The Rocker Who Shatters Me

by Terri Anne Browning

  “I still don’t want to chance it. The twins and Lucy are more than enough for me.” Jesse tossed his empty bottle of Corona in the trash and then held out his hand for my now empty bottle. “Let’s go get something harder, bro. I need to unwind.”

  As we stepped off the bus, I saw a limo pulling up in the parking lot just outside where our buses were set up. Jesse went to tell the others it was time to go and I climbed in. If I was already in then Natalie wouldn’t be able to bail when she saw that I was going with them to the club. At least that was the plan.

  It wasn’t long before the limo’s door opened and my friends started piling in. When Natalie climbed in she didn’t even look in my direction, just took a place right beside Rhett Fucking Tomlinson. When they started whispering back and forth and she giggled, I was seriously contemplating punching that fucker in the face. Instead I turned and punched the partition that divided us from the driver. “Let’s get the fuck moving,” I yelled.

  The driver showed how smart he was by pulling out into traffic and starting the slow ride to the club in downtown Chicago. Beside me, Linc rearranged Marissa on his lap and I saw Wroth’s jaw clench so hard that it was a wonder his jaw didn’t crack. Linc might have been gay, but that didn’t matter when a guy who looked like him had his hands on your girl. I could see the strain on my friend’s face and figured the same was mirrored on my own as Natalie and Rhett continued to snicker and laugh about whatever they were whispering about.

  Natalie’s laugh was like a silky glove caressing my spine, making my entire body come alive with the soft little giggles and the amused twinkle in her blue-gray eyes. Rhett’s laugh counteracted against that caress, making each caress instantly feel like nails on a chalkboard. I clenched and unclenched my hands into fists as I reminded myself that I would have to face Emmie’s wrath if I started pounding on the walls of the limo.

  By the time the limo pulled to a stop in front of the club, my hands were aching from clenching them so hard. Since I was in the back corner of the limo I had to wait for everyone else to get out, and as I watched Natalie climb out ahead of Rhett it took every ounce of control I had to not put my fist through the partition when I saw his fucking hand touch her ass.

  I was going to end up killing that fucking rocker.

  As soon as my feet touched the ground outside, I pushed through the crowd of my friends. I needed a drink—and soon—or I was seriously going to do something I would regret later. Or not regret. I wasn’t sure which bothered me more. That I didn’t do it, or that I didn’t care about the repercussions if I did actually kill the prick.

  A hostess showed us up to the VIP lounge where Emmie, Nik and the rest of Trance and Alchemy were already waiting on us. I grabbed a bottle of beer from the uncapped bottles already sitting on the bar top and walked away. It was safer for everyone if I was on the other side of the damn room.

  The beer was gone in two swallows, however, and I was back at the bar ordering something a hell of a lot stronger. “Bourbon,” I growled in the general direction of the bartender. My eyes had a will of their own and kept going directly to Natalie. Where she sat with Marissa, Linc, and of course the fucking Trance lead singer. She was drinking a glass of soda, and I wondered just for a moment why she didn’t have her usual glass of wine sitting in front of her. Was she drinking something harder with that lemon-lime soda? Probably. “The oldest you have. Make it a double. No ice.”

  When the drink was placed in front of me I reached for it and tossed the guy a hundred. “Keep the change.” I swallowed the double portioned drink like a shot and slammed the glass onto the bar top. “Another.”

  “Followed by a beer and then water,” Emmie told the bartender as she took the barstool next to where I was standing. When I shot her a glare, she grinned and raised a brow at me. “You and bourbon don’t mix well, buddy. Keep to the beer after this one.”

  “Sure, Mom.” I lifted the refilled glass to my lips and swallowed it the same as I had the first. When I dropped the glass back down, a little easier this time in case Emmie decided to take my hand off, I grabbed the beer that was already sitting there for me. “Go away, Em.”

  She snickered, those big green eyes glowing up at me. “Why? Do I intimidate you?”

  “Nope,” I lied, taking a long swallow of the cold beer. “I’d just rather stew in my own thoughts right now.”

  Instead of leaving me alone, she turned around on the stool and I helplessly followed her gaze. Right to Natalie’s smiling face. My chest suddenly felt like an elephant was sitting on it. That smile was like a force of nature in its own right. It could knock the wind right out of me, stop me dead in my tracks, and make every rational thought I had vanish in the blink of an eye. Once, that smile had been just for me. Now I only got glares, and looks filled with a hate that I had put there through my own stupid actions.

  “She’s a strong chick. I didn’t realize or appreciate just how strong she was until last year.” Emmie lifted a glass of ginger ale to her lips and took a small sip. “She still doesn’t want Shane or Drake to know what happened. But when you look at her like that, it’s hard to keep those two from seeing that something is obviously between you.”

  I took another swallow of beer. “I can’t help how I look at her, Em. It would be like telling myself to stop breathing to stop looking at her like that.”

  Emmie nodded. “Yeah, I get that. All I’m saying is that if you want to help me help her keep you alive to finish out this tour, I’m cool with that. Maybe you could just not look at her when you’re in the same room with all three of them?” She grinned when I gave her another glare, not even a little intimidated by me as I was of her. “Or not.”

  “What are we talking about over here?” Nik asked as he stopped beside his wife and kissed her lingeringly on the lips.

  Emmie’s eyes lowered to half-mast as she looked up at Nik. I clenched my jaw and looked away, remembering a time when Natalie had once looked up at me like that. “I don’t remember,” Emmie told him in a breathy little voice.

  Nik chuckled. “Kissed you mindless again, did I?” He kissed her again and then picked up a beer that the bartender had just set in front of him. “I like that I can still do that.”

  “Babe, if you ever don’t kiss me mindless then we have a problem.” Emmie took another drink of her ginger ale and then set her glass aside. “Will you dance with me? We don’t ever get to dance and I want your hands on me.”

  Nik’s blue eyes darkened and he handed me his beer as he took his wife’s hand. “Baby girl, if all you want is my hands on you, the dance floor isn’t the place for that.” Emmie stood and Nik led her in the opposite direction from where a few other VIPs were dancing already.

  I snorted when I saw the sign for the bathroom as Nik led Emmie away. Typical. Someone was always getting laid in a bathroom. I was just surprised it wasn’t Shane and Harper. Glancing around, I realized that neither were in the room and shook my head. They were no doubt already in one of the stalls halfway to paradise.

  Lucky fuckers.

  Natalie

  The night was going better than I’d first feared. If you called a scary-ass Wroth swallowing one beer after the other like it was water a good night. Or that Marissa was drinking like a freaking fish. At least Devlin was keeping his distance. Even if I could feel his eyes on the back of my head every few minutes.

  I hated that I knew where he was in the room without having to look. I hated the way my body responded to his eyes as they caressed over me from head to toe like a physical touch. And I really, really hated that when a chick from the other group of VIPs went over and leaned against the bar beside him, an inferno of jealous rage seemed to engulf me. The chick smiled up at him, flirting with her eyes as she stuck out her chest invitingly. Devlin didn’t seem to pay attention to her, however, as he inhaled yet another beer that the bartender had put in front of him after Emmie had gone off with Nik.

  After a few minutes of trying to talk to the drummer, the chick walke
d off pouting as her friends laughed at her failed attempt at bagging a rocker. I didn’t want to admit how relieved I was that Devlin hadn’t taken the very willingly offered bait of a one-nighter, but my chest felt a little lighter when I saw that he was more interested in his drink than the slutty VIP.

  Linc nudged my shoulder with his elbow, pulling my attention away from the sexy drummer behind me. “Please tell me there isn’t anything in that soda.”

  I shrugged. “Yeah. There is.” His eyes narrowed on me and I grinned. “Ice.”

  Linc didn’t grin back. “Not funny, Nat.”

  “Stop fussing over me like you’re my dad or something. I’m fine. Everything is fine. Fucking fine, fine, fine.” I picked up my glass of lemon-lime soda and sipped it through the straw. “F. I. N. E.” I spelled it out for him before putting the glass back down on the table we were sitting at with Marissa and Rhett. “Don’t,” I told him when he opened his mouth again. “Just don’t.”

  “Nat…”

  “Let’s dance,” Rhett said as he stood and offered Marissa his hand. “I’m feeling restless just sitting here watching all the scary beasts glare at me from a distance.” Marissa rolled her eyes at him, but took his hand.

  “You probably should be scared,” Linc grumbled as he picked up his bottle of beer and followed his boyfriend out onto the dance floor. When he noticed I hadn’t followed them he turned back and took my arm, pulling me from my chair and out onto the dance floor with the rest of them.

  I didn’t feel like dancing, or even being here at this frickin’ club. It was exhausting. On top of already being so tired, I felt like I could easily sleep for a week and still feel this way. I hadn’t been out with Linc in weeks, months actually. The whole club scene had lost its appeal. Dance. Drink. Dance. Drink. Vomit. Go home. Sleep it off. Repeat.

  Yeah, that wasn’t for me any longer. And since Linc was starting to get serious with Rhett—well as serious as Linc could get—he was getting tired of it all, too.

  Marissa swayed to the music in between Rhett and Linc, then bumped her butt against mine as she tried to get me to smile. I let a small one lift my lips because it was hard not to smile at her. There was just something about that girl that drew a person to her, made you love her within seconds of learning her name. Five minutes after I’d been introduced to her a few years ago I’d wanted to just wrap her up and protect her from everything bad in the world, even if she didn’t need for me to. It was just part of the magical pull that Marissa naturally had.

  The music changed a few more times and I noticed that Linc kept distancing himself from Rhett at times. I sighed and met Marissa’s sad gaze before we both turned our attention back on the couple. Rhett was so obviously in love with Linc, but Linc was terrified of commitment. Scared shitless of the romantic version of love. His fucking parents had really done a number on him as he was growing up, showing him just how bad loving someone could really be. These days he didn’t have anything to do with his parents or his brother and sister because they had all turned their backs on him when he’d told them he was gay.

  They had kicked him out of their lives when he was still a teenager. That was when he’d met Harper and Dallas, who had accepted him with no questions asked. They had been all the family he needed, or so he had told me on a few occasions. Now his little family of three had extended to include Lana and myself and all the other family that came with all of us. To Neveah, Linc was just as much an uncle as any of the Demon’s Wings guys.

  I just wished he would open his green eyes and see that what he had with Rhett was special. Rhett proved over and over how much he cared for him. Linc was always pushing Rhett away, starting arguments and kicking Rhett out of the apartment at least once a week. Rhett was determined though, and came back fighting twice as hard for Linc’s heart every time.

  Several more songs played and Linc produced another round of drinks for us all, his eyes shooting sparks at me as he handed over my glass of lemon-lime soda. “Ice is the hardest thing in this one,” he muttered as he passed Marissa her rum punch.

  “Just the way I like it…” I snapped back as I took a thirsty swallow. “…Daddy.”

  “Smartass.” Linc took a deep swallow of his beer and pulled me against his side. “Dance with me before you get into trouble.”

  The night went by at a snail’s pace, or maybe it was just me. I mostly just stood with my little group of friends while they danced. Marissa was starting to feel the rum and not really paying attention to her surroundings, but I noticed Wroth as soon as he left his seat at the bar. The determined look in those dark eyes along with the glassiness that told me he’d been drinking more than he normally had spelled danger to me in big, neon lights.

  I knew he would never physically hurt Marissa, but anyone else who got in his way was a different story entirely. I grabbed Linc’s arm and pulled him out of the line of fire, but Rhett was still dancing with Marissa and he was the most likely to die tonight if he got in Wroth Niall’s way. I rushed to pull him back with me and Linc and watched with a gaping mouth as Wroth kissed Marissa senseless.

  Rhett started to move to intervene but Linc stopped him with a hand on his boyfriend’s arm. “Don’t. He will kill you, man.”

  “I’m not scared of Wroth,” Rhett responded.

  “Then you should be.” I wrapped my arms around his waist to take away some of the sting from my words. “Look, there are a few things you need to know to stay alive on this tour. One, don’t piss Emmie off. It will get you ugly-dead. Like your-own-mother-wouldn’t-recognize-you dead.” He snickered but I didn’t smile back. This was serious. “Two, don’t look at Lana for longer than a few minutes or Drake will cut off your dick. True story.” Again with the snickering and I punched him in the chest before hugging him again. “And number three, don’t rattle the cage of the beast.” I nodded toward Wroth. “If that isn’t a beast I don’t know what is. And he might look all cuddly on the outside but on the inside lies a very angry monster. He can destroy you with his little finger, Rhett. I love your dumbass, so please don’t get yourself killed.”

  Rhett laughed but he nodded. “Okay. I’ll try to avoid those three things.”

  “You’d better.” I pushed away from him just in time to watch Wroth walk away from a teary-eyed Marissa and Emmie wrap her arms around her just a moment later. What the fuck had we missed?

  “Natalie.” I heard my name but didn’t immediately turn around. There was no use, I already knew who it was. Just the sound of my name coming out of his mouth was enough to make me ache for him.

  Slowly I turned, tightening my arms around Rhett’s waist instinctively. If I let him go I would probably do something stupid. Like slap Devlin’s face. Or kiss him. Neither were options tonight. Not with one of my brothers and his band brothers watching. I might have crossed the thin line between love and hate and was now knee deep in hate, but I still loved the drummer enough not to want him dead.

  When I was facing him, I finally lifted my eyes to meet his aquamarine gaze. It was blatantly obvious to me that Dev had been drinking more than he normally would have. Those eyes—that I could drown in if I looked long enough—were glassy and more than a little bloodshot. He stood straighter and if I hadn’t been in heels he would have stood at least an entire foot over me. Devlin was the kind of drunk that became more controlled instead of less inhibited. He was pretty laid back when he wasn’t drinking, but more than a few beers plus add on the bourbon he’d been swallowing like water, and you had a very different Devlin Cutter.

  Those glassy eyes of his lowered and narrowed when they landed on Rhett’s stomach where my arms were still holding on for dear life. “Are you with this fucker now?”

  I had to remind myself that I didn’t want Devlin dead. Sighing, I released Rhett and stepped closer to Devlin. He relaxed a little and I glanced around to make sure that none of the Demons were paying attention to us. Thankfully Nik was deep in conversation with Jesse and Axton, and Dallas was standing in front of them
as if acting like a shield for me. Shane and Harper hadn’t come back from their bathroom sex-capades and I’d never been so glad that my brother and sister-in-law were freaks who liked public sex.

  Relieved that no one was paying us any attention, I glared up at Devlin. “It’s none of your business if I’m with Rhett or anyone else.”

  “Is that a yes or a no?” his voice rumbled as he lowered his head so that we were almost on the same eye level.

  “It’s a ‘go fuck yourself’,” I snapped. “Go away, Devlin.” I didn’t have the energy to deal with him tonight. I doubted I would ever have enough when it came to this man and having to constantly fight myself and my feelings for him.

  Briefly I remembered the bet I’d made with Marissa earlier in the day, but I wasn’t ready to start down that road. Not tonight. I had fourteen weeks to fulfill the bet, one damn night wasn’t going to affect it. It was going to be hard enough to keep from letting my heart get involved all over again, and I was still questioning my own ability to follow through with the bet. Could I really shatter Devlin the way he’d shattered me?

  I’d just have to make him fall in love with me, hard and deep so that when I did walk away at the end of the summer he was left in a pile of broken pieces that no one would ever be able to put back together.

  Devlin moved so quickly that I didn’t have time to step back when his hand shot out and he caught my hand. I barely had a moment to realize what he was doing before he was pulling me out of the VIP lounge and down the corridor that led to an emergency exit. I had enough sense to glance behind me to make sure no one was watching, but the only ones that were looking in our direction were Linc and Rhett. Neither of which I wanted to save me from whatever was about to happen. I didn’t want Rhett to get hurt and I didn’t want Linc running his fucking mouth.

  The corridor narrowed the closer we got to the emergency exit. By the door there was a little alcove that Devlin pulled me into and backed me against the wall. “Are you with Rhett Fucking Tomlinson or not?”