Let it Snow

by Suzan Butler, Emily Ryan-Davis, Cari Quinn, Vivienne Westlake, Sadie Haller, Holley Trent

  Her mouth soured as if she’d drank a bitter tea. She still couldn’t think of him as Daniel. Even after yesterday.

  Should she disentangle herself and send them home on their merry way? She could be done with Kit, done with his family, and try to make some sense of her disordered world. He would leave her heart in shambles when he walked out the door.

  Violet had always done what needs must be done. She would pick herself up and carry on as she had before. John had left. Kit would soon be gone, too. Perhaps it was her inevitable fate to survive the men she loved. At least she could rely on Avery.

  Miriam returned with the cider. It was a bit early for liquor, but Violet needed to fortify herself before she faced Kit and his sister. It looked to be a long day ahead.

  “Are the others awake?”

  “The duke and duchess are abed. The marquess is up.” Miriam put her hand on Violet’s arm. “My lady, you should go to him. Now.”

  “He needs to cool off. He was hot-tempered last night and likely didn’t sleep it off.”

  “No, my lady, I do not think he did. Mrs. Norris said he is leaving.”

  What? Would he pack up and go without so much as a by-your-leave?

  Miriam handed Violet a dressing gown. Though she did not want to be caught so undressed with the duke and duchess in the house, it could not be helped.

  As soon as she had her arms through the robe, she rushed into the hall, tying her belt as she went. Once she stepped into the hall, she realized she’d forgotten her slippers. The cold wood seeped into her toes.

  When she made it into the hall, she saw Kit arguing with Avery.

  “Take it.” Kit handed him what looked like an envelope. “Take it and the money.”

  “No, my lord. If you should wish to depart, you must have the decency to tell my lady directly.”

  “It is better this way. Trust me.”

  “I will order your horse brought around for you, but I will not do this,” he said, handing back the letter.

  “Fine. I will give it to Miriam or slip it under her door.”

  “Good.” Avery turned around and saw her standing in the doorframe. His eyes were stormy. “I do not think that will be necessary, sir.” He coughed.

  Kit turned toward her. His hair was a mess, his cravat tied crookedly, and he was wearing his dinner clothes.

  “I would say good morning; however, it is anything but.”

  “Violet.”

  The word sounded like paper being torn from a book.

  “Kittrick.” She faced his bleak stare with a hard one of her own. Frowning, she went over to him and loosened his cravat.

  His hands gripped her wrists. “What are you doing?”

  “I am fixing everything you have left a shambles.” The words were out of her mouth before she could stop herself. Why on earth did she say that?

  “So again it is my fault.”

  “You are the most stubborn, domineering man. If you were not as big as an oak tree, I would turn you over my knee.”

  “Do not say such things.” The heat in his voice melted her insides to butter.

  “And do not think to resolve the argument by tying me to the bed.”

  “It is no matter. Violet, I am leaving.” He thrust the letter into her face.

  She set it down next to the vanity. “If you have something to say to me, you say it to me. Not like this.” She pointed to the letter.

  “There is nothing more for me to say. I am going. Isabella and I have been bickering for twenty years. This is nothing new, but I would not burden you with it. We will take the argument elsewhere and leave you out of it.”

  Had she not thought the very same this morning? Yet the thought of him going was like having her chest slashed open.

  “You are running away, Daniel, and you know it.”

  He jerked back as if she’d slapped him in the face. “Kit. My name is Kit, Violet. First you call me Kittrick and now Daniel. Does that mean you are done with me? That you have forgotten about the past month and everything we have shared together? You will treat me as some estranged relative that you can barely tolerate?”

  “You are being foolish.” He was so wrapped up in his own anger and self-pity that he could not see the forest for the trees.

  “And you are cruel.”

  “I have done nothing but care for you, nurse you—” love you, “—and share all that I have with you. You are a spoiled child. Sooner or later, you will have to take responsibility.”

  “But not today.”

  “I would have asked you to stay, yet it is obvious to me that such words will fall on deaf ears. You have made up your mind. At least have the decency to tell your sister before you go.”

  “Since you are now her best friend, you tell her.”

  How could he be so ridiculous? This strong, brave man who fought off two thieves—who seduced her into letting him do all manner of sinful things to her, who commanded with the ease of a prince—was running from her, running from his family. He had not the courage to face the monsters in his mind.

  “Do as you like, my lord. Obviously there is nothing here for you, nothing worth staying for.” She wanted him to change his mind. She wanted him to say that she was worth fighting for. She wanted him to be the man she’d fallen in love with and not this frightened little boy fleeing the ghosts of his past.

  “Why would I stay? It is obvious that you and Bella have decided what my life should be, who I should be. I will not live my life feeling as a failure because I didn’t live up to your expectations.”

  “If you feel like a failure it is because you choose it, not because Bella or I have made it so. You have always been free to do as you wish and from the sound of things, you have done just that. Do you ever stop to think that your actions have consequences?”

  “My actions are my own. Bella cannot live her life through me. She spends so much time trying to fix my life that she ignores her own.”

  “Then fix your own life, Daniel. Be a better man for yourself and for Isabella.”

  “Goodbye, Violet.” He took her in his arms and though she wanted to cling to him, to shed the tears that were drowning her inside, she did not. The lips that pressed into her forehead were gentle. “Thank you for seeing to my health and looking after me when I could not do so for myself.”

  He squeezed her hand as he walked toward the door. “I have told Avery where to send my things. I will send word when I have arrived safely.” He turned to point at the three guineas sitting atop the dresser. “See that your man takes the money. He refused the gratuity when I offered it to him.”

  “I will.”

  His gaze was an ocean and she felt herself sinking down into its depths. There was nothing to save her from the crashing waves. Kit was leaving and she might never see him again.

  She wanted him to go. Wanted to erase the wounds he’d opened yesterday. She wanted him to stay. Wanted to recover the pleasure they’d known two days ago when she loved him and there was still hope.

  He hadn’t left yet. She could still tell him. She could say the words he wanted to hear. If she took his side, maybe he would stay.

  But the Kit she loved was brave, confident, honorable. If he could not be the man she believed in, then she did not want him to remain. Violet had taken care of so many lost boys in the war, she’d taken care of a husband who had lost capability and his confidence due to the illness that racked his body. Kit had shown her that it was time that someone took care of her. If that could not be him, then she would be patient and hope to find the man that could.

  * * * *

  There was a knock at the door. Violet did not want to answer, but Miriam went ahead and opened it. From her bed she could see the duchess standing in the doorway, her hair in loose curls, wearing a periwinkle blue dressing gown made of satin brocade.

  “Violet?” The voice, soft as a will-o’-the-wisp swaying in the breeze, startled her. She sat up in bed,
setting down another handkerchief in the pile beside the pillow.

  “Yes, Isabella?”

  “May I come in and join you?”

  Violet nodded and gestured for her guest to come inside. Bella came and sat on the bed and took her hand.

  “I heard that Danny left this morning.”

  “Yes.”

  Elegant fingers stroked her hand in slow circles. “I apologize for yesterday. It was most unseemly.” Bella sighed. “Kit and I bring out the worst in one another sometimes. He will calm down in a few days, as he always does.”

  Violet nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

  “Danny and Papa had a hard time when my mother died. They could not cope very well without her and I was never quite enough to fill that void. Papa sunk himself into women and cards and when he was sober, he’d make ill-conceived attempts at finding me a husband.” As she spoke, each word was measured. “Danny thinks I do not know about our father, but I am six years older than my brother. I was old enough to know what he was doing.”

  Why was Bella telling her this? They both knew Kit was troubled and that his pain started long ago, upon the death of his parents.

  “My aunt looked after us. She was stern, but she devoted what energy she had to us until she took ill. By the time father died, I was eighteen and ready to marry. Kit was still a boy, though growing into manhood. I looked at his wild antics and I panicked. I feared he would become the same as my father, which even Papa had not wanted. I pushed and pushed until Danny became exactly what I was afraid of.”

  Violet thought of herself at eighteen, a new bride, wanting to be the perfect wife. She could easily imagine Bella’s driving need to become the perfect sister, the perfect surrogate mother.

  “Danny and I come from a long line of obstinate and autocratic lords and ladies. We are creatures of habit. I cannot stop smothering him and he cannot stop running as fast as he can to get from under my thumb. He loves me, so he always comes back.” Bella winked at her. “Though good sense should tell him that I am more stubborn than he, so he should give up fighting me.”

  That made Violet chuckle. A hiccup took over her body and Bella gave her a smack on the back. “I do not want you to worry that this row will cause a rift between me and Danny.” Her head fell and her voice grew soft. “I know I need to let him go free, to trust that he will make good choices. It is just hard to see him throw his life away.”

  Violet squeezed her hand. “Kit loves a thrill. He loves to push himself to his limits—” she blushed as she continued, “—and push other people, too. But he is not so reckless as you believe. He tests boundaries, but he always knows what those boundaries are. If he were as bad as you seem to think he is, he would have run off to India or America where he could live a hedonistic life free of all family ties.”

  She knew that Kit could do it, would do it, if he wanted to. But he loved Bella, so he would not leave her, despite how crazy she made him.

  “Freddy said much the same to me last year after Kit and I had a similar row.” Bella’s hands took her shoulders and gave a light caress. “Maybe you are right. I only wish Kit would find a good wife to take care of him, to keep him from excess. Perhaps if he’d met you a few years ago…”

  “What do you mean?” Why would Kit have considered her as a bride when he could have any eligible countess or baroness on the Continent? What woman wouldn’t throw herself at a young, handsome marquess with a body made to be worshipped?

  “I have only known you for a day, but it is quite clear to me that you are in love with my brother. And I’ve seen the way he looks at you, the way he follows every word from your lips. He has never been so attentive to any of the heiresses I have introduced to him, believe me. No matter what I do, he refuses to take a wife.”

  Did Kit care for her after all? Did she mean more to him than a diversion? What if he loved her as much as she loved him? She’d been quick to assume that he hadn’t meant it when he’d told her he loved her.

  “He has never shown interest in anyone before? Are you certain?”

  There was a knock at the door. They looked up to see Miriam again. “His Grace is awake and wishes to inquire after Your Grace and my lady.”

  It was decidedly improper for the duke to see her in dishabille, but the whole situation was a big mess already. What harm would there be at this point? “Tell His Grace we shall promptly meet him in the drawing room.”

  “We might as well continue this conversation downstairs. If anyone knows Daniel, it is my husband.” After wiping her face, she got out of bed and put on her slippers. They went down to the drawing room, where a fire had been lit to stave off the chill.

  To Violet’s surprise, the duke was already dressed for the day. He wore a green wool jacket, pale trousers, and polished hessians. With his golden looks and well-formed physique, he looked like a fashion plate brought to life.

  “Good morning, ladies.” He bowed.

  “Good morning.” Violet settled on a seat close to the fire, while the duke and duchess took the settee across from her.

  “I am sorry that Kittrick left so abruptly. He has a wealth of patience at cards, but when it comes to Bella, he is thrifty. But I do hope that he has not discomfited you with his lack of courtesy.”

  Violet was not surprised when Bella blurted out, “I think Danny is the one who is discomfited. He has never been in love before and I think that frightens him even more than my constant meddling.”

  He seemed to ponder that for a bit.

  “What I do not understand is why you think that he is in love with me,” Violet interjected.

  Freddy’s slow smile warmed her skin, easing the ache in her chest. “If Kit wasn’t fascinated with you, he would have left as soon as he was fit to walk. The fact that he stayed here for weeks, that even when he was well enough to ride out, he wrote to tell me not to expect him until Christmas speaks to his affection.”

  Was he so rash? It was hard to reconcile this Kit with the man she knew. Of course he’d resisted being confined to one room, but he’d never displayed a desire to run out at the first opportunity.

  “Does he always run?” she asked.

  Blond curls bounced as Freddy shook his head. “It is not running. Kit thrives on adventure. He goes wherever he thinks he shall find it. If he enjoys himself, he can be quite patient, as I said.” His blue eyes stared into hers. “I think you are a challenge for him.”

  Why would he say that? “I do not understand. I have done nothing to thwart his plans. Yes, I kept him confined to his room on the doctor’s orders, but other than that, I have made no restriction to his behavior.”

  He bit back a grin. “What did you do to get him to stay confined?”

  With her cheeks burning as hot as the fire in the hearth, Violet looked away. Then, sheepishly, she mumbled. “I think one could argue that it was the marquess who bargained for an incentive to remain in his quarters.”

  The duke’s tone changed. “My wife thinks you are in love with Kittrick. Are you?”

  Their stares made Violet squirm in her seat. Her fingers fidgeted with the arm of her chair. A silent pause filled the air. Should she confess what she’d never said aloud? It was obvious to her staff, to the duke and duchess. Was it obvious to Kit as well?

  “Yes.” It was barely a whisper, but she was heard.

  “Did you tell him?”

  “No.”

  “What did he say to you when he left?” While the duke’s tone was soft, his gaze was not. It surprised her because Freddy seemed like the amiable, gentle one, but he commanded her as easily as Kit and Bella.

  “Last night he’d drank half a decanter of brandy. He said he loved me, but I thought it merely an enticement to convince me to side with him. He gave no indication that he could be serious. His tone, his demeanor all suggested otherwise.”

  “May I speak freely, madam?”

  Violet was afraid of what he might say. The truth about Kit was
unraveling around her and it was not what she’d expected.

  “Kittrick is not a man who would ever say such a thing in jest. And if he uttered those words to you and you did not return the sentiment, he would assume that there was no reason for him to stay. He did not leave because of the argument with Bella, however much that might have vexed him. Kit left because of you.”

  Her fingers dug into the wood, leaving marks. Was it true? Was his childish behavior due to the fact that he was afraid to admit his feelings to her? Obviously his father had not presented a good example for how to behave with women, and if he’d spent most of his life in conflict with the only woman in his life—Bella—how would he know how to handle such an important confession?

  “I assumed that he was immature, spoiled, and angry because I would not let him blame Isabella for his own choices.”

  Freddy smiled. “Which may still be true. But he is also a man who has never allowed himself to have tender feelings for a woman beyond the bedchamber. The marquess is used to winning—cards, women, whatever he wants. Maybe he could not handle the fact that he loved you and believed you did not love him back.”

  It made sense to her now. Though he’d behaved like an imbecile, it did not mean that his feelings were disingenuous. She sat silently for a moment and processed the truth. Kit was in love with her.

  She had no title, no inheritance to offer him. And no desire to be his mistress. So where did that leave them? Could she consent to be his lover for as long as that would last? Or would it be better to let him go and hope that he would one day forgive her for rejecting his feelings?

  Dropping her head into her hands, Violet let the tears flow.

  “Come now,” Freddy said, coming to kneel beside her and take her hand. “Do not be so hard on yourself.”

  Through the well of tears, she looked at his kind face. “Even if I go to him and apologize, even if I confess my love, what good would it do? He has no wish to marry and even if he did, I have no title, no grand estates, no large sum to offer him. I live comfortably, but I cannot compete with countesses and duchesses. And I could not respect myself if I sacrificed my dignity to become his mistress. If I did, the day would inevitably come when he would have to take a wife and I could not bear to watch him with another woman, watch her raise his children.”