One Final Breath

by LK Collins

  As we walk across the lot, he asks me, “Are you going to take the walkie-talkie over to Braxley’s now?”

  “Sure will. Have a good day, okay?” I give him a hug and kiss. Then his little feet guide him along, and I watch him run into school all the way until he’s gone.

  Taking out my phone on the walk back to my car, I’m tempted to call or text Faye, but I know she’ll just ignore me.

  So I get into my car and just drive to her house. I hate that she won’t answer or return my calls. She’s gone completely silent, and it’s driving me nuts.

  Out of all the people in the world, I’d think that Faye would turn to me. I understand her and want to help her. But she’s just pushing me away and running from something that’s so good.

  I know I haven’t been through exactly what she has, but I care for her so much that I’ll do anything to help her and to make her happy.

  Pulling up to her house, everything is quiet. She’s probably not even here, but I still have to try. With the radio in my hand, I walk up to her front door and take in a deep breath of air before I knock. Each smack of my knuckles against the wood sends a twinge of anxiety coursing through me.

  Nervously, I look around, listening for any noises inside. But I don’t hear a thing. She must not be home. Letting out the breath, I turn my back and go to my car.

  I shouldn’t have come here.

  Tossing the radio aside, it stares at me, and I hate to let Jack down. Searching around my car for a pen and paper, I finally find them to write her a note. As I tap the pen on the paper, I’m not sure what else to write, even though I have so much to say, and then suddenly, it flows out.

  I don’t hold back, saying everything I feel I need to. I’ve got nothing more to lose after all.

  Folding the piece of paper in half. I stick it beneath the clip on the radio and walk it up to Faye’s front door, placing it inside her mailbox. I hope it helps, but I fear it won’t, and that makes my heart hurt.

  Starting the engine to my car, I drive off wishing that she’d been home. I really believe if she’d just hear me out, that she’d understand where I’m coming from and let me back in.

  My phone rings on the drive, and I glance at it to see my attorney calling. Reluctantly I answer it, and he says to me, “If you’re gonna start blowing off court dates, then there is no way the judge is going to give you full custody or let you keep primary custody.”

  Sonofabitch! Is it the eighth already?

  “I…I’m not feeling well.”

  “Don’t try to play me, Thane. I’m on your side here. I just covered for your ass. If anyone asks you had to take an emergency flight to New York, okay?”

  “Absolutely. I’m so sorry. I don’t know how I spaced it.”

  “Me neither and I really wish you hadn’t.”

  “Why?” I ask him, concerned that he’d say that.

  “Because Charlene was more than prepared and came out guns blazin’. You know she’s hired a financial advisor?”

  “How can she do that, with my money?” I yell at him.

  “It’s within her monthly budget. Apparently she’s really not shopping.”

  “Dammit.”

  “Yup, she even has a sponsor for her shopping addiction that she brought to court today to vouch for her.”

  Out of all days for me to miss, why today? Why when Char completely catches me off guard with a fastball right down the middle? I should’ve seen it coming. I should’ve been there to do something.

  “What’s this mean for me?” I ask him.

  “I think she has a good shot at getting joint custody.”

  “Are you serious? After a few weeks of her charade?!”

  “I’m sorry, Thane, I really am. I’ll have my assistant call you when we have the next court date.”

  I hang up the phone, extremely angry. I can see right through Charlene’s bullshit. She’s not gonna keep this up, I know she’ll break, she always does. And the courts will see that, I’ll make sure of it before they put my son at risk by letting her have joint custody. It’s hard enough for me to let him stay with her a night every now and again, a fifty-fifty split might actually push me over the edge.

  Chapter 21

  Thane

  “Mr. Stovich, could you carry the lunches to the bus for me?” Jack’s teacher, Mrs. Leeper, asks me as we prepare to head out on a class field trip.

  “Sure, “ I tell her and lift the huge round tub full of all the children’s lunches. “Should I take them now?”

  “Yeah, the bus is out front. We’ll meet you out there.”

  “Okay.”

  Heading out of the school, I can’t help but feel disappointed that Faye is not here today. She was supposed to attend this field trip too. We’d talked about it weeks ago, but after everything, I guess she’s changed her mind.

  As I exit the school, I knock on the door to the bus, and when the driver opens it, I tell him, “I have lunches for Mrs. Leeper’s class.”

  “Just set them on either first row of seats.”

  “Thanks,” I tell him and head back towards the school.

  I hear someone walking behind me, and when I look to see Faye as gorgeous as ever coming towards me, I couldn’t be happier.

  “You made it,” I tell her.

  “I did, I needed to go and see Ben this morning. That’s why I’m running late.”

  “Oh, okay,” I respond, not sure what I should say. I can’t ask how he is or anything like that. So I go with, “You look good. Really good.”

  “So do you,” she says, and I want to touch her lips, her soft plump lips, but then the door to the school opens and out files the class.

  “Mommy,” Braxley yells and runs over to her, giving her a hug. “I thought you weren’t gonna make it.”

  “Are you kidding me? I wouldn’t miss this for the world.”

  He hugs her again and runs back to Jack, getting in line as they file onto the bus.

  “Thanks for handling the lunches,” the teacher says, and I give her a wave. “No problem, I’ll meet you there.”

  Reaching into my pocket for my car keys, I look at Faye and give her a friendly hug, then say, “I should probably get going.”

  “Yeah, me too.”

  We walk across the lot together, our hands brushing against each other’s. As we both walk up to our cars, I ask her, “Do you want to ride with me?”

  “Okay,” she agrees, and I unlock the doors, so surprised that she is actually coming with me. As we get into my car, the bus drives off and the other parents file out of the lot, following as well. I start the engine and back up as Faye says to me, “I owe you an apology.”

  I glance over at her, wondering where this is all coming from.

  “You really don’t. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

  “I did, Thane, I pushed you away, when all you were doing was helping me, and for that, I’ll always be sorry.”

  “I get where you were coming from; I’d probably have done the same thing. But it’s all good.”

  “No, it’s not,” she says, and part of me feels like she wants to argue with me or something.

  “I’m not sure what you want from me, Faye.”

  “I want us to start over, a clean slate.”

  “Why? What’s changed?”

  She turns in her seat, her body towards mine. Pulling my eyes off the road, she’s tempting and provoking me. Looking away, I grip the steering wheel, my knuckles turning white as I hold it tightly.

  “I’ve done a lot of soul searching and thinking and looking within myself for what I want.” Her words ring loud and clear inside me, and I hope what she is saying is really true, but part of me doesn’t believe it.

  She’s pushed me so far away and has been so cold, that I’m hesitant to open myself up to her again. But she rubs my arm, and her simple touch alone puts my cock at twelve o’clock.

  “What do you think?” she asks me.

  I go with my gut. Even if things end the way
they did last time, it’ll be worth the pain to be with her again. “Can we have dinner, tonight, alone?”

  “I’ll have to see if my mother–in-law will watch Braxley, but I should be able to.”

  I don’t say anything else to her. I leave things as they are, hoping this is truly the beginning of us again, but also knowing rejection is very possible.

  Chapter 22

  Faye

  What’s the likelihood that Thane and I would we been paired up on this field trip together? I’m guessing it’s because Mrs. Leeper can see how close the boys are and she wants the groups to be easy for the parents to manage. We also have two girls with us, they are friends too, and the four kids are fun and easy to be around.

  “It’s lunchtime, are you guys done with your checklists?” I ask the kids and they all nod. Even Thane and I can’t help but laugh as we cross the field to meet the class at the pavilion.

  “When did Jack get his bandage off?”

  “A couple of days ago. Thankfully everything healed well.”

  “I noticed as he was holding his clipboard it looked really good.”

  “Yeah, thank God.” The kids race each other and Thane asks me, “What did you bring for lunch?”

  “Shit, I totally forgot it in my car.”

  “Damn, that sucks.”

  “I know, oh well.”

  “I’ll split mine with you,” he tells me and wraps his fingers around mine, holding my hand tightly. I look down at our hands, loving the feeling of his hand around mine. It feels so good. And considering I’m not sure where we stand, I need this.

  “Where are we going for dinner?” I ask him, and he gnaws his bottom lip, pondering my question.

  “I thought you had to see if your mother-in-law could watch Braxley?”

  “She will,” I tell him.

  “Okay, then where do you want to go?”

  “I don’t care.”

  “What’s your favorite kind of food?” he asks me.

  “I love pho.”

  “What in the world is that?” he gives me a gross look, and he doesn’t even know what it is. I laugh so hard at his expression that I have to stop walking.

  “It’s Vietnamese noodle soup.”

  “No way, I’m not taking you out for soup.”

  “Fine, but I’m telling you, don’t knock it until you try it.”

  When we reach the pavilion, the class is all scattered, eating lunch everywhere, and we sit down next to the boys. The warm sun against my skin feels so good. The weather just keeps getting better and better.

  “Where’s your lunch, Mommy?” Braxley asks me.

  “I forgot it in my car, so Thane is going to share with me.”

  “That’s nice, you can have my apple too,” he passes me the fruit, and I politely decline it, wanting him to get a full meal in his tummy.

  “You eat it.”

  He shrugs his shoulders, and Thane hands me half his sandwich. “Thanks,” I tell him.

  I catch Thane stealing one of Jack’s Cheetos out of the corner of my eye. Thane winks at me, and I smirk at him. The kids are all talking, and Thane takes the opportunity to keep stealing more food, but Jack catches him and says, “Dad, those are mine.”

  “Sorry, I won’t take any more.” Jack has his eye on him, and clearly, Thane thinks it’s funny as he takes another Cheeto and Jack jumps on him.

  “I said stop,” he yells, and Thane hunches over with his son attacking him. Braxley joins in on the fun too, and Thane stands up, with Jack around his neck and Braxley gripping his waist.

  The boys yell wildly, and I can’t help but laugh as I sit back and watch him run around the field holding the boys on him like a wacko. Watching Thane like this with not only his son but Braxley too, makes me realize how amazing of a man and father he really is.

  ***

  “Thank you again, Jan,” I tell my mother-in-law as she pulls away from my house with Braxley in her car.

  “Bye, Mommy,” he yells from the backseat.

  “Bye, baby.” I wave at them as they drive off, and I’m very grateful she’s helping me out tonight. Walking back inside, I check my hair and makeup in the hallway mirror, knowing soon Thane will be here.

  Then the doorbell rings and I remind myself of the promise I made to Ben. It’s what has been pushing me forward lately, and I will make sure it continues to. I turn to see Thane, my eyes locking with his right away as he stands holding a bouquet of yellow lilies. “Come in,” I tell him through the screen door, and he enters, looking mouth-wateringly sexy.

  “These are for you,” he passes me the flowers and gives me a kiss on the cheek. My heart thuds as I thank him, grabbing a vase for the flowers.

  “There’s beer in the fridge,” I tell him, and he takes one out, cracking it open. He hands it to me, and I happily swallow a huge gulp.

  “Thanks,” I tell him, passing him back his beer.

  “Of course. So your mother-in-law was cool taking Braxley?”

  “Yeah, she loves her time with him.”

  “What’d you tell her you were doing tonight?”

  “I just said I needed a night to myself.” He nods, understanding. Thane sips his beer; his eyes are as consuming as ever, eating me alive as I take a deep breath in, reminding myself of what’s real, and that’s Thane and I, starting over.

  “You ready for dinner?”

  “I am,” I agree and Thane’s eyes light up from my response as he sets his half-drunk beer down. I slam the rest, getting a satisfied smirk from him when I do.

  “You want one for the road too?” he asks me.

  “Nah,” I grab my coat and purse as we head out together. On the drive, I ask him, “Where are we going?”

  “I guess to have that crap soup you like.”

  “Whatever, it’s not crap. You’re gonna love it.”

  “Well, I’m just warning you that if I don’t, I’ll be stopping by a Chipotle afterward.”

  “Oh come on, like a nasty oversized burrito is better.”

  “Oh, it is. I’d be happy if we just went there. I could eat two.”

  “No! We’re having pho, end of story! And I promise by the end of the night, you’ll be hooked.”

  He glances at me, gripping the steering wheel tightly. The sun is setting as we drive and I look out the window, up to clouds, feeling Ben with me, pushing me forward.

  Chapter 20

  Faye

  Pulling up to my house after another morning at the cemetery, I’m exhausted—from not only lack of sleep, but searching for the right thing to do. I just want the pain to go away. All of it.

  But I don’t know how to make it stop, and I fear I never will. I press the button to my garage door and am reminded of Thane. Like I am by so many other things in my life.

  Even though I don’t have the history with him that I shared with Ben, losing him still hurts. But I hold on to my choice; I have to. We aren’t together because of me. I grab the mail before going in, and when I see the walkie-talkie inside my mailbox, my heart falters.

  Hesitantly, I pull it out, holding it in the palm of my hand, like it’s a bomb that might go off. Any wrong move could send me into a tailspin of turmoil.

  On the back of it is a piece of paper and I head back into the garage. Looking around to see if he’s watching me. But my street is quiet; everything is still.

  Once I’m inside, I can’t stop myself from opening the note, his handwriting bleeding off the white paper, and I don’t know if I can read his words. I really don’t know if I can, but I also know I can’t ignore the letter. As hard as it is to hear from him, I need to know what he has to say.

  Faye,

  Please give this to Braxley. It would mean a lot to Jack and me.

  I’m sorry for what you’re going through; you don’t deserve this kind of pain. You deserve nothing but happiness, and that’s what I always tried to give you. I wish you’d see that and realize it’s okay to be happy, to let the pain go. There’s no harm in doing that
; it means you’re healing. I’m always here for you, and I never want you to forget what you and Ben shared. You said so yourself that Ben would want you to move on. He was an amazing, brave man, who will always live in your heart. Like you will always live in mine.

  Yours, Thane

  Setting the note down, his words are a hard blow deep inside my soul. I…I feel lost, suddenly so unsure about everything and I don’t know what to do.

  Then the walkie-talkie in front of me rings, and I about jump out of my skin, so caught off guard by it. Hesitantly, I touch it and then without thinking, I answer him.

  “Thane?” I ask to be sure it’s him.

  “Hi Faye,” his voice is deep, rough, and it crackles with each word. “How are you?”

  I look around my messy house that I haven’t given two shits about lately and search for the answer. “I’ve been better,” I tell him followed by a long sigh.

  “Can I see you?” he asks, and I’m not sure that I’m ready for that or if my heart can handle him.

  “Can we just talk?” I ask.

  “Of course. Did you read my note?”

  “I did. I…I appreciate your openness and honesty.”

  “I meant every word I said, Faye. No matter what, I never want you to forget Ben…ever.”

  “I appreciate that Thane, but right now…I still need space.”

  “Okay,” he agrees with me, and I guess I didn’t expect him to.

  The line is silent, and I stare at the radio, still wanting to talk to him, but can’t bring myself to speak any words.

  I’ve tried to remind myself of what Ben said, to not stand still in time, but I can’t help it. Some days are better than others, and I really thought I was doing better, until this setback.

  ***

  “Thank you for seeing me, Dr. Brinkman,” I tell my therapist as I sit across from her. My palms are damp, my nerves are high today, especially after Thane and I talked.

  “Of course, Faye. How can I help you?”