Undone

by Mia Kayla

  He searched my face, his thumbs trailing up and down my cheeks. His eyes were so dreamy, so blue, so endless. And I knew in that second that I loved him. I loved him, and I couldn’t do this anymore. I couldn’t be all in when only half of his heart was available.

  “Tell me everything.” He pulled me to the couch and into his lap.

  “She confronted me about you,” I whispered. “She talked like you guys were together.” I blew out one slow, jagged breath. “She talked about how you were too busy for her because of work, but she understood, understood you still loved her. She was delusional and confused.”

  “She’s sick,” he bit out.

  I nodded. There was no doubt about that, but she knew. She knew the truth.

  I pushed myself off his lap, threw my legs over the side of the couch, and sat straighter. I closed my eyes and tried to muster enough courage to end this. End us.

  “Tene, everything will be fine.” A warm hand landed on my thigh.

  And as soon as those words left his mouth, I knew it was a lie—because how could everything be fine when he still wasn’t over Candice.

  When he reached for my hand, I didn’t deny him because I wanted him to touch me. He made me weak. He was my crutch, my kryptonite, but I couldn’t live my life like this.

  “She asked me how …” I swallowed. I focused on our intertwined fingers and how my soft hand fit perfectly in his rough one. “How it felt to be second best.” My eyebrows knitted together as my focus dropped to the bandage on my knee. I had refused to go to the hospital, and after giving the police officers my statement, I’d left.

  “See?” He threw both hands in the air, his tone seething. “She’s crazy. Second best to her? She needs help. I never gave her any indication that I was even remotely interested—”

  “To Candice.” My voice was quiet and broken. “Second best to Candice.”

  His mouth shut, and I peered up, studying and searching his face, wanting him to say something, anything.

  One.

  Two.

  Three.

  “She’s crazy. She has no idea what she’s talking about.”

  It had taken him three seconds to deny it. Three seconds too long.

  Liquid filled my eyes, and I tore my gaze away. I didn’t swipe at my face. It would only give away that I was crying. So, I blinked the tears back, swallowed, bit my cheek, and willed them to stop.

  “Tene …” With light fingertips, he lifted my chin. “… you’re not. You’re not second best. You’re the only one. The only one I want to be with.”

  I pulled his hand down, my insides trembling. “Why did you hesitate?”

  “Because everything I say about her, about my past, hurts you.”

  His scent wafted through my nose, filling my senses. A scent I’d once wanted to drown in, bathe in, but it wasn’t really his. It was hers.

  “Is that the cologne she gave you?”

  He blinked, momentarily stunned. “What?”

  “The one you’re wearing now.”

  “How did you know that?”

  “Jordie,” I whispered. My heartbeat slowed to a sluggish beat.

  So, it was true.

  I fingered the chain that I hadn’t noticed before, wrapped around his wrist. “This was hers, wasn’t it?”

  His whole body went rigid, and he swallowed.

  “She knew that too.” The hollowness in my chest widened.

  She hadn’t been lying. It was all true. Jordan’s reaction only confirmed it.

  I didn’t doubt he visited her grave every birthday or ordered her favorite meal in addition to his own.

  Immediately, I stood and walked to the kitchen. I had too much pride to be in this type of relationship. And above that, I couldn’t handle any more heartache.

  “I can’t do this,” I said, my voice quivering. I gripped my island with two hands, and my head dropped back between my shoulders.

  “I have issues, okay?” he said, his voice breaking. “But they’re issues I’ve dealt with, issues I’ve talked through—before I went all in with you.” He blew out a small breath. “I’m trying here. The first step was allowing myself to be happy and not feel guilty about it. Everything else will follow. It’s just … everything from the cologne to putting this bracelet on … it’s been routine for fucking years, and now … I need to change, but it’s hard.”

  “Why do you have a montage of her on your phone?” Not just a few pictures, but a whole slew of pictures saved on his cell.

  He gritted his teeth, true, unhidden emotion displayed in his features. “Because I can’t delete them,” he admitted, his shoulders slumping and his body going slack.

  I nodded through tear-filled eyes because I understood that. She was gone, and to erase her would be like pretending she hadn’t existed. It wasn’t like I wasn’t trying to understand where he was coming from. I was really trying … but failing.

  He stood and gripped my shoulders, his lips so close to mine. “What we have … it’s great. It’s amazing. It’s more than I ever thought I’d have with anybody. I’m doing things slowly. You don’t see it. But I’m taking baby steps to make this count, to make us stick.” He peered down at me with such soulful desperation. “I need you.” He gulped. “You’re it for me. I swear it.”

  I wanted to believe him. My heart wanted to believe him, but my strong-willed mind, my pride, my stubbornness, my fragile self-esteem wouldn’t let me.

  “I can’t get rid of her … she’s a part of me.”

  He rubbed one hand down his face, and I took a step back, creating some distance between us.

  He shook his head, his eyes firm and locked on mine. “But what you have to understand is that she’s my past, and you can’t erase the past; it makes me who I am. You wouldn’t have wanted the man before Candice. He was half the man standing here today. He was a liar, a thief, broken in pieces that were angry at the world.” Both of his hands cupped my face while he rested his head against mine, gently tapping it. “Without her, you wouldn’t have me, right here, right now, being the most truthful and honest man, telling you that Candice is my past but you … you, Christene Armstrong, are my future.”

  I could see my reflection in his blue irises—vulnerable and heartbroken.

  “I already got rid of things that you don’t know about—like the little monkey that used to travel with me. Candice had given it to me. I’d had it since high school, but I shipped it off to my mom’s. Just give me a chance.” He kissed my lips, then my cheeks, and then each tear streaming from my face.

  I couldn’t bear to see him beg and break down, but here he was. Here I was. We were vulnerable, naked in front of each other while remaining fully clothed.

  My fingers threaded through his hair, and our eyes locked.

  Unspoken words passed between us. And because I very much wanted this to work, to give him a chance, I leaned forward and captured his lips in mine to answer his question.

  Because everyone deserved a second chance, and I was one of them, needing to work and get past my insecurities.

  Chapter 28

  The next few days passed by in a whirl. From being interviewed at the police station to the nonstop nagging of my sister and mother to make sure I was okay, I was utterly exhausted.

  Except for going to work, Jordan was with me, and when he wasn’t, he had detail on my tail, following me and reporting back to him. He had low-key stalkers—none that he had restraining orders against, but those the studio liked to label as overzealous fans. Still, Jordan was not taking any chances with me.

  When he wasn’t filming, he was stuck to me like rice on chopsticks. And I loved every single minute of our Netflix-and-takeout evenings and forever-lovemaking nights.

  We bonded over our love of Game of Thrones and day-old pizza. We talked about everything from how we had been when we were younger to our goals and dreams and aspirations.

  Day by day, little by little, my relationship with Jordan blossomed.

  The wra
p party was tomorrow night, and I couldn’t be more excited.

  With Jordie no longer a threat, being held in a psychiatric hospital back in California, Jordan was proving to me that maybe, quite possibly, we could work. I was trying to be more patient, which wasn’t my strong suit. I needed to be more patient with Jordan and let us happen organically and not force things. Because of my new revelation, my life was turning over, becoming brighter.

  I poured myself a tall cup of coffee, adding cream and sugar, while Jordan placed our breakfast on the table.

  “So, you’ll be home tomorrow, before the wrap party?”

  “Yes.” He kissed me and then slipped a pancake onto my plate. “I have to grab a few things and pick up Mom, but I should be back tomorrow, late afternoon. It’ll be a quick trip.”

  Jordan’s mother was at an assisted living facility. When Candice had hopped in the car, doped up, her parents had jumped in to prevent her from driving. Though Candice and her father had died, their mother was paralyzed from the waist down.

  Their mother, their matriarch, was strong, resilient, and beautiful. When I had met her months ago, she’d exuded love and strength and everything a mother should be, and I couldn’t wait to see her again.

  “I have the security detail on you while I’m gone.”

  I set my mug down, the steam lifting from the brim. “What? Why?”

  “For precautions.” He reached over for my mug and took a sip of my coffee.

  “Okay, I get it. But really, am I in any danger?” I rubbed at my brow, annoyance creeping up my back.

  It would be okay if I didn’t see the guards because then I could pretend they weren’t there, but that was not the case. They checked out every room I entered before I could walk inside.

  “No. Now that they have Jordie far away from here, you’re not.” Then, he smiled before cutting up a piece of pancake and eating it. “But it would make your boyfriend feel better.”

  “You’re coddling me like I’m a child.” And although it was cute, I was feeling crowded. “You’re just like my mother.”

  He looked slightly offended. “You dislike your mother.”

  “I do not,” I argued weakly.

  His eyes narrowed. “I saw you send her call to voice mail.”

  “Yeah, but only because she’s coddling me.”

  “But that’s only because she’s concerned about you.”

  I could read what he was thinking on his face. I lifted an eyebrow, challenging him.

  “Fine,” he conceded. Then, he reached for my hand and pulled me into his lap. “If I’m coddling, it’s because …” He kissed my nose. “… You’re precious cargo.”

  My body melted into his touch. When he said such sweet things, I was a puddle of mush, porridge, oatmeal—all of the above. But I was scared. It wasn’t that I wasn’t feeling all that Jordan was about our relationship, about us. I just wanted to feel secure and not like this relationship could vanish at any second, that it was temporary. I wanted to know in my gut that this was real, not fleeting.

  I wrapped both hands around his neck. I was in utter bliss, him living with me temporarily, waking up to him every morning and sleeping next to him every night.

  Our relationship was on a high-speed train, and I told myself I’d enjoy the ride, let this take me wherever it was going to take me because, for once, I was letting my insecurities take a back seat. I wanted to learn to trust again, and slowly, I was getting to a place I wanted to be.

  “What’s the sad face for? I’ll be back tomorrow before the wrap party.” He nipped at my bottom lip, and I could taste the sweetness of the maple syrup.

  I inhaled deeply, noticing that his scent—that masculine cologne I still loved—was missing. He smelled of laundry detergent, fresh, clean, still masculine.

  “Your cologne …”

  He nodded and then fingered a lock of my hair. “Slowly, but surely. Plus, I figure I should upgrade from the current cologne to something more sophisticated. Can you help me pick one out when I come back?”

  I smiled. “Sure, baby. Sure.”

  “But, I leave you with this.” He bent down and kissed me deeply, passionately, endlessly until my whole body warmed, and my mind was mush.

  “I love you, Christene Armstrong,” he whispered against my lips before pulling back.

  I peered up at him in a daze, pretty sure I had heard him say it but wanting him to repeat it again.

  “You don’t have to say it back … yet. But know that when I’m not with you, I’m counting the seconds to get you back in my arms.”

  I wasn’t ready to say it yet, but I knew I was very much there. Very much in love with Jordan Ryder, Hollywood’s heartthrob.

  After Jordan left and I met with a few contractors to redo one of our buildings to accommodate a hair salon that wanted to sign a five-year lease, I headed to Allswell.

  The day was beautiful, the sun shining brightly above me. Jordan was done filming. The wrap party was tomorrow night, and he’d be off for a few months until the filming of his next movie in Hawaii. I could visit him. Take a vacation for once since I never did.

  I pushed through the revolving doors of Allswell and took in the transformation of the restaurant. It was a black-tie affair, and everything was decked out in black linen and white cloth napkins. A red carpet split the room between the round center tables and the booths.

  Angie was at the far corner with Susie, Jordan’s PA, placing black linen over a long table.

  “Hey,” I said, approaching. “I’m confused. Isn’t the party tomorrow?”

  “Yes, it sure is!” Susie said in her normal chipper voice. “But ‘preparations …’” She placed her fingers in air quotes. “… Take a while. I figure I’ll be here all night long.”

  I lifted some bags on the floor. “What are these?”

  “Party favors,” Angie said. She nodded to the door where there were boxes upon boxes stacked Cade-high.

  I peeked into the bag beyond the tissue. There were candles, face masks, colognes, and perfumes. The bags were color-coded, black and white.

  “Who is coming to this shindig? I thought it was just the cast and some close family members.”

  Susie’s head was deep in her party bags, her voice muffled. “Yeppers, peppers, it is. It’s the whole cast, not just those who did the reshoot. Not to mention, the whole production crew. Crazy. The sponsors gave great gifts today. Check this out.”

  She lifted a small bottle of champagne, and I blinked up at Angie.

  “How many people are coming?” I wondered if this would be up to code.

  If the inspectors happened to come in for a random check, Cade could be heavily fined, and our license could be revoked.

  Angie opened up a bottle of lotion and dabbed some on her inner wrist. “One-fifty, maybe?”

  I exhaled a sigh of relief. The restaurant could hold that amount.

  “Jay coming back tomorrow?” Susie asked, smiling. She placed the finished bag in a box and retrieved another, placing tissue inside.

  “Yes. He went home to pick up his mom.”

  “In Kritell?”

  Kritell was their hometown, where they had been raised.

  I nodded in response.

  “Why didn’t Wyatt just go get her?” Angie flattened the sheet over the table. “Jordan’s butt should be here, helping us.”

  “He’s an actor, not the help.” I peeked over to see what else was in the bag of goodies. “No offense.”

  “None taken because this help …” Susie pushed a thumb into her chest. “… gets paid, and it’s not too bad, being the help.”

  “Hey, guys. Need help?” Wyatt strolled over, dropped his book bag on the floor, and made his way over to Susie.

  Is she blushing? Definitely blushing.

  She hadn’t lifted her head, but her cheeks flushed.

  “Just put me to work,” he said in his deep, baritone voice.

  Wyatt—with his big brown eyes, a fully-grown beard, and his soft d
emeanor despite his stocky build—was more introspective than his siblings. There didn’t seem to be a violent bone in his body, which was strange, given he had grown up with Cade and Jordan, who were over-the-top vocal and just plain crazy at times.

  “I don’t even know what’s going on.” I motioned to the commotion coming from the two busy bees in front of me. “Susie and Angie have some sort of organized chaos happening over here. I’m afraid I might mess up their bag-packing, table-fixing cycle. Carry on, fine people. Carry on.” I waved a hand, knowing that I wouldn’t be of any assistance, and walked to the bar to get a drink. I raised a hand. “Tall Long Island, please.” I flashed Cade’s cute bartender a smile.

  “Tene!” Emery burst through the kitchen doors, her skin flawless, her face gleaming with her natural glow.

  I wished I could bottle up some of that goodness for myself.

  She practically skipped to the bar.

  “Em, you coming tomorrow?”

  She half-hugged me and then pressed her cheek against mine. “Yes, most definitely, and Cade was so nice to hire some people from the center. They can put tomorrow’s job on their résumés, and it’ll help them get employment faster.”

  This was a win for Emery. Partnering up with Cade was the perfect match. She would be able to feed people in the shelter that she worked with and find them jobs to get them on their feet.

  Her smile was blinding. “I’m so grateful.” She clasped her hands together. “My team is just so excited to see Jordan and be a part of this.” She motioned around the room. “This will lift their spirits. I know Cade was originally going to hire out some temps, but … gah!” She squealed. “I just picked up this paperwork from him.” She reached in her purse and chucked out a manila folder. “It’s the nondisclosure agreements my staff has to sign.” She jammed them back in her purse and half-hugged me again. Her buttery sweetness and over-the-top cheer was so contagious that it had me smiling. “Cade is so kind.”

  “Eh, he’s okay.” I laughed. “Yeah, I guess my sister is a lucky woman.”

  “And the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” She bumped her shoulder against mine. “Given your crazy-lovesick smile, I’m betting Jordan is the sweetest thing too.”