41 likes, 68 comments, On the Wall...it's Complicated!

by vidit chopra

  Chapter 11: The thing with goodbyes

  Then on it was an awesome week. We had fun and most probably made that the best one ever. It was quite obvious as Tanya and I had started getting along pretty well, more than pretty well in fact so there was no of awkwardness left amongst the five of us. We did a lot of stuff, played pranks on each other, it was all the more fun for me given the fact that it was Tanya and I playing it together, so no ego issues plus much more fun when any of it turned out to be successful.

  At first, we found it weird and were a bit shy even to sit together in front of the rest of them, but then as time passed by we started holding hands, resting heads on each other which we both so wanted to do. Honey moon period as I love to call it, is the best period for a relationship, for sure. The week passed by pretty smoothly, one of the best seven days ever spent or maybe the best in fact!

  Finally, came the day, the dreaded day as I would call it. It was time for me and Simran to go back. The tickets were already booked so we couldn’t have done anything about changing plans of going back. I didn’t want to go but I had to, results were round the corner and it sure was going to be a pretty tense period so I needed to be back home for that.

  Last night, before the day we had to go back, I spent as much time with Tanya as possible. She was sleeping over, so we both sneaked out, even though the rest knew about it and needed to as well, now that Kabir’s parents were back and we had to be out of their sight as well. We sat in the living room but it was too dangerous as uncle’s room was right in front. If anyone happened to come out they would sure come to know.

  I woke up Simran, the only light sleeper amongst us all and told her that we were going for a walk. It was a quiet and secluded area so there wasn’t much danger as such.

  “Okay but don’t go too far. Take your mobile. I will text when if there is a crisis and message me when you come back so that I can open the door.” Simran instructed.

  “Okay.” I said.

  Tanya and I walked out of the house at around 2 in the morning, it was pretty cold but pleasant.

  “So…” I said.

  “So…” She repeated.

  I looked at her. Her face looked all the more beautiful in the moon light, she looked like an angel.

  “What are you looking at?” She said.

  “You.” I replied.

  “Why?” She said.

  “Because you are beautiful.” I said.

  “So you like to look at beautiful things. Does that mean you are just not able to face the mirror ever?” She said.

  “You are such a moment spoiler.” I said.

  “Sorry. I was kidding. You are sexy.” She said, winked and smiled.

  “Oh really.” I said.

  She didn’t say just nodded.

  “I never thought that this trip will turn out to be like it did.” I said.

  “What do you mean?” She asked.

  “I mean, on my way all I could think of was that you would be around and hence there would be more silence in the room plus more heated arguments between you and me which could have spoiled the trip for everyone.” I said.

  “At least you were thinking of me.” She said and smiled.

  “You are quite an optimist.” I said.

  “Yeah. The quality that makes me think that our relationship with work.” She said.

  “What makes you think that it won’t?” I asked a bit surprised.

  “I don’t know. I think it will work out but still there is some part of me which thinks it won’t.” She said.

  “Don’t worry we will make it work no matter what.” I said.

  “I am happy to hear that.” She said and smiled.

  We both kept talking into the night, kept walking around the house. We then sat outside the door of the house for a while before going back. She rested her head on my shoulder as we stared at the moon which was right in front of us.

  “This is amazing. I never thought I would ever come close to having such a romantic night.” She said.

  “This is just the beginning. There is a lot more to come. By the way this is not the first romantic night; we had it before as well! The night we ‘slept’ together if you remember.” I said.

  “Get over it. We didn’t ‘sleep’ together the way you mean it nor are we going to do it in the near future.” She said.

  “Are you sure because tonight is a good good night.” I said and winked.

  “Fuck off.” She replied.

  “What?” I said.

  “You are cheap.” She said.

  “Okay. I am cheap now. I was just trying to be romantic.” I said and moved her away.

  “Stop behaving like an asshole now. You know I love you.” She said.

  I didn’t say anything and kept looking at the moon.

  “At least look at me.” She said.

  I did. Our eyes met yet again. It was something about this ‘meeting of the eyes’ thing that made the moment all the more romantic and all the more intimate. We both were drawn into each other. It was as if everything had ceased and the moment would continue forever. In no time our lips came close and touched. It sure was the most intimate kiss. She put both her hands on my shoulders while my hands were on her waist and we kissed.

  “I think you just said something a while back. If you want to prevent that from happening we should stop.” I said and smiled.

  “Shut up. You are such a jerk.” She said shyly.

  “I love you.” I said and kissed her hand.

  “I love you too. I wish we could do this every night.” She said.

  “What? The kissing?” I said.

  “Spending time together asshole. Stop being cheap for once.” She said.

  “I am sorry. I agree with you but I am afraid it’s time to go.” I said a bit sad.

  “I guess so. Can’t you stay longer?” She said.

  “I want to and you know that, it’s just that the college thing is kind of troubling everyone so I want to get over with it. I wish I could stay longer but I am sorry I can’t. I hope you understand.” I said.

  “I do.” She said as a tear fell down her eye.

  “Hey, you don’t have to cry my angel. I love you. I will be back plus we can always talk over phone and the disease.” I said.

  “What disease?” She asked.

  “Oh by disease I mean facebook.” I said.

  “Why do you call it a disease?” She asked confused.

  “I will tell you that some other time. I think we should go in now. Catch some sleep as we will have to leave early.” I said.

  “Okay.” She said and hugged me.

  It was a long warm hug. We were just inseparable. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to come for a year and this most probably was the last time we were hugging each other. She knew it too so we just didn’t want the moment to end! We stood in front of the door for ten minutes, neither of us saying anything but just lost in each other while we were hugging. Sometimes you can understand the other person’s silence yet there is nothing you can do about it.

  “Please do not go. I want to be with you.” Her silence said!

  “I want to stay, but I can’t you know that.” Was my silence which she too would have understood.

  A text buzzed on my mobile so we broke the hug so that I could check it.

  It was Simran asking by what time we will be back. I texted her that we were on the door and asked her to open the door.

  We hugged one last time as the noise of opening the door came from the other side. I kissed her forehead and entered the house. We both lay in bed yet neither of us was sleeping. The moonlight entered the room from the window which made everything pretty much visible. We didn’t talk or kiss or hug, we just kept staring at each other. She started it. I laughed.

  “What happened?” she whispered.

  “You are staring.” I said.

  “I am not staring. I am gazing.” She said.

  “It’s freaky.” I said.

  “It’s
not. It’s romantic.” She said.

  I didn’t have a reply to anything as romantic as that so I joined in and gazed at her. We both kept gazing at each other till the time we both slept. I don’t know who did first but it sure was one of the best moment of the trip.

  The next morning when I woke up, as always, Tanya was gone. I got ready and soon after, Simran and I left for the station. As we crossed Tanya’s house I looked up at her room’s window. She was standing there waiting for us to pass. I waved at her and smiled. She waved back. I kept looking that way as long as I could view it.

  Soon, we caught a cab and reached the station on time. We boarded the train as my phone buzzed again. It was a message from Tanya and a pretty long one as well.

  "You were walking on that lonely road, walking away from me but not from my life. But then that very dreadful thought came to my mind and scared me. "What if it were from my life." Even this thought was enough to make me feel insecure.

  It looked as if I was seeing you for the last time ever. As if you never were going to return back to me ever. I knew this parting would be difficult but never thought that it would be so difficult!

  Soon, a tear rolled down my eye and fell on the ground but only to be converted into a pearl. You kept looking back to wave at me and show how much you were already missing me. I waved back too only to act strong even when I knew I wasn't!!

  I was feeling very weak, my heart was weeping. I repeated the lines I always wanted to say before you were going but was not able to other than when I was alone.

  "No matter how tough I look on the outside, there is a heart within which longs and cries for you to the core." I kept repeating it in my mind and kept waving. The tears kept falling and the pearls kept forming. You kept walking, looking back at each step you took.

  Your face was becoming paler each passing second and I could almost feel the tears falling from your eyes. One more gaze and I knew you would break and in turn might change your decision of going which I, obviously didn't want. You looked back once again, but only to see that I no longer was there. You didn't stop nor did you look back again. I knew you wouldn't. You also realized the thing I had just a couple of seconds ago! I kept looking at you, the person I loved the most in this entire world walking away, becoming shorter and less visible with every step you took and finally lost in the mist, gone with the wind beyond infinity.

  My eyes were still wet, blood red now and ready to shed blood rather than tears. The pearls were there on the ground almost weeping to be woven into a necklace. They say that the whole world survives on hope, so in the hope that you will return, in the hope that you will love me forever, in the hope that forever will just be the starting, I end this message. I love you. Hope to meet you again soon. I miss you already. Have a safe trip home."

  That’s what the message read. Tears rolled down my eyes on reading it but I wiped them off for we both knew I eventually had to return. We knew the first goodbye was going to be the most difficult as well. I wiped my tears and was lost in her thoughts waiting for the train to start, the time to pass, so as to return to the same station some time, get off and meet the love of my life.