a man thing,” Kristol said, grinning. I swatted her ass playfully and nodded.

  “Damn straight, woman. Come on, let’s go find a seat,” I said.

  I put her in front of me as she held Ryan to her. How the kid was asleep through this I had no idea. Kids were simply amazing. We stopped and let some people cross the walkway to the other side and started up to the top of the bleachers. I was looking around and bumped Kristol when she stopped in front of me. I looked up and was met with none other than Ashley Carpman. She was my old high school girlfriend and an all around skanky gal. She was the worst mistake I’d ever made. My eyes narrowed slightly as I curled my hand around Kristol’s hip. I gave her a squeeze.

  “Well, seems the town gossip was right. You do have a girl and a baby. Who knew you had it in ya,” Her lips curled into a smirk. I shook my head.

  “Ash, go back to your seat. We’re here to watch a game, not to start a fight.” My tone was calm, but I felt Kristol tense. My girl had a hair trigger, but I knew she wouldn’t react to her with Ryan in her arms. I met Ashley’s gaze and glared.

  “Who wants a fight? I was just coming to see what all the fuss was about. I didn’t know you could keep it up long enough for that,” she said nodding her head towards Ryan and Kristol.

  “Oh, I have no issue keeping it up. Not at all. It helps to have a partner that makes you want to keep it up.”

  She gasped at my words. Game, set, match. I was not in the mood for her games, but to throw that in her face? Oh yeah, it felt good. I leaned in to kiss Kristol’s jaw, whispering to her. “She was a mistake I made in high school. She’s never gotten over being dumped. Don’t let her get to you.”

  “Excuse us,” Kristol’s tone came out with a bite and I had to fight back a grin. I loved when my girl got fiesty. It was a fucking turn on. What could I say? As Kristol moved to push past her Ashley held out her hands. Before I could say anything, Kristol spoke again. “If you put a hand on me, or our daughter, I’ll kick your ass.”

  “Oh, she’s a tough one, huh?” Ashley sneered. I raised a brow and snorted when Ashley went to step closer, only to slip on her hooker heels and fall, landing hard on her ass. Some dude helped her up and she pointed at Kristol. “How dare you make me fall. I’ll have you arrested for that!”

  “Ashley, don’t make me call your father,” I heard a deep baritone come from behind her. As she adjusted her stance I saw Gabe standing there, arms crossed over his chest. She had the decency to look away from him before she stalked off down the stairs. I shook my head and patted Kris’ hip.

  “Come on, baby, let’s go sit down,” Gabe took her elbow and helped her up the stairs and I followed. Everyone shifted around and we sat down. Dani Lynn leaned over Kristol and peeked down at Ryan before she looked back up at us.

  “I wish a house would fall on that cu-”

  “Dani Lynn!” Gabe snapped. I laughed, hard. Kristol’s eyes had widened a little and God, she was adorable. I saw Ryan’s little eyes blinking open and she shifted against Kristol. She took her binky out waved it around before putting it back in her mouth and yawning. Of course, that dislodged it, but I caught it. I pushed it into my shirt pocket for now.

  “What is this? The nursery aisle?” I looked up at the voice and snorted seeing Trevor and Anna coming up with Robbie in his car seat. He was sound asleep. I shook my head.

  “Looks that way, brother,” I said, shifting to let them slide by. “Where’s Elijah?” I asked as Dani Lynn looked in at Robbie.

  “Uh…” she looked around and pointed in the opposite direction from us. “He’s with his daddy, who’s showing him off, again,” she said, laughing. There was a loud shriek and we all looked around to see Tyler riding high on Derek’s shoulders as he and Alana made their way up the steps. “And, Hurricane Tyler has arrived.”

  “Now you know how your ma and I felt all the time,” Gabe said, giving Dani Lynn a wink.

  “Yeah, yeah,” she said and held open her arms for Tyler.

  “No. I stays with my Day Day,” Tyler said as she patted Derek’s head. Derek shook his head. The kid still had a small limp but nothing too noticeable. You never would have guessed it was only five weeks ago that he’d been sliced open like a deer. I clapped my hands at Tyler and held them up. She grinned, holding out her arms to me. Derek helped her off his shoulders. I had to be careful with my left arm still, but I carefully wrapped my good arm around her and kissed her all over her face.

  “Hey, peanut. Whatcha doin?” I asked her. She noticed Kristol and gave her a big cheesy grin, then looked between us at Ryan, who was watching her intently.

  “I holds baby Wyon?” she asked, her little eyes still glued to Ryan. I kissed her forehead. “I not drops her. Nope, nope, nope.” Kristol smiled and shifted Ryan in her arms. Ryan was still watching Tyler. I nodded at Kris and shifted my grip on Tyler.

  As Kristol put Ryan in her lap, I wrapped an arm around them both and chuckled. Tyler wrapped her arm around Ryan and patted her cheek with the other hand. We all aww’d and it took me a long while to figure out everyone was now seated and the game had started. Tyler eventually got tired of holding Ryan and wanted to hold her bubba. So, we all played kid swap and watched the game. Stella and Shayna were helping Taylor with his hot dog and for once, we were all smiling and enjoying time together.

  I eventually lost Ryan to Gabe, which was okay, since I got to hold onto Kristol and explain the plays of the game to her as we watched. She caught on to most of it, I think. If not, she would learn. This was a family tradition that had been happening for as long as I could remember. Football was life. Nothing beat a Friday night with family, football and the feeling of togetherness that filled us all. The last couple of years had taken us through the wringer in so many ways, but moments like this were what it was all about.

  After the game ended with the Mustangs kicking ass we all packed up and headed out for our vehicles. “I’m hungry.” I said suddenly. Kristol nodded in agreement with me.

  “Me too. Can we stop and get something? I don’t feel like cooking, unless you want me to,” the smile that had been on her face fell. I moved closer to her and kissed her softly.

  “We can stop for something. Want to stop off at the diner? Mary Jo always has good eats there, especially after games.”

  “That place will packed tighter than a virgin’s-”

  “For the love of God, do not finish that,” I said, laughing at Stella. Trace took her hand and tugged her to his side.

  “That’s my flower, always so colorful,” he said, his laughter getting louder.

  “Oh, shut it. You both suck,” she huffed. “Come on, we can go to Nettie’s. She’s always open and with it being in the opposite direction we shouldn’t be fighting for seats,” she said as she got to the jeep.

  “Sounds good, we’ll come with,” Drew said from behind us.

  A few minutes later everyone had decided to come and it was going to be a big family dinner. A first for Kristol, and only the beginning of what our futures held. Nothing was written in stone, but after everything and our talk tonight, she was never getting rid of me. She was my forever.

  Epilogue

  Kristol

  ~ Five Months Later ~

  Life has never been so good. Everything started to change for me when I was able to get out of the Jacobs compound. Those first days were the scariest of my life. I still have night terrors over that place, but I have to thank the good Lord above for sending me Jackson Landry. Life changed more after meeting him that first night at the gas station. The warmth of his smile, and those eyes that screamed “you can trust me” - it was all so much to take in. I had never had anyone in my life that I could trust, but now things are different. I'm happy, my kids are happy and safe,
and we have a home. My heart and soul are all wrapped in all things Jackson. Both Taylor and Ryan love him and so do I, with every beat of my heart. And then some.

  If someone had asked me a year ago if I'd ever be happy, I would have said no. But if you asked me today, I'd say “hell yes.” It's why standing here in front of the full length mirror smoothing out a dress that means more than the world to me. This dress was made just for me, just for this special day. My special day. No, that's not right, our special day. I turned once and smiled. At the knock on the door I looked up.

  “Ready, babe?” I nodded as Dani Lynn came in and handed me a small bouquet.

  “Yes,” I said. I rested my hand on my stomach and gave myself one last look. “Beyond ready.”

  “Then, shift it. Everyone is waiting,” she said, taking my hand. It didn't take more than a few minutes to get to the back door. The back yard had been set up for today, with flowers and food tables everywhere. Everything looked beautiful when I went in to start getting ready. Now that the finishing touches were down it was time to see it again in its full glory. The French doors opened, and I looked around quickly. Our family and friends were all standing and the tears were already burning my eyes.

  “Please don't let me fall,” I said as I took Gabe’s arm. He chuckled and placed a kiss on my forehead.

  “Not a chance, kid. Now, let's go get ya hitched,” he said, grinning.

  “Just remember to breathe babe,” Dani Lynn said before she took Tyler and Ryan’s hands.

  Once they were at the edge of the makeshift aisle she handed them their baskets with yellow flower petals and set them loose. Dani Lynn followed a few paces behind them and then Gabe and I stepped down to the aisle. I heard the shriek and watched as Ryan waddled over towards Jackson. He scooped her up as the soft laughter filled the yard. She was such a daddy's girl. I swallowed hard and tightened my grip on Gabe's arm.